16 yr old, needing help/advice - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 10-08-2003, 01:52 AM - Thread Starter
WarriorqueenBea's Avatar
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Hi. I have custody of my 16 yr old sister. I am trying to be a good 'parent' figure, but am finding it real hard at some points.
She has started dating, and both her boyfriends have been younger then her. No problems there.
I made the rule that she has to bring the guy home to meet myself and my fience before they can go on group dates. She thinks that this is unfair. I am not bending my rule, as I like to know who she is hanging with and want to detour her from making some mistakes that might hurt her badly.
Any advice to help her see my point?
Also she wants to know when in a relationship it is okay to start kissing. I don't want to sound prudish, but I would realy like her to wait. She has only recently started dating, and the whole deal is just so new to her. And me as well. I keep telling her to take it slow, but am not sure if I am getting through to her?!?!
Any advice or suggestion would be appreciated.
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#2 of 3 Old 10-09-2003, 12:46 AM
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Hi Bea,

I had my first child at 15, so I know first hand about these things, and am even going through this with my 8 year old son, who is noticing girls.

I think 16 is a good age to start dating, but as far as kissing, I'd tell her something like, you wouldn't recommend it because it can lead to other things & over shadow the relationship, but when its the right time, she will know.

My childhood was pretty jumbled, so I got an early start at this all. Thats good that she is dating younger guys though, My first boyfriend (and now my husband) is 10 years older than me, so that put a great deal of pressure on me. He did not pressure me into anything, I just felt obligated, as I think many girls do that date older men. Dating younger, kinda gives them something to wait for.

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#3 of 3 Old 10-10-2003, 12:26 AM
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I am clueless about this situation, so my advice is very general.

Perhaps she would at times prefer that you meet the potential boyfriend in a more neutral place than your home. You could all get together for coffee, for example. Or meet at the movie theatre, then you and your fiance could see one show while she goes with her date to see another. Maybe you could even double date once in a while (if you and df pick up the tab, the teens aren't likely to refuse) so you can see the state of the relationship. Make it less of an inspection and more of a chance for her to let you meet this fascinating new person, and she might become more receptive to your interest/nosiness.
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