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Old 10-11-2007, 02:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My mom sent me this.

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"

offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:







The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a

new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person

will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As


homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short

story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another
copy

to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another

paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to

me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on

back-and-forth.







Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep
the

story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the

e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The

story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."







The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:







Rebecca and Gary.







THE STORY:







(first paragraph by Rebecca)







At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The

chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now

reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he


liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind

off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about

him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out
of

the question.







(second paragraph by Gary)







Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron

now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about

than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with

whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to

Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar

orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could

sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a

hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
him

flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.







(Rebecca)







He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt

one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who

had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its

pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.

"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"

Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously

excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her

youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no

newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of

innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one

lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.







(Gary)







Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands

of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first
of

its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted, wimpy peaceniks who pushed

the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the Congress had

left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were

determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
passage

of the treaty, the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying

enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop

them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion

missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his

top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the

coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which
vaporized

poor, stupid Laurie.







(Rebecca)







This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My

writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.






(Gary)






Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic
whose

attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I

have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA???
Oh

no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many

Danielle Steele novels!"







(Rebecca)







Asshole.







(Gary)







Bitch







(Rebecca)







F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!






(Gary)







Go drink some tea - whore.






(TEACHER)





A+ - I really liked this one.

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Old 10-11-2007, 12:01 PM
 
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I can totally see that, too.

Wife to Thomas, WAH mama to Sofia Rose 8/04, Ellen Marie 10/07, her twin sister Amalie Joy lost 7/07 , and Maya Grace and Hannah Miriam 4/10
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Old 10-11-2007, 12:46 PM
 
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OMG, that is so freakin' funny. I should not have read it though, because I think I actually pee'd a little.
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Old 10-11-2007, 01:15 PM
 
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I really needed that this morning! I copied it and send it off to dh
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