thank you..
I'm really having a hard time.. I have so many emotions.. Guilt, because I'm alive and my cancer didn't kill me. My sister actually found her lump 6wks after I did. So I'm really struggling with the fact that we started on the same path, chose different treatments, and now she's gone.
God, she didn't deserve this. There are so many people I wish could take her place. She stopped talking to me back in April, and now between talking to her husband and best friends, she did this to them as well.
I finally got a call from our brother on Sun. 6/3 and he told me to bite the bullet and call her. I found out that she was not doing well. My BIL told me he thought she wasn't going to make it. Oddly, I had a feeling she was waiting for me to come up, to let go, and she did.. I drove up Wed. afternoon, and got a call from her house.. I got a kick out of it, as I was on the same stretch of road, where she has always called to see how far I was from her house.. Although it wasnt her, it was her husband, saying to meet them at the hospital.
I saw my sister, although it wasn't her. I saw someone struggling in immense pain, unable to hold up her own head, unable to move her body without pain. The next morning my BIL was told she had maybe 10-14days. She died 20hrs later.
Before she died, she told me how horrible our mother is, and to never ask her for anything. I told her I planned to never speak to her again, and she said, she never wanted to speak to her again (my mother started a fight, 2mths earlier, we lost this time together because of her... my mother also was asked to stay and help her, and she choose to stay up drunk all night, and would sleep until 2-4pm..)
Hrs before her death, I told her I loved her.. Somehow she awoke, although heavily medicated on morphine. She told me she loved me too.
While staying at her house w/ DS. I rec'd the call the next morning saying she was gone. I arrived at the hospital and was fortunate to kiss her body, and rub her head and tell her how much I love and miss her.
thank you for all the support, and letting me share a little of her story..