2nd child..Is this normal to feel? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 10 Old 10-23-2007, 10:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Having a sec. child is def. different then the first time around. I don't seem to be as much in awe. I love the little guy, I think he's precious, but I don't sit there and stare at him like I did with my first. I don't seem to have as much patience for this truly dependent stage either. All the bfing, diaper changes, waking at night. I do it, but it is the tiniest bit begrudgingly. I hold Wyatt a lot. He is in the sling prob. 80% of the day,but I don't interact with him like I did ds1. From day one I used to stare at ds1 and talk to and sing to and all that stuff. With ds2 I feel like he just needs to fit into our life here and what we do. By week two I was back at Storytime with ds1, running errands, and just doing what needed to be done. So anyways, those of you with two or more kids..is this normal? Do/have any of you felt this way? It's just so strange to me cuz with ds1 I was soooooo enamored all day long. This time, it's like Okay, lets hurry up and move on to the next stage. (I have more fun when kids are plus 1 year old, even though I do love newborns).
Well that's all. Just looking for some comradarie I guess. Have a nice day.

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#2 of 10 Old 10-23-2007, 01:30 PM
 
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Jamie, I am with you 100%.. (kudos for you admitting it first, I was ashamed).

I was in la-la land w/ DS1, and now I'm like "yup it a baby, he's cute".. I also don't have that strong breastfeeding bond? But I truly believe it because I was never sure if I could nurse him completely w/ my problems and the 1 breast.. I've given him supplemental formula and I'm okay with it? Never in 1million years did I think I'd ever ever not freak about it....

I actually told dh yesterday, that I don't get to sit around and hold and stare at my baby like I did w/ DS1.........and I feel sooooo guilty not doing it. I can pass him around to family, where I couldn't w/ DS1.. I even run out for small errands without him, and I'm fine?... I swear my heart ached when DS1 wasn't around me every second..

And this scares me. I was the 2nd child, and apparently the one ignored, because my sister Amy, was high needs and I was a mellow baby. And I'm afraid I'm doing the same thing... But I have noticed I feel different when we are alone, and I've found I do focus all my energy on him. I've had a few occassions when it was just me and him, and it's been wonderful beyond belief. Maybe we feel this way, because we have two children to give attention too? Maybe it's our instict to not favor one over the other? How do you feel when you have 1 on 1 time together?

For me, and I know Gavin is older than Wyatt, but I feel like we are connecting more now that Gavin is responding to me. He will contort his head to follow my voice, and I get big big smiles and a lot of cooing, and this is melting my heart..

But why are we so different with the 2nd?
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#3 of 10 Old 10-23-2007, 01:33 PM
 
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Jamie... Did you notice your sig still says you are pregnant
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#4 of 10 Old 10-23-2007, 04:32 PM
 
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i wasn't like that with my second, but definitely with my third i was. infact, i couldn't even call her by HER name for a while. i kept calling her DD2's name. that was annoying i'll tell you. i felt like she wasn't a NEW baby, like i was just repeating what i had done before.

i think #1 and #2, for me, were so close in age that i was still really enjoying it all.

and i know this time around, after having 4 kids in 6 yrs. i'm much less happy about giving up my body and space LOL.
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#5 of 10 Old 10-23-2007, 05:48 PM
 
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I totally feel like this with my second. I think it all averages itself out in a way though because what they may not get in "attention" I think gets made up for with experience. I mean, I am a lot more secure in being a mom second time around, and I think this makes a lot of things go smoother, and babies definitely can benefit from that

I do feel a bit guilty though because I really cant wait for the newborn stage to end It is so demanding, and is really wearing me out with an active toddler as well.

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#6 of 10 Old 10-24-2007, 09:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I responded to this and to each of you and it disappeared! Ugh! This time it will be a little shorter, but thank you all for responding to me.
MIGHTY- you are so right about needing some time alone. It is so wierd to not have that same kind of time to just sit around and oogle the sec. child. I didn't realize how much I was missing that until that past couple of days. So yesterday after I posted, I took ds1 to my mils and I came home and had skin to skin snuggle time with the baby. We napped, he nursed, it was lovely.
DANA- I think for me it's the opposite- I had them too close together and I could have used about another year for a break.
GREEN-I'm right there with ya girl! I hate to rush thru any stage, but the reality is I can't wait for him to be a bit older.

But there is one thing that is really interesting to me. On one hand I feel disconnected to this babe. And on the other hand when I look deeply into his eyes or I let myself truly feel his presence I have this OVERWHELMING sense that we have known each other forever. Lifetimes before. And now he is here in this lifetime to be my son, and me to be his Mother and it is as it should be. I feel this sense that he communicates with me already and he has already told me that he understands how I am feeling and it is just fine. Everything is as it should be. It is such a deep feeling and knowing. And really I think that in the end he's going to be the one that is most connected to me and ds1 to dh. (not that there has to be a division, it's just what I sense).
Well thanks for letting me share that. It's a really neat feeling even though I don't focus on him so much.

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#7 of 10 Old 10-24-2007, 04:14 PM
 
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as much as i would love to the mom that delivers all her kids at home, i have to say that this time i was really happy to be at the hospital and i even stayed extra days, WHY you ask?

because i got to just sit and hold a newborn baby and do NOTHING but think of her and myself. i didn't have to focus on any other voices or faces or needs. it was GREAT!!! i had 4 days like that and i savored every minute of it. we're going to take our youngest two on a trip with us in nov. it will be special for #3 to get some time away from her two big sisters. then in jan. we are taking the baby away with us for 4 days. it will be like having ONE child all over again i do look forward to the brief moments of alone time with the babe. it's very fleeting and very special.
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#8 of 10 Old 10-24-2007, 05:06 PM
 
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You know, that was the one positive thing I thought about my HBAC turning into a c-section. I got those 4 days! Of course, dd was doing great without me or I would have hated it. I did go home a day early, but part of me didnt want to:

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#9 of 10 Old 10-25-2007, 06:08 PM
 
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I am right there with ya'll! But just like Jamie said in her second post, I feel oddly more connected to AJ than I did with D. With D, I was too busy being CONSUMED with new mommy-ness that I feel like I didn't really KNOW her until she was about six months old. As soon I held AJ in my arms this time, I don't know . . . there was just this connection. And part of it, too, is she is SO easy and not demanding. It's almost like she's saying to me, "Look, I know you've got your hands full here. What can I do to help?" Okay, that sounds crazy when I type it, but it's true!

I have found my best time with AJ is at night after D is in bed. I just snuggle her on my chest all evening while DH and I watch TV. I also actually enjoy our time together in the middle of the night because it's so guilt-free . . .

Anyway, yes, Jamie, I totally feel the same way you are!!

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#10 of 10 Old 10-30-2007, 02:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by takebirthback View Post
But there is one thing that is really interesting to me. On one hand I feel disconnected to this babe. And on the other hand when I look deeply into his eyes or I let myself truly feel his presence I have this OVERWHELMING sense that we have known each other forever. Lifetimes before. And now he is here in this lifetime to be my son, and me to be his Mother and it is as it should be. I feel this sense that he communicates with me already and he has already told me that he understands how I am feeling and it is just fine. Everything is as it should be. It is such a deep feeling and knowing. And really I think that in the end he's going to be the one that is most connected to me and ds1 to dh. (not that there has to be a division, it's just what I sense).
Well thanks for letting me share that. It's a really neat feeling even though I don't focus on him so much.
I feel this exact way with my new DD. It took me a good two weeks to feel the same sense of love that I felt with DD1 right away. When I first had her, I was almost confused about the whole thing (I know that is a funny way to put it, but I can't think of a different word to describe the feeling a had when I first saw her).

But now, I am so much in love with her, and so much in tune with her. I also feel that I am closer to DD2 now than with DD1, who seems to be daddy's little girl (it was not like this before the baby, she wanted mama all day long, I tell you!)

I have to second Might-mama's comment on being ashamed to admit the second baby feelings. I was going to write this same post pretty much but had some feelings of shame attached to how I felt which prevented me from asking about it.
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