Feel horrible for feeling this way... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 20 Old 04-09-2007, 04:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We had our US this morning, baby looked great, healthy measuring right on...and it's a boy! We have 2 boys...and this is where I feel horrible, I was a little sad to see that we are having another boy, I was really hoping for a girl and thinking girl: Gosh just typing it out makes me want to kick myself........gender does not matter...but why am I a little gloomy about it? I want a daughter SOOO bad - why is that. I LOVE my boys to death and in the end all I truely care about is that our children are healthy and happy.

Thanks for listening to me vent a little I just needed to get it off my chest.
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#2 of 20 Old 04-09-2007, 04:37 PM
 
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Not in your DDC but couldn't read and not comment. I have 3 boys and I know exactly what you are feeling.. I was not quite as disappointed to find out my third was a boy but I always felt like I was "missing" something. It's "normal" to feel what you are feeling I would just advise not letting it eat at you for the rest of your pregnancy. This time around my doctor asked me how I would feel if we saw another boy.. and I answered we would be ecstatic. We would have been. I love my boys! They are loads of fun and I have such a bond with them... something I fear I won't have with my daughter. Anyway I just wanted to let you know it's ok and there are people out there that understand.

Nic, loving mama to 5 with a SURPRISE 6th on the way.

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#3 of 20 Old 04-09-2007, 04:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much, I appreciate your reply I know it will ALL be good, and I am DEFINITELY not going to dwell on things, this was meant to be, I just needed to get some female understanding on it DH doesn't really get it.
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#4 of 20 Old 04-09-2007, 04:48 PM
 
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Hi, I'm not in your club, either. I went through this last month. I found out I'm having my third girl. I don't plan on having anymore, so I was very sad about it. Not really sad that this one is a girl, but sad that I'll never experience raising a boy or having a mother/son relationship. That really bums me out.

A month later & I feel much better about it. There is an upside. We can hand down clothes, shuffle rooms around easier, and we already have a lot of "girl" stuff. Also, each child is different and you'll have a different relationship with each.

Wendy - mom to dd1(11), dd2(7), dd3(3)
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#5 of 20 Old 04-09-2007, 05:22 PM
 
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I haven't been there (yet), but I can understand the roller coaster of emotions! We have two boys so far and our third is due early October... We don't know what it is and won't find out. I was convinced that the last one was a girl and was in SHOCK when he was born! It was good, though, and I got to adjust to him while holding and nursing and looking at HIM! So while it took a couple of days to adjust, I think it worked out well.

This time we've also decided not to find out in hopes that the thrill will be even greater if we DO have a girl and also that the sting of not getting a girl will be lessened if we have a sweet baby boy to snuggle on. But I know we'll be dissapointed, and yet thrilled, if it's a boy... I absolutely adore my wonderful boys, and they are such a joy! But I think it's totally normal to be a bit bummed when you're hoping for a girl!

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#6 of 20 Old 04-09-2007, 06:26 PM
 
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It'll be all right.

And, I know the feeling well.
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#7 of 20 Old 04-09-2007, 09:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all, your comments are what I needed:
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#8 of 20 Old 04-09-2007, 11:28 PM
 
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Aw, mama! It's totally normal! It's not that you are upset your child is a boy, you are just sad about the girl you aren't getting.

Give yourself some time to cope and be a little bummed about it! Don't shove those feelings aside, they are valid


Dawn, mama to D (3.06) & N (9.07) C (11.09) & Still-in-shock surprise due in Aug!
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#9 of 20 Old 04-10-2007, 12:10 AM
 
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Hey mama,

I have two boys too and love them more than I could have ever imagined. I love doing "boy stuff" and they are just the sweetest things. I have my ultrasound scheduled for the 23rd, and while I am prepared to have a boy, and will love the pieces out of him, I'm sure I will have a greiving period if it is not a girl. I think what you are feeling is TOTALLY NORMAL and you should not feel the least bit bad. You will love your baby regardless so it's okay to feel sad. Heck, I'll probably go to the stores and look at cute girls clothes and just bawl if mine is a boy.

Hugs to you~

Susan~Mama to Atticus (2003), Creeley (2005), Townsyn (2007) and a fourth boy on the way in 2011!
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#10 of 20 Old 04-10-2007, 12:44 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisie125 View Post
Aw, mama! It's totally normal! It's not that you are upset your child is a boy, you are just sad about the girl you aren't getting.
I had those feelings with my first. My husband was convinced from the get-go it was a girl, and constantly referred to it as a girl. I told him not to assign the baby a sex unless we knew for sure, but there was no stopping him (he was excited!) Well, at the ultrasound we discovered it was a boy and as soon as we left the office and got in the car I started bawling - first because it was a boy, and then because I was upset it was a boy. I couldn't understand why I would feel that way. As the initial wave of emotion passed, I came to realize what I was feeling was so close to what I felt when I had a miscarriage; it wasn't that I was upset that we were having a boy, I felt we had lost a little girl. Once I figured that out, I was able to put it behind me and look forward with joy to our son. I couldn't imagine him being any more perfect!
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#11 of 20 Old 04-10-2007, 04:12 PM
 
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My ultrasound is tomorrow (just posted about it) and I am soo hoping for a girl again...This will be my last as this one wasn't even supposed to happen....without lots of money and drugs....but it will be my last regardless.

All I have thought about since having dd 3 years ago is having another child, another girl, so she could have a sister like I had....It's a dream I have had my entire life...girls.....

I have nothing against boys....just so want another girl..

I have been trying to keep the thought out of my brain and not let it inch in as long as it's healthy, gender DOESN'T matter but it's kept root in me....

I even thought about going and having an ultrasound done a week or two ago ahead of time so I would know going into the one at the office......prepared if it was a boy and not a girl so I didn't start crying big time...

It makes me feel awful, like I'm an awful person for prefering one sex over the other....esp since I know that once the baby is here, I will be more than ok....

I don't understand it. It upsets DP but I can't help it.

I've been sooo sick with the HG (tried to go yesterday without the meds and barely made it) and was with dd so I figure that since it's the same as it was with her but you never know.

DP has already made 2 girls (my stepdaughter, 7 and dd, 3) that I figure he has one more in him....

We can't help how we feel.....and there isn't anything wrong about it. It's not like if the baby isn't the gender we would like that we are going to parent it different.

So, hugs from someone who feels the same way....I know I will cry if it's a boy and going to the attic to pull out all of dd's tiny dresses and such.....It's ok...we're human...
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#12 of 20 Old 04-10-2007, 05:01 PM
 
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I think its very normal for you to feel that away. Hang in there I bet the feeling gets better with time. I am hoping for a girl this time too but trying not to get my hopes up. I know that isn't always easy either. Lots of hugs to you!
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#13 of 20 Old 04-10-2007, 06:32 PM
 
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Aw, don't be so hard on yourself. You had an image of how things might be and now there is an adjustment to make. They take time. Luckily you have time and know how great boys are. (And you'll have a few economies of scale)

Take time to mourn what could have been before you force yourself to move on. hugs.

You don’t owe them an explanation, just a response.
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#14 of 20 Old 04-10-2007, 10:48 PM
 
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When I was pregnant with my first I really hoped for a boy. I was thrilled when he was born but shocked to find that I was sad too. We hadn't found out his gender ahead of time and I had been day dreaming about the possibility of having a son or having a daughter. I missed the fantasy of the girl baby that he may have been. Not sure if that is entirely clear. For me it was about losing a dream. Losing the alternate story line.
We have 2 boys so of course people keep asking us if we are hoping for a girl. This baby will be our last and I would love to have another boy but I do wonder how I will feel about never raising a daughter. That may not be a sorrow that hits me for years but I do expect at some point I will mourn.
I think your feelings are completely normal in your situation. Be gentle with yourself.
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#15 of 20 Old 04-11-2007, 04:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by wendyland View Post
I found out I'm having my third girl. I don't plan on having anymore, so I was very sad about it. Not really sad that this one is a girl, but sad that I'll never experience raising a boy or having a mother/son relationship. That really bums me out.
I felt the same way, I'm happy to be having a girl but knowing that this is likely the last baby we'll have means that we won't get to experience raising a boy, having a son. So add that objective reason for feeling a bit of sorrow to the flood of hormones surrounding even the stupidest Hallmark commercial and here we all are! Happy and sad at the same time, typical day in the life of a pregnant mama!

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#16 of 20 Old 04-11-2007, 04:43 PM
 
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#17 of 20 Old 04-11-2007, 05:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It makes me feel so much better to have so many other ladies feeling the same way It has been a few days and reality has set in on having 3 boys and I am really, really excited I look at how much my 2 boys love each other (most of the time ) and I can't wait to see how much they will love another brother and the bond they will have.
to everyone else, and thank you for all of your responses!!
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#18 of 20 Old 04-11-2007, 05:36 PM
 
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mama...

happy you are ok with things now....

i hope i will come to find the happiness if they don't say GIRL today in an hour.....
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#19 of 20 Old 04-11-2007, 05:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sunshine's mama View Post
We can't help how we feel.....and there isn't anything wrong about it. It's not like if the baby isn't the gender we would like that we are going to parent it different.
I'm not in your DDC either, but I just wanted to agree with everyone else - I think the above quote is spot on. We can't help how we feel - it's OK to feel disappointed about not having a girl, because you will move on and love your son soooo much!

I have 3 girls and a boy...my boy is my 3rd. When we were pregnant with #4, I really wanted another boy - so the family would be 'balanced' and so that ds would have a brother.

When dd was born, I remember being disappointed...took a few weeks to shake that disappointed feeling.

But she is 18 months old now, and I woudn't change her for the world - just as you wouldn't change your unborn son.

It's OK to let yourself grieve for the little girl you aren't having before you move on to focus on the wonderful little boy you ARE having!

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#20 of 20 Old 04-11-2007, 05:46 PM
 
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hey coloradomama, I was just on for the first time in... uhh... months?

Saw you in new posts and had to check on you. You were so encouraging to me WRT my dh, I've thought about you and your words a lot.

You'll be a wonderful mama for a boy, the world needs some good men. I only wish boys on really good mamas, and I'm glad for you to have one.

(That said, I do understand the feeling of wanting the other sex, too!)
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