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#61 of 189 Old 06-23-2008, 09:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I would take my cue from the young woman. If she said, "I'm pregnant!" obviously excited and planning to keep it," I would congratulate her.

If it were more "I'm pregnant." in a tone of dread and anguish or even plain old ambivalence then, like rightkindofme, I might say "Wow, that's big news - how are you feeling about it?
This is how I handle ALL pregnancies, regardless of age. I have friends of all ages with unexpected pregnancies where congratulations did not seem in order until they were excited about it themselves.

Katie, mama to one big boy (6/03) and one little boy (12/08).
It is never the wrong time to do the right thing.
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#62 of 189 Old 06-23-2008, 09:45 PM
 
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I would definitely congratulate her. IMO pregnancy is a wonderful gift and needs to be celebrated

Kate, Wife to DH and Mommy to a 5yo lovin' DS; three angels 4/08 9/08 3/10 in Heaven,
waitin' for my baby

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#63 of 189 Old 06-23-2008, 11:00 PM
 
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Absolutely. I was 17 when I got pregnant (one night fling thing and we used protection....he's in that 1% failure catagory, lol) and I never thought twice about keeping him. I'd always wanted a baby anyway! So the circumstances werent ideal but I was taking responsibility for my actions, my choices, and no one should've been treating me like crap-yet they did. My moms reaction was the worst, I was grinning ear to ear after my ultrasound and she just kept looking at me like I was a leper.

If she's told people she's expecting, she probably isnt getting an abortion. As for whether she's keeping the baby or not, who knows, but she should still be made to feel good about whats going on. It doesnt help ANYONE to be made to feel like crap over something thats already happened.

My ds is 8 now and I've had to deal with a lot over the years-he's had epilepsy from birth, ADHD, and also has early onset bipolar. Getting him taken care of properly took a lot of work on both of our parts. But I wouldnt change a thing, he's my little dude

Just because shes a teenager doesnt mean she's going to be a horrible parent or any such nonsense. Yeah, I spent a year on welfare (I got a whopping $240 a month for the two of us to live off of) while I finished high school and started college. Yeah I got food stamps. Then I started working two jobs and havent been on public assistance since. Now I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful dh who works full time and I can stay home with my kids (I met him when my ds was 18 months old and we're having our 4th here soon! As you can see, I love kids, lol).

I know this is overboard for the question, but I just wanted to say, she deserves some lovin from whoever she can get it from. There's already too much negativity out there for pregnant teens.

(PS I also happened to have a couple of other teen mom friends, one of which was only 14 when she got pregnant, and they were all awsome parents-better than some of the *mature adult* parents I've met)

Cari-mama to Eriq, Lile, Paikea, Kaidyn, and Mieke is here!! 2/9/10
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#64 of 189 Old 06-23-2008, 11:22 PM
 
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I would absolutely say congratulations.
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#65 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 12:17 AM
 
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I remember when i found out i was pregnant, my mom thought it was not only the "end of my life" but the end of HER life! I was so depressed. When one women came up to me to tell me congrats and that she would support me if i ever needed someone to confide in i thought "at least i have someone". I believed in hope again. No matter what, even if she does consider abortion (please all pro life believers i don't want to offend you) support her emotional status, giving her support might help her, even change her mind if she wants an abortion. Just to hear that there is SOMEONE out there willing to listen and be on her side might change everything. I know it did for me. :
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#66 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 10:00 AM
 
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Hi--

well, I have a little different take on it so please take it for what it's worth. Unless you know how the young woman is feeling, I think showing pity or congratulations labels how she should feel according to how you present your comments. How about asking how she is doing or feeling? If you say so with a pleasant smile and say you hear that there are some big changes in her life, she may be able to open up and give you the information you need to be supportive. I taught high school long ago and remember how teens can have very conflicted feelings and gauge how they should feel about things by how others react to them. Letting her be in the driver's seat is perhaps more empowering than having others tell her how she should feel about her situation (i.e., with showing pity or scorn or even congrats). You could even become the adult advocate that she needs in going forward--- someone who won't judge her or mold her decisions for her. I think it is highly commendable that you are sensitive to her needs. Best of luck!
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#67 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 03:14 PM
 
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I think it is interesting that so many of those who say they would offer congratulations were also teens who chose to keep the baby. I would think that after going through the difficulties associated with this type of decision, these women would be less likely to congratulate a young woman on having just invited a whole lot of challenges into her life. Having made it through the hard times themselves, one would think these women would know better than to offer the idea that a single, teenage mother is an ideal parent! We all know that the ideal situation for a child is a stable two-parent home; not everyone gets to have the ideal, but this doesn't change what the ideal is.

I applaud the woman who is realistic enough to recognize that pregnancy as a teen is not necessarily a cause for celebration; it is merely an indication that a young woman is going to be facing a lot of heartache and frustration no matter what choice she makes.
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#68 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 03:33 PM
 
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Having made it through the hard times themselves, one would think these women would know better than to offer the idea that a single, teenage mother is an ideal parent!
No, my personal ideal is a married mom/dad couple. But having been a teen mom, I can say that as a teenager I had wads of energy to keep up with ds and dd. I was open to learning about babies and I found that I had an easier adjustment to motherhood than some older moms I knew. Maybe because there was no real "before kids" to speak of. It was just school then kids.

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#69 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 03:54 PM
 
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Someone on here used to have in her signature the quote "Women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy also deserve unplanned joy." (Patricia Heaton) I so agree!

With what we know about the effects of stress on pregnancy, how could we in good conscience react any differently? The mother's emotional state affects the baby -- would you like your judgemental stare or less-than-supportive words to contribute to a poor outcome?

And, if you're pro-life, know that your reaction could contribute to her decision to have an abortion or not (speaking in general here, not to this particular situation). From Feminists for Life: "It is important that we reverse the negative attitudes toward children and parenting that have become so prevalent in our culture. Our society needs once again to cherish motherhood, champion fatherhood, and celebrate the benefits and rewards of parenthood."

Jill, wife to J, mama to O (10/03), MK (7/05), angel1.gif(7/09), A (5/4/10), and ***4***8***12***16***20***24***28***32***36***stork-suprise.gif** 

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#70 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 03:57 PM
 
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I would definitely say it. To me, hearing "congratulations" is a sign of acceptance, not necessarily approval.

I got pregnant as a teen and chose not to continue the pregnancy. Even after I had made my choice (but before getting the procedure), I told a few trusted people and they offered their congratulations. I was still happy about it! Even though I chose not to parent at that time, I still felt that I was being accepted. That meant a lot to me, even from those who knew the choice I was making.

And then many years later I got pregnant with E, who was very much planned. I had been married for several years already, had a steady job and stable life. A few people, including my mom, gave the whole "hmmm. . .how are you feeling about that?" line and it just crushed me. I was telling them because I was excited and their reserved response really made me feel that this new life wasn't worth celebrating and that I was wrong to feel excited. It was hard enough as a stable, married adult. . I can't imagine getting that vibe when I was a teen

So I have to say that I full-heatedly agree with Miss Manners: the only polite response to a pregnancy announcement is "Congratulations". If the pregnant woman (and yes, a pregnant teen is a "woman" to me too) wishes to discuss things further, she will. (I do think that there are a few exceptions, such as the teacher above pointed out. . some students come conflicted and need to talk about it. So therapists/counselors, teachers, religious authorities, etc might want to take a more neutral approach.)

If the pregnant woman makes no announcement, then I think "how are you feeling?" is appropriate, unless you get the impression she does not want to discuss it.

Mama to Boy (2) and Girl (5)
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#71 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 04:02 PM
 
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wow, from the sounds of this thread teen moms should probably have their ovaries ripped out for creating such heartache and despair all over the world while infecting it with their little needy creatures who show up and ruin lives-
...anyone who has an unexpected pregnancy goes through a range of emotions

instead of people who knew nothing about what i was going through giving me hell- i wish someone who actually knew (the ability to pass judgment does not count as knowledge) sat me down and said
i wish someone said:

"this will be the hardest thing you will ever do and no one can do it but you. You need to know this is something that is life long and every decision you make from here on out effects someone else. it's up to you to make a happy STABLE and healthy life for your child. You will feel like you are missing out on things, you will feel lonely and disconnected a lot of times from your peers. You will feel judged by strangers and the first time your toddler throws a fit in a public place you will feel inadequate.

but

you will be the biggest brightest feeling inside your child and them inside you. you will wake up every morning to someone who thinks you are hero, and you really are. you will watch them fall asleep and wish for a second you could see what they were dreaming. you will hurt when they do, and smile, when they do. you will unlearn everything you thought you knew, and feel like magic really does exist because they believe. you will watch the same movie over and over and over again, and find yourself singing silly songs you thought you forgot. you will feel like you are running on empty some days and somehow find a way to still focus your eyes enough to read a favorite story. you will find a hug and kiss can actually save the world, if not the world at least the day.

it will be the hardest thing you ever do, but it will be the most amazing honor in the entire world to be their mom. and if you can give your whole self to being that child's mother and love them more than you love yourself (which is easy once you meet them) you will do the right thing, you will struggle and you will cry and sometimes you will feel like you just want life to be easy, but that will come and you will get better at it everyday and before you know it you will look back and wonder how your little tiny helpless baby has grown so fast.

it's going to suck somedays, and be amazing others. don't give up. never give up, you are just like every other mother in the entire world, you are not different, you are a mother and don't ever let anyone tell you different. mothers come from all different incomes, social backgrounds, cultures and abilities. love your baby and everything else will fall into place."

but since no one said that to me, i say it to young moms i meet and i hope they learn to ignore the ignorance in this world and that instead of becoming bitter or worse actually believing the terrible judgments of others, they just become good moms. sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. i sure do know a lot of women who are in their 30's who have no business having the children they planned to have, so really what you should probably do is give her a hug
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#72 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 04:14 PM
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Wow, Gracequinn. That was beautifully put. Thank you.
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#73 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 04:56 PM
 
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Gracequinn, that:

I may print that off to hand out in case I run into any pregnant teens!

Jill, wife to J, mama to O (10/03), MK (7/05), angel1.gif(7/09), A (5/4/10), and ***4***8***12***16***20***24***28***32***36***stork-suprise.gif** 

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#74 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 05:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by zech13_9_goforgold View Post
I understand how many of you are feeling. I got married at 20 and got pregnant with our first soon after. I had an ectoptic pregnancy and lost the child, and a tube. We have had trouble getting pregnant ever since. When I tried to talk to my OB-GYN about it, she said I was too young to be worried about it. I don't get it. Why should she care? I want to have a baby- it doesn't matter if she thinks I'm too young. I'm now 23. I'm so frustrated!
Sounds like it's time for a new doctor.

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#75 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 06:18 PM
 
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I disagree with you. I think being a mother is the hardest thing we do in our lives, and I don't think that the average 14 or 15 year old girl necessarily has the patience, maturity, life experience, emotional and financial resources to mother to the same level of capability of your average 25 or 30 year old. Are there teen moms who do an outstanding job - sure! But in general, there is a reason why we wait past childhood to become mothers.



To answer the OP's question - no, I don't congratulate middle school or high school kids who become pregnant. I think you can be supportive without congratulating her.
I totally agree. However, I feel the same when when I hear about people having kids when THEY are in a bad situation no matter their age.

ex: I work with a woman who is in her 30's two kids from two different dads (I only mention that because neither of them have a relationship with their dad). She lives in her mothers basement, doesn't drive, and has a couple of addictons. She just had her third baby a year ago.....NO I did not Congratulate her. On the other I have a friend who is in her early 20's and has been with the same guy for years, just finished school and is expecting her first....So there are exceptions.


I just feel that a young person is not prepared mentally or emotionally to be a parent.
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#76 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 06:56 PM
 
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I agree with Gracequinn! Beautifully put!

A lot of teenagers ARE equipped to deal with pregnancies and children. It's been that way for thousands of years. Only very very recently have women been choosing to have children when they are older. This is a very new thing and I think it's very wrong of people to think that all teens can't handle it. It's normal for teens to handle having children, especially, I think, since they are still young themselves and better able to keep up with a child.

If a teen mother is selfish and immature and can't handle having a child, then her parents should not have raised her to be a selfish and immature child. Those with love and compassion in their hearts who were taught to be mature and responsible WILL be. Not all teens are like that.

I would congratulate her if she is keeping the baby. Because she is a teenager, she probably gets nothing at all but negativity from everyone and THAT is what is going to make a teen a bad mother. If all she associates with having children is hatred and negative feelings, then she is never going to want her baby the same way she would if she was supported. She doesn't need to be made to feel like she made a mistake - she KNOWS that.

I feel sorry for teen mothers who are given hell about the mistakes they make. I know exactly how they feel. When my MIL found out I was pregnant, she had an absolute fit because we are poor. She called my husband at work and reamed him out saying that we were being stupid and irresponsible and how could we do something so stupid! She said my baby was a mistake. Then she cut us off and would not speak to us again for months. We were not even teenagers! I was 27 and my husband was 32 and we had been married for 8 years. Our baby was planned.

Give her some hope and do congratulate her. It will make her a better mommy

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#77 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 06:57 PM
 
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I just feel that a young person is not prepared mentally or emotionally to be a parent.
I don't know a lot of mom's who really are regardless of age.

I hear this sentiment a lot and I wonder if people who say this really stop and think about it. Take the countless MDC mamas who were and are teen moms. Do you feel that about us? Do you feel that we are not or were not prepared? The thing is who really is prepared for motherhood? What is it to be prepared? It's such a myth that there is some sort of perfect formula to be "prepared" for parenthood. You might as well look for the fountain of youth while you're at it.

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#78 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 07:01 PM
 
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A lot of teenagers ARE equipped to deal with pregnancies and children. It's been that way for thousands of years. Only very very recently have women been choosing to have children when they are older. This is a very new thing and I think it's very wrong of people to think that all teens can't handle it. It's normal for teens to handle having children, especially, I think, since they are still young themselves and better able to keep up with a child.
I think it comes down to this:

Quote:
"It is important that we reverse the negative attitudes toward children and parenting that have become so prevalent in our culture. Our society needs once again to cherish motherhood, champion fatherhood, and celebrate the benefits and rewards of parenthood."
Thanks for the wonderful quote, Jill!

This fear of parenting and this coddling of our teens (who are a recent invitation. They truly are young adults) is a societal problem. A very wise MDC mama said here once (sadly I can't remember for the life of me who) that we have created a society of rebellious teens by denying them their lives. They are not children! I can't say this enough- they are NOT children!!!

It's 2 fold- we have no faith in our youth AND we view parenthood as the end as a burden only the most seasoned should have to endure.

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#79 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 07:03 PM
 
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but since no one said that to me, i say it to young moms i meet and i hope they learn to ignore the ignorance in this world and that instead of becoming bitter or worse actually believing the terrible judgments of others, they just become good moms. sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. i sure do know a lot of women who are in their 30's who have no business having the children they planned to have, so really what you should probably do is give her a hug


I love your post but this last paragraph sums it up. There is a lot of ageism in this world. What's more I have known so many 30-something parents who have said they waited until they were "prepared" and discovered that they wasted a lot of time.

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#80 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 08:01 PM
 
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I will congratulate her, I was 18 when i had DD1
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#81 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 08:08 PM
 
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We all know that the ideal situation for a child is a stable two-parent home
We do? That's not something I know. I think the ideal situation for a child is where they are loved, sure there are things that might be icing on that cake, but that is the core.

I don't like to say congratulations to anyone when I find out they are pregnant, and I always feel weird when people say it to me. Too many factors and even the most wanted pregnancy can be full of conflicting emotions. I go with "wow, big news, how are you feeling" or something similar, and just react to what the mama says. Sometimes I slip and say congrats and then I feel dumb, because I don't like it myself much.

I react the same whether the mom is 15 or 50. I honestly don't think it matters much whether I think as a group teen moms, or older moms, or mom's in the middle make the best mom's, it isn't my place to take my judgements on society in general and apply it to an individual who is standing in front of me and could use a kind word. (and I don't care what your age or your preparedness for pregnancy, if you are pregnant you could use a kind word!)
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#82 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 08:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
I don't know a lot of mom's who really are regardless of age.

I hear this sentiment a lot and I wonder if people who say this really stop and think about it. Take the countless MDC mamas who were and are teen moms. Do you feel that about us? Do you feel that we are not or were not prepared? The thing is who really is prepared for motherhood? What is it to be prepared? It's such a myth that there is some sort of perfect formula to be "prepared" for parenthood. You might as well look for the fountain of youth while you're at it.
IA.

Oh yes, and I'm 21, and I'm waaaaay crunchier/AP than many women esp. those 10,20 yrs my senior. But unfortunately, I didn't make it too far.

I honestly don't see the advantage of waiting aside from education and money, and neither one of those guarantee good parenting. Really, I don't know if there's ever a perfect time.

I think young moms need encouragement and support not to be shamed.
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#83 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 08:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jillc512 View Post
Someone on here used to have in her signature the quote "Women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy also deserve unplanned joy." (Patricia Heaton) I so agree!

With what we know about the effects of stress on pregnancy, how could we in good conscience react any differently? The mother's emotional state affects the baby -- would you like your judgemental stare or less-than-supportive words to contribute to a poor outcome?

And, if you're pro-life, know that your reaction could contribute to her decision to have an abortion or not (speaking in general here, not to this particular situation). From Feminists for Life: "It is important that we reverse the negative attitudes toward children and parenting that have become so prevalent in our culture. Our society needs once again to cherish motherhood, champion fatherhood, and celebrate the benefits and rewards of parenthood."
I love that.

I just wanted to say something real quit. As someone who has lost, it can be hard for young moms to cope with loss b/c people think you should be happy and grateful about it. After all, a baby would have ruined her life. And you get people who not-so-subtly say you had nothing to offer a baby, not even love. Basically, she would have been a bad mom anyway. That's yet another reason why I hate the idea that only young women shouldn't be moms. Just throwing that out there for food for thought.
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#84 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 09:20 PM
 
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Well I was a pregnant teenager. It *still* stands out in my mind that the only person to say congratulations to me was an anonymous mother who happened to be in the ER with her infant daughter at the same time the ER staff was verifying that I did not have an ectopic pregnancy.

I still remember how glad I was that somebody had congratulated me. I don't think anyone else ever did.

I got a lot of "I'll support your choice" and "how are you dealing with it" and "do you need me to do anything" ... but no "congratulations." It hurt me.

So I would congratulate her. Then ask how she's feeling. Or take it from her cues then.

But all those other well-meaning comments I got as a pregnant teenager just said to me "we're trying to politely talk to you now that you've screwed up your life."

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#85 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 10:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kathryn B View Post
I think it is interesting that so many of those who say they would offer congratulations were also teens who chose to keep the baby. I would think that after going through the difficulties associated with this type of decision, these women would be less likely to congratulate a young woman on having just invited a whole lot of challenges into her life. Having made it through the hard times themselves, one would think these women would know better than to offer the idea that a single, teenage mother is an ideal parent! We all know that the ideal situation for a child is a stable two-parent home; not everyone gets to have the ideal, but this doesn't change what the ideal is.

I applaud the woman who is realistic enough to recognize that pregnancy as a teen is not necessarily a cause for celebration; it is merely an indication that a young woman is going to be facing a lot of heartache and frustration no matter what choice she makes.
What exactly do you hope to accomplish with this response? Honestly it seems it would contribute to the stigma associated with the situation- stigma that hurts not only the mother but the child. It seems their response is informed by their experiences whereas yours is formed by your assumptions. Perhaps you could learn from others who have had a different experience than you. If a BTDT mother says congrats, I think that is a powerful statement that we should celebrate with a young mom who is has made their decision.

I used to have the same belief system about the ideal time to become a parent- I think 30 was my min age. Then I took a job working in parenting support. I worked with teens. I worked with 44 year old first time mothers. I worked with millionaire families and families on welfare. I saw competent, loving, capable parents of ALL ages and income and family situations and I saw parents who should have had their kids taken from them at ALL ages and income levels.

We must consider too that the stigma and economic hardship on teenage mothers is a function of our culture and not the norm in history or around the world. My grandmother married at 19, and was the last of her class to do so. She had 9 children in 20 years and is a wonderful mother. I am not saying people should feel they need to be married and have a child at 19 like her generation did but I am saying it's about choices. In her day you were long in the tooth in many social circles to be unmarried at 21 and girls were pressured into marriage and motherhood. We have gone to the other extreme where I am, as a 27 year old happily married for 6+ years woman seen by some as "too young". I don't think women should be persecuted for having a baby at any age that works for them.

Further, once something has happened, it has happened. It's time to figure out how to make it work and work WELL. Because even if "it would have been better to..." the ship has sailed, folks. Once she decides to have and keep the baby the best thing we, as a culture, can do for the mother and child is to help her be the best parent she can be (regardless of age).

Katie, mama to one big boy (6/03) and one little boy (12/08).
It is never the wrong time to do the right thing.
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#86 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 10:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
I don't know a lot of mom's who really are regardless of age.

I hear this sentiment a lot and I wonder if people who say this really stop and think about it. Take the countless MDC mamas who were and are teen moms. Do you feel that about us? Do you feel that we are not or were not prepared? The thing is who really is prepared for motherhood? What is it to be prepared? It's such a myth that there is some sort of perfect formula to be "prepared" for parenthood. You might as well look for the fountain of youth while you're at it.
The reason why I feel that age is a factor (and again, there are exceptions) is that with age comes experience. I'm not talking about babies crying in the middle of the night, or the stresses of raising a morally sound being, or the amount of unconditional love you will have for your child, nothing can prepare you for that. I am simply talking about the lessons that we learn as we get older and go through life. If you are absorbing the world around you at the age of 30 as you were when you were 17 then you haven't grown yourself.

You as a parent/ mentor can only teach what you know or have experienced, and if you haven't experienced a lot what do you have to offer??

I want to STRESS that this is not personal to anyone on here it is just how I SEE things right now (maybe in 10 years I will feel differently)
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#87 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 10:52 PM
 
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I haven't read through, but I thought I would add--
When I was waiting for a midwife appt at around 39 weeks, I heard the midwife doing the first prenatal check on a 13 yo in the room next to me (the nurses let her age slip to me while I was getting a blood check)... and it was NOT going well. The girl kept screaming "stop stop stop" while the midwife was doing the exam; I couldn't help hearing that the girl already had some STD complications and a bleeding, untreated yeast infection. Anyway, I was sitting in my room, thinking about how blessed I was to have a husband, great support, a good knowledge about how to stay healthy, etc-- but I heard the midwife say, as she was leaving the room, "Your next visit you'll have an ultrasound and you'll get to see your baby! Congratulations!" and she said it with such sincerity... she was celebrating the existence of the baby, not the circumstances. So yes; I would probably just say congratulations.

Aspiring to 1 Thessalonians 4:11.Wife to Dh, 2004. Mother to DD 3/07.
So thankful for our healthy baby boy, born Easter morning, 2010!
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#88 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 11:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Telle Bear View Post

You as a parent/ mentor can only teach what you know or have experienced, and if you haven't experienced a lot what do you have to offer??
My favorite quote used to be: The beauty of marriage is not that marriage creates children, but that children create adults.

I personally feel, when seeing what seems to be a rising number of immature 25, 30, 35 year olds who can't hold a job or balance a checkbook or live anywhere but their parents basement that we have protracted adolescence to a HUGE degree in the USA. I am not saying people should rush into parenting but I wonder why it is that we look at people having babies as young adults a tragedy.

Love and care, not life experience is the main thing parents bring to their kids.

Honestly, we will all be much wiser and more experienced at age 80 than now. I don't think anyone would argue we should wait until then to parent?

ETA: I am a professional woman whose career centers mainly on writing and finance. I know little about most of the topics that fascinate my son yet because he is science inclined, I have worked with him on science etc. I don't think it is true that all we have to teach is what we know.

Katie, mama to one big boy (6/03) and one little boy (12/08).
It is never the wrong time to do the right thing.
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#89 of 189 Old 06-24-2008, 11:23 PM
 
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Yes, please do. I got pregnant at 23, and it was definitely not planned, but I made my peace about it, but it was very sad that the reactions that I got from those closest to me were not happy ones at all. Bringing a child into the world is a great thing, and it helps if other people treat it as such.

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#90 of 189 Old 06-25-2008, 12:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kijip View Post

Love and care, not life experience is the main thing parents bring to their kids.
I think you may be taking what I am saying too literally.

I love my husband more everyday because of the things we have gone through. We have learned about each other everyday and have grown together and have shared our lives. Love like this only comes with time and experience. My love for my husband is deeper than say my love for my highschool sweetheart.

We are here on MDC because we believe that we are doing what is best for our children. Are there teenage moms on here...yes...and I think that is awesome. At some point they were exposed to breastfeeding, baby wearing, vax alternatives, keeping our sons whole, and what ever other decisions we have made. I believe that the MAJORITY of teens have NOT been exposed to these options.

I guess what it comes down to is what you want to bring to your relationship with your family and/or child. I want to bring more than love and caring. I believe that ALL mothers love and care for their children(some just don't have the ability to show it).

You do better when you know better....I believe that comes with age and experience.
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