We will possibly be moving across country with a toddler and newborn - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 08-10-2007, 09:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sooooo, I've been waiting to write this down for fear it wouldn't happen, but it looks like it could very well be a reality. My dh has his third and final job intv. in Seattle next Friday (everyone please pray I don't go into labor then) and if he gets the job it will start mid Sept. Yup, that's right my Edd is Sept. 24th. So our options:
This baby comes early at 37-38 weeks and we all drive across country in two cars with one very NEW newborn and one 20 month old.
or
DH goes early and at some point, (have no idea when) would have to come back and get us. This means I would be handling the transition of a newborn and toddler all on my very own b/c I really don't have any help here.

As you can see neither one is a very great option. However we want this job terribly. I want out of Mississippi badly. (it's not a bad place I just don't want to live here anymore).

Anyways I guess I just wanted to put it out there and see if anyone at all has experienced this or anything similar, or maybe you know someone who has gone thru something like this. I know I shouldn't worry too much since he doesn't have the job yet, but the reality is, if he gets it and we have to go, we have to go immediatly. So I feel like I do need to think about things in advance like how would it all work out, what would need to get done.
This is why I keep hoping the babe comes a couple weeks early, cuz I would much prefer for all of us to go together. I don't want to be stuck here by myself.
Well thanks for listening. I think I just needed to get it off my chest that something this major could be happening while something else so major (new baby) is happening. Phew, life is never easy, is it?

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#2 of 12 Old 08-10-2007, 10:33 AM
 
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I do have some experience with this. I moved with a very little baby and a friend moved with a toddler and newborn. If you can swing it financially, I recommend that you ship one of the cars and fly yourself and the kids. See if you can't get a family member or friend to fly with you. Your husband can take the other car and meet you there.

Better yet....see if your husbands new company will help with some of those costs:-) Good luck!

~Debra, wife to the best DH, Nuno (9/98). Blessed SAHM momma to DS Diogo (3/04), DS Cruz (9/07) and DD Beatriz 2/2/11!!  
 
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#3 of 12 Old 08-10-2007, 10:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Debra-Thanks for the suggestions. It sounds very expensive though and I doubt we can afford it, however I will def. look into it. Dh will also surely ask the company to help with costs, but we don't know if they will or not. How was your friends experience moving. Was she able to fly with the kids? I was thinking of trying to sell one of the cars so we could at least all drive together. Otherwise we will def. have to ask someone to come with us to help with the toddler. I feel bad for my toddler cuz this is going to be such change on top of a new baby in the household he once dominated. He's really good with change, but it's going to be a lot regardless. For all of us!

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#4 of 12 Old 08-10-2007, 12:13 PM
 
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Hi Jamie,

I flew with my son alone, cross country, 6 times before he was 2. He was incredibly easy to fly with, as long as he was still breastfed. Now that he is an active, weaned 3.5 year old, he is more challenging. But, with snacks and games he is good.

I don't know how old your toddler is, but I fibbed to the airline when he was between 2 and 2.5, so I could keep getting his seat for free. My friend who has 4 under the age of 6 still flys from Cali to Texas by herself. She says it is challenging, but the airlines/airports tend to be helpful when they see you in need. Just be sure to get a direct flight and bring snacks!

Autotransport wasn't as expensive as I thought it would be. Check out: http://www.movingscam.com/. You should be able to find some people to give you advice.

~Debra, wife to the best DH, Nuno (9/98). Blessed SAHM momma to DS Diogo (3/04), DS Cruz (9/07) and DD Beatriz 2/2/11!!  
 
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#5 of 12 Old 08-10-2007, 01:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Debra-Thanks so much for the link! I have already requested multiple types of shipping quotes. Maybe you are right and it won't be as expensive as we think.
As for flying with the kids, I have also flown with my son from the time he was 6 weeks old until now (19 months old) Actually he's been on 21 planes already in his short life! He's a great traveller! I was more concerned with just me a newborn flying and a toddler. Seems to me like it would still be doable b/c I could sling the baby and have my son in his own seat. We have multiple options, which is good, but still none of them will be too easy. We'll make it work, but it's not hearing how other ppl did it. Thanks so much for your input. If you think of anything else let me know.

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#6 of 12 Old 08-10-2007, 01:58 PM
 
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No words of advice but just wanted to say we'd help you with whatever you need! It all sounds overwhelming but ya'll will be fine!
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#7 of 12 Old 08-10-2007, 02:09 PM
 
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I flew cross-country with DS a bunch of times when he was an infant, and it was pretty easy. Adding a toddler to the mix will certainly increase the challenge, but I still think it would be MUCH easier than driving.

If your DH gets the job, I'd encourage him to be very upfront about the fact he has a newborn, a toddler, a postpartum wife, and 2 cars to move. DH was transferred to London temporarily, just days after we had decided to move to CAlifornia for me to go to grad school. He agreed to go but asked for all sorts of concessions like putting our stuff in storage and multiple plane tickets for us to go back and forth. We were SHOCKED at what they agreed to. If it's a fairly big company, it's easier for them to pay for things like moving and travel expenses than to keep recruiting. If it's a small company, that's less likely to be true, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

Good luck! I love Seattle, and we've often talked of moving there.
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#8 of 12 Old 08-18-2007, 05:01 AM
 
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We moved from AZ to OR with a 2 year old and a 6 week old. And our labrador sitting on my feet in our Corolla. We survived and it wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. Luckily we stopped about halfway there and stayed a few days with some friends before finishing our journey. And we left AZ at about 9PM at night so the kids slept for a lot of the first leg of our journey. But we still made a LOT of stops for nursing and diaper changing, etc.

My recommendation if you drive: do anything you can to avoid driving separate cars! You will need your husband with you! Maybe sell one? We had our possessions shipped by container truck so that we would not have to drive a Uhaul. And my husband packed his motorcycle in that container. My second recommendation: sell or give away as many possessions as you can part with before you move. We have moved so many times in the last two years and we got rid of so much with each new place we moved into, and we said more than once that we wished we would have just sold the stuff before moving instead of packing it. Things get damaged for one thing. And they don't always fit your new place for another.

Good luck to you. I KNOW how stressful it can be.
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#9 of 12 Old 08-18-2007, 09:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vaughnmama View Post
We moved from AZ to OR with a 2 year old and a 6 week old. And our labrador sitting on my feet in our Corolla. We survived and it wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. Luckily we stopped about halfway there and stayed a few days with some friends before finishing our journey. And we left AZ at about 9PM at night so the kids slept for a lot of the first leg of our journey. But we still made a LOT of stops for nursing and diaper changing, etc.

My recommendation if you drive: do anything you can to avoid driving separate cars! You will need your husband with you! Maybe sell one? We had our possessions shipped by container truck so that we would not have to drive a Uhaul. And my husband packed his motorcycle in that container. My second recommendation: sell or give away as many possessions as you can part with before you move. We have moved so many times in the last two years and we got rid of so much with each new place we moved into, and we said more than once that we wished we would have just sold the stuff before moving instead of packing it. Things get damaged for one thing. And they don't always fit your new place for another.

Good luck to you. I KNOW how stressful it can be.
Thanks so much for the helpful info. Dh had his final intv yesterday, but still prob. won't know for a couple of weeks. But it's interesting b/c we have gotten to the place where we are thinking all the things you wrote. I told dh we HAVE to be in the same car, there is just no way. We will prob. have one shipped. And dh has decided he wants to sell pretty much everything. We do plan on taking a few things, but only enough to fit into the smallest uhaul trailer we can tow behind his trailblazer. So great advice! I'm still praying for the job even though this will be a stressful thing for everyone, we feel it would be best. I really appreciate the insight! And it's good to know it can be done fairly easily.

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#10 of 12 Old 08-18-2007, 10:13 AM
 
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Are you positive the new job won't help with expenses...

I've had two friends.. One's dh went from NY to Tennessee, the other friend's dh went from Colorado to Virginia..

In both instances their expenses were paid. Both companies paid for food, lodging, and their apartment, until they found a house, and I believe they paid a big majority of closing expenses on both ends (not sure if you own a house, but there still will be expenses in leaving an apart, esp if you have to revoke a lease)... Also both companies paid someone to come in and actually pack their belongings & moved them onto the rental truck, they didn't have to touch a thing.

Also my aunt is being forced to transfer her family out of state and her company is giving her 100k for closing expenses.. And will pay her mortgage on her old house until it's sold.

***My dh works as management for a large retail store, and we moved into an apartment closer to the store, granted it was a 5mile move, but we found out later, that his company wouldn't paid for the rental truck and etc...

I know you are eager for the job, but I believe it's bascially assumed for a new company to help out someone moving across the country.. Might be worthwhile to put a feeler out there..

Best of luck..
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#11 of 12 Old 08-18-2007, 10:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Dh will def. be asking for some moving allowance. We don't know if they give any or not. He didn't want to ask yet, b/c he didn't want that to affect his chances b/c there are plenty of ppl intving for the job in the state and town. If he gets the job he will hit them up big time Here's hoping they help with something or all of it!

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#12 of 12 Old 08-18-2007, 10:43 AM
 
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we've moved three times ( state to state moves) with kids. Dh has put moving expenses in the negotiations as part of his "accepting the job" package. if a company wants you they'll do what they can to help you move.

the first move was DE to FL and i drove down with my mom, DD and i was about 6 wks pg with #2. DH didn't come down for about 6 or so more weeks. Having my mom with me was a huge help.

second move was FL to MD and we had 2 small kids and i was again pg, about 27 weeks. i took the kids in one car and Dh drove our second car. it was hard. i wish i had had another adult in the car with me, even if wasn't DH. but, we survived it LOL.

the third was a short move, MD to VA, Dh and our baby moved in and then 2 days later Dh met his parents half way and picked up our two older kids. so, we had been in one car ( the three of us). it wasn't that far, but again, it's nice to have another adult in the car whenever you have to drive for several hours.

if you think you can survive a couple of weeks without him and he can fly back and drive you all back with him, that might be a good option. that way you won't have to sell a car, or drive with someone other than DH. or fly. i would prefer NOT to fly by myself with a toddler and new baby.
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