Our family: Me, dh, ss age 14yo who has lived with us since he was 5, and 3.5yo dd.
I will give you some brief background. Dh has no idea what ss thinks. The majority of our problems stem from disagreements about ss. SS is in 8th grade, puts little effort into his school work, has no respect for any female authority figures. He works at McDonalds a couple times/week. He is dirty, his room smells, he throws everything on the floor of his room, but he always takes time to make his hair right (usually uses colored glue.)
SS has been in counseling a couple times but dh takes him out because ss "doesn't need it." SS's mother is an alcoholic/drug user who lived in squalor with ss when she didn't leave him with dh. SS adores her.
I read ss diary. Dh doesn't see ss the way I do as he is his father and I am not his parent. SS's diary has all kinds of sex talk in it. Fine-he's 14 yo. I do not like reading about "I would like to grab her b--bs..." but it could be worse. However, it also said, with every other word being f--k, "I hate everybody, especially Ms. Teacher. I want to rip her eyeballs out through her a--." It went on a bit with more violent stuff.
Ok, so now I have this gut pain. The kid has problems and has since I met him. Dh doesn't aknowledge them. I am worried about the violent talk. I am worried about him relating to his sister. I would never leave them alone together.
1. What do I do? Tell dh? Show him the diary?
2. Do you think ss needs counseling?
3. Am I over reacting?
BTW, I am a licensed therapist. I know it is wrong to invade the kid's privacy but I have never trusted him. Help, please.