My 12 yo ds is not so innocent.... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 41 Old 04-24-2008, 12:48 AM
 
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Aura Kitten, you rock.
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#32 of 41 Old 04-25-2008, 09:10 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Aura_Kitten View Post
No she made a point to mention how the other porn star she knew had custody of her kids taken away from her ~ my point is, you can't judge someone like that... I'm saying, I'm a really responsible single parent. I'm sure there are LOTS of other people who have made porn that are, too. Custody and videotaped sex are different issues. If the other person lost custody of her kids she was doing something else... it's not just about the fact that she was a porn star. It seemed like the previous poster was throwing that in there to support her claim that porn girlies are screwed up people ... I refute that generalization with every fiber in my body.
But in your first post you DID seem to take personal offense to what the other person said. She wasn't attacking you or anyone on the boards. She was just speaking in general. I'm not saying that her content of words was right but I didn't see her point any fingers either.

FWIW, I know a now married (for the third time) mother with four kids who was a stripper at one time and had a child from a man she met while stripping (not one of her husbands). She is doing wonderful for herself now at 40 years old. We all have pasts. I was a single mom for a while before I married my child's father but I don't take offense to people who put down single moms even though comments towards single moms strike me very personally.

Single (divorced), self-employed working, college student MOM to:

 

17 yr old

11 yr old 

 4 yr old

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#33 of 41 Old 05-01-2008, 04:13 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Eclipse95 View Post
And to be clear, we haven't provided anything for him, but we definitely wanted to get across the message that it was normal to be curious. Maybe DH went too far in offering something, but we want to keep the lines of communication clear, and want him come to DH about it.
Right off-hand, I can't think of anything more likely to dull an interest in porn than having one's parents be cool with it to the point of offering to provide some.
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#34 of 41 Old 05-01-2008, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Right off-hand, I can't think of anything more likely to dull an interest in porn than having one's parents be cool with it to the point of offering to provide some.
laughup

Thanks BamaDude. That really cracked me up.
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#35 of 41 Old 05-03-2008, 03:27 AM
 
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People do have different views about porn and I have come to believe that my own is a minority opinion on mdc; I am here to discuss parenting, not to debate porn, so I'll just post a link that may or may not be helpful to the OP and her child:

anti-porn resource center
Thank you so much for posting a link to this site. It's one I haven't seen before, and it's very eye-opening, lots of important information.

Also, I want you to know that you're not alone in your views on pornography. I'm right there with you! Anti-porn (because it is largely anti-woman propaganda) but pro-sex.

Quote:
87% of the molesters of girls, and 77% of the molesters of boys reported regular use of hard-core porn. (Marshall, 1988)

A 1984 research study found that the state of Alaska ranked first both in porn magazine sales and in rapes. Nevada was second on both measures. (Baron & Straus)

In Phoenix, neighborhoods with a porn outlet had 500% more sexual offenses than neighborhoods without. (U.S. Department of Justice, 1988)

The death rate of women working as prostitutes in Canada is 40 times
higher than the general Canadian population. (Special Committee on
Pornography and Prostitution)
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#36 of 41 Old 05-08-2008, 03:28 PM
 
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I think it is awesome that neither you nor your husband freaked out and went off on your son. I'm pretty open to people being pro or anti porn as that works out for them, but even if you make it clear that "I don't like porn and don't want it in my house" I think it is important to not shame your kids. Curiosity is normal.

That said, my husband and I are both pretty sex-positive. We have a pretty extensive collection of sex-related books in our bedroom. My plan is to tell my kids that if they snoop they may find out things about me that they don't want to know and they won't ever be able to get that image out of their minds. So consider your actions carefully... That's pretty much what my mom told me and after one little snoop when I was around 9/10 I got the "AHHHHHH MY EYES!!! THEY BURN!!!" reaction and never went near her stuff again.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#37 of 41 Old 05-08-2008, 07:43 PM
 
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Instead of porn how about an erotic book? I was much more interested in those when I was a teen, but I'm also a girl so YMMV.
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#38 of 41 Old 05-09-2008, 10:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mommy68 View Post
But in your first post you DID seem to take personal offense to what the other person said. She wasn't attacking you or anyone on the boards. She was just speaking in general. I'm not saying that her content of words was right but I didn't see her point any fingers either.
You don't see how someone generalizing about a group of people to whom one belongs is pointing fingers and personal? If someone said something untrue and offensive about "most MDC moms" wouldn't you feel a twinge of outrage?

Back OT, I think that outright offering him actual porn materials would be kinda weird for him. And I think at his age, things like underwear ads, plus educational books on sexuality, are "enough." Even real softcore porn can wait a few years. I'd just subscribe to the Victorias Secret catalog and leave it lying around. But buy one of the aforementioned sexuality books and give it to him (you or DH) and let him know that you guys are available for questions, but he doesn't have to talk about it unless he wants to.
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#39 of 41 Old 05-09-2008, 11:37 AM
 
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Oh the point of would you do it for DS and for DD, I would point out that girls have an out. How many 12 year old boys pick up Harlequin romance novels? Girls do all the time, but boys aren't going to. And I've seen some pretty racy, even downright raunchy Harlequin scenes. They were my own personal chldhood porn for lack of a better word. So I think the type that teen girls would be looking for might be a bit more easily accessible. We tned not to focus so much on pictures of nudity so much as the whole scene, and so lit-erotica would be more up the alley I'd expect from a girl. As for my DS some day, I'll find some more okay mags, and probably leave them somewhere he can "find" them (like his dad's hiding spot that he'll eventually find). I'd much rather my 12 year old enjoy a mag alone than go out and enjoy one of his classmates IYKWIM!! But I am very liberal on this subject myself, and enjoy tasteful lit-erotica
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#40 of 41 Old 05-12-2008, 08:48 PM
 
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I found that DS11, now 13, was viewing porn on our home computer. I discovered it by accident. I first checked with DH to see if it was him(it was not), before I spoke with DS. He had been viewing porn pretty feverishly for 2-3 days before I figured it out. When I talked with him, he seemed relieved rather than upset or defensive. It seems that some of the boys at school had been egging each other on to check out these sites.

DS was relieved that 1) he was not expected to "perform" those acts, 2) that girls didn't expect, or probably want, that kind of attention, and 3) Mom can see what you are viewing on the internet. I made it clear that while I'm not strictly anti-porn, I think that porn is really unrealistic and somewhat fake. Not all women look like that and that the girls his age probably didn't want to have sex or perform those types of sex acts.

DS has had a couple of short term girlfriends this year, and while I know that he was kissed, I don't think it has gone much further. He has not really had any opportunities to be alone with these girlfriends. DS continues to cover his eyes when people kiss on movies and tv, but that's probably an act for me. He is 13 afterall.
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#41 of 41 Old 05-14-2008, 01:40 PM
 
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Just a side note there are lots of porn mags out there that show real, natural bodies.
And stuff on the internet, and videos.. ok, I'm not a porn fan, and wouldn't be interested in making it myself, but somehow in my life I've seen a lot of it in all available mediums. And it is not all air-brushed, and there are plenty of absolutely 100% real women and men depicted, warts (and other things) and all.

But honestly, the idea of my future son watching some of the awful, terrible, violent porn out there is enough to make me want all girls.

I am also considering nudist camp vacations (ok, mostly a joke) just to desensitize my kids a little. One of the biggest problems I have with porn, and with this society, is the fetishization of human nudity. Nudity! Our natural state! It's not quite as bad as the Victorian ere when men got aroused at the sight of a woman's ankle, but it's still ridiculous to me. Nudity is not sexual, sex is sexual and they have little to do with each other in many societies..
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