pre-teen boys hair blues! - Mothering Forums
Preteens and Teens > pre-teen boys hair blues!
MaKin's Avatar MaKin 02:22 PM 09-12-2003
I need advice on how to deal with my son's almost daily hair crisis. He used to have very long hair, down his back. He began a charter school last year and felt out of place with his hair long and all the other guys having short hair, and he wanted it cut. It is his hair, so I let him, although I really prefer his hair long. At first he was very content with being able to spike his hair, and how it looked. Lately, he's grown tired of how his hair looks, and of using all that gel, and having to work to make it behave. I have also grown quite tired of it. The last thing that I want to hear first thing in the morning is someone freaking out because their hair doesn't look right. I don't even fuss over my hair like that, ever.
Not that I want to convince my son to do what I want with his sense of fashion, but I want to know how other mothers deal with this situation. I try to show him easier hairstyles, and only one time helped him experiment with the looks he can do with his haircut as is, but how do you deal with not only the hair issue from his point of view, but also from the parent's side?

3boys4us's Avatar 3boys4us 09:26 PM 09-13-2003
I cut my own kids hair. I always ask to see if there are any preferences before I do. (And no I'm not a hairdresser). By cutting their hair - I cut down on a lot of the expenses of going to the hair place.

I hate to say it but it's probably a phase. Let him experiment. Maybe long hair is for him. I'd let him know that it's okay to be different it that's what he wants.

I guess you will have to wait it out.
Lilac's Avatar Lilac 11:15 PM 09-13-2003
I cut my boys' hair at home, too (used to be a hairdresser). One son likes his short, the other is growing his long. This summer I even put highlights in their hair because they wanted to try that. Within reason, I let them do what they want. After all, it's just hair and eventually whatever you do will grow out. For awhile my kids were into the gel, too, but that phase passed as well because it was too much bother for them. Right now, both of their styles are pretty low-maintainance which is nice on those busy school mornings.
seven_lux's Avatar seven_lux 03:15 AM 09-14-2003
You could shave his head
No need for gel then!
MaKin's Avatar MaKin 06:55 PM 09-14-2003
Thanks all for your suggestions and experience. I guess shaving his hair would help, I just can't do that. I'd love for Sam to grow his hair long again, but I really feel that if he wants otherwise, that's his choice. I do get tired of the "angry hair" as I nicknamed it, (spikes ), when that's all he wears, and I think that he's really getting tired of having to work on his hair, as much as I'm tired of him worrying about it. When it is longer, he just brushes it and goes.
Do your boys go through the awkward, my hair just doesn't look cool phase? What do you say to them? I try to be patient, but I can only do so much. I take him to get his hair cut one time a month, so he has time to think about what he wants, saying that he wants change, then gets the same haircut anyway. :
I just don't know what to do.
Destinye's Avatar Destinye 02:53 PM 09-15-2003
My 13 yr old step-son literally had blue hair, for a while, but so many people made Smurf jokes he never mentioned it again and his hair is back to brown!

MirandaW's Avatar MirandaW 12:24 PM 09-16-2003
MaKin, I have a strict non-intervention policy about hair with my oldest ds. One summer he wanted to see if his hair would "fro" and even though he sweats rivers and could only comb it wet with lots of conditioner in it (which then required more frequent hair washings), I bit my lip. I was so relieved when he told the barber before school started that he wanted to try a shorter do.

Now his "thing" is blue hair gel. It takes him forever to perfect his do and it looks gloppy, IMO, but he is so proud that his blue streaks make him stand out among his classmates. He started a new school this year and he decided that blue hair would get him noticed. I told him as long as it wasn't permanent at this time, I would indulge.

It sounds like your ds is trying to find his place and using his image to project different aspects of himself. Does the same person cut your son's hair everytime? Maybe s/he can work with him to find a new 'do. My stylist knows what I will tolerate (pretty much anything) and pay for, so her and my ds work out the details amongst themselves while I read magazines in the waiting area.

Repeat several times: its only a phase, they grow out of it.
3boysmom's Avatar 3boysmom 12:38 PM 09-16-2003
My 12 year old (also Sam) has had bright blue hair for about 9 months now. His natural color is a gorgeous white blond, so you can imagine how it soaks up that blue dye! It is quite astounding. Anyway, I'm a firm believer in the "Don't sweat the small stuff" school of parenting...and hair truly is small stuff. I would let him do what he wants with his hair, but don't feel the need to intervene in his morning hair crisis. Let him figure out for himself if all these hair issues are really worth the time he's devoting to it. My ds uses a great product called a hair stick - kinda like solid deodorant, but it is a lovely beeswax based hair styling thing. He simply rubs the stick over the top of his head in the morning and in about 15 seconds he has the tousled/messy/blue bedhead look he seems to be going for. Maybe your ds would like to give that a try?
MaKin's Avatar MaKin 06:16 PM 09-17-2003
Thanks for all the support. I really appreciate it. I'll just have to fight my urges to be such a mommy, and just let him deal with it. To tell y'all the truth, I don't mind the colors at all, except that the gel looks gloopy. You should see my hair...dark fuschia with blue tips. I'll try to be less concerned with how he feels about his hair, and patiently wait the next 6 years for this phase to be over.
veggiewolf's Avatar veggiewolf 11:06 AM 09-23-2003
A question for those of you whose sons have dyed hair:

Do you dye it yourself, or take your son to a stylist to have it done? If you do it yourself, what product do you use?

My DS is dying for orange hair, which we said he could do if he keeps his grades up, and I want to prepare for the inevitable!
MirandaW's Avatar MirandaW 12:11 PM 09-23-2003
I just buy the wash-out gel. My ds's best friend's dad took him to the stylist for a permanent dye job (blond highlights on bright red hair - subtle enough for the family at the Jewish high holidays coming up, but different enough for the boy to feel "cool"). If you have experience with hair color, I imagine it would be easy to do a permanent job at home. Just if you kid has dark hair, you will want to bleach it first.

Personally, I'd rather pay the $ and have the stylist do it rather than risk getting technicolor goo all over my bathroom, but that's just me.
3boysmom's Avatar 3boysmom 12:16 PM 09-23-2003
My ds uses "Special Effects" brand dye which he buys at Hot Topic. also has an amazing selection of dyes, both permanent and temporary. The special effects lasts a good six weeks, with a little fading. A bottle is about $16 and lasts my ds through about 3 complete dye jobs.

I dye it for him. I just wrap an old towel around his shoulders, apply vaseline to the skin around the hairline to keep skin from absorbing dye, and brush it on with a tint brush. To get really good, even coverage I've learned to don gloves and smoosh it around with my fingers after brushing it on. I then comb it through completely and then just let it sit for about 20-30 minutes. It is his job to scour the tub/shower immediately after he's done rinsing. I have no interest in a bright blue streaked tub and shower walls!

My ds has naturally white blond hair so the dye shows up well on him, but if your ds doesn't have very light hair he will need to bleach it first. A hair dresser friend of ours suggested that even ds should bleach his hair before dying because the bleach damages the hair and allows it to absorb more dye. We did that once (with a "Bleach Blonde" kit) and it did indeed make the color more vibrant and long-lasting.

We've been doing this for close to a year now, so I'm pretty good at it. I even use the left-over bleach from the kit to "tip" the top of my 9 year old's hair - looks great! Very funky!
MirandaW's Avatar MirandaW 12:27 PM 09-23-2003
3boysmom, that sounds so cool! My ds has very dark curly hair, I wonder if I could do that.....
Yamilla's Avatar Yamilla 02:45 PM 10-11-2003
I am all about the colored hair gel!! The way these kids change their minds its really the best way to go IMO!
DaryLLL's Avatar DaryLLL 10:52 PM 10-17-2003
My 12 yo ds had been dying his hair colors since he was 9. I love his blonde hair and every now and then I get to see it.

We use color from Hot Topic, or sometimes a good Koolaid recipe.

Now, if I could just get him to shower more often than every 5 days! Whew! We unschool, so have little peer pressure to bathe.