Legal Responsiblity? - DD's Friends have sex in my house - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 03-03-2008, 05:36 PM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 45,457
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68 View Post
I would have already called the other kids parents, at least the girls parents. I'm betting they don't even realize their child is at a house where there is no adult supervision, especially considering the other girls dad is a preacher.
That's rather sexist, isn't it, only contacting the girl's parents.
Irishmommy is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-03-2008, 05:48 PM
 
allgirls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 9,327
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
That's rather sexist, isn't it, only contacting the girl's parents.
mmmmm didn't catch that...it sounds sexist...is there a reason you would only contact the girl's parents?
allgirls is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 05:48 PM
 
paquerette's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Poconos
Posts: 6,594
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers View Post
I understand how you feel....but I guess I feel it's not a decision that you have a right to make. KWIM?
By the same token, it's not a decision that the parents have a right to make, either. Does respecting our kids as human being with rights to determine what to do with their bodies end when it's not about refraining from circing or vaxing or forcing them to eat their peas?
paquerette is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 05:51 PM
 
whateverdidiwants's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Exiled in Bi-ville
Posts: 2,938
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaLisa1 View Post
kids are doing all kinds of things that would have been surprising when we were teens. For example, my daughter's one friend and her boyfriend didn't want to have vaginal sex so they could both remain virgins, so they have been having anal sex instead. I was SHOCKED.
This was common when I was in high school nearly 20 years ago; must depend on where you live.
whateverdidiwants is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 05:56 PM
 
allgirls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 9,327
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by paquerette View Post
By the same token, it's not a decision that the parents have a right to make, either. Does respecting our kids as human being with rights to determine what to do with their bodies end when it's not about refraining from circing or vaxing or forcing them to eat their peas?
This is how I feel as well. And personally I don't want to be responsible for anyone elses sexual choices. I will offer my guidance, information, remove the shame from sexual activitiy, show them how to be healthy etc.

and I don't believe that comparing sex and drugs is quite the same.

Sexual activity is a normal human function, drug use isn't. While there are consequences and negative aspects to both they are not really comparable. I would be way more livid about drug use in myhome than kids having sex.

I have sex in my home...it is allowed but drugs, absolutely not. My children will probably have sex in the future but I hope against all hope they avoid the drug/alcohol trap.
allgirls is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 05:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
ArielMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 68
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by whateverdidiwants View Post
This was common when I was in high school nearly 20 years ago; must depend on where you live.
I go to the same high school that my kids do. Things must have CHANGED here. This was not common. I think I was in my 20s before I heard about anal sex for the first time. I'm not certain of that, but I don't remember it in high school.
ArielMomma is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 06:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
ArielMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 68
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by paquerette View Post
By the same token, it's not a decision that the parents have a right to make, either. Does respecting our kids as human being with rights to determine what to do with their bodies end when it's not about refraining from circing or vaxing or forcing them to eat their peas?
This is how I feel, but I wasn't able to adequately articulate it into words. Thank you.
ArielMomma is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 06:08 PM
 
allgirls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 9,327
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by whateverdidiwants View Post
This was common when I was in high school nearly 20 years ago; must depend on where you live.
I think it happens a lot where abstinance is taught. It's just admitted to more now.

I remember reading about a girl whose father would take her to the Dr. for regular "viginity" checks who was having anal/oral any kind of sex she could get away with. They also did a lot of mutual masturbation. She was a very sexual girl but had to "save" herself for marriage according to their parent's religion.

She got married right after her 18th birthday and left him a year later. Her parents disowned her for divorcing.

She has a blog on the web somewhere..very interesting. I should go try to find it. She said it was all about virginty aspect but she and her boyfriend were doing things that her friends who were having intercourse weren't doing.

I think the first thing we as parents need to do in able to be able to parent our children effectively with regards to sex is to get our own attitudes about sex in check. We need to realise that our teen children are sexual beings who may act on that and not get all rightious and outraged when they do.

My 17(almost 18) year old daughter is sexually active. I am her adviser when it comes to anything sexual. That's good isn't it? Shouldn't it be me. Or I could have kept her in the house, denied it was ever happening, and she's be going off to someone else who might give her the wrong advice. I drove her and 2 of her friends to the sexual health clinic. The other 2 girls parents had no idea they were sexually active. I knew. Do you think I should have told on them? They had parents they didn't feel like they could turn to..should I have told on them? What would have been gained by it?

ok toddler calls.
toddlers are easy...she needs some milky
allgirls is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 06:20 PM
 
Shonahsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 3,368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I find it hilarious that there are parents that actually think they can control their teens' sexuality. My parents were so strict. I had a super early curfew, they called EVERYWHERE I went to confirm that the parents were home, I was not allowed to have friends over without them there, etc. I started having sex in my early teens. When they found out, they got even stricter and "forbid" me to have sex. : They told the guy's parents too and his parents forbid him as well, but where there is a horny-teenage-will there is a way (or lots of ways). When they called my boyfriend's house to make sure they were home, my boyfriend's older sister pretended to be his mom. They grounded me and forbid me to see him; I snuck out the window at night (or snuck my boyfriend in and had sex in my own bedroom five feet from my parents bedroom). My parents are intelligent and engaged individuals but I liked sex and was bound and determined to have it, so the more they tried to forbid it and prevent it, the more determined it made me.

Short of locking me in a dungeon and outfitting me with a chastity belt, they could not stop me from having sex.

P.S. I always, always used a condom. I never got an STI or got pregnant.
Shonahsmom is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 06:26 PM
 
aaronsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,084
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by allgirls View Post
This is how I feel as well. And personally I don't want to be responsible for anyone elses sexual choices. I will offer my guidance, information, remove the shame from sexual activitiy, show them how to be healthy etc.

and I don't believe that comparing sex and drugs is quite the same.

Sexual activity is a normal human function, drug use isn't. While there are consequences and negative aspects to both they are not really comparable. I would be way more livid about drug use in myhome than kids having sex.

I have sex in my home...it is allowed but drugs, absolutely not. My children will probably have sex in the future but I hope against all hope they avoid the drug/alcohol trap.
:
ITA with this. I never understood why most parents make such a huge deal about teens having sex. It is NORMAL! My mother never "forbade" me from having sex, she just taught me about safe sex. I will never "forbid" my children to have sex, either, as long as they're doing it safely.
About the OP's situation: I definitely wouldn't tell their parents because it is the girl/boy's decision whether or not they want their parents to know.

Mama to DS (3/7/06)om.gif, DSD  hearts.gif(11/17/02), DD (1/16/08 )energy.gif ,  DS2 (5/30/10) sleepytime.gif and Baby Quinn angel.gif (R.I.P 3/22/13)

aaronsmom is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 06:27 PM
 
whateverdidiwants's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Exiled in Bi-ville
Posts: 2,938
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by allgirls View Post
I think it happens a lot where abstinance is taught. It's just admitted to more now.
We actually had excellent sex ed, especially compared to the crap that's taught now - it was always the girls from very religious families, usually Catholic, who were the ones having anal sex. And they were the ones who pointed their fingers and called other girls sluts for having vaginal intercourse, because *they* were virgins and we were not. One girl I was very close friends with tried to slut-shame me for having had sex with 2 guys by the time I reached college, while she hadn't had vaginal intercourse yet, but had given oral sex to over 20 guys. Yeah, we weren't friends after that.
whateverdidiwants is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 07:32 PM
 
mamahart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: in the woods on the ocean
Posts: 508
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thought I would throw in my two cents in support of the OP. It is NOT your responsibility to make sure these kids are not having sex. My goodness I just don't know how anyone can come up with that. Seems like your new house rules will work for your family and I think that is great.
Kids have sex. Parents cannot stop them. It is just a fact. So our job I suppose is to teach them when to do it, how to do it and who to do it with. THEN they actually get to make their own choices and we hope they will be good ones. And I personally hope my DD would come to me if she made a bad one KWIM?? I would never go to a parent with this info until I talked with both the kids. I may suggest they go to thier own parents but would not enforce. Also- 15 and 16 seems legitimate. 13 or 14 would feel a little scarier. So Flame Away!
mamahart is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 08:18 PM
 
JenBuckyfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 395
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not to hijack the thread... Sex might be natural, but isn't there something to be said about waiting until you're in a long-term committed relationship that is not only physically rewarding but also emotionally rewarding? I see lots of comments here that seem to have an aire of "oh what's a little sex going to hurt anyone, they're kids, lots of kids do it and it's natural... what's the big deal?" I see sex as not only natural but a very emotionally and soulfully connecting experience, you cannot get closer to someone else than through sex. I'm more of the abstinence mind, but I do believe that there's great importance about discussing and teaching what to do to be safe if you should decide to have sex in the teens. My thoughts lean more towards protecting the emotional consequence of having sex so young, especially for girls since we we connect more emotionally to relationships than guys. Sure for some there might not be any emotional issue, but I do feel that sex is something to be treasured between two people and in most cases (not all), teen romances do not turn out to be a whole lot more than lust relationships.

Thrilled to be expecting Baby #2 after 15 months TTC (a 30% drop in TTC time than Baby #1!)

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." Martin Luther

JenBuckyfan is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 08:21 PM
 
the_lissa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well not everyone agrees with you. I had two healthy, happy teen relationships that included a healthy sex life.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

the_lissa is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 08:29 PM
 
JenBuckyfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 395
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I did say 'not all' in that last sentence... and I never said my thought process was the right or only one and that everyone should agree with me.

Thrilled to be expecting Baby #2 after 15 months TTC (a 30% drop in TTC time than Baby #1!)

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." Martin Luther

JenBuckyfan is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 08:46 PM
 
the_lissa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well the
Quote:
Sex might be natural, but isn't there something to be said about waiting until you're in a long-term committed relationship that is not only physically rewarding but also emotionally rewarding?
is what I am disagreeing with.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

the_lissa is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 09:18 PM
 
allgirls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 9,327
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
Well not everyone agrees with you. I had two healthy, happy teen relationships that included a healthy sex life.
Of course, many people do.

My own personal pet peeve about the issue is the "especially the girls" and "protect the girls" etc. etc.

When the fact is, as the mother of daughters only I would like someone to simply say we should be teaching our sons to be respectful and careful...we should be teaching the boys how to behave in appropriate ways instead of telling our girls to not dress a certain way because those boys can't control themselves.

and we shouldn't be making our girls feel ashamed because a lot of the current teenage boys aren't respectful of women with regards to sex.

I cannot believe in this day and age that we still put the onus on the girls to be pure and careful etc. I can't believe we still use the terms slut and whore to describe any woman.

I watched Dr. Phil today only because it was about teen sexuality and teen sex and there was one girl there who said something to the guy who was promoting abstinance and purity and went on and on about how it's emotionally damaging to the girl's heart and reputation and she will be called a slut and a whore etc. if she has sex and that it would be detrimental to her self-confidence.

Well this girl said "you are talking on one hand about girls having self-confidence yet on the other hand you are saying that the most important thing about her is her virginity" (and yeah he was promoting abstinance for boys too but he wasn't talking about the boy's reputations or emotional health)

The moment we take the shame out of consensual sex(for adults and teens) then we might be able to deal with this realistically and appropriately.

The moment our boys have the same expectations laid upon them as girls things might change.

The moment we as parents focus on the relationship with our children rather than burdening them with our own preconcieved notions of how they should turn out we will have a huge advantage.

The difference between me and the person who has a 15 year old who has forbid her to have sex is that they likely will both be having sex...I will just likely know about it sooner.

OP..I don't think this girls sex life is any of her parent's business. If she felt is was she wouldn't be sneaking around. If you are reassured they are being safe and responsible then the best you can do is enforce your own house rules and take care of your own daughter.

This incident might be a perfect launch pad for you to have open and honest dialogue about her and her sexual choices.

My almost 14 year old told me yesterday(in front of her boyfriend and his dad) that she plans on waiting until she's at least 18. My job is to help her keep her resolve in that decision.

She may change her mind but I don't want it to be on impulse one night that I left them alone. Her boyfriend said he could wait. His dad was very forward in his response and said "absolutely, there is no reason to hurry, just be kids"
allgirls is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 09:31 PM
 
allgirls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 9,327
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by JenBuckyfan View Post
Not to hijack the thread... Sex might be natural, but isn't there something to be said about waiting until you're in a long-term committed relationship that is not only physically rewarding but also emotionally rewarding?
yes..there is something to be said about this. There is also something to be said for the opposite.

I have fond memories of completely decadent and wonderful one-night stands with incredible lovers. I was totally responsible and careful and willing to deal with the consequences of such an encounter.

I have absolutely no shame about my sexual past. Which is probably why my sexual present is so incredibly good. And I am in a completely committed, deeply loving monogamous heterosexual relationship.

and not that it matters but I was a virgin until I was 19 and already in a committed relationship for nearly 2 years. So I barely had teenage sex myself.

That would be almost the ideal for most parents of daughters I would bet(second only until waiting until marriage) but that's not always going to be realistic.
allgirls is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 09:35 PM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 45,457
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
allgirls, does your dd's boyfriend have a brother for my dd?????

I'm so not ready for the dating scene.
Irishmommy is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 09:41 PM
 
JenBuckyfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 395
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm for open discussions with teenage girls about how sex is special and working to empower them to make informed decisions and to respect their body (because boys at that age really don't respect the female body) and have sex when they are truly ready. If they choose to have sex regardless of what they know about STDs, pregnancy, etc, and because they feel they are emotionally ready, then they should at least know the best options to protect themselves I mentioned 'especially the girls' I suppose because I figure that they are emotionally vulnerable and they are the ones that could end up pregnant. I hate to see the stories where young girls get pregnant and their lives are changed forever; a young man's life changes too, but they can go on to live their lives how they choose minus some financial responsibilty (if they choose to not be actively involved). I very much agree with educated young men as well. Personally, I feel it's incredibly important to teach young men that women are to be respected and to discuss the differences between how men and women often view sex, especially during the teen years. In fact, I can think of a great example of how an adult male addressed a group of teens and spent the majority of the time talking directly to the boys about sex coming from a male perspective (emotionally and physically), and the girls learned more than they thought they would. I guess I just want sex to be seen as a special bond connecting two people and not seen as just a casual affair, which it seems like it has so very much become in our society. I just have a more difficult time believing that teen sex is this special type of bond (at least in almost all cases) without an emotional consequence. (I say that out of honest ignorance because I can't identify with teens in this situation as I waited until my senior year of college to have sex with my then boyfriend of 3 years who's now my DH.)

Thrilled to be expecting Baby #2 after 15 months TTC (a 30% drop in TTC time than Baby #1!)

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." Martin Luther

JenBuckyfan is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 09:49 PM
 
the_lissa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by JenBuckyfan View Post
I guess I just want sex to be seen as a special bond connecting two people and not seen as just a casual affair, which it seems like it has so very much become in our society. I
Yes and that is fine for you, but not everyone has the same values.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

the_lissa is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 10:01 PM
 
JenBuckyfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 395
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
Yes and that is fine for you, but not everyone has the same values.
I know... I just think that there may be others out there who might be like me and typically don't post their opinions because many of these forums really don't seem all that friendly to those with a view that seems like a minority on a particular topic. Today, I thought I'd post though I've now contributed to this going off the OP's original question (sorry OP!).

Thrilled to be expecting Baby #2 after 15 months TTC (a 30% drop in TTC time than Baby #1!)

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." Martin Luther

JenBuckyfan is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 10:05 PM
 
the_lissa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That's fine. I doubt you are in the minority, however, especially given the majority of responses.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

the_lissa is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 10:07 PM
 
allgirls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 9,327
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
Yes and that is fine for you, but not everyone has the same values.
exactly..and I have extremely high morals/values...but sex doesn't equal bad for me inside or outside of a relationship.

I guess I have never really had "casual" sex. There really wasn't casual anything about it. I was responsible, prepared and completely open to the encounter. I am particularly remembering one encounter that was incredibly fulfilling and really really good with a "friend" that I met up with after not seeing him for years, we suddenly realised there was a physical attraction and it was amazing, only once and very important, special and enjoyable.

Committed relationship sex is kind of an ideal for me but not the only way to have great and responsible sex.

I think teens can be incredibly responsible. With the right environment, with the right support, with the right information they can make good, careful, responsible decisions.

If the stigma attached to sex wasn't there then there wouldn't be the emotional trauma attached to it when teen sex relationships are just sexual relationships and nothing more.

I mean adults can have sex with the wrong person..that's a common mistake in any age group. Why do we expect better/perfect behaviour from our teens than from our adults.

I do not want my daugher's self esteem to be wrapped up in the opinions of others which is what the "reputation" thing is all about.

Also...I really like having sex within a love relationship but I can guarantee that if I weren't in a love relationship I'd still be having some sex somewhere.

Irishmommy..he's an only child..he might have cousins
allgirls is offline  
Old 03-03-2008, 10:11 PM
 
allgirls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 9,327
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by JenBuckyfan View Post
I know... I just think that there may be others out there who might be like me and typically don't post their opinions because many of these forums really don't seem all that friendly to those with a view that seems like a minority on a particular topic. Today, I thought I'd post though I've now contributed to this going off the OP's original question (sorry OP!).
I actually think your opinion is likely the majority opinion.
allgirls is offline  
Old 03-04-2008, 10:54 AM
 
sdm1024's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Long Island
Posts: 449
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'll be honest and say that I don't know if you have a legal responsibility, but in today's legal culture who knows!!

I don't know if I'd call the other kids (meaning both the boy and the girl!) to tell their parents that they are having sex in your house. But, it is your house, and IMO calling and letting the parents know that they've been hanging around your house when you're not there isn't cool, and that you have a no guest policy for your daughter is a great idea.

I empathize that you feel that you're in a sticky situation. I wouldn't like my daughter friends having sex in my house
sdm1024 is offline  
Old 03-04-2008, 02:17 PM
 
lovingmommyhood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,399
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArielMomma View Post

I honestly don't want to get them in trouble. It would make life difficult on them because their parents are VERY strict.
I just don't know that it's your call. Just because their parents are strict doesn't mean they are wrong and you should help their children break the rules. KWIM??

Also, I'm sorry if this has been said I only made it to page two and my kids are chomping at the bit to go outside, but, are you sure it's not your daughter who's having sex in her room while you're gone? I know a lot of my friends used to tell their parents "no, it wasn't me having sex it was jenny" or "it's not my birth control, I'm holding it for a friend". I had a great relationship with my parents but I still lied to them on occasion. Something to think about if you're considering talking to the other kids' parents. Sit down with DD and let her know you're going to talk to their parents and make sure it's actually them using your home as a hotel.

Mommy to THREE sweet boys & ONE sweet girl + a newb due in February!  I need a nap. 
lovingmommyhood is offline  
Old 03-04-2008, 03:18 PM
 
MamaLisa1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: NC
Posts: 454
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by whateverdidiwants View Post
This was common when I was in high school nearly 20 years ago; must depend on where you live.
well, I'm out of school almost 25 years, and the kids I knew really didn't even do much in the way or oral sex back then, much less anal...that was like totally forbidden and nasty in everyone's opinion. I don't even think anyone would have considered it...at least not in the circles I traveled in. I was sexually active (did it a few times) at 16, then I decided to not be until after I graduated from high school, but even oral wasn't something people much talked about. It wasn't until I was 19, that I had a guy shove my head in his crotch, expecting something. I had no clue what to do, or why he was really even doing that, LOL! Needless to say, I didn't do what he wanted...forcing me doesn't go over well!
I know my daughter who is turning 16 has already tried to do oral for her boyfriend, but said she wasn't too thrilled with the idea. I'm sure it will happen again....but I'd rather have her do that than having intercourse.
MamaLisa1 is offline  
Old 03-04-2008, 03:25 PM
 
MamaLisa1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: NC
Posts: 454
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by allgirls View Post
I drove her and 2 of her friends to the sexual health clinic. The other 2 girls parents had no idea they were sexually active. I knew. Do you think I should have told on them? They had parents they didn't feel like they could turn to..should I have told on them? What would have been gained by it?
I think that there is definitely a place for moms like you....most/many girls don't feel comfortable going to their parents about sexual things, so it's nice if there IS a mom who can be there to help them. I think that at a certain point, we as women, need to be responsible for our own bodies, and even though our parents would certainly prefer we not be sexually active too young, it's really each individual person's choice to make. I would rather have my kids be protected if they feel they want to be active.
I think I may find myself being the same mom you are. If I knew my daughter's friends were active, I'd let them know that I'm there for them if they need me to be. I'd rather not see anyone become pregnant at this point in their young lives....one of my friends did, and her life took a totally different turn than mine did. Whether she has any regrets, I don't know...but I know I loved my life in my early 20's and am glad I got to have the experiences I did without having the responsibility of raising a child yet.
MamaLisa1 is offline  
Old 03-04-2008, 03:26 PM
 
paquerette's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Poconos
Posts: 6,594
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post
I just don't know that it's your call. Just because their parents are strict doesn't mean they are wrong and you should help their children break the rules. KWIM??
I don't think anyone's saying she should allow it to continue in her home and facilitate the breaking of the rules. I think people are saying she shouldn't out them to the parents in order to prevent any harsh retribution against them.
paquerette is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off