When to let them start shaving? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 51 Old 03-04-2008, 11:30 PM
 
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This is my first post, but I've been a long-time lurker. I have a beautiful, smart, and passionate DSD who is 10 years old
Looking at it from stepmom's perspective... I have DSD who is almost 15 here. In situations like this I always try to figure out "What does her mom think of this?" I personally don't see it as a big deal, I'd encourage her to wait until her first period, but wouldn't fight it too much. However, I would leave the final decision up to DSD's mom (if mom is present and involved, of course).

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#32 of 51 Old 03-05-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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nak

My mom didn't want/let me start shaving in middle school. I had very hairy legs. Co-ed gym class was humiliating. The others weren't subtle about making fun of me. Not light teasing; real mocking etc. So one day I got fed up and started shaving. I got in trouble but it was worth it to stop the torment.

I say, whenever she grows extra hair and feels uncomfortable with it is the right time to let her. It wouldn't even cross my mind to try to limit that.

Also, I agree about the sensory issues. The feeling of hairy legs/armpits is horrid to some people. I can't stand it.

ETA: Why all this emotion about shaving? Mothers being hurt, angry, etc. I'm not trying to be rude, but can someone explain to me what the big deal is?? I understand about having to be responsible etc but why all the drama involved?
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#33 of 51 Old 03-05-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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I don't understand why it's mom's decision and not the kid's decision. My mom never told me I *couldn't* shave but never brought it up so I decided on my own one day that I was just going to do it and hoped she didn't figure it out.

I cut a huge gash in my knee without noticing it.. I think this is pretty normal as you learn to use a razor (esp. if nobody explains it to you!) and not something that really warrants any fear. I got out of the shower, patted off (still not noticing my knee) and walked into the kitchen in my nightgown for bed. My mom FLIPPED and pointed out all the blood on my leg, reamed me out for shaving, made a HUGE deal out of it. I said what? Men cut themselves shaving all the time...

I have a little purple scar under my knee from the first time I shaved and I have nicked myself only 2-3 times in the last 12-14 years that I have been doing it. I think if she's asking you about it, it's a good indicator that she's ready for the task and it's better to explain to her how razors work, how to shave ankles without cutting half of them off LOL, etc. and get her her own pack. It's not a permanent alteration to her body and she can stop anytime without repercussions. If she was asking for a piercing, I would have a different response. I think if they can cut their own nails, they can shave their legs if they want to.

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#34 of 51 Old 03-05-2008, 01:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by truemists View Post

ETA: Why all this emotion about shaving? Mothers being hurt, angry, etc. I'm not trying to be rude, but can someone explain to me what the big deal is?? I understand about having to be responsible etc but why all the drama involved?
Probably because shaved legs are considered sexual, to a degree. Most girls usually get the desire to shave right around when puberty starts. I think, to some mothers, especially of older generations, it meant that their child was no longer a little girl and very quickly becoming a woman, long before they were prepared for it. It's misplaced anger. It's not about the shaving, it's what it symbolizes - looking good for the opposite sex (or same, but you get what I mean).
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#35 of 51 Old 03-05-2008, 01:07 AM
 
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I would let her. Just talk to her about safety/ hygeine if you're concerned about that. I was a hairy little girl and it's painful to not be able to remedy that if it's bothering you.
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#36 of 51 Old 03-05-2008, 01:09 AM
 
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I let her when she wants to, I don't have to be ridiculed in school. Once she wanted the hair from her arms removed when she was 8, it was a one time thing and didn't reoccur until now, she'll be 11 soon.
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#37 of 51 Old 03-05-2008, 02:46 AM
 
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My dsd is the hairiest little girl I've ever seen. She asked for a razor at 8, and I got her one. She's got dark hair and it's very visible and she was doing the sweatshirt thing, too. I've got fine white-blond hairs that I can't see unless I'm in the sun, so it's really hard to relate. I was completely shocked when she asked, but when I took a closer look I understood.

It's the one subject MIL and I disagree on. Most of the time we're on the same page.

If it bothers her, by all means let her shave.

For razors, I started her on a women's razor with disposable blades, but only because she's kind of clumsy and I'm afraid she'll cut herself. When she's older I'll hip her to the men's razor doing a better job. I only use men's razors myself for that reason, can't stand those lousy women's razors that leave stubble.

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#38 of 51 Old 03-05-2008, 04:07 AM
 
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I remember when I wanted to shave the first time, at the beginning of 5th grade. My best friend was able to shave. I had light blonde hair so it wasn't like you could see it, but I was very conscious about it and would use scissors to trim my leg and arm hair at the time. My mom must have bought the stuff because I had it in the bathroom. I think she wanted to help me the first time I did it so I would do it without cutting myself and to have one of those mom & me moments. I didn't have the patience to wait for her so I decided one day to do it myself. I shaved and nicely took a piece of my shin with the hair I shaved. My mom's comment afterwards was that she really wished I would've waited so I wouldn't have gotten cut in the process and that shins scar pretty easily when cut. Looking back it would've been neat to have my mom help me and I wish I would've been a bit more patient.

I'd set a date together for the occasion - play it up to be fun and that you just want to make sure she learns correctly the first time so she doesn't accidentally cut herself and she can see how you like to do it. I think it could be a fun mom & me moment - you're respecting her wish to start shaving and she's respecting your motherly advice.

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#39 of 51 Old 03-05-2008, 05:26 AM
 
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I have dark hair and relatively light skin. It is totally a vanity thing and I started plucking my eyebrows too, and I *know* it's not natural, but ugh! When you see light-haired, skinny-eyebrowed (naturally skinny-eyebrowed), shiny-shinned girls in school all day, you can't help feeling a little hairy.

I think that around 9 - 11, we dark haired females start getting our hair and that it is perfectly normal in our society to shave or wax.

I agree with those who suggest making it a day. Have a little spa day. Buy her a nice razor- the nicer the razor, the less likely you are to get cut.

(But the pubic area thing is a good point!!! We didn't have that trend when I was younger. Explaining that we only shave the bikini line when wearing a bikini, or when we are in a monogamous, loving relationship, would not be a bad idea.)

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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#40 of 51 Old 03-06-2008, 02:09 AM
 
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I have to say that I commiserate. I have very dark hair and lots of it. If I go without shaving for a few weeks in winter, my legs look like a hairy man's. Even the thighs.

That type of thing can be mortifying. Let her shave.

As far as razors, I use my husband's

scurries to bathroom to look at razor

Gillette Mach something. Believe it or not, it doesn't say it on the razor or the blade package. I read once that this is the razor most stolen by wives from their husbands. Did that make sense?

Ali
This is funny to me because I have a Gillette Venus? I think and my husband used it for the longest time, even though he has to shave everyday because he's in the military. Finally he admitted that he used it because it usually had a fresh blade in it and his razors always had dull blades because he would forget to change them. I finally bought him a Mach 3 and plenty of spare blades

On the topic though, I started sneaking shaving on and off when I was 11 because I knew my mom wouldn't let me if I asked. She didn't figure it out until I was almost 14 and about to start high school. Now I hardly ever shave at all.
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#41 of 51 Old 03-06-2008, 02:10 AM
 
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Glad you already decided what to do.

My dd (now 11) can start shaving when and if she wants to. She has lots of hair on her legs and I think she looks beautifully natural. I think she's still oblivious to it.

My Mom told me no when I asked to shave at around age 11 so I started cutting it with scissors instead. When she saw me, she told me I could shave.
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#42 of 51 Old 03-06-2008, 03:12 AM
 
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This is funny to me because I have a Gillette Venus? I think and my husband used it for the longest time, even though he has to shave everyday because he's in the military. Finally he admitted that he used it because it usually had a fresh blade in it and his razors always had dull blades because he would forget to change them. I finally bought him a Mach 3 and plenty of spare blades
Yup. I like the Mach 3 as well. Dh uses a crappy disposable, but he only chases strays with it, he's got a full beard.

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#43 of 51 Old 03-07-2008, 05:40 PM
 
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My mom made me wait until I was 12 and I was mortified and soooooo self-conscious for at least a whole year before then! She made me think and feel that shaving could lead to *other things* and who did I need to look good for? In reality, it had nothing to do with anyone else, it was something I wanted to do because of me. If I had a daughter, I'd let her shave when she is uncomfortable with her hair and I'd much rather her come to me and ask than to try to figure it out for herself and cut herself up and feel like she had to sneak around.
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#44 of 51 Old 03-08-2008, 05:48 AM
 
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I'd let my daughter start shaving whenever she wanted to. And I might even raise the topic with her if I observed her to be upset about her body hair.

I'm fair-skinned, with lots of dark body hair. This was extremely embarrassing for me as a child. It just made me sad to read all the other posts about sweltering away in sweatshirts in the summer; that was me.

I figured it out myself after a few nicks, some razor burn, and one really painful episode with a depilatory cream. Would have been nice to not feel so alone in process.

I don't know if my mom was oblivious, or if it was her purposeful efforts to try to avoid me developing a poor body image. But it didn't work. This was just one more thing that made me feel unnoticed and unloved. It seemed to me that if she couldn't even clue in to what was happening on the outside of my body, how would she ever start to clue in about what was going on in my mind?! (and she didn't)

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#45 of 51 Old 03-08-2008, 08:29 AM
 
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My elder dd started shaving when she was ready. Around 12.

With younger dd, she says she doesn't want to. But she's 9. she may change her mind. however, I really wish I hadn't started shaving my legs at all. I don't have much hair except around my ankles and some sporadic hairs around my knees.
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#46 of 51 Old 03-09-2008, 04:05 AM
 
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I was that kid that got teased because my SM didnt let me shave until MIDDLE SCHOOL, so I'd say let her do it when she wants, jusy make sure she knows what she;s doing. It'll save her the teasing, and such.

FWIW- I rarely shave anymore, and never my arm pits, and maybe that had something to do with it being withheld for so long, I just got used to it, who knows. Just a little side bit!
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#47 of 51 Old 03-09-2008, 04:12 AM
 
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Neat to read everybody's stories.

My mom wouldn't let me shave until I was 13, but I had lots of dark hair on my legs and it was so embarrassing. I found some rusty old electric shaver out in the garage and used it to shave my legs in secret...it scratched up my legs terribly but I was happy to have scratched up legs (I blamed the cat) instead of hairy ones!

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#48 of 51 Old 03-10-2008, 11:28 AM
 
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The problem I see here is not that young girls want to shave.

It is that society has put pressure oon them to shave in ordr to be acceptable.
And that, little girls aren't allowed to be little girls.... there is pressure to grow up too fast.

Who decided that the body hair we were born with and meant to have is disgusting, ugly and something to be self-conscious about??
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#49 of 51 Old 03-11-2008, 01:28 AM
 
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Who decided that the body hair we were born with and meant to have is disgusting, ugly and something to be self-conscious about??
ITA
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#50 of 51 Old 03-13-2008, 02:33 AM
 
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I let my son start shaving when he felt it was necessary.

He was about 12.75, noticed some hair on his lip and said he wanted to shave it. No biggie.

Now he's 13 and wants to grow it out, lol.
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#51 of 51 Old 03-13-2008, 05:25 AM
 
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Our 14 year old decided to wait until her 13 birthday even though it was fairly noticeable, because our older daughter told her what a hassle it is. Our 12 year old hasn't asked yet.

I try to put myself in their skin...so to speak. If I was them, would it bother me...probably & it's not really that big of a deal, it's their body & as long as they know how to do it properly & how to store it (up & out of the reach of our younger kids), then I see nothing wrong with it.

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