How is your dh holding up? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 11-09-2007, 01:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Now I am a third time mom, but he is a first time dad. Dh is not the most nurturing or lovey dovey type and I always thought that he would sort of change that with the arrival of dd. Well, he certainly tries, but I think he is a bit fearful and certainly inexperienced and now DD is showing a clear preference for me over him. She even calms quicker for both of her sisters who are 11 and 7 ! She cries every time he picks her up.So when she starts screaming and getting worked up, it is just much easier for me to take her, instead of letting him learn how to deal with it. I EBF so I can't really leave her for very long for him to learn to calm her,plus I know she would just cry and he would get all upset which is what has happened the few times I have tried it.
All this doesn't really bother me that much except for when I am feeling very burned out and just need a break- there is not really anyone to turn to as i have no family or close friends here.
I keep telling myself he will be more relaxed with time and when she is older and a little more responsive since he certainly likes to play and interact...he is n't being deliberately obtuse or anything but it's just hard.
How does your LO like your dh/dp? What do they do to help out with the baby?
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#2 of 8 Old 11-10-2007, 02:23 PM
 
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my DH was a lot like that when DD1 was born (my 2nd his first) but a combination of me just sucking it up and leaving her with him and her getting older really fixed things for us. I bf'd her too and just made sure they had 1 meal's worth and I was never gone more than a few hrs. Its hard to gain confidence as a first time dad when the mom already has so much more experience and is always there rescuing him and baby.
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#3 of 8 Old 11-10-2007, 05:09 PM
 
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Hey Liberty... my DH was the same way with DS1, and to some extant, with DS2. I think it happens fairly often. Once DS1 was a little older and more interactive, DH became more comfy. Yours will too.

Anyway, DH has officially said he cannot go through the newborn stage again, and that this is our last baby. I'd like one more... but it's true we have tough infants in terms of sleep and reflux. Makes me a bit sad. But you never know. And he's been MUCH more helpful this time around, despite being uncomfortable with the baby.

Suz, mommy to 2 chess-playing, lightsaber-wielding boys

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#4 of 8 Old 11-11-2007, 06:34 PM
 
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first time parents here. Dh is good except at night. see my overdramatic dh. He kicked me out of the house yesterday and told me to go to target. Although I think he partly did this b/c he didn't want to go shoping! His obsession w/ wow is driving me bonkers though!

LO likes to bf a lot to calm himself, when he has gas etc. i'm not pumping till week 6. Our biggest problem is that he won't sleep unless he's in our arms ( except at night when we co-sleep)
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#5 of 8 Old 11-12-2007, 10:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the comments.
Over the weekend while dh was not as stressed at work, and my other two kids were gone, I had him change more diapers and that sort of thing at times when I knew the baby was likely to be in a good mood. It seemed to help him feel more confident so I think time will help him to adjust.
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#6 of 8 Old 11-12-2007, 11:49 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hammycakes View Post
Thanks for the comments.
Over the weekend while dh was not as stressed at work, and my other two kids were gone, I had him change more diapers and that sort of thing at times when I knew the baby was likely to be in a good mood. It seemed to help him feel more confident so I think time will help him to adjust.
Thats awesome. I definitely bet that it will help. I hope my comment didnt sound harsh. I type fast before kids drag me away these days so I have to make shorter posts sometimes.

But my post was actually DH's comments more than mine, because I had asked him the day before why it was so much easier w/ DD2 (3rd child) than w/ DD1 (2nd child for me, his 1st) so was just regurgitating what he said had made it harder on him. (I actually remember one time refusing to give him DD when he wanted her because of a fight on this same issue - it was our first big fight in over a year at the time)
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#7 of 8 Old 11-14-2007, 10:32 PM
 
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He has a hard time with the infant stage. He always has. I think he feels pretty second-rate with breastfed-on-demand infant who won't take a pacifyer & mostly only wants mama.
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#8 of 8 Old 11-15-2007, 04:58 AM
 
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my dh has a harder time with this stage also. the baby prefers me inpart b/c i have milk, but also i use a lot of the happiest baby techniques that dh doesn't feel up to trying. part is a confidence issue as a pp mentioned, some is he has a deep voice and i've heard that babies like higher pitched voices, part is he is so exhausted from work that he gives up trying (while i'm nursing ds1 to sleep in his room) because it would require walking around with ds2 and he just wants to lay down with him....
i'd like to bring this up, but he is working so much that i think it will have to wait for thanksgiving or Christmas break when he's not already so overwhelmed with all he has on his plate, and then feeling like his wife is not pleased with his infant parenting skills on top of that...for now i'm just grateful that at least i can always calm the baby down. i also think i rescue him too much and make excuses like he's hungry, etc. so he doesn't feel rejected....i just can't stand to hear him cry without being responded to in a way that changes his status!
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