I'm worried my teen daughter is going to get into trouble.. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 06-09-2008, 06:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My daughter is 13 and will be in 8th grade after summer break. She's very pretty, nice and caring so she can make friends quite easily. The problems we're finding is that she can seem like an air head and when some of her friends see that, they then call her names like a "dumb blonde" and tell her she's dumb.

She lets things like that go but it does affect her by thinking she may actually be an air head and dumb. I've shown her that she isn't dumb and also with hard work, she's very capable of getting good grades and it shows her she's not dumb.

Now some of this may tie in, I don't know.. But she is now lying about things to make the kids like her. She lied in one instance saying she was Emo because she wanted the "Emo" kids to like her because they were nice. It became a big mess but we got through it.

Then we caught something else. She's a BIG flirt. She likes the attention and then began telling some kids she's already had sex.
This created some issues of girls not liking her, she's taking away boyfriends supposedly and then boys are wanting to get with her.

One boy texted her on one of our cell phones asking her to have sex, she said she would. I caught it and she said she was lying to him, she never would do that. She liked the attention.

Also, that same night, a message was left on that same cell of one boy calling her a dirty little wh*re.

OMGosh I don't know what to do about this! We've talked and talked and it just doesn't seem so serious to her.
She swears she'd never do that but lied because she liked the attention and wanted her friends to think she was cool.

I showed her that it wasn't what she was getting, that she was getting all negative reactions. Sure the boys want to get with her, but it's to use her.
I told her this can put her into some serious situations.

I'm so worried that she can't deal with peers. We are moving this fall and she knows she's going to start fresh but I don't know if she can do it right. Reason being that she first started with the wanting kids to think she was "emo" and we thought we got to her about lying but then it became the whole boys and sex thing.

This is getting long, sorry. I just don't know what to do. She knows she can't be trusted and we are worried. But I don't think she gets the seriousness of it all. I'm worried about where this can lead her down the road.
How do I get her to respect herself and protect her own body, including having peers do the same?
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#2 of 5 Old 06-09-2008, 06:51 PM
 
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I'm not sure I understand the difference between saying you are "emo" and being emo. I mean, it's basically a style of dressing, right? So, buy a few new clothes and change your hair and presto! emo.

It sounds like she has low self esteem and isn't sure which group of kids she fits in with. That's a hard place to be in at 13 but I'm not sure how you can help her figure that out. Is she involved in any extracurricular activities where she can make friends in a more constructive way?

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#3 of 5 Old 06-09-2008, 07:17 PM
 
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yup- that sounds like my 8th grade year- even down to lying about having sex. For me it was the start of a lot of boy-craziness and flirting. I really think it is the age. Throw in some hormones and minor insecurities...gawd.
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#4 of 5 Old 06-09-2008, 07:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laggie View Post
I'm not sure I understand the difference between saying you are "emo" and being emo. I mean, it's basically a style of dressing, right? So, buy a few new clothes and change your hair and presto! emo.

It sounds like she has low self esteem and isn't sure which group of kids she fits in with. That's a hard place to be in at 13 but I'm not sure how you can help her figure that out. Is she involved in any extracurricular activities where she can make friends in a more constructive way?
I moved a lot as a kid. Moving when you're 13 is awful. I talked very big and eventually did all the things I initially lied about. I agree that extracurriculars, particularly sports are crucial to dealing with this. I'm big on Martial Arts for girls...any body type can do it, most programs have some type of contemplation and it's GREAT for self esteem.
Good luck. You are right to be concerned and a good mom to want to deal with it before she gets out of control
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#5 of 5 Old 06-09-2008, 07:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, the whole emo thing is varying..
I was letting her hang with some of her "emo" friends while at school. I even let her dress how she wanted to a point. It was when she lied to them saying she cuts and was a "true emo" and then letting them cut her while at school, that I made her make a change. If other kids are going to do harm to your body and you let them, then things are going way too far and they don't respect your body, neither do you. We talked about the lying then, and changed other things. I thought she "got" it. (the whole lying thing and respecting your own body)
Now it's other kids and lying about other stuff. Ugh.

Okay, I know I did this too. I went through some things that could have been avoided and now know was a form of molestation. Even though I lied saying I knew what was going on, I didn't. I don't want things to get like that for my daughter. She doesn't realized the seriousness of it all.

My parents weren't involved in what I did. In fact, I was neglected and verbally abused growing up. I've made sure life for my daughter is different.
We are very involved in her life but things are still happening.
I do think she is trying to fit somewhere. I just need her to see that she doesn't have to lie to keep friends.

We've always believed in extra curricular activities. With her, it has been a matter of finding one she could do and liked. She's quit many different things. She has a hard time catching on to some things (like dance moves) and is not flexible at all. She has a hard time with aim as well, so things like volleyball and tennis are out for her she believes.

Hmmm, maybe when we move I'll look into the martial arts. It can't hurt for her to try.

Thank you so much for your replies. Raising teens is just not easy.
I hate that I'm seeing the beginning of her doing some of the same things I did, but what's also good about it is that I can catch it a bit easier/quicker because I know what to look for.
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