16 yr old home alone for a week - help, urgent! - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 50 Old 06-17-2008, 11:20 AM
 
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Lots of great advice here...
I am pretty fortunate in that I live in a rural area and if more than 3 cars were parked at my house and my neighbor across the street /gets the heads up if I am not going to be home for the evening/ she would give me a quick ring.

I still remember the parties I had... it's all coming back to me.

I hope we all survive the teenage years / sigh.

Tracy
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#32 of 50 Old 06-17-2008, 12:31 PM
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Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post
It sounds like the OP showed her a note that was written to the daughter not to the OP. The OP was told she was not responsible for the daughter. You don't have to stay over there and you don't have to tell the daughter what to do or remind her of her parents rules all you have to do is let the dog out. I would ignore the daughter's behavior and let the dogs out. I was left alone while my mom went on trips when I was that age and I was fine but I certainly had friends over. I think it's strange for the parents to leave a person at home who they can't even trust to let the dogs out- but whatever. This is between the parents and the daughter and not your responsibility or business.
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#33 of 50 Old 06-17-2008, 05:46 PM
 
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This is SO not your problem! I would take what the parents said at face value - the 16 yo is not your responsibility. I would not leave my 16 yo alone for a week - that's crazy IMO. But they chose to trust her with herself, the house, etc. and you with the dog.

I wouldn't sleep there any nights (to avoid seeming at all complicit with disallowed behavior, and to avoid the awkwardness) and I wouldn't say anything more to the parents unless they asked. If I was the teen, I'd be really annoyed that you were intruding and trying to tell me what to do.

You are definitely not responsible for her, so I think it's fine (and appropriate) to just ignore her (except for being friendly/polite) and whatever happens is between her and her parents.
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#34 of 50 Old 06-17-2008, 09:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, everyone, it's over now.
Parents are home. Turns out their cell phone is broken and they never got my messages.
When I went over to their house the day after they got home, the girl came up to me and said, "I told my parents about having friends over, and they weren't mad!"
Sounded like a line to me, her attempt at keeping me from telling her parents, so I emailed the mom to say, "I'm so glad [name] decided to tell you about having all those friends over - I wasn't sure how to handle it this weekend! It's much better that she told her yourself!"
As I suspected, she emailed back to say that [name] HADN'T told them. And the mom's glad I did.

And now, I don't feel a bit of guilt about telling the parents, because their daughter lied not just to them, but to me, too.

And I will no longer dog-sit when she is home.
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#35 of 50 Old 06-17-2008, 09:30 PM
 
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And I will no longer dog-sit when she is home.
I'm sure the daughter will be quite happy about that.

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#36 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 01:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Inci View Post
Thanks, everyone, it's over now.
Parents are home. Turns out their cell phone is broken and they never got my messages.
When I went over to their house the day after they got home, the girl came up to me and said, "I told my parents about having friends over, and they weren't mad!"
Sounded like a line to me, her attempt at keeping me from telling her parents, so I emailed the mom to say, "I'm so glad [name] decided to tell you about having all those friends over - I wasn't sure how to handle it this weekend! It's much better that she told her yourself!"
As I suspected, she emailed back to say that [name] HADN'T told them. And the mom's glad I did.

And now, I don't feel a bit of guilt about telling the parents, because their daughter lied not just to them, but to me, too.

And I will no longer dog-sit when she is home.
You seriously need to learn to mind your own business.
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#37 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 02:20 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Inci View Post
Thanks, everyone, it's over now.
Parents are home. Turns out their cell phone is broken and they never got my messages.
When I went over to their house the day after they got home, the girl came up to me and said, "I told my parents about having friends over, and they weren't mad!"
Sounded like a line to me, her attempt at keeping me from telling her parents, so I emailed the mom to say, "I'm so glad [name] decided to tell you about having all those friends over - I wasn't sure how to handle it this weekend! It's much better that she told her yourself!"
As I suspected, she emailed back to say that [name] HADN'T told them. And the mom's glad I did.

And now, I don't feel a bit of guilt about telling the parents, because their daughter lied not just to them, but to me, too.

And I will no longer dog-sit when she is home.
Wow!!!!

I cannot believe you did that!

What were you thinking?????

She wasn't your responsibility.

You need to learn to mind your own business!
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#38 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 02:42 AM
 
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Not cool, Inci.

You read a note not intended for you, decided to enforce rules you were not asked to enforce, and then got passive/aggressive to make sure she was punished because she behaved in a way unacceptable to you. I am not sure why you feel like the injured party here.
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#39 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 02:56 AM
 
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I think most of the replies here were way hard on the OP. You seem to have missed the part about her being concerned with keeping the Parents trust???????? Yeah, she still sits for the little kids, its not like they just go away now.

I think the kid lied, and lied to everyone, and has to be called on it somewhere along the lines. Sounds like a couple of naive parents to me. I remember the teen years well too, and each thing and lie you get away with just adds to the building of the next one.

You tell OP to mind her business, it was made her business when she was asked to come to the same home the UNDERAGE teen was staying in alone. When she was trusted with that. Everyone will handle things in their own way, guess it just surprises me that so many people can criticize the way someone else handles a situation they have never been in.

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#40 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 06:21 AM
 
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I think most of the replies here were way hard on the OP. You seem to have missed the part about her being concerned with keeping the Parents trust???????? Yeah, she still sits for the little kids, its not like they just go away now.

I think the kid lied, and lied to everyone, and has to be called on it somewhere along the lines. Sounds like a couple of naive parents to me. I remember the teen years well too, and each thing and lie you get away with just adds to the building of the next one.

You tell OP to mind her business, it was made her business when she was asked to come to the same home the UNDERAGE teen was staying in alone. When she was trusted with that. Everyone will handle things in their own way, guess it just surprises me that so many people can criticize the way someone else handles a situation they have never been in.
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#41 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 08:00 AM
 
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So even though the mom is GLAD you told her, people here continue to bash you. Amazing!

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#42 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 08:46 AM
 
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You tell OP to mind her business, it was made her business when she was asked to come to the same home the UNDERAGE teen was staying in alone.
The parents told her to mind her own business before they left -- they told her in no uncertain terms that she was not in charge of their daughter. They only changed their tune when said daughter turned out not to be so trustworthy (as if having friends over is a big deal anyway . . . I don't get that). And the OP wouldn't have even known *that* was a problem if she hadn't read a note that was left for the daughter's eyes, not hers.

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#43 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 12:32 PM
 
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That is my issue, too. The note was for THE DAUGHTER, not for THE DOGSITTER. And I'm really bothered by the e-mail to the mom. Instead of talking to the girl, telling her (if she had to) that she didn't feel comfortable and was going to talk to the mother again, she sent that "Gee, I'm SO glad your daughter told you all the bad things she did while you were away" e-mail. It was like once last dig.
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#44 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 12:49 PM
 
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Please, it is the gloating and manipulation that is so obvious that is irking me.
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#45 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 02:01 PM
 
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There is a world of difference between "you are not responsible for our teenager" and "completely refrain from telling us if you happen to see something strange going on while you're there".

If I told someone they weren't responsible for my kid, I would expect them not to try to direct his/her behavior, and I wouldn't hold them accountable if my daughter burned down the house/got pregnant/drank all my booze. I'd still like them to mention it if they, say, came in one morning and saw several passed out teenagers in my living room. Or anything else they knew that I'd disapprove of. I'm really surprised that people seem to think this is wrong.

Edited to add: And regardless what people on the internet think, the parents of the teenager, who hired the OP to dogsit , and who are also her employers - they are satisified with her decision, so I think she navigated that incredibly ackward situation very well.
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#46 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 04:42 PM
 
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You don't have to stay over there and you don't have to tell the daughter what to do or remind her of her parents rules all you have to do is let the dog out. This is between the parents and the daughter and not your responsibility or business.
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I wish the parents had not put me in this situation.
They didn't put you in that situation; YOU PUT YOURSELF THERE. They explicitly told you that you were NOT responsible for the 16 year old. That is pretty clear. You way overstepped by doing anything other than walk the dog. If I asked you to housesit, and came home to my living room repainted, would that be ok? Not your call to make.

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You brought all this hardship on yourself. You have nobody to blame your tiredness on but yourself. You asked whose responsibility this girl is, the answer is her parents.

My advice is, mind your own business.
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You seriously need to learn to mind your own business.
: You are climbing on your moral high horse about a girl who is not your dd, and whose parents told you explicitly was NOT your responsibility. What she does or doesn't do is NONE of your business. No calls, no tattling via email - I honestly can't imagine what you are thinking.
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#47 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 06:20 PM
 
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I wonder what people would be saying about the OP "interfering" if the 16yo had got into real trouble and Inci had done bugger all about it...

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#48 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 06:39 PM
 
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There are more mature and kind ways you could have handled this with the parents, if you were really concerned about the teen. With the way this was done, as a parent I would actually be less comfortable with you as a nanny. Purposely ratting the teen out in a backhanded way really bothers me, when you could have had a quiet, straightforward chat with the mom about your concerns.

Yes, she lied, and you've caught her. It doesn't take that much to outwit most 16 year olds, especially as we've been there. I really think this could have been done in a much more loving way, if you felt it was that important to share what went on with the parents (I would have been torn on what to do, honestly, so I understand why you would decide to tell).
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#49 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 07:08 PM
 
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Um, wow, I'm kinda late, and yeah the mom said she was glad to hear the daughter broke the rules, but seriously, it's no wonder she broke the rules! If the parents didn't trust her to obey whatever their rules were they shouldn't have left her alone. And asking a 16 yo not to have friends over when they're away for that long is simply too much IMO. Those parents are the ones who put both the OP and their daughter in an untenable position.

I have left my now 18 yo son home alone for the last two years in the summer when we went away for 10 to 14 days. He had to take care of the cats and the garden and the lawn and the house, but when he specifically asked if he was allowed to have friends over, my reply was that as long as the house was in the same shape as we left it, he could do what he wanted to. I don't believe in setting my kids up for failure the way those parents did.

As to whether the OP should have 'interfered' - I don't think she should have, but what's done is done. hopefully the next time she'll do things a bit differently, if there is a next time.
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#50 of 50 Old 06-18-2008, 08:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The situation is over and I don't need any more feedback on it. My employers were satisfied with the way I handled it and told me they believed I did the right thing.

So I'd like to end this thread.
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