Is there ANY decent music out there for preteens? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 71 Old 10-03-2008, 08:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DD1 recently got an MP3 player and gave me a long list of songs she wants for it. Wow. I was shocked at what was on there. Some was fine, I recognized them, but the ones I didn't know I looked up the lyrics for.

OMG.

A sample of some of the lyrics from a few different songs (behind a spoiler because some is graphic):
Warning :: Spoiler Ahead! Highlight to read message!

She's so fine she can't be beat.
(I'll fucking beat her.)

I want Candy. (She's just a loose-pussied ho.)

I dragged her down I put her out
And back there I left her where no one could see
And lifeless cold into this well
I stared as this moment was held for me
A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell

I wanna see what your insides look like (I wanna see what your insides look like)
I bet you're not fucking pretty on the inside (Not so pretty)



It goes on and on and on. Either lyrics graphically about sex, or violence, or both. It just disgusts me. I have NO problem with telling her she's not allowed to have this music on her MP3 player.

So please, I'm desperate... I need some 12 year old appropriate music.
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#2 of 71 Old 10-03-2008, 08:41 PM
 
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what about introducing her to classics? beatles, doors, etc?

also i dont know if camp rock is too young for her, but the music in that movie(except for a couple of songs) are really positive and fun and I like them too!

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#3 of 71 Old 10-03-2008, 08:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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She does like Beatles and Rolling Stones, but is very upset that I have issues with her "favorites". I'll check out Camp Rock. I really feel she needs to be a kid at least a little bit more.
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#4 of 71 Old 10-03-2008, 08:49 PM
 
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Wowza, I can see why you wouldn't like those lyrics. Is there a particular genre of music she seems more drawn to?

Wife to a wonderful dh and mom to four beautiful kiddos, dd (3/04):, ds1 (1/06), ds2 (10/08), and ds3 (7/10)
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#5 of 71 Old 10-03-2008, 08:52 PM
 
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also-what about introducing her to others like pink floyd, beastie boys, green day, U2, etc?

there are gobs and gobs of artists out there that do not have to promote violence...what are the specific artists you had issue with? then i can probably think of artists that would be in line with her tastes.

*************

additionally, as long as you teach her well, she should be able to hear a few songs like that without having them influence her in a negative way. have some discussions of why you have a problem with these lyrics, and let her discuss with you why she likes those songs...this seems like a great opportunity to have some great discussions about ethics and beliefs and the line that you both have to walk.

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#6 of 71 Old 10-03-2008, 09:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well then she can hear those songs when shes 18 and not let them influence her then. I'm certainly never going to allow them for a minor. It's just disgusting.

Her favorite group is My Chemical Romance. ~shudder~ They are so horrible.

I've tried getting her interested in Pink Floyd and she can't stand them. ~sighs~ She basically says she hates anything I suggest, but I'm still not giving up.
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#7 of 71 Old 10-03-2008, 09:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by ledzepplon View Post
Wowza, I can see why you wouldn't like those lyrics. Is there a particular genre of music she seems more drawn to?
She likes whatever the genre is called that My Chemical Romance is in. I call it crap, but I don't think that's the true name for it.
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#8 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 12:06 AM
 
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Alternative rock.

Lets see...Simple Plan has some swearing, but their lyrics are over all pretty decent. NickelBack, Bowling For Soup, 3 Doors Down.

I like Lynch Mob, Linkin Park stuff like that...

And there's classics, Led Zepplin, Guns and Roses, Rolling Stones.

I think just having the band names won't help much though. You would need to look up lyrics for each individual song since rock and alternative bands can have some really offensive songs and some not so offensive songs.

Maybe you don't suggest. Maybe you just find a way for her to hear it and decide on her own she likes it.

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#9 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 12:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't mind some swearing, so that's okay. As long as it's not all talking abuot sex, violence, or a combo of the two. Ugh.

I'll get some songs from those groups and check them out. I like a couple Linken Park, and when I was younger I loved Guns N Roses, Led Zepplin, etc. That's a good idea. Thanks!
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#10 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 01:14 AM
 
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I went on a long rant about how anti-feminist the music industry is, etc etc. I figured you didn't want to hear that, but ugh, I sympathize. I hate it when I see my younger sibling's playlists and the music promotes drinking, drugs, violence, and misogyny.

You can check out The Cliks - complicated is about sex, but the rest are pretty tame. A few f-bombs here and there.

Granted, I just have a major major crush on the lead singer.
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#11 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 01:15 AM
 
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Kate Perry? DD and her friends like her. Not that bad.

Also, just out of curiosity, what's wrong with My Chemical Romance? I kinda like them. Well, in a I-can-stand-hearing-'em-coming-from-my-daughter's-room way.
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#12 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 01:44 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Petronella View Post
Kate Perry? DD and her friends like her. Not that bad.

Also, just out of curiosity, what's wrong with My Chemical Romance? I kinda like them. Well, in a I-can-stand-hearing-'em-coming-from-my-daughter's-room way.
Katy Perry? Really?

I kissed a girl is bad enough, what with all the "it's not what good girls do" and such, but she has a song called Ur So Gay. One of the lines? "you're so gay, and you don't even like boys." Ugh. Can we NOT perpetuate using "gay" as an insult?
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#13 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 02:29 AM
 
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Amy, for Simple Plan, she might really like the song "I'm just a kid!" All about teenaged angst!

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#14 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 12:13 PM
 
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I think she is going to have an aversion to anything you suggest just because you are her mom that doesn't let her listen to HER music. So before you start suggesting, I think you need to find a different approach to her.

Those are awful lyrics, and no, kids shouldn't be listening to them. The problem is, you can't really control what a child likes or doesn't like. You can certainly forbid it inside the house, but not inside her head. By 15-16 she will listen to it one way or another, and will make a bigger point to sneak it in, in direct proportion to how much it disgusts you.

I'm not trying to say "don't forbid", I'm trying to say... Look at what your goal is?

* If it's NOT to hear the music yourself, then you can simply ask her to only play it on her mp3 player, and never out loud.

* If it's for her not to listen to that music, then it won't work... Well, maybe it will until she is 15, by then you will have to either turn into a controlling parent that will not be able to know what's going on with the kid without spying on her, or accept the fact that she chooses to listen to disgusting songs.

* If it's to make sure she doesn't like those songs and lyrics.. I'm sure you know that won't work just because you don't like them.

Could you look for a compromise? If you could calmly and without judgement discuss with your daughter why you don't like them, and that you are stuck, and want some of her ideas on how to resolve this so that she is happy and you are happy, maybe he two of you could find a solution you both can live with. She might be open to changes if she's involved in bringing them about.

Good Luck either way!

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#15 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 12:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Petronella View Post
Kate Perry? DD and her friends like her. Not that bad.

Also, just out of curiosity, what's wrong with My Chemical Romance? I kinda like them. Well, in a I-can-stand-hearing-'em-coming-from-my-daughter's-room way.
Well most of the lyrics I posted in the OP were from My Chemical Romance, and I've read much worse lyrics in their songs that I haven't posted. So that's why I don't like them.

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I think she is going to have an aversion to anything you suggest just because you are her mom that doesn't let her listen to HER music. So before you start suggesting, I think you need to find a different approach to her.

Those are awful lyrics, and no, kids shouldn't be listening to them. The problem is, you can't really control what a child likes or doesn't like. You can certainly forbid it inside the house, but not inside her head. By 15-16 she will listen to it one way or another, and will make a bigger point to sneak it in, in direct proportion to how much it disgusts you.

I'm not trying to say "don't forbid", I'm trying to say... Look at what your goal is?

* If it's NOT to hear the music yourself, then you can simply ask her to only play it on her mp3 player, and never out loud.

* If it's for her not to listen to that music, then it won't work... Well, maybe it will until she is 15, by then you will have to either turn into a controlling parent that will not be able to know what's going on with the kid without spying on her, or accept the fact that she chooses to listen to disgusting songs.

* If it's to make sure she doesn't like those songs and lyrics.. I'm sure you know that won't work just because you don't like them.

Could you look for a compromise? If you could calmly and without judgement discuss with your daughter why you don't like them, and that you are stuck, and want some of her ideas on how to resolve this so that she is happy and you are happy, maybe he two of you could find a solution you both can live with. She might be open to changes if she's involved in bringing them about.

Good Luck either way!
DD is way to much of a follower for me to be comfortable with her listening to those songs or any like them. If that means as she gets older I have to become more controlling, so be it. She's just a kid and I fully believe children need a bit of control in their lives. No we don't spank or anything like that, but I won't relinquish control in situation I feel can be dangerous to her, like that music. (And I know control isn't a terribly MDC approved concept, but it is something I do not see as harmful, and in fact can be quite needed.)

But again, as I mentioned, she's a follower. She likes these groups because it's what her friends listen to. But we're also moving in about a month so she'll make new friends. I'm praying her new friends have better taste and then she'll follow them into listening to more positive music. Until them, I want to find enough songs to fill her MP3 player in the hopes of at least distracting her from what she's missing.

Oh, and I have tried to talk to her about what she likes about them, and what I don't, and how to compromise. She says there's nothing wrong with them because they don't talk about suicide. When I mention it takes about sex and violence she says those things aren't a big deal. THAT disturbs me that she thinks those things aren't troubling.
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#16 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 12:32 PM
 
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You could have her read boring musicological research on contemporary pop music. That will suck the fun out of anything.
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#17 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 12:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sounds like a thrill.

I'm not trying to take her fun away, but she doesn't need fun to come in the form of lyrics about abusing someone, rape, murder, etc.
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#18 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 04:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by amydidit View Post
I don't mind some swearing, so that's okay. As long as it's not all talking abuot sex, violence, or a combo of the two. Ugh.

I'll get some songs from those groups and check them out. I like a couple Linken Park, and when I was younger I loved Guns N Roses, Led Zepplin, etc. That's a good idea. Thanks!
Am I the only one who sees how hypocritical this is?

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DD is way to much of a follower for me to be comfortable with her listening to those songs or any like them. If that means as she gets older I have to become more controlling, so be it.

...

But again, as I mentioned, she's a follower. She likes these groups because it's what her friends listen to. But we're also moving in about a month so she'll make new friends. I'm praying her new friends have better taste and then she'll follow them into listening to more positive music.
Your complete lack of faith in your daughter is much more disturbing and worrisome to me than any of those lyrics. Do you really think she is that incapable?

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#19 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 04:12 PM
 
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Hmm.... *trying to remember what I listened to when I was 12* Backstreet Boys, NSync, all that boyband crap (now that really IS crap music ) But my parents had long since instilled a taste for classic stuff and stuff going way back from the 50's (Dad used to restore old cars, belonged to a car club, most weekends spent listening to Elvis et al at car cruises) I remember being 10 years old and hearing Simon and Garfunkle's "Scarborough Fair" for the first time....still one of my most memorable musical experiences. Then as I entered high school I got into stuff like Depeche Mode, The Cure, New Order, The Smiths, NIN, Stabbing Westward....boy was I a pleasant happy person back then! Still love the music, though! I was also heavily involved with the orchestra at school and the local youth orchestra, so classical music was also a huge part of my musical library. And one of the most rewarding things about this, I believe, was that it really helped me to distinguish "better taste" in music. I mean, once I heard stuff like Vivaldi's Four Seasons or Mahler's Resurrection Symphony, stuff like the Backstreet Boys seemed really stupid and bland. I dunno, I've kind of listened to everything and still do. Any "graphic" stuff, especially from rap music, was mostly heard at parties or in friends' cars. I never listened to it on my own. I'd say as long as she's listening to more than one kind of music and not stagnating on the local pop stations, she's fine.
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#20 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 04:20 PM
 
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Am I the only one who sees how hypocritical this is?



Your complete lack of faith in your daughter is much more disturbing and worrisome to me than any of those lyrics. Do you really think she is that incapable?
Um, I don't see it as hypocritical or a lack of faith.

I have two teenage sisters - one is 17, one is 19.

The 17 year old will follow her friends to the end of the earth and back. Dresses, talks, acts, like them, etc. likes the same boys, music, movies.

The 19 year old is the complete opposite. She's a leader in every sense of the word. She sets her own likes and dislikes. She has as many friends, but they are all individuals too!

And my two sisters were obviously raised the same way.

I don't think there's anything wrong with avoiding misogynist, violent music with such a young adolescent. Not when there's so much more out there.

We get flack for not letting our five year old watch Hanna Montana, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, or Camp Rock/High School Musical.

Guess what? I don't care. She's a child. Practically a toddler. I'm not underestimating her abilities - I'm allowing her to enjoy childhood free of influences that I can control (because I'm aware there's some I can't).

Sorry OP, I realize you can defend yourself. This just struck a nerve with me.

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#21 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 04:39 PM
 
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I can understand that you don't see a lack of faith. I'm sorry that we disagree there... it's just that if my mom said those things about me when I was 12 I would have been deeply hurt and offended. Everyone is different, though.

However, the hypocrisy is just a matter of fact.

The language might not be as blatant but Linkin Park, Guns N Roses and Led Zepplin all have more than their fair share of songs about sex and violence and even violent sex (welcome to the jungle, anybody? feel my serpentine, i wanna hear you scream, i wanna watch you bleed, etc. etc...). Not to mention the drugs. Oh, boy the drugs.

"Oh, honey, you can't listen to that awful music about rape. Here, listen to this song about a prostitute drug addict instead." Not hypocritical? Give me a break.

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#22 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 06:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
However, the hypocrisy is just a matter of fact.

The language might not be as blatant but Linkin Park, Guns N Roses and Led Zepplin all have more than their fair share of songs about sex and violence and even violent sex (welcome to the jungle, anybody? feel my serpentine, i wanna hear you scream, i wanna watch you bleed, etc. etc...). Not to mention the drugs. Oh, boy the drugs.
.
Hypocrisy isn't a matter of fact though...

Stairway to Heaven - Led Zepplin

Paradise City - Guns N Roses

Pushing Me Away - Linkin Park

Just because a band has some song that deal with drugs, sex, violence... doesn't mean they ALL do. Heck, those songs don't even have swearing in them.

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#23 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 07:03 PM
 
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My 8 and 14 year olds (dds) favourite groups are Abba and Queen, mainly Queen.

Dd1 a couple of years ago loved one song, soulja boy I think, and I had her read the lyrics and explained them to her. She hasn't listened to it since.
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#24 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 07:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
Your complete lack of faith in your daughter is much more disturbing and worrisome to me than any of those lyrics. Do you really think she is that incapable?
Incapable? No. But she is a follower, that is fact. That doesn't mean she is incapable of making her own decisions, but the decisions she makes are heavily influenced by what her friends like.

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I'd say as long as she's listening to more than one kind of music and not stagnating on the local pop stations, she's fine.
Well, she does have some other musical interests, but no where near as much as what I quoted at the beginning. On her song list she had about 180 songs. 150 were songs and groups all similar to My Chemical Romance.

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Um, I don't see it as hypocritical or a lack of faith.

I have two teenage sisters - one is 17, one is 19.

The 17 year old will follow her friends to the end of the earth and back. Dresses, talks, acts, like them, etc. likes the same boys, music, movies.

The 19 year old is the complete opposite. She's a leader in every sense of the word. She sets her own likes and dislikes. She has as many friends, but they are all individuals too!

And my two sisters were obviously raised the same way.

I don't think there's anything wrong with avoiding misogynist, violent music with such a young adolescent. Not when there's so much more out there.

We get flack for not letting our five year old watch Hanna Montana, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, or Camp Rock/High School Musical.

Guess what? I don't care. She's a child. Practically a toddler. I'm not underestimating her abilities - I'm allowing her to enjoy childhood free of influences that I can control (because I'm aware there's some I can't).

Sorry OP, I realize you can defend yourself. This just struck a nerve with me.
Thank you. That's my point exactly. Some people just are followers. When we lived in Phoenix my DD wore pink, wanted to be a cheerleader, etc. She was happy with all that. But hmm, so were all her friends. When we moved to Colorado she made different friends and immediately won't wear pink, or anything with pink in it. HATES cheerleaders. Etc. All her tastes changed to mimic those of her new friends.

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I can understand that you don't see a lack of faith. I'm sorry that we disagree there... it's just that if my mom said those things about me when I was 12 I would have been deeply hurt and offended. Everyone is different, though.

However, the hypocrisy is just a matter of fact.

The language might not be as blatant but Linkin Park, Guns N Roses and Led Zepplin all have more than their fair share of songs about sex and violence and even violent sex (welcome to the jungle, anybody? feel my serpentine, i wanna hear you scream, i wanna watch you bleed, etc. etc...). Not to mention the drugs. Oh, boy the drugs.

"Oh, honey, you can't listen to that awful music about rape. Here, listen to this song about a prostitute drug addict instead." Not hypocritical? Give me a break.
Well since I don't TELL her I think she's a follower, etc I really don't see a problem with it. I don't see saying that as offensive though since it's a FACT.

And I should have clarified, when I say I listened to those bands when I was younger I was referring to when I was about 17/18/etc. At my DD's age I was listening to Michael Jackson, NKOTB, Madonna, etc. And not all the songs were appropriate for my age either, looking back I wish my mom had controlled what I listened too. She didn't really care though.

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Hypocrisy isn't a matter of fact though...

Stairway to Heaven - Led Zepplin

Paradise City - Guns N Roses

Pushing Me Away - Linkin Park

Just because a band has some song that deal with drugs, sex, violence... doesn't mean they ALL do. Heck, those songs don't even have swearing in them.
This is true. With the groups I'm more familiar with too I feel I can better choose out the songs which aren't a horrible influence.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy
My 8 and 14 year olds (dds) favourite groups are Abba and Queen, mainly Queen.

Dd1 a couple of years ago loved one song, soulja boy I think, and I had her read the lyrics and explained them to her. She hasn't listened to it since.
Oh I wished that worked with DD. I've read over the lyrics to a couple songs with her and she just doesn't see anything wrong with them. Then gets upset that I "don't understand" because ALL her friends listen to it so it must be okay!
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#25 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 07:49 PM
 
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My parents controlled the music I listened to so I would listen to music down the street. I don't control my childrens music and my dds fav band is MCR (the name the TRUE fans of My Chemical Romance use) and we took her to see them for her 11th birthday. I'm sick to death of hearing them now and I have banned the playing of them at an audible level for the the foreseeable future but I don't see how banning music from a kids MP3 is going to accomplish anything. If she doesn't like the music in her MP3 why would she use it and then what is the point of having one.
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#26 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 08:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If she chooses not to use her MP3 because she doesn't have MCR on it, well that's her choice. I've listened to a few of their songs, read their lyrics, and it's not something I'm even remotely comfortable with allowing her to listen to, period. Not even just at non-audible levels.
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#27 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 08:20 PM
 
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my 10 and 13 yo like The Jonas Brothers, hannah montana, miley cryus (I know they are the same lol) Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Avril Lavigne, Jordin Sparks.

Kelly,newly single mom of four wonderful children.

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#28 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 08:22 PM
 
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are there clean versions of the same songs on itunes? I know with some of the (c)rap songs my dsd listens to there are explicit and clean versions to choose from.

If there isn't a clean version, we don't buy it.

And yes, I do have an explicit list on my ipod I play in the car when the kids are not with me. They don't hear NIN or a couple of other particularly filthy tunes I find amusing but inappropriate for pre-teens to be singing or hearing.

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#29 of 71 Old 10-04-2008, 08:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amydidit View Post
If she chooses not to use her MP3 because she doesn't have MCR on it, well that's her choice. I've listened to a few of their songs, read their lyrics, and it's not something I'm even remotely comfortable with allowing her to listen to, period. Not even just at non-audible levels.
I hear what people are saying about 'well, they'll just do it on their own anyway, with friends, etc.'

Don't we say the same thing about smoking/drinking/sex?

What happened to talking to our kids about choices, things we find acceptable, etc?

For the record, I'm no prude. I listen to all kinds of stuff that would make my mother blush. But I'm married with two kids. When I was at home, we followed the rules.

My parents were big anti-smokers. So, we talked and talked and talked about not smoking. ALL my friends smoked, and the pressure I got... But guess what? I knew how a) gross B) unhealthy and c) expensive smokes were. So, I resisted.

On the other hand, alcohol was treated with more tolerance. We grew up, say past age thirteen, allowed to have wine with dinner. Then, say at fifteen, allowed to have a beer at a family BBQ. Totally demystified alcohol, I never snuck around or stole booze from my parents.

Kay, may have gotten OT there. Basically I'm saying what's wrong with teaching and enforcing rules/values that we believe are true for us? Everyone will adjust or make their own rules when they leave home. All we can do is give them the best tools to work with.

Full time working mom to two bright and busy little girls! treehugger.gif
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#30 of 71 Old 10-05-2008, 02:22 AM
 
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I guess that's going to depend on what you consider "decent" music. My first love in music since 1983 has been heavy metal (NWOBHM and "classic", mostly...but some "hair bands", thrash, etc., too). Iron Maiden is my all time favourite band, nudging out Rush by a thread and everybody else by a landslide. And...they have some really disturbing lyrics. Aside from 22 Acacia Avenue, there's not a lot of sex - but there's a whole lot of violence.

I'd also like to point out:
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
And there's classics, Led Zepplin, Guns and Roses, Rolling Stones.
Quote:
Originally Posted by amydidit View Post
I like a couple Linken Park, and when I was younger I loved Guns N Roses, Led Zepplin, etc. That's a good idea. Thanks!
Guns N Roses...hated them at first, and when I saw them live in...'89?, then sucked royally. I grew to like them a lot, however:

I wanna watch you bleed.
I wanna hear you scream.

...both from Welcome to the Jungle

See me hit you, you fall down.
Turn around b***h, I got a use for you.

...both from It's So Easy

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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