DH Showers with dsd.. Is this OK? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 137 Old 06-10-2008, 11:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone,

I'm looking for a little input, and so here I am at MDC! Here's the thing- my dsd is 10. The other afternoon, they got home from school and were caught in the rain. They immediately went upstairs to shower together. I absolutely do not have a problem with parents showering with our kids. Just want to clarify that. I am a little concerned in this case because dsd is older now and is quite, shall we say, curious about adult things. dh has said that he's not comfortable showering with her anymore. Any input from mamas (or daddies) who have been there?
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#2 of 137 Old 06-10-2008, 11:51 PM
 
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I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.
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#3 of 137 Old 06-10-2008, 11:56 PM
 
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I (as the mom) showered with my dds when they were quite a bit younger and they still shower with each other about half of the time (two girls who are sisters and 2 yrs apart in age). However, neither of them would be comfortable showering with me anymore and they certainly would not be comfortable showering with their dad. They are 9 and 7. I think that they stopped showering with me by about age 4.

I would not be comfortable with a 10 y/o showering with an adult at all especially an adult of the opposite sex.
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#4 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 12:06 AM
 
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In all honesty I would not be comfortable with that. Not saying that is some families it isnt just fine but for me it is outside my comfort zone.

 
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#5 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 12:23 AM
 
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Personally, I believe that to be very inappropriate behavior.
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#6 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 12:29 AM
 
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If it is his natural born daughter then I do not have an issue with it but if it is his step daughter then I think it is strange.
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#7 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 12:34 AM
 
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I would not be comfortable with it, natural born or step.

Sharon FF/Medic DH 3 DD's 2/98, 4/01, 11/05
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#8 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 12:37 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vancouver Mommy View Post
To quote another thread from earlier today, interesting first post, TipToe.

I imagine that I wouldn't want to reveal too much about my identity if I had concerns of this sort, either. I'm assuming that this is not this person's first time to MDC .
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#9 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 12:38 AM
 
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If her father has already stated that he is no longer comfortable with showering with her, then what's the issue? It doesn't sound like it will happen anymore, anyway, which IMO is a good thing.
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#10 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 12:40 AM
 
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I don't think I would be comfortable with it.

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#11 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 12:44 AM
 
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If he's uncomfortable, it should stop. I think I'd be concerned if he weren't uncomfortable, though, at that age. Around 9 or so, my dh wasn't comfortable even wrestling with our daughters anymore, so he switched to other ways to play with them. He absolutely does not want to see them nude, and that's 100% reciprocal.
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#12 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 12:44 AM
 
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I would not be comfortable with my 10 yo showering with her dad.

Me : living with and loving papa and the kids: Dd1 8/97 , dd2 8/04 and my sweet baby ds 5/09 : :
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#13 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 12:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for sharing your opinions. Sometimes you just have to bounce things off of people and make sure you're not overreacting, especially in a step-parent situation. If it doesn't happen again, then I guess it won't be an issue. If, like on other occassions, it does happen again, I may be back for a little more feedback!
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#14 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 12:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TipToe View Post
Hi everyone,

I'm looking for a little input, and so here I am at MDC! Here's the thing- my dsd is 10. The other afternoon, they got home from school and were caught in the rain. They immediately went upstairs to shower together. I absolutely do not have a problem with parents showering with our kids. Just want to clarify that. I am a little concerned in this case because dsd is older now and is quite, shall we say, curious about adult things. dh has said that he's not comfortable showering with her anymore. Any input from mamas (or daddies) who have been there?
If one of the parties isn't comfortable anymore, it's time to stop. Simple!

Kristina in Kitsap County, WA
Doula, Student Midwife, Mama, Wife & More
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#15 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 01:07 AM
 
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Originally Posted by TexasSuz View Post
If it is his natural born daughter then I do not have an issue with it but if it is his step daughter then I think it is strange.
agreed.

Jessie
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#16 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 01:32 AM
 
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It is not soemthing that I would be comfortable with.
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#17 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 09:30 AM
 
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This brings to mind an issue at our house that I have a hard time figuring out.
Dd is 13, quite developed and quite modest. Fine.
DS1 is 11, small, no signs of puberty and very comfortable being naked. I ask him to respect other people's modesty and at least put on underpants. DH thinks it's fine that DS is comfortable with his body and I should ease up a bit.
I'm not sure. I totally see DH's point.
Feedback?
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#18 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 10:18 AM
 
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As long as it's his natural daughter, I don't see the big deal. We have friends with opposite sex older kids who still use the bathroom or are naked in front of them in other perfectly appropriate situations, and as long as both parties are comfortable, it doesn't concern me. I will not be surprised if my daughter and (male) partner are still comfortable seeing each other naked at that point.

If your partner is no longer comfortable, then he needs to find a way to tell her that WITHOUT making nudity seem like something that is shameful or embarrassing.

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#19 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 01:31 PM
 
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One person isn't comfy, then that is the end of it under any circumstances.

Simple.
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#20 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 01:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by elisent View Post
I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.
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#21 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 01:48 PM
 
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My dd will be 12 next month. The only reason she doesn't still shower with me is I don't want to share my only private time, lol. I had to kick her out because I want to be alone for a few minutes a day. She's still comfy being nude around DH (step dad since she was 2yo) but he's starting to avert his eyes uncomfortably....so I've asked her not to hang out nude outside her room, but everyone's ok with her just walking from the shower to her room nude etc.

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#22 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 01:52 PM
 
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i dont see this any different than a mom showering with a 10 yo son or mom in the hot tub w/ a 10 yo son. we do have a pretty lax attitude about nudity in our home but i think its sexist to think a mom/son would be ok but not a dad/daughter (not that anyone said that but thought i would put that out there...would ppl have such a hard time w/ a mom/son combo??). If so, i think thats being a bit prudish.
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#23 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 01:54 PM
 
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If DH isn't comfortable showering with her anymore, then they shoudln't be doing so anymore. If DSD isn't comfortable showering together, then they shouldn't be doing so. If both of them are comfortable, then it's not a problem, no matter what their ages.

Oh, and a "troll" is an internet troublemaker- somebody posting for the express purpose of stirring up trouble. It's also against the UA (user agreement) to call somebody else a troll. If you suspect foul play, report the post.

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#24 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 02:15 PM
 
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Little hairs on the back of my neck are standing up, I'm a little confused.

I wonder why a grown man would shower with his step daughter if he wasn't comfortable....why is he doing it?!

Why would a grown man shower with his 10 year old step daughter rainstorm or not?

And why would you come here and say "well if it happens again...."

Seems really strange. Why would it happen again if your husband doesn't like it?

I have a feeling he wouldn't do it if he didn't like it.

It just doesn't make any sense at all.
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#25 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 02:24 PM
 
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nak

maybe i am uptight or a prude or somethinng, but ICKY! That wouldnt fly for me.

something funny....DH used to sleep naked before DS was born, but now since we co-sleep he feels that he has to wear undies to bed. DS is 9 weeks old. I find that so funny.

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#26 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 02:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
I wonder why a grown man would shower with his step daughter if he wasn't comfortable....why is he doing it?!
This involves OP's DH and the OP's stepdaughter- which implies that it's the man's biological child (though they may not live together full time.)

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#27 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 05:42 PM
 
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I'm trying to figure out how to word this.
If he is uncomfortable, why is he doing it?

With that being said *ahem* caught in a rainstorm, took a warm shower together... and this--
Quote:
If, like on other occassions, it does happen again, I may be back for a little more feedback!
makes me think either this story is not entirely true, or that there IS something to be worried about, his biological child or not.

And nope, I'm not a prude. I was abused, and this story has my radar up.
So, opinion from a mama that is comfy being nude, but totally uncomfortable with this situation (of course, I don't know the whole story, but neither does anyone else).

---feeling like an emu on acid---
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#28 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 06:01 PM
 
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Hi all, several posts have been removed for casting suspicion. The concerns that some of you have are better handled by reporting the posts and if there are grounds for removing the post/thread, it will be handled.

Thanks

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#29 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 06:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PassionateWriter View Post
i dont see this any different than a mom showering with a 10 yo son or mom in the hot tub w/ a 10 yo son. we do have a pretty lax attitude about nudity in our home but i think its sexist to think a mom/son would be ok but not a dad/daughter (not that anyone said that but thought i would put that out there...would ppl have such a hard time w/ a mom/son combo??). If so, i think thats being a bit prudish.
I wouldn't think mom and son would be OK either. And it's completely different than a hot tub as you wear a swimsuit in there.

I also don't think it is prudish. I think at that age children need their privacy just as much as adults do. I know a woman who used to force her way into the bathroom to wash her son's hair until he was 14. He was completely uncomfortable with that but mom didn't care.

I think that four is a good cut off age for taking baths/showers with children of the opposite sex.
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#30 of 137 Old 06-11-2008, 06:54 PM
 
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i think people are to quick to supect nastiness for a loving family. that is sad. if the dad is no longer comfy showerinfg with his dd then he needs to nicely tell her so.
i think it is a shame that a dad would feel uncomfortable horsing around with his dds. just because they are girls they no longer get physical attention? how messed up have we become that families seeing each other naked has become this sex crazed act?

h

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