How much help will you have after baby is born? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 10-20-2007, 07:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If you have a coparenting partner, how long will they be home to help you with baby?
How long until you have to go back to work?
Will you have another family member or friend helping you out? If so, for how long?

I had my baby (Naomi) last week. We also have a 2 1/2 year old (Joseph).
My husband has been home this whole week and not working more than an hour or two a day. However, he has also had a wicked cold and probably would have been taking most of the week off anyway. He'll probably start working from home after next week and then start going back to the office. We don't have any other family coming, but I do have lots of friends bringing us meals and stuff, which has been truly awesome.
I work 20 hours a week from home and have cut back to 10 hours a week until the end of 2007.
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#2 of 21 Old 10-20-2007, 08:46 PM
 
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Dh will be officially off for a week after the baby is born, but after that he will be working from home unless he gets called out somewhere.
I have my parents less than ten minutes away, so if I need help they are there. I also have a 9.5 yr old and a 5 yr old, so they can do a fair amount for themselves and understand about quiet time. I do hs them, but our schedule is pretty relaxed.
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#3 of 21 Old 10-20-2007, 10:01 PM
 
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My mom comes and treats me like a queen for a week. She will not let me lift a finger except to care for the baby. (Her uterus prolapsed when I was a teenager and she believes it's because she worked too hard, too soon when she had her babies so she's very particular about what we do pp.)

Also, I have a 17yod, 15yos, 10yos to help with housework and my toddler and my dh works at home. I imagine I'll make it pretty well, though I may starve after my mom leaves because they usually forget about feeding me if I hole up in my room!
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#4 of 21 Old 10-20-2007, 10:35 PM
 
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My husband was planning to take 4 weeks off.. and we thought it was a good idea... but then decided that maybe it wasnt because we *really* couldnt afford it anyway and would be charging that months expenses (though he is getting a raise in december, to help pay it off)...

The plan is now that he will take the first week off (he gets sick pay for it) and then work a part time schedule. We will still have to charge some but not all... His vacation resets in january and he gets three weeks so he will probably take another week early in the year.

I dont look for my mom or MIL to come and help out any... they didnt with my first. I could probably get my little sister to come and help (she turns 18 in a few hours!) if I really need her to though.
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#5 of 21 Old 10-20-2007, 11:18 PM
 
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I had DD2 a week ago Thursday. My mom came for the week and just left this morning. DH has next week off then MIL will help as needed. I'm VERY glad for the help!!

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#6 of 21 Old 10-20-2007, 11:23 PM
 
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my dh is taking 2 weeks when lo comes
my mom will be here wed staying till nov 2
mil nov 4-12 ( not staying with us though good thing.)
best friend 13- Tues before thanksgiving
I get 6 weeks off work but I'm a nanny so babe gets to come with me.
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#7 of 21 Old 10-20-2007, 11:24 PM
 
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DH is self employed and needs to work when there is work. With DD1 he was back at work a couple days after I was home from the hospital (post c-section). My MIL lives close and came in every day for a week to do dishes, but that was about it for help. Friends did bring food, which was great.

I expect that help will be about the same with this baby, unfortunately I also have a toddler this time around. DH asked MIL if she could watch DD a half day a week so taht I could rest but she said she was too busy (she watches my nephew several days a week).
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#8 of 21 Old 10-21-2007, 12:07 AM
 
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I had my baby a week ago. Dh gets 2w off, so he still has another week. After that my mom will be here for 2w -- I just have to be careful with her and be sure to say "thank you" a lot, otherwise she'll get all huffy. My kids all still nap from about 12-2 so I'm lucky.

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#9 of 21 Old 10-21-2007, 01:42 AM
 
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My DH will be off for 4 weeks. That is really all of the official help we will have, but my local friends will be bringing food every day for a month. I am really excited about that part!
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#10 of 21 Old 10-21-2007, 01:54 AM
 
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i am lucky, my partner gets 2 weeks then he plans to use some vacation time and use it so he can work part time for a while and when he is finally working full time he will only spend 2 days a week at the office.
we have family near us but we would rather they not spend much time with he baby and none of our friends can do anything to help us so it is just me and my partner but since he has such a flexible schedule we should be fine (i hope)

mama to two amazing children son 10/27/07 and daughter 07/07/11

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#11 of 21 Old 10-21-2007, 09:54 AM
 
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Dh will stay home for a week but he's still got a few more days of vacation left after. We'll use those for emergencies/snow days... It's just us, the baby and two wild boys, 3 and 5. No family around or sitters...O well, we've done it before, we'll do it a again. Kinda got a routine going by now
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#12 of 21 Old 10-21-2007, 10:00 AM
 
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Ummm none?

Dh's vacation time is all used up. Sadly, what was saved for this was used for a funeral, so he has no paid time and is our support. So how many days home will just depend on what day of the week it is. Sort of good that he works nights, so he will be around most days, but does have to sleep. And has a second job too. So far the plan is up to a week off the main job, depending on how we're doing and what day she arrives. The second job he'll miss day of/next day. Other than that, he's not sure about missing it. It's easy, and a short shift. Plus a young college kid he works with depends on him (half the shift is just the two of them, and security rules don't let them work alone, so the kid would miss his pay too), so he might see about just doing the second half so the kid could work. Since he'd be off his main job either way, being gone2 or 3 hours wouldn't be to bad.

I think a couple local moms might bring food, my mom will likely send some (sadly, we hope she doesn't. She eats MUCH differently than us and most of it the kids won't even touch, so we feel badly when she sends stuff that we just don't eat). But to be honest, we didn't have help with the last two really either. Just adjusted slowly as best we can. The only part that worries me is nights, my 2 year old won't let dh near him at night, so even when he's off I am going to be split between a baby and my Bug. Luckily, he is sleeping better again, but there will be times he needs me, and baby does too.

My oldest is 11 so that makes a huge difference too, he is a great help with his brothers, and helping keep general toy chaos cleaned up. And we homeschool, but started our 'year' early so we're ahead and planning on just taking time off to relax and get adjusted.
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#13 of 21 Old 10-21-2007, 11:17 AM
 
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My husband will take two weeks off of work, and we have a home-helper for 44 hours spread over eight days. I didn't realize this before, but I just read that *every* woman in Holland who has just given birth has a right to home-care help. The helper lady does things like take care of pets and older children, light housekeeping and food preparation. They also monitor mom and baby, and a lot of parents have them do the majority of new-baby care. We won't be letting the new baby out of our clutches, but the helper is more than welcome to do the laundry!
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#14 of 21 Old 10-21-2007, 11:42 AM
 
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This is the first grandbaby, and I'm anticipating a LOT of help, to be honest. My MIL has been stocking our freezer with food, and they live nearby to us so I'm expecting her over probably at least every day. My mom lives farther away but I'm expecting her every other day, and she may spend the first night, we'll see. Mom's kids still have school and I doubt she'd let me borrow one for a week, though it'd be nice. DH is taking at least a week of vacation time, though I'd rather he take two, he needs a vacation in general and this will be nice for him.

We're going out of state for Thanksgiving and then DH is leaving that weekend with his brother for a wedding, and I'll be staying with the ILs until he gets back.

Oh, and a local teenage girl is coming back in December from her semester in Thailand, and asked if she could be our nanny. DH and I can't afford to house her, feed her, and pay her, but we're going to talk about what we can do. Another adult in the house won't suck. I'd really rather have my sister, but that's not going to fly with my mom.

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#15 of 21 Old 10-21-2007, 12:46 PM
 
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Dh is off 4weeks, will go back before thanksgiving. My Mom will be down to help when she can and friends have been bringing food. MIL will come when needed, or when we ask her to come. We are starting to figure this all out...

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#16 of 21 Old 10-21-2007, 06:53 PM
 
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I had DD on Monday and DH has been home since last Thursday. He is supposed to be here for 1 whole week uninterrupted and then 3 weeks more where they can bug him if they need him for something. Most of the work he can do from home. This week has been heavenly for us. Its just been so much fun and so relaxing for me. He's doing a hundred times more stuff around the house than he ever did before, and I've really been able to relax.

Every time I'm left alone with the baby and our toddler though, DD1 grabs something she shouldn't have, or does something she shouldn't, and no amount of telling her to stop works. In the past I've always just gotten up and redirected her physically, but it seems like she waits until I'm BFing DD2 and cant move, to get herself into trouble. I'm actually terrified of being left alone with the two of them. Even if DH is just in the next room doing dishes and the gate is up, something bad seems to happen and I just sit there about to cry, very frustrated with DD and not sure how to fix the situation. Its either yell at DD1, which doesnt generally work, or stop BFing and let DD2 cry so I can go handle the issue w/ DD1. I have sling that I wear, but while it doesnt bother me to wear it sitting down, it is really uncomfortable to wear standing up, probably because it strains my stomach muscles.

I was just logging on to see if anyone else was having similar problems actually. It makes me so sad and scared.
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#17 of 21 Old 10-22-2007, 01:12 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenlaana View Post
Every time I'm left alone with the baby and our toddler though, DD1 grabs something she shouldn't have, or does something she shouldn't, and no amount of telling her to stop works. In the past I've always just gotten up and redirected her physically, but it seems like she waits until I'm BFing DD2 and cant move, to get herself into trouble. I'm actually terrified of being left alone with the two of them. Even if DH is just in the next room doing dishes and the gate is up, something bad seems to happen and I just sit there about to cry, very frustrated with DD and not sure how to fix the situation. Its either yell at DD1, which doesnt generally work, or stop BFing and let DD2 cry so I can go handle the issue w/ DD1. I have sling that I wear, but while it doesnt bother me to wear it sitting down, it is really uncomfortable to wear standing up, probably because it strains my stomach muscles.

I was just logging on to see if anyone else was having similar problems actually. It makes me so sad and scared.
Yea, I am having these types of behavior issues with dd1! There are times when it is just one thing after another!!! She wants to jump on the bed when I am laying there nursing and all I can think about is her falling on the baby, then she will try to hang from the blinds on the window, then do some other reckless thing, make huge messes, she wants to get into the dirty clothes that I really want to wash but can't bring myself to accomplish ANYTHING.....
Today when i was going to change dd2s diaper, dd1 decides to jump up next to us and she somehow hit dd1 on the head, she cried a bit, but when I picked her up she stopped (I was so freaked out that she was hurt!!), then another time she leaped onto the bed and was probably an inch from leaping onto the baby!! That has been me and dp's biggest worry is our crazy dd1 hurting dd2 somehow b/c she is just so wild and hyper!
I am left alone with her 99% of the time, I didn't expect a ton of help from dp, I thought my mom would help but I should have known something would happen to cause her to be distracted...
But I don't really have advice, I have had several days where I am extremely mean to dd1, then today I told myself I can't keep it up, it is too damaging, and I have curbed the yelling significantly... by giving her more attention, which is not always possible.....
I have heard several times "It gets better" but when you are in the moment and feeling so incredibly frustrated, that isn't helping!
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#18 of 21 Old 10-22-2007, 01:22 AM
 
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DH will probably take off about 1 week. Both grandmas will come at some point and help me out. My mom and dad will stay at least a week I reckon. Not sure how long MIL will hang around - she's had dd a week already, and her dad is having some health issues, so she might just come see the baby and go home. I'm a SAHM - not too worried about controlling the 3 of them (surely God wouldn't be so cruel as to give me another high need, colicky baby) - the biggest challenge I think is going to be getting out of the house with them. DS barely walks and dd is still at an age where I need to stay very close to her, hold hands etc. - but we are getting ready to move to a place with a nice shady yard - so maybe just going outside to play will be enough stimulation to stave off cabin fever.
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#19 of 21 Old 10-22-2007, 04:00 PM
 
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I am thinking not much but I could be wrong there.

My DH would like to be home for a week and was planning to take a week off work. However, he has been out of work unexpectedly and has been searching for a job so I am hopeful he finds one soon and couldn't really expect him to ask for a week off at a new job.

No family to help out. 5 kids to take care of and house. 2 of the kids are home with me during the day ages 3 and 5. Fun!
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#20 of 21 Old 10-22-2007, 06:02 PM
 
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Well, my mom's been here since the 10th as i felt like i'd go early, and she's supposed to fly back tonight, but no baby yet!! she'll stay a little longer till i deliver, but won't be able to stay much postpartum and that is a bummer as i had her for 2 weeks after DS.....on the bright side, i haven't changed a diaper for ds in 10 days and my van, fridge, garage, bedrooms, and bathrooms are immaculate now thanks to her early arrival!

dh can take a week off, IL's and my dad/stepmom may come up for a short visit, but i'm just hoping for a quicker recovery this time (i.e. NO episiotomy!). i have some friends bringing meals by so that will be nice! if i can make it till thanksgiving, i'll have a lot of relatives to help out then thankfully, then dh has 3 weeks off at christmas-yay!

out baby, please! before your grandma has to leave!!
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#21 of 21 Old 10-23-2007, 12:41 AM
 
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My dh has 8 days off work. I had my baby Tuesday morning, so he had all last week off and he will have all but this Wednesday off work. He has a presentation he has to prepare. He will still take and pick up our son from school.
Next week he will go back to work full time. My dad will come and help with my son and picking him up from school for a few weeks and entertain my two boys.
We're really trying to prevent ppd for me because I had it really bad after my second and I don't want to do that again. I'm trying to make sure I ask for help this time around too.
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