Hi all. Thanks again. I thought I'd give a bit of an update.
Thursday we had our joint therapy session. I felt better after than I anticipated. First off, if I'm ever really nervous about his state, I can call her (he gave permission for us to discuss his mental state). Second, she has an all women therapy group that I can join. (SO much cheaper than private therapy; I imagine it like a live-action version of the DDC.) I like the idea; I can't join now because I teach during that time, and actually, in the summer it conflicts with the birthing class DH wants to take... but it's out there. Third, she managed tactfully to tell DH I sounded "lonely," and that whenever I raised a concern or fear, he answered with something that was about HIM. So anyway, she gets the dynamic, and yet was pretty tactful about raising it with him. They have another session today.
She also said to me that yes: I'm doing too much. I need to have my "heart open" but without jumping full-throttle into his state. I guess I've been feeling like I have to "monitor" things when he is getting bad, like it's incumbent on me to prevent something "bad" from happening, but it really isn't. My job is to help when I can, and to know that if something bad happens, I can respond to it. (Like, if he goes full tilt into psychosis, I call the hospital and I call the therapist.) So I've been kinda... withdrawn. I know he wants more "comfort" from me sometimes, wants me to be a certain way, but if I can't be that way right then I'm trying not to feel guilty about it.
He's been doing pretty well. Not perfect, but pretty well. He finally (after only two years of nagging on my part) started practicing some yoga and that seems to help him relax during the bad parts. Now if only we could do something about the not sleeping... (he has Ambien. Seriously, it works for about an hour. I've also tried offering my iPod with birth relaxation cds on it, and he's listened some, but he's not really into it somehow, something about imagining his cervix softening like a turtleneck sweater isn't really doing it for him...
He ran out of his anti-psych meds and of course thinks he's "fine" and could just wait ten days for his scheduled appointment... this makes me a bit nervous, but it's Monday, so if he needs it, in a couple of days I can put some pressure on him maybe, since the stash of meds is not just about HIM, but is about me and the babe too.
So things are feeling better this week than last, but the potential for getting bad again is there. We'll just keep an eye on it