Would this make anyone else angry? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 01:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I have had 3 m/c one at 5 wks and 2 at 9 wks. Well the other day I was talking to my dad on the phone about not wanting to go to work. He said well you should probably work as much as possible now because when the baby comes you won'tbe working anymore. I said yeah but I plan on working through the whole pregnancy. He said Yeah but with you that may only be another week or two. and then he laughed. I was floored. I didn't know what to say. I would never say that to anyone even if they had never lost a pregnancy. Grrr.....:
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#2 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 01:40 PM
 
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Wow, just wow. That is kind of a heartless thing to say. I am so sorry. I suppose he thought he was making a lame joke. I suppose you could mention to him how much that hurt you. I am just floored. Hugs to you mama!
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#3 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 01:50 PM
 
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Angry, and incredibly hurt. What a cruel thing to say. Maybe he was trying to make light of an uncomfortable situation, but still... I am so sorry.

Wife to Thomas, WAH mama to Sofia Rose 8/04, Ellen Marie 10/07, her twin sister Amalie Joy lost 7/07 , and Maya Grace and Hannah Miriam 4/10
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#4 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 01:54 PM
 
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sorry hun, what an innsensitive thing to say

Becky, sahm to angel.gif25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 angel.gif24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008

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#5 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 01:59 PM
 
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oh my goodness! that's an awful thing to say...my only thought it some people cope with fear/sadness by making (often callous) jokes. HUGS!
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#6 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 02:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stacey2061 View Post
oh my goodness! that's an awful thing to say...my only thought it some people cope with fear/sadness by making (often callous) jokes. HUGS!
I think the same thing. (((Hugs))) I know that hurt you, it would hurt me too. Some people just dont understand that m/cs hurt...more than physically.

Seena, Attached Mommy to Jenna (4.5) and Skye (2), mourning my twin angels (M/C 12/09), hoping for a miracle and counting down the days until DH deploys to Afghanistan.
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#7 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 02:22 PM
 
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I would be absolutely stunned. For a minute, and then I would probably lay into him. What a horrible, insensitive thing to say.

mom to one glorious sweetpea born 10/18/2007.

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#8 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 02:25 PM
 
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Is he usually so callous? If not, I would chalk it up to a moment. It's terribly hurtful, but not said with the intention to hurt you. Only you would know how to categorize his comment. I would definitely mention it to him- he might have realized he said something awful and just skipped over it in hopes it would pass unnoticed (take it from me, the professional lol)


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#9 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 02:32 PM
 
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That's the worst joke ever!!!

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#10 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 03:00 PM
 
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How terribly insensitive! I would definitely talk to him and tell him how much it hurt you, and request that he be more sensitive in the future.

Casey - Mama to Zola (10-20-07) and Felix (4-30-09)
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#11 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 03:21 PM
 
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Oh...my...goodness. I am so sorry, mama!

Anna , partner to Chad geek.gif , mommy to Aidan (10/12/04) and Nate (07/18/06) fencing.gif , and Violet fairy.gif(10/23/07) .

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#12 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 04:35 PM
 
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#13 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 05:07 PM
 
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Definitely! I'm so sorry. I can only suggest that the others are right, he didn't know what to say and is worried about you and it came out all wrong. I hope that's all it is.

I know when we told my FIL about DS, I was something like 15 weeks along. He said he was surprised we were telling people so soon, he didn't think I should tell until I was showing in case "something happened" as he didn't think he'd want to share that info, if it were him. I said I hoped I could turn to my family if that was the case, but was thinking, nice reaction, grandpa! So we are in no hurry to tell him about this one at all But then he's not a real sensitive guy, hopefully that is not the issue in your case.

Sticky vibes for you!!!
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#14 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 05:53 PM
 
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Horrible! I would burst into tears and then hang up the phone, after he heard how much he upset me.
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#15 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 06:10 PM
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did you want to just go through the phone and smack him?

I'm so sorry. He really didn't know what he was saying. It's an older man thing. I could picture my father saying the same thing and thinking nothing of it.

THink sticky and let it all just roll off you!
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#16 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 08:44 PM
 
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Wow that really was a horrid thing to say. Sometimes people blurt out things before thinking. I am so sorry.

Unschooling Mommy of 3: Lilith (14), Panda (6), and Fox (4)
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#17 of 23 Old 02-21-2007, 10:38 PM
 
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Wow...I'm so sorry.
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#18 of 23 Old 02-22-2007, 12:03 AM
 
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That's just terrible, terrible. I'd be very hurt and very angry. Let him know it hurt you so that he doesn't make similar comments in the future. Think sticky, mama
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#19 of 23 Old 02-22-2007, 12:41 AM
 
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That is an awful thing to say. Make sure to let him know it hurt you so he can be sure not to say something like that again. That stinks!

Stacey reading.gif Happy wife to Rick coolshine.gif ,homeschooling Mama to Jacob, Noel, Joanna jumpers.gif  and a sweet stork-girl.gif due in the Spring!
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#20 of 23 Old 02-22-2007, 03:54 PM
 
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It never ceases to amaze me the hurtful things others say, even when they are people who 'love ' us.
I've heard alot of rotten things concerning my losses too .
I'm sorry he said that to you. Many .


natural birthin', baby catchin', cloth addicted, intactalactavist mama of 12/00, 6/03, 10/07, 8/10 & our angelcubs three
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#21 of 23 Old 02-22-2007, 09:13 PM
 
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Sorry this happened to you.

As I don't know your father could it be possible that he just said what he said without thinking and not meant to sound as bad as it did?

I know some people say stupid things without realising it or say it, realise what they had said and not said anything afterwards hoping that it didn't sound as bad as they thought it did.

I would definitely be upset in your shoes, infact I'd probably be crying and absolutely furious.

My father kept on asking me if this pregnancy was officially confirmed by the doctor. This annoyed me because he didn't believe me as if I didn't know any better! Grrr

My father says stupid things in the past and doesn't get it when I get mad at him.

Try not to let it get to you too much. I know it is easier said than done. Relax, think positively and enjoy your pregnancy - this one is going to stick!
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#22 of 23 Old 02-22-2007, 11:46 PM
 
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How awful! I've come to realize that people can be really insensitive when it comes to miscarriages. People don't seem to realize how hurtful they're being. I'm sorry he said such a thing to you.

Heather Mike Married 8/1/99 Mom to Charlotte Aug 04, Nov 06, and Katherine Oct 07
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#23 of 23 Old 02-23-2007, 02:09 AM
 
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I'm so sorry! I am shocked that someone could say that, but having suffered losses myself, I realize that when family doesn't know what to say they seem to say really stupid things they don't mean. It sounds like you handled it better than I may have...
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