16 year old curfew - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 07-10-2008, 11:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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my son is 16 and not able to drive yet. all of his closest friends are 18 and able to do pretty much whatever they want and can stay out late. What time do you think is a reasonable curfew time for a 16 year old? He is responsible and smart. I think 11:00 on a week night and midnight on the weekends. Son has gotten upset lately that he can't stay out past midnight like his buddies, but I think I am very reasonable and we let him go out with his buddies pretty much all.the.time-we just want him home when we want him home.

what do you guys think?
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#2 of 16 Old 07-10-2008, 11:46 PM
 
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I think it's more reasonable to take it on a case by case basis than giving a strict "you WILL be home by midnight or ___." Have him call you at an appointed time - 10:30? - and let him tell you what he'd like to do. If you find it reasonable, extend his curfew. If you don't, have him come home. If he complains about coming home, then next time he asks you don't give him permission. Inflexible rules are begging to be broken.
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#3 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 12:13 AM
 
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I think it's more reasonable to take it on a case by case basis than giving a strict "you WILL be home by midnight or ___." Have him call you at an appointed time - 10:30? - and let him tell you what he'd like to do. If you find it reasonable, extend his curfew. If you don't, have him come home. If he complains about coming home, then next time he asks you don't give him permission. Inflexible rules are begging to be broken.
Good answer, ITA. My dd is 16, she doesn't drive either. A lot of her friends are older. What has worked really well for us is for her to just keep in touch with me and let me know what she's doing and where she is. Sometimes she is out very late, but she doesn't give me any reason to distrust her and does comply with my comfort level when I do ask her to come home. Good luck, can be a touchy issue and sometimes finding common ground is a rough place to get to.
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#4 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 12:50 AM
 
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i would check and see what local curfew is. also, i have my son call me from a landline so i know thats really know he is where he says he is.
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#5 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 12:51 AM
 
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I never had a curfew growing up. I also never was told to check in. I had a car (that I purchased myself) and a license the day after I turned 16. However, I knew that if I was going to be able to get both my siblings and myself to school on time, them for early care and myself for 0 period, and have everything done, that I better not stay out too late. Calling my mother was more for my own comfort than her's - if anything happened that she'd know where I was last.

All of that, and I was out past 10pm exactly twice in high school. I went to prom twice.
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#6 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 01:19 AM
 
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Weekday during the school year - early, unless there is a special event.
Weekend and weekday during summer - 11 at the earliest but not every night (i.e. wouldn't want them to be out until 11 every night!). Later for certain events if need be, like prom or a concert.

Still a sleepy mama to my fabulous 2 year old girl
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#7 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 09:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks everyone...the local curfew for kids my son's age is midnight. That's the only reason I want him to be home then (well, that and I have a hard time sleeping until he's home and midnight is rough for me!)

Son is convinced the curfew will not ever affect him since he's with his older buddies. I told him better not to take a chance.

He came home last night at midnight when all of his friends were just going out to a midnight flick. I felt bad for making him miss it, but man. We are so flexible on *everything*, but this I am having a hard time with.

thanks again, everyone!
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#8 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 09:52 AM
 
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Actually on week nights it should be earlier (9-10). Many teens are sleep deprived. One reason is their biological clock is wired that way.

The next issue is with his buddy's driving him -- I would worry about the driver's behavior.

I would make acceptions. No reason to be a hard arse about it.

I would also make it were the kids can be at my home.

With my dh and I experience things typically close at the 9-10 mark during the week and then 11-12 on the week end. After that if there is no place to go trouble and teen age "stupidity" comes into play.
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#9 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 11:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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[QUOTE=Marsupialmom;11670789]Actually on week nights it should be earlier (9-10). Many teens are sleep deprived. One reason is their biological clock is wired that way.

No sleep deprivation here...he sleeps til 2:00. We unschool.

am I using the quote feature correctly? I've been on MDC for 6 years and this is my first attempt...let's see....
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#10 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 11:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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crap...off to learn how to quote correctly....
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#11 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 11:42 AM
 
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If your area has a legal curfew for teens, I would say that's a reasonable time for you to expect him to be home.

I had a curfew at his age - I wasn't supposed to go out on school nights, and when I went out with friends on weekends, I was to be home by midnight. My parents were pretty flexible about it. I babysat, and it was understood that if I was babysitting, the parents I was working for would get me home, and my folks wouldn't worry about when that happened. If I was out with friends, I could call to request an extension of my curfew for a specific purpose - "we're at _____'s house, can we stay to watch all three Star Wars movies?" I never asked for an extension I didn't get, but I was also smart enough not to ask for extensions that didn't involve specific times and places, and groups of people my parents knew.
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#12 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 11:53 AM
 
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crap...off to learn how to quote correctly....


[/QUOTE] <--You cut off that last part.
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#13 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 11:57 AM
 
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I have a hard fast rule. "no good can come from being out on the road past midnight."

I have several good, dear friends who have lost a teenager to car accidents. Some were their fault, some were another driver's fault, but ALL were after midnight.

So... Midnight is the deadline here. she can be at a friend's house, if she calls me on a landline, but she must not be out driving around.

However.. She's only 15, and none of her friends are allowed to be out past nine or ten anyway, so I have never run into a reason to say "You have to be home before midnight"

My rule was always midnight too. That was so my Mom could go to sleep. I understood that, so I was never late. I respected that my mom needed to sleep, and I was always home for that.
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#14 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 12:00 PM
 
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I never had a set curfew when I was a teenager, and I don't expect to do so either for my children. I have certain parameters about going out though- if you have to be up the next day for school or work or camp, you have to get yourself up. If you got to bed too late to get up easily, teens are old enough to self-regulate and get to bed earlier next time. I know my own self-inflicted curfew was a lot earlier than my parents would have set for me, as I've always needed more sleep than "average."

I also dont' let my kids go out with just anybody. I need to know they're with somebody I trust. When I was a kid, I had to call and check in if I wanted to stay somewhere overnight- my kids are required to have a cell phone with them so I can reach them if needed.

Am I reading correctly that there are town-wide curfews in some places? That sounds absolutely nuts to me!

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#15 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 01:44 PM
 
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Unschooling and a curfew...ummm interesting. I would of thought that with that philiosphy...which i am onboard with...that it would be a child/son lead choice. My ds is only 14. however we take it as a individual basis. What's happening ordeal. Maybe there is a movie or concert that is past 12....that's cool. Just keep me updated through out the night and answer your cell when i call. Wake me when you get home. And everyone stays happy and can make there own choices.

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#16 of 16 Old 07-11-2008, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yep, unschooling and a curfew which is exactly why I am having a weird time with the subject and why I asked for other people's opinions about it.
I'm pretty sure we can still successfully unschool *and* have a curfew.

I think.

I just don't want my kid to get in trouble with the police being out past the time he is "required" to be home.

thanks to all of the advice and opinions here!
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