present gone after b-day party - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 10-26-2008, 08:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey there, ladies. I've not been around much lately & I rarely post to this forum, but I'm so bummed out right now & at a loss that I thought I'd post to see if anyone here had any experience/insight into this situation.

My dd turned 10 & had a sleepover party that included 4 new friends from school. Someone gave her a webkinz seal & that toy is now nowhere to be found in our house.

DD says that she remembers seeing a seal in one of the girl's bag... same girl who gave her the present, btw...but dd didn't see a tag on it & didn't even consider that it might have been the gift until we went to find the gift & couldn't.

WWYD? Do I call the mom's to ask if somehow their dd accidentally got the toy in with their things? Should dd say something "casually" to the girl, like, I'm so bummed because I've looked everywhere & the present that you got me is missing. Can that even be said casually by a 10 y.o.?

I'm so sick about this, but I'm at a loss as to how to handle it. I don't want to accuse anyone of anything & cause hard feelings. OTOH, one of my dd's friends is really a thief & not a friend & I hate that this has ruined what had been such a fun party.

Suggestions???
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#2 of 15 Old 10-26-2008, 08:27 PM
 
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Wow, that's a tough one. I would probably call the mom and explain that one of the gifts are missing and that your calling all the parents to see if one of the girls brought it home by mistake. I would also call the other mom's just so I'm not lying about calling all of them and because memories aren't always accurate and one of the other girls might have seen it or noticed the other girl take it.

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#3 of 15 Old 10-26-2008, 10:40 PM
 
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I would do what Musician dad suggested.
I'd say we're working on our thank you notes and can't find the seal - did it end up w/ one of th egirls by mistake?
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#4 of 15 Old 10-27-2008, 02:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies! That really is good advice.

I'm really hoping that she comes home with it today... the girls are all in the same class, & maybe it really was an accident.

I barely know two of the other mothers & I just feel so uncomfortable calling them up with this.

I'm considering just getting another webkinz & "finding" it in the cushions of the couch... call me chicken!

Thanks again...
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#5 of 15 Old 10-27-2008, 04:39 PM
 
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I would probably "replace it" Did you get to check your garbage to make sure it didn't get accidently thrown away. I can imagine a 10 yr old breaking or getting a present dirty and wanting to cover it up.

although calling the other moms could work, but I can see how some moms would be upset by a call like that
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#6 of 15 Old 10-27-2008, 04:43 PM
 
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The problem I see with replacing it, is that if the girl DID steal the birthday present, there's more of a chance that her mother won't find out. You don't need to accuse, but if she asks her dd about it and her mommy gut kicks in, or she finds it and knows it was supposed to be a b-day present, she can (hopefully) deal with her own daughter in the process of helping yours.

Do you see the other mothers at the school when you drop off/pick up your dd? It might be easier to talk to them face to face.

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#7 of 15 Old 10-28-2008, 12:27 AM
 
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I have heard of kids like the bday gift they picked out so much that they take it back with them when they go.

I think if you are brave enough, call the other moms, not accusingly but just curious where it could have gone to. That would drive me nuts and I'm sure my dd would still be crying over a webkinz.

Her friend left one here and our dog got it, so I'm replacing it. DD has to tell her though.

If you still can't find it I would buy another one. *sigh* It's a shame someone would do that. Seems like though if nobody did take it calling all of the other moms will make it appear and you can feel all embarrassed but relieved to know the girls are trustworthy.

I dread bday parties and I'm planning a chuck e cheese nightmare. LOL.
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#8 of 15 Old 10-28-2008, 01:56 AM
 
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Things get confused when that many girls are packing up to go home. Who knows what made it in which bag. It's totally possible that it accidentally made it into the wrong bag and that's the approach I'd take - call the moms and ask if there's any chance you helped someone pack the wrong thing by mistake. If it was taken, whoever took it is probably having second thoughts and this is a convenient way for them to save face.

Also, sometimes things just get lost. It could turn up a year from now stuffed behind a desk or in the back of some drawer. Happens to me all the time. Often enough that "someone took it" would be about the last thing I'd consider.
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#9 of 15 Old 10-29-2008, 12:28 AM
 
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I would just replace it I hate confrontation, and would feel weird calling the girl who gave her the present...but I am not very assertive either
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#10 of 15 Old 10-29-2008, 08:35 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Wow, that's a tough one. I would probably call the mom and explain that one of the gifts are missing and that your calling all the parents to see if one of the girls brought it home by mistake. I would also call the other mom's just so I'm not lying about calling all of them and because memories aren't always accurate and one of the other girls might have seen it or noticed the other girl take it.
I agree.

A child at the age of 10 can steal. My oldest child had some Legos stolen from him when he was in 4th grade and the boys were 9/10 yrs old at the time. The teacher allowed the boys to bring them in on special days throughout the year and a few special Legos disappeared and my seemed to know it was one boy that took them. I liked the boy and felt kind of bad for his home life and my son really didn't seem to care, even though deep inside he knew that kid took them. I never said anything. I really felt sorry for the things the other kid had going on at home at the time and didn't feel it was worth the worry. So I know it can happen even when they are young.

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#11 of 15 Old 10-29-2008, 08:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Labbemama View Post
I dread bday parties and I'm planning a chuck e cheese nightmare. LOL.
I've heard that's the worst place for gifts getting stolen by strangers. Be sure and keep an eye on them.

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#12 of 15 Old 10-29-2008, 02:04 PM
 
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We had a friend of ours sons steal his game boy sp and a game. We knew for a fact which child it was so when we went over to their house (they were all friends of ours) we mentioned to the child in front of his parents that our son would like his game boy sp and game back now and that maybe he could 'borrow' it again another time. However this boy said he couldnt find it and the parents didnt do anything to hold the child accountable. Fast forward a few months and we were over there and the child was playing with my sons things. My son said in front of his parents that he would like his things back now and their son said that he never found them but that these were from another friend. Parents still did nothing about it.
I dont understand adults like this. If it had been my child i would have been pretty upset by the whole thing.
oh and dh did talk to the parents about it after the first visit over there, so that they knew their child took it without asking.
even so they did nothing to help return our sons things.
needless to say, we dont have much to do with that family any more.
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#13 of 15 Old 10-30-2008, 04:33 PM
 
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I have a 10 yo too and I really could see someone accidentally taking home a Webkinz. I'm betting there was stuff all over your house after having 4 girls sleep over! Someone could have grabbed it by mistake. If your DD is pretty sure she knows who did it, I would have her call that girl up and ask if she somehow took it home accidentally. It could have been wrapped up in an article of clothing or something.

One time I was taking DD and a friend home from an ice skating show. DD had brought along a Webkinz and when she got home, we couldn't find it anywhere in the car. She called the other girl and asked if she had accidentally taken it. The other girl said it somehow ended up in her coat sleeve. Now, was this really an accident? Who knows but at any rate, DD got her Webkinz back.
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#14 of 15 Old 10-30-2008, 07:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hazel View Post
We had a friend of ours sons steal his game boy sp and a game. We knew for a fact which child it was so when we went over to their house (they were all friends of ours) we mentioned to the child in front of his parents that our son would like his game boy sp and game back now and that maybe he could 'borrow' it again another time. However this boy said he couldnt find it and the parents didnt do anything to hold the child accountable. Fast forward a few months and we were over there and the child was playing with my sons things. My son said in front of his parents that he would like his things back now and their son said that he never found them but that these were from another friend. Parents still did nothing about it.
I dont understand adults like this. If it had been my child i would have been pretty upset by the whole thing.
oh and dh did talk to the parents about it after the first visit over there, so that they knew their child took it without asking.
even so they did nothing to help return our sons things.
needless to say, we dont have much to do with that family any more.
That would have made me mad enough to call the police, I think.
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#15 of 15 Old 10-31-2008, 11:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks again, everyone, it really does help to see different points of view.

My dd went to school & told the girl (E) that we had searched the house & somehowthe present was gone. According to dd, E said, "Oh, no, I'll get you a new one." Later in the day, E told dd that E ran into another friend on Sunday at the market and this other friend just happened to have the exact same Webkinz and that person gave the Webkinz to E, so that's how E now has the exact same Webkinz. Since then, E has been avoiding playing w/dd during recess and has not (shockingly) replaced the Webkinz.

I have no idea what this girl's home life is like. I do know that when E's mother dropped her off @ my house, I had to practically drag her into the house to meet my dh & chat w/us for a bit before she left. So, I'm wondering how involved she can be, considering that she'd never met/spoken with either of us before entrusting us w/her 11 y.o. dd overnight. And given that that's all I know about the mother, I don't really want to say anything to her.

Meanwhile, my dd is still wanting E's "friendship" even though she realizes that E is the one that took the present. Now dd gets angry with me if I say anything against E. Sadly, I think that I'm just going to let it go & let dd figure it out for herself.
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