A Shout-Out to miriam: Please Advise!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 08-30-2003, 09:05 PM - Thread Starter
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Miriam, you posted awhile back about your older son and his cavalier attitude toward student loans, etc.

Our ds is 22 and got into trouble with the law (pretty small potatoes) at age 18. He compounded it by ignoring the fact he was supposed to pay a fine on an installment plan. Now, he's in deep dookie. That's one problem. The other problem is he comes to our house only when he wants to hang out with his friends from high school. He eats here, goes out with friends all night, comes back here and eats/sleeps all day. No interacting with other family members. Dh finally said to him today when ds came home for a court appearance/"home visit" that ds needs to either visit us and stay with us, or go stay with his friends. Ds blew a gasket and picked up all his things and left town.

Now I'm upset. Dh is a gentle guy, but he told ds that his lack of respect for everyone in our house has to change. I agree with that, but I also know ds is a bullheaded kid who may very well freeze us out for a long time. Dh and I are concerned that ds's pot use is out of control; I think it is and like any addiction problem, it causes barriers between us.

I realize this is a lot of stuff to wade through, but you're the only momma on this board who seems to have a kid older than 18. Thanks for any comments you have. Calgal
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#2 of 3 Old 09-17-2003, 05:29 AM
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Dear calgal007:

I pm'd you. Did you get it?

My DD is 22 and I have had the same problem. I went to Toughlove and through therapy, and basically, you just have to ask yourself how much of a doormat you are willing to be. If you have younger children, they are being affected also, make no mistake about it. And it will be years before you know just how badly they are affected now.

Everyone has to grow up sometime and the earlier the better. Law enforcement, therapists, social workers, doctors are worthless (I live in Los Angeles). YOU need to do the dirty foot work, because believe me, I have been there, and no one cares like you do about your own situation.

Drugs are a dangerous thing because even though many people believe that "pot" is harmless, the kind of criminal element that a person is around to acquire the illegal substance is dangerous enough to avoid it.

Know what ressources you have - church, the law, any neighbors, family or friends. Basically, you have yourself

May G-d give you the strength to get through this. E-mail me if you want.
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#3 of 3 Old 10-16-2003, 02:16 AM
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