My dd's horrid room, complete with pics (Update post 63/new pictures!!) - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-04-2008, 07:16 PM
 
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My 11 dd has had a room very much like your daughters. The resounding 'too much stuff!' from other posters can sometimes be more complicated though. I noticed lots of folders and notebooks and this is my dd's primary mess because she writes and draws ALL THE TIME. So I didn't want to crush this lovely aspect of my daughter. And it is obvious you have attempted to help her organise with little drawers/shelves etc.
We just - once again- cleaned out dd's room and now I have 2x per day that I literally stand in her door and make her spend the 2-5 minutes picking it up. Once in the morning and once in the evening. She balks at me telling her what to do but enjoys her space much more. I am SICK TO DEATH of the epic 4 hour room cleaning bonanza so this is working better for me and honestly, even with her objections, for her. I am hoping I can adhere to my new fantastic plan for helping her keep her room clean.
Now if someone could just help ME with the kitchen....
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Old 09-04-2008, 09:08 PM
 
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i was messy when I was a kid and gave my mom a headache over it. now i'm the opposite and my 3 y/o dd has luckily followed in my adult footsteps and insists on picking up every last thing and putting it in it's proper spot at every nap time and every night before bed as well. Her room is the cleanest, most tidy room in the house. I don't clean it for her but, rather have her clean it herself or clean it with her. she has no objections to cleaning at this point as she is used to it being part of her routine.

it has to become routine. you'll just have to make a "it must be clean every day" rule. an unmade bed, or stack of that night's homework on a desk is ok... you can't be totally anal about it but, clothes on the floor, food wrappers, or toys anywhere but, where they belong is just asking for a pile to form.

Honestly, since you've tried and tried and attempted punishments and the room is still in that bad of condition I would take everything out of the room besides bed, bedding, and furniture (dressers, shelfs, etc.) I'd stach the truely meaningful stuff (but not give it back to be misstreated in the room again) and give away every single toy and unnessesary personal item. I'd keep her clothes in a seperate room like the laundry room until she can prove they can be kept tidy in her room again. She doesn't need any of that stuff if she is treating it that way. No reguard or respect for personal items, your hard earned money, your authority, or your home. Not to be mean at all, heck, I was the same way when I was a kid. My mom never emptied my room and quite honestly, I wish she would have so I would have gotten the point earlier. it's not too long before things get unsanitary in that situation. As a parent you also need to be in charge of where her daily clothing is going. Nothing she wore that day should land on the floor... that how things end up getting worn far too many times, get stained, or go unused and wasted. She has to learn by you enforcing it on a daily basis. Take it from someone who knows how she is thinking, she isn't just going to make a life change on her own overnight. Also, make sure you're a good example by keeping the rest of the house and your bedroom in the condition you would like her's to be. You probably already are but, just in case you're not, she isn't going to listen to a "do as I say, not as I do" plea.

some may not agree with taking things away and insist it contributes to future issues but, honestly any approach you take can have any number of effects. The best thing to do now is to solve the current issue and do so in a manner that doesn't make her feel bad about herself. A lesson in possesions is in order. You can be kind and snesitive while dishing punishment. Allowing a hoarder to hoard is only enableing. Break the cycle while she's young!


Good luck!

~TRACY, wife to loving dh, mommy to dd (10/05), ds(12/08), 3 kitties, & 2 pups.
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Old 09-04-2008, 10:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We did it! We cleared out everything except what would fit in 3 small bins. In addition, I allowed her to keep books and 6 stuffed animals. Between her room and my ds1's room, I think we took about 15 bags of stuff to Goodwill. : Their rooms have actually stayed clean for almost a week now. I've been having them straighten up every night, and then we picked Saturday as their day to dust, vacuum, and change their sheets. I'm soooo happy! :

Here's dd's new improved room:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/2128639...7606850273268/

A happy woman
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Old 09-05-2008, 03:15 AM
 
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CONGRATS!

How do the girls feel about it?

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Old 09-05-2008, 10:49 AM
 
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Yay! Great job!!

Does she love it?

I'm a morning person.  We actually do exist.
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Old 09-05-2008, 12:10 PM
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OMG- that does not even look like the same room! WTG
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Old 09-07-2008, 11:37 AM
 
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I'm sorry, but i think you need to back off and leave her alone. If that's the way she likesit, then it's her choice, not yours. It's HER room, and HER stuff! My own kids have room's that look worse than that and I just let them decide how they want it. They don't clean their rooms and I don't hassle them about it. Choose your battles...and this isn't one worth fighting.
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Old 09-07-2008, 07:06 PM
 
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oops, I sent a post twice! Thought I should delete one!
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Old 09-07-2008, 07:16 PM
 
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I stumbled on this post while stressing out about my dds' room! It's been very helpful to me too, I have taken on the idea of having a 'room inspection' every evening. We already have a jobs chart and dds' and ds 'tidy' their rooms each day for some pocket money, but their tidy-ing isnt the same as mine! all of their clothes end up stuffed underneath the beds and beside wardrobes and who knows where, so a room inspection is just what we need, it means that I actually have to get up and check their rooms before it ends up in a worse state than before!
When it comes to getting annoyed at the mess in the rooms, the reason that I get upset about it isn't necessarily the mess itself as the children have got to play and have their own space, its more to do with the fact that they dont seem to listen to me or respect what I am asking of them when I ask them not to just throw clothes around and stuff them into places and when I ask them to get out the set of toys that they want to play with not the whole toy box, just to look after them a little more, but each time I go into their rooms, they have done the same thing again! It's not even like they have a whole load of toys, we haven't the room for it!
One thing I found that does help the job not to seem so daunting though is to split it up into sections, I have split it up into 4 sections: 1.make your bed 2.put your clothes away 3.put your shoes away 4.put your toys away. They dont moan nearly as much when I ask them to do one job at a time! :
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Old 09-07-2008, 07:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by operamommy View Post
We did it! We cleared out everything except what would fit in 3 small bins. In addition, I allowed her to keep books and 6 stuffed animals. Between her room and my ds1's room, I think we took about 15 bags of stuff to Goodwill. : Their rooms have actually stayed clean for almost a week now. I've been having them straighten up every night, and then we picked Saturday as their day to dust, vacuum, and change their sheets. I'm soooo happy! :

Here's dd's new improved room:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/2128639...7606850273268/
I love it! I think it's important that children learn a bit of responsibility and their room and their own possesions is a great start! It means that they are learning to respect belongings and the living space!! WELL DONE YOU!
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Old 09-08-2008, 01:44 AM
 
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Major improvement. Looks great and much more manageable.
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Old 09-08-2008, 10:44 AM
 
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Good job in helping them dig out. I don't agree with the folks who say 'their room, their stuff, so leave it alone.' I used to get totally discouraged, and even depressed, about the state of my stuff and would just 'give up'. Having it that way doesn't mean they *like* it that way. Heck, I am an adult, and sometimes I need a hand getting a 'mess' tidied up.
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Old 09-09-2008, 12:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks mamas. I'm so proud of dd for working so hard to get it cleaned up. I think she must really really like it - she made certain to show it off to the neighbor's little girl, and she's been making her bed (unasked) every single morning. Ds1 has been doing a great job too.

A happy woman
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:35 AM
 
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My dd has struggled a lot with room organization as well. I have to say, it extends beyond her bedroom, ie her desk at school, keeping school papers straight, etc. While I wish that I could just say that her space should be left alone, it's not that easy. I think that some kids, my own is a good example, who simply cannot organize their environment and thus orgnize their actions and thought processes without some real teaching. It all becomes an overwhelming jumble and they need lifelong tools to begin to wade through it. The skills around taking care of her room, being aware of how different kinds of spaces make you feel, ie does the clutter feel ok-at what point is it not OK?, etc. have had a positive impact on other areas of her life. I know this isn't everyone's kid, but I wanted to toss it out there that sometimes this level of disorganization and being overwhelmed tells us something more is going on.

And because I know my dd will rapidly slide backwards with her clean room and doesn't want to be nagged, we keep it very clutter free-the things that are important to her, books, some figures she plays with at night , drawing and writing stuff in her desk, are there. We have labled every space so it's entirely possible for her to put things away where she's determined they should go. I have donated piles of clothes in order to get down to a basic wardrobe that easily fits in her cupboard.

My space where I let it all hang out-the playroom, which is far out of sight. Everyone needs a space where they can be messy, creative, etc (very arts oriented family), so that's the space the kids use. BUT, dd doesn't have to sleep there, or organize homework, etc, which is key. All about balance I guess.

ETA: The book called The Organized Student by Donna Goldberg is interesting reading.
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Old 09-09-2008, 09:21 PM
 
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WooHoo! Congratulations on all the hard work. It looks fantastic. I am so glad she is proud of what she did. That will help reinforce the new lifestyle. I really hope she keeps it up.

Mama to Ava (12/03) , Leila (4/06) , Violet (11/08) , and bonus mama to Madison (7/98)
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:56 PM
 
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Nice job Mom and daughter!!!! I'm still waiting for someone to help me with my....laundry room!!! last week was the kitchen but that is ok now. This week I want my laundry room organized beautifully and possibly an evening check
Why oh why must we ever grow up??
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Old 09-11-2008, 05:24 PM
 
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I think it's great. i know there is a school of thought that says "leave their rooms alone" but unless they are solely responsible for their own laundry, finding schoolbooks, homework, etc., then I don't agree. Plus, if no one teaches you how to keep things clean, how do you learn? My room was always a mess and my mom hounded me about it but never offered to help show me how to clean it or keep it clean. Perhaps as a result, I am still far from neat.

A writer/runner/thinker/wife with two daughters (11/02 and 8/05), one dog, three cats, seven fish, and a partridge in a pear tree... in Vermont.
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