desperation leading to birth envy - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 10-18-2007, 11:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sooo happy to see so many of you are joined up with your little ones!!!! it is very very exciting to read everyone's announcements and i've done my best to comment individually, but i'm going to have to stop now.

After multiple 'oh, maybe i'll go into labor soon' moments, being early with my other two children, etc, i'm getting depressed and miffed that my baby hasn't come yet (i'm a week late - who knew a few days could take such an emotional toll?).

So, i'm 'checking out' of sorts; i'll try to get back to read and comment on all the new announcements soon, but each one is a little bit envy-producing, so i think i should stop reading all the wonderful news and experiences you guys are having.

Please don't take this personally - i really am happy for you all that have had your babies, i'm just being selfish and want mine too...
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#2 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 01:02 AM
 
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I'm sorry. Take whatever time you need. sometimes it just sucks to see everyone else do what you want to do.
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#3 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 06:23 AM
 
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I felt the same way and had a mega break down with my midwife the other day. *hugs* I'm not sure if you'll see this but I am thinking of you!

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#4 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 06:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm still around - haven't left the ddc, just going more into 'lurking' mode for a bit... except now, i'm MOTHW, so i'll do my best to reply to those... :0
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#5 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 08:30 AM
 
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(((hugs)))

I am starting to feel the same way. I was counting on the windstorm tonight to bring this baby in, but it fizzled out just as I was starting to get some contractions, and the contractions promptly ended too. Blah.

Wife to Thomas, WAH mama to Sofia Rose 8/04, Ellen Marie 10/07, her twin sister Amalie Joy lost 7/07 , and Maya Grace and Hannah Miriam 4/10
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#6 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 10:12 AM
 
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I kind of know how you feel. After a couple of weeks of prodromal labour, I was so impatient/aggrivated by the time I gave birth, and I hadn't even passed my edd!

Mom to DS(14), DS(12), DD(9), DS(6), DS (4), and DS(2)  

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#7 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 04:13 PM
 
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It's truly amazing to me how waiting for our baby, *especially* after the due date has come and gone, causes such psychological...harm (?). Both of mine were late (11 days and 6 days) and one was not at all easier than the other. I kind of felt like a POW of my own body.. for what it's worth.
Take all the time you need and please come back when it's your turn to celebrate!!!! Best labor vibes being sent to you.
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#8 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 04:26 PM
 
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POW - that's exactly it! At least the prisioner part... I just keep thinking of all the things I want to do that I can't because I just have to wait. I have such a desire to escape my situation - get in the car and just drive to Montana or something - anything to get me out of this endless waiting. Do you think women have always felt this way? Or is harder for us because we are used to having more control over our lives?
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#9 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 04:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Good question. I think it might be a little harder esp. since we know that it is so common for others in our culture to just 'schedule' their births so they know when they will have their baby... i think in Holland or the african bush, for example, people would be a little more laid back about the whole waiting thing - it is us industrialized, control-freak americans....
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#10 of 18 Old 10-19-2007, 06:30 PM
 
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Also, science has taught us how to tell the date of conception, so that we know exactly when we are due. I don't think women knew as much about ovulation and conception say, 100 years ago, and really only figured out they were pg when they had missed a couple-three cycles. So they had a rough idea when they were "due" but not an exact date, like we have. I think not having a precise date to focus on must make it easier.

Wife to Thomas, WAH mama to Sofia Rose 8/04, Ellen Marie 10/07, her twin sister Amalie Joy lost 7/07 , and Maya Grace and Hannah Miriam 4/10
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#11 of 18 Old 10-20-2007, 01:35 AM
 
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I have to say that my birth plans being what they are(to stay away from the hospital unless I am in mortal danger,) is kind of freeing. They have scheduled at the MTF for an NST and AFL(is that right, for fluid) at 41 weeks(um yeah, hi, only 39 wks here!), but I think I'm not going to show up. It just doesn't matter so much to me when I'm not worried about being dropped from care, or being pressured to induce. I think I will go in for my appt right after 40 wks after the MW comes back from vacation, but after that, I'm just not going to show up anymore.

But I'm sorry that all the new babies getting to you guys. I know it's trite, but we really won't be pregnant forever!

Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

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#12 of 18 Old 10-20-2007, 04:07 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dena View Post
(((hugs)))

I am starting to feel the same way. I was counting on the windstorm tonight to bring this baby in, but it fizzled out just as I was starting to get some contractions, and the contractions promptly ended too. Blah.
yeah I thought the weather tonight was worse than yesterdays.:
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#13 of 18 Old 10-20-2007, 08:52 AM
 
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oh honey, I have JUST been where you are.

I was early with all 3 of my girls, 37w and 39 1/2 weeks.. and this baby was born at 41 weeks 2 days!!!!! I was having serious birth envy for weeks. I just want you to know that I totally understand your emotions right now.
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#14 of 18 Old 10-20-2007, 02:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by IfMamaAintHappy View Post
oh honey, I have JUST been where you are.

I was early with all 3 of my girls, 37w and 39 1/2 weeks.. and this baby was born at 41 weeks 2 days!!!!! I was having serious birth envy for weeks. I just want you to know that I totally understand your emotions right now.
And baby is happy and healthy? I think that is most of the hard part - knowing that a 'magical deadline' is approaching where the baby has to come out or there are the increased risks for more complications and compromised baby health... I just want a happy, healthy baby!!! I know he's happy and healthy now, so why doesn't he come out?!? please!
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#15 of 18 Old 10-20-2007, 05:33 PM
 
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happy and healthy, yes. and i dont know why he wouldnt come out earlier either, drove me crazy. the waiting 11 days longer than Id ever been pregnant was very hard emotionally because in 8 yrs of reseraching pregnancy and birth, Id never really researched the risks and benefits of going a week or more past your due date and letting baby come when he wanted.. and I knew if I did reserach now, id scare myself to death. So I was in aposition where I didnt feel like I could educate myself about this new going over your due date situation I was in. So many people just kept telling me that it was NORMAL to go past your due date.. and for a lot of people it is. It was not normal for ME, though, and the unknown was scary to me.

I made the decision after some podromal labor taht got me to a stretchy 4 cm and 100% effaced that I wanted to try herbal induction under the supervision of my midwife. Then I had a good long crying session where I vented about fear and frustration... and then labor started.

I am on the other side now. I am still processing the birth and the events leading up to it. You will be on the other side soon, too, and I hope it is just around the corner!
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#16 of 18 Old 10-20-2007, 05:56 PM
 
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I haven't been reading or responding to most of the "yay there's a baby" threads, either, and I've started coming here less and less. I knew I'd be one of the last mamas to deliver, but I didn't realize how lonely I'd feel to not be posting my own birthday thread. I do feel lonely. I feel like all the threads in the DDC are all birth announcements and I'm not in that club. I keep trying to remind myself that I will be, eventually, but I have a personal history of social rejection and I can't help but feel like I haven't been invited to the new mom club.

I also realize that my feelings are all the results of my own personal baggage and not a response to anything anyone on the board has done. But to try and stay positive, especially when I'm still feeling like this baby won't come for a few more weeks at least, I've been keeping my distance.

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#17 of 18 Old 10-20-2007, 06:00 PM
 
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I found myself very stressed after going 10 days past due and starting to feel pressure from my midwives. They had scheduled me for an NST on Monday and Friday and Saturday I spent the day researching UC and thought about dropping my midwives. I knew my baby was fine and MOST babies take around 41 weeks before they are ready. I had a heart to heart with my son that night in the bath tub, I told him everything would be okay and whenever he was ready, I was ready. We would be fine. My labor started 1 1/2 hrs later. I think relaxing is key. Also enjoy the time before baby arrives. He is taking just as long as he needs and you might not know it now but you might need this extra time before he/she comes.
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#18 of 18 Old 10-20-2007, 08:34 PM
 
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I'm needing to keep up with the announcements for the announcement thread. I like being pregnant, but I am starting to feel like I am not really having a baby. We've been joking about needing to get on the TTC soon so DS can have a sib.

DS was early so it is just plain wierd for me. I am trying to relax and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy as much as I can and I've been doing a pretty good job of it! But, my MW said they cannot serve me after 42 weeks, 6 days...I have no signs of approaching labor...So I naturally start to worry that I will end up in the hospital being induced by some unknown psycho doc from hell. I really don't want that.

Is it normal to not have any signs of approaching labor? I felt like DS was coming for a week or two before he did. This baby feels like she/he will just be in there forever...
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