How Not to Talk to a Psychotic (long) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 40 Old 04-04-2007, 07:15 PM
 
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Hi Minnow, I just wanted to recommend that you get some support outside your home. I think joint therapy is good for both of you but hey you need some help dealing with everything that's on your plate. When I was with my ex and he was diagnosed with bipolar illness I went to therapy for myself. It was a real life saver for both me and the relationship. Although we did end up breaking up it had nothing to do with his illness.

So get yourself to a therapist or maybe a support group. It will give you energy to come home and do what you need to do.

Take care of yourself!

natalia
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#32 of 40 Old 04-04-2007, 08:43 PM
 
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s to you.

I worked in inpatient psychiatry for 4.5 years and saw so much in my time there. I saw many patients who were regulars who had no family involvement at all. Over the years their families got burned out - it was really sad. Mental Illness can be SO hard on the families. It is also VERY hard on the individual.

I would never liken psychosis to alcholism. The person who is paranoid or psychotic does not have insight into their illness. Like I think you said, he doesn't recognize when he is going downhill. He can't understand that it is "crazy" to be getting messages from grafitti (delusions of reference). The medication is so key, so much more than the therapy. It really can be a vicious cycle too. When the person is well, they don't feel they need the meds so stop. When they are unwell, they REALLY don't feel they need the meds - everything they are experiencing is totally real to them. Also, the meds can have HORRIBLE side effects. IT isn't a pretty situation.

Statistically, it is only a very, very small percentage of mentally ill people who ever become violent, it is really small. I can only think of two instances of psychotic patients being violent in all the time I worked there - and we had 80 beds.

I wish you peace, and I wish your dh wellness. Hang in there mama, things will get better.

s

Tracy

Rockin' mama to Allison (9), Asher (5) and Alethea (3), head over heels in love with my sexy husband, Tony.

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#33 of 40 Old 04-04-2007, 09:21 PM
 
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Minnow - I just wanted to add one more voice of support for you out here in cyberspace. It sounds like you've got a lot to handle and I hope the joint therapy will go so well that dh doesn't balk at continuing.

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#34 of 40 Old 04-04-2007, 10:44 PM
 
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Just checking in to see how it went today.
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#35 of 40 Old 04-04-2007, 11:32 PM
 
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no advice, as you've already gotten a bunch of good stuff. the topic just strikes a chord and so I wanted to offer s

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#36 of 40 Old 04-08-2007, 08:35 PM
 
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minnow~ How's it going? Just wanted to check in...was thinking about ya!
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#37 of 40 Old 04-09-2007, 01:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all. Thanks again. I thought I'd give a bit of an update.

Thursday we had our joint therapy session. I felt better after than I anticipated. First off, if I'm ever really nervous about his state, I can call her (he gave permission for us to discuss his mental state). Second, she has an all women therapy group that I can join. (SO much cheaper than private therapy; I imagine it like a live-action version of the DDC.) I like the idea; I can't join now because I teach during that time, and actually, in the summer it conflicts with the birthing class DH wants to take... but it's out there. Third, she managed tactfully to tell DH I sounded "lonely," and that whenever I raised a concern or fear, he answered with something that was about HIM. So anyway, she gets the dynamic, and yet was pretty tactful about raising it with him. They have another session today.

She also said to me that yes: I'm doing too much. I need to have my "heart open" but without jumping full-throttle into his state. I guess I've been feeling like I have to "monitor" things when he is getting bad, like it's incumbent on me to prevent something "bad" from happening, but it really isn't. My job is to help when I can, and to know that if something bad happens, I can respond to it. (Like, if he goes full tilt into psychosis, I call the hospital and I call the therapist.) So I've been kinda... withdrawn. I know he wants more "comfort" from me sometimes, wants me to be a certain way, but if I can't be that way right then I'm trying not to feel guilty about it.

He's been doing pretty well. Not perfect, but pretty well. He finally (after only two years of nagging on my part) started practicing some yoga and that seems to help him relax during the bad parts. Now if only we could do something about the not sleeping... (he has Ambien. Seriously, it works for about an hour. I've also tried offering my iPod with birth relaxation cds on it, and he's listened some, but he's not really into it somehow, something about imagining his cervix softening like a turtleneck sweater isn't really doing it for him... )

He ran out of his anti-psych meds and of course thinks he's "fine" and could just wait ten days for his scheduled appointment... this makes me a bit nervous, but it's Monday, so if he needs it, in a couple of days I can put some pressure on him maybe, since the stash of meds is not just about HIM, but is about me and the babe too.

So things are feeling better this week than last, but the potential for getting bad again is there. We'll just keep an eye on it
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#38 of 40 Old 04-09-2007, 02:28 PM
 
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Minnow,
Just chiming in to send some good thoughts your way. Glad the therapist seemed to help or at least provide some direction.

I have suffered from anxiety and depression off and on my entire adult life- I've been to therapy and on anti-depressants off and on. This stuff is definately no picnic and its so hard on a relationship. I am now well - mostly thanks to excersise and working through my stuff with a wonderful therapist.

Don't know if you're a reader, but I'm the kind of person that when I'm faced with a challenge, I get a book about it. Helps me feel in control, somehow. Anyway, my therapist recommended Co-Dependent No More by Melanie Beattie and I really thought it had some great stuff in it. Here's a link:

http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No...6139157&sr=8-2

Anyway, sending you

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#39 of 40 Old 04-09-2007, 09:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~minnow~ View Post
She also said to me that yes: I'm doing too much. I need to have my "heart open" but without jumping full-throttle into his state. I guess I've been feeling like I have to "monitor" things when he is getting bad, like it's incumbent on me to prevent something "bad" from happening, but it really isn't. My job is to help when I can, and to know that if something bad happens, I can respond to it. (Like, if he goes full tilt into psychosis, I call the hospital and I call the therapist.) So I've been kinda... withdrawn. I know he wants more "comfort" from me sometimes, wants me to be a certain way, but if I can't be that way right then I'm trying not to feel guilty about it.
I realize it will be an on-going thing for you but it sounds like she gave you 'permission' to do only what you can and to give him the responsibility. I hope that it is a relief for you and helps him to understand your reactions to him.

Seems like good information overall. You''ll stay in my thoughts.

You don’t owe them an explanation, just a response.
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#40 of 40 Old 04-10-2007, 01:55 AM
 
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Minnow-
Iam really concerned about you, I encourage you and your partner to seek a more radical approach to this issue, possibly seeking out some major life changes, It is my experience that most of the stress of parenthood hits the physche after the birth of the baby, it is alot to realize the weight and responsibility of that commitment, I would maybe think about seeing a relationship counselor someone to see you through this emerging dynamic together, For many issue can compound themselves to an unhealthy point when you are drained with a newborn and cant count on him to Stand Firm and support you through this intense right of passage... I wish for you both all the blessing that bringing your first child onto this earth can be yet I encourage you to realize the depths it can take your mind heart and body to, you cant get enough support with this issue, you and your babe need rhythm and stability, although this is a mental issue and their is no fault to be had, He will be a papa and you need him and so will the babe, look to the future and seek a remedy to the root of his stress maybe Yoga is not enough to cut it maybe he needs to rethink his job dynamic, or your lifestyle, I am not sure what it is for you but, I know you both will have to do some deep soulsearching to find a better solution over time, I like what you said about holding a meditaion in your mind about him being healthy and all that you need, move with that ask him to participate and see himself in his most ideal lifestyle, and state of exuberant health! I honor your devotion to your husband and your babe, You will make a wonderful Mom!
Blessings, of balance to you!
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