That totally sounds like my ds from about 11 to, oh, a few months ago. He's nearing 15 now, so maybe it is a developmental thing, something I wondered about.
I hated doing all the nagging, but if I didn't, then I was doing hours and hours of work. Not a good trade-off and I was not a happy mommy either way.
I have had a daily list of expectations for ds for many years now-not a huge to-do list, but ds didn't do well with transitions or surprises when he was younger, so it was a list of all the things that would have to happen during the day, including meals and any classes or outside appointments.
I've kept up with the list, it just seems the most neutral and respectful way I can come up with to deal with this stuff, and kind of takes me out of the equation. He gets the list first thing in the morning, and can decide for himself when he will do things. I will still remind him throughout the day about his list, but it's more of a "you're running out of time" than a "when are you going to do..." kind of thing.
Ds does appreciate the list, but doesn't like it much. He tells me that he feels much better, more accomplished, and he doesn't waste so much of his own time when he has the list (he will often get caught up in his video games and not realize that he's been playing for 6 or 8 hours, and miss things he wanted to do.)
It also helps me to think through what I'm requesting of him, and if it's too much to realistically get through in a day. There are no consequences for not finishing the list, the point is to develop good habits, not to be assigned them, so ds will often not finish, but he notices himself that he prefers having done the things on the list (things like make your bed, take a shower, put your books away) because he's more comfortable and can find things, so he usually does most of it.
I have taken away or limited screen time when ds was getting way out of control, or couldn't seem to stop himself (like the 40 hour marathon game sessions when he'd start hallucinating from sleep deprivation, no self-regulation from this boy
), but it causes way to much discord between us, and his main interests are video games and computers, and his main way of communicating with his friends is on MSN, so I try not take things away completely, but to teach him to meet his own needs and not get sucked into a tv trance.
And none of this seemed to help or sink in for ds until a few months ago. I think the 11-13 years might be ones where you just have to grin and bear it for a while, and stick to a routine and set of rules you feel are best.
Ds says things to me I would never have to my mother, but my parents were Irish immigrants and we lived in a pretty old world kind of household. Ds went through a period where he was really testing out how he could treat me, and talk about me. I just kept up telling how I was feeling, explaining why I needed his help, and being very clear about what behaviors I wouldn't tolerate (like the little lunge thing, I totally know what you're talking about.)