A blatant plea for sympathy UPDATES #11 & 22 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 01:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm 41w 2d (3d in a couple hours)...and ready to kill

I've done everything I can to get this baby out, and am going so crazy that I am seriously starting to feel like I will be pregnant forever...yes, part of me actually believes it.

I spent most of the day crying (isn't that supposed to boost you into labour?). I never in a million years thought I'd be pregnant this long AGAIN. I can't believe I'm faced with the same decisions to make as last time...My midwife is being really impatient and has actually mentioned a few times that every day the chance of a stillbirth goes up, so of course I've got some mega mommy guilt going on...if this baby dies it's on my hands...She's just waiting for me to crack and ask for an induction, even though she knows DS was born via a really bad induction ~ DH actually had some post-traumatic issues from it. I'm really starting to hate her and of course that's not going to help me go into labour...She keeps bringing up what went wrong with my last induction, and how things should have been different, softening me up to the idea of doing it again. I'm starting to think a hospital birth without her would be better than a home birth with her (she's the only midwife here, so I don't have any other options and UC is not something we're prepared for)

I just keeping thinking "Why me, AGAIN?" I did everything I could to make sure this wouldn't be a repeat of last time, and here we are again. I can't help but feel like it's my body.

I thought I'd be a good little patient and agreed to an u/s and NST on Tuesday, knowing full well that the results would be a-ok and that all they would say is, "You're having a huge baby." Everything was perfect, but my lovely m/w still insisted on the scare-tactics...unfortunately DH was there and is absolutely terrified. He's being so supportive but I can tell he's almost done. All my girlfriends have had their babies early or right on their EDDs, so they can't really sympathise, kwim?

I think on Friday I'm going to be offered Cervadil, then allowed to go home quietly and hopefully go into labour. I've been trying so hard to be positive, but I'm losing faith and am really tempted to just take it. My m/w doesn't have any faith in my body, so how can I? She thinks my uterus is "unresponsive" and has "poor tone."

Frig, I'm so frustrated with this...and would you believe I'm in the process of losing my mucous plug for the 3rd time in the last 5 weeks?! It just keeps regenerating. This baby does NOT want out

Anyway, thanks for reading and letting me blow off some steam
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#2 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 01:42 AM
 
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Gah! What is wrong with your midwife?! A perfectly normal gestation is up to 42 weeks (and a normal gestation for YOU may be even longer). My midwife *just* said this to me (she and I are talking on messenger, lol). Your body knows how to grow a baby and when it is time to give birth! If you've had a healthy normal pregnancy, your placenta isn't going to suddenly crap out and starve your baby! Nor are you going to grow an enormous baby you can't birth!
I'm so sorry that you aren't getting the support you need, especially right now when you're tired and just needing some loving on!!
lots of mama. . . and keep listening to your body/baby and doing what's right for you. You WILL go into labour on your own, on your own time.

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#3 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 01:48 AM
 
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I do not like a mw telling you scare tactics! That's NOT okay. :

My bff went past 42w with all 4 of her kids.

I had a cervidil induction with my twin boys, almost 5y ago. It was *okay* for an induction -- it put me right into labor and I didn't need any pit or anything else. I like it better than Cyto because you can remove the cervidil when your labor gets going.

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#4 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 03:46 AM
 
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just say no to cytotec, whatever you do!
I will pray that your labor will start naturally quickly! I was just talking with a friend who had her babies decades ago and she was actually 4 weeks late, with a completely healthy baby. My close friend was also born 4 weeks late and her brother 6 weeks late (30+years ago before drs. got so controlling.
Don't stress if you can help it. Your body needs to feel safe to deliver. see if using EFT can help reduce your stress possibly (www.emofree.com)

Look forward to hearing your birth story!
Cheers,
JJ
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#5 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 07:57 AM
 
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*ugh* I'm so sorry your midwife is a fear inducing monster!

*hugs*

Sending new moon labor vibes to you!

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#6 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 11:31 AM
 
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I'm so sorry she is doing this to you! I had my first at 42 weeks without an induction and he came out perfectly healthy. Good luck with everything and try not to feel so anxious and stressed by her.
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#7 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 11:42 AM
 
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I'd tell her to back the F off! Your body and baby will know when it's time. @@ s
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#8 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 12:06 PM
 
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What a UAV of a midwife!

I'm tired of being pregnant too, le sigh. I went on a walk yesterday with dd up a big ol' hill (1/3 of a mile, but really steep) and I'm thinking of doing it again today. It got things semi-started, but not completely. Maybe a hike will help move things along? (I know there's no energy for it, but it's funny how much energy perks up at the thought of finally having the baby!)
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#9 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 12:20 PM
 
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Everyone already said everything I was thinking. I'm sorry you're going through this again.

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#10 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 07:29 PM
 
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I am so sorry that you are being pressured. I always go to 42 weeks. Last time I had acupuncture that worked immediately (water broke 12 hours after first treatment).

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#11 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 10:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know what to do, guys...This afternoon around 2pm my m/w called and said that based on my u/s (which was just fine ~ fluid's a touch low but that's normal at this stage of pg) she's recommending an induction RIGHT AWAY. She gave me 2 choices: meet her at the hospital in 2 hours or tomorrow. We agreed to meet her tomorrow morning at 10 but I really don't want to. I was induced with DS1 and I left feeling raped...now I'm walking into that again?! She knows how bad that experience was and still is selling me out because of her personal schedule.

She totally mislead me. The last time I saw her (Tuesday) she said that I could be administered Cervadil, then we could quietly leave for our homebirth. Today she said no homebirth.

I'm 10 days past my EDD today, and there's no Dr who will take on a patient that far along to just wait it out some more...S is the only midwife around, so I don't really have a lot of choices. We aren't prepared to UC. I'm considering going for the Cervadil then coming home (as is allowed) and then instead of going back to the m/w's hospital if/when labour starts, just going to my local hospital and not calling S. Do you think that will work?

I really don't feel like I can give birth with her. I have no trust in her and don't want her near me. I feel so betrayed and don't know what to do...and of course I'm a "nice girl" who has a hard time being blunt with people, so I don't know if I can tell her how I feel.

What should I do?
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#12 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 11:14 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. Can I just say what I would have done with my first? I was 42 weeks and when I went into the midwife she said we would induce that Friday. I told dh I wouldn't show up. She can't make me be induced. If I'm not comfortable with it than the induction wouldn't go well. I would really say that with your feelings about the first induction, this isn't the best idea for you.

I'm sorry if I'm not much help. I just hope this will all work out for you. I really wouldn't show up. You forgot!::
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#13 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 11:24 PM
 
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Stacey-

I'm so sorry you're going through this!! Take a bubble bath, I think you should stay FAR FAR away from her( is their an evil eye smiley? If I were you I'd wait to go into labor then head to the hospital. Listen to your body and momma instincts. If you have to go in tomorrow I would DEMAND that she stay out of sight. You don't need this right now. I will keep you in my prayers the best of luck!

BTW This is in NO WAY A BLATENT PLEA FOR SYMPATHY!
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#14 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 11:30 PM
 
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I wouldnt go, I would stay home and relax. The baby will come when it is ready.
Sorry you are being put through this.
Stand up for yourself this time.
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#15 of 30 Old 10-11-2007, 11:39 PM
 
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I am so sorry ou have to deal with this. She really should know better. I agree with PP, just stay home and relax.
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#16 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 12:20 AM
 
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I totally agree with the pps. I would just not show up. What is she going to do, come over and kidnap you and make you be induced? Just go into the hospital when you go into labor. You obviously cannot trust this woman and I think her presence anywhere near you, now or at your birth, would be damaging to you.

Fwiw, dd1 was 10 days "late," and I went into labor the day my mw scheduled my nst. So, maybe just having the induction scheduled will scare baby out of there!

Wife to Thomas, WAH mama to Sofia Rose 8/04, Ellen Marie 10/07, her twin sister Amalie Joy lost 7/07 , and Maya Grace and Hannah Miriam 4/10
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#17 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 12:28 AM
 
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This is your baby and your body. Some people just grow their babes longer. He/she knows when it's time to come out. I say, "screw the midwife" and stay as far from her toxic advice and attitude as possible. Don't worry about finding a doctor. Just go to the hospital when you are in heavy labor. You can do this. Trust your mama instincts. You'll know if something is wrong. Let your baby pick his/her birthday.

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#18 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 12:30 AM
 
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You obviously cannot trust this woman and I think her presence anywhere near you, now or at your birth, would be damaging to you.
ITA

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#19 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 12:51 AM
 
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Yep just like the people before me said I would just wait to go into labor and then show up at the hospital. I'd tell everyone I know just how that midwife treated you too!
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#20 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 01:11 AM
 
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This sucks! All this stress is just going to keep you from going into labor!!! What was it about the u/s that made her think you needed an iduction!?

ITA with the other posters, stay home, screw the induction. Your body. Is she the MW who was coming to your HB? Just call her when you're in labor, tell her you misunderstood her or something. Or if you have to go to the hospital anyway at this point, just show up as late in labor as you possibly can. I hope you're in labor right now though, and about to have your baby in your own home!

Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

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#21 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 01:15 AM
 
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I'm going to go against the grain and tell you to listen to your midwife... yes, going postdates can be safe but it does carry risks. I doubt she is asking you to go in just because she feels like being there, KWIM? Something within you chose this midwife over a UC and I think you should trust her at this emotionally tense time.

I'm so sorry you're stressed .
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#22 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 02:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm going to go against the grain and tell you to listen to your midwife... yes, going postdates can be safe but it does carry risks. I doubt she is asking you to go in just because she feels like being there, KWIM? Something within you chose this midwife over a UC and I think you should trust her at this emotionally tense time.

I'm so sorry you're stressed .
I just need to respond to this before sharing the plan DH and I came up with.

I think she is asking me to go in for her convenience ~ she told me months ago that I'm her last client before she takes a long working vacation. She's attending a course sometime in the middle of the month and I'm keeping her from starting her break early. None of us really expected me to go this late. The reason she gave me is that the fluid levels are a "little low" and according to u/s I'm approaching the 42 week mark (according to conception I'm only going to be 41 weeks tomorrow)

Also, I didn't really "choose" her. Our healthcare system is in a bit of a crisis, and while everyone has access to care here, you don't often get to choose who cares for you. I am lucky to live in a province where midwifery services are covered, but unfortunately, there is only one midwife covering the area: mine. My options were to go back to the practice of Dr's who poorly handled my last pregnancy and birth, or go with this midwife. I thought I was doing everything I could to avoid a replay of my last experience by going with a midwife, but it turns out the only difference in my case is that appts last longer, and there was the option of a homebirth, which she's no longer willing to attend.

Ok, here's what we've decided:

We will keep our appt at the hospital tomorrow for a NST and we will meet with the OB as planned, and will listen to why m/w thinks we should induce, but we aren't going there with the intention of inducing. Unless she can give us a good reason, we won't do it. I am going to suggest we keep doing NSTs regularly, but at the hospital in our town. Driving an hour away every couple days is not convenient and expensive.

If I go into labour on my own in the next few days, then we will go to the local hospital and NOT call m/w, and I'm going to ask the hospital staff not to contact her either. I checked tonight, and the Dr on call this weekend is one of the better ones.

If I don't go into labour in the next few days, well, then we'll reconsider our stance on induction. Of course the baby's safety is our #1 concern, so we're not going to rule it out just to make a point. If it does come down to induction, I'm going to have to find a way (or find the nerve) to make sure my m/w isn't attending me. She's completely broken my trust in her and I don't think I can do it with her there, kwim?

Anyway, I just want to thank you ladies for your support. It has really helped. Reading your thoughts has helped me clear my head a lot ~ I was feeling so overwhelmed this afternoon and like I didn't have a choice, and I feel a hundred times better.
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#23 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 03:04 AM
 
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i just went to a homeopathic store today and they told me to start my labor i could try a remedy called cauliphylum in 200C strength. if they do get you to want to induce, this may be a more natural way to do it.........
best wishes,
JJ
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#24 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 11:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i just went to a homeopathic store today and they told me to start my labor i could try a remedy called cauliphylum in 200C strength. if they do get you to want to induce, this may be a more natural way to do it.........
best wishes,
JJ
Thanks ~ I've been taking it for almost 2 weeks now My body doesn't want to go into labour
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#25 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 11:42 AM
 
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#26 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 12:08 PM
 
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Stacey, the homeopathic remedies generally don't do anything your body isn't ready to do, so of it isn't working, I would guess that baby is just not ready to come out yet. Just b/c baby is the size of a 42-weeker doesn't mean the developmental age is there, kwim?

It sounds like you and dh have come up with a good plan. I hope that everything goes well today, and you end up having a good birth experience for a change! ITA with your decision not to have your mw anywhere near you during the birth. I certainly wouldn't want her around either.

Good luck today, and please keep us updated! Sending you easy, fast labor vibes...

Wife to Thomas, WAH mama to Sofia Rose 8/04, Ellen Marie 10/07, her twin sister Amalie Joy lost 7/07 , and Maya Grace and Hannah Miriam 4/10
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#27 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 12:11 PM
 
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I think you made a great decision...Stick by it and try to relax...I second the suggestion of a glass of wine!!! Hang in there Mama, you WILL see baby soon
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#28 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 12:35 PM
 
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I thought I was doing everything I could to avoid a replay of my last experience by going with a midwife, but it turns out the only difference in my case is that appts last longer, and there was the option of a homebirth, which she's no longer willing to attend.
I'm in Ontario and I can sympathize, though I haven't run up against anything this bad.

Can she legally decide not to attend a homebirth if you're low-risk?

Good luck with your new plan!

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#29 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 01:28 PM
 
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I'm glad you and DH have a plan. I would put him in charge of telling mw she won't be at your birth. Good Luck sending you a
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#30 of 30 Old 10-12-2007, 01:48 PM
 
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I'm glad you've come up with a plan, and I think it's a good one. Stay strong, believe in your body, believe in your baby. You can do this!

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