The decision was made to have my mom and stepdad and the kids leave and go home, and I would take a shower, and then we'd re-evaluate. In the shower, i didn't contract at all, really, but i did shave my legs (finally!). I'd been avoiding the shower because hot water makes my rash itch something fierce, but tonight, even though I did itch like crazy, it felt really good to get clean and smooth.
My cervix has been at 5cm, 95% effaced, for about 12 hours now, at least. I have a bulging bag, and the baby is slowly moving into the correct position to deliver, but things are just going very very slow. After the shower, Megan, Rebecca, Alec and I had a talk about what our options were. I had another ultrasound scheduled for noon today, and we decided to cancel it at 11:30 when I was in a pretty good contraction pattern, but then that petered out. The options were to go in and get some pitocin, to call the backup and see about rescheduling the test, realizing it's a holiday tomorrow, or to try some other things that we'd already tried, which had worked to various degrees.
We decided to call the backup and pow-wow with them to see what our options with them were. The situation is hairy because I'm so "post-dates", and delivering at home becomes more risky every day. We're feeling like things are going fine, that I'm fine and the baby's fine, and that I had a good prodromal labor and we can probably just sleep and try again tomorrow or Friday. However, because I'm trying to do it at home, there is a tenuous political situation between my midwives and the practice I'm using as a backup, and I don't want to screw that up just because I believe there's no reason to get pitocin right now.
We called and got Liza, the CNM that Rebecca and Megan have the best working relationship with. She said that the test I was supposed to take today was another non-stress test, NOT an ultrasound, since last week the baby scored perfectly on the last ultrasound. She agreed that we could meet at the hospital and do the test tonight (since the office is closed) and decide on options from there.
Alec and I are in a good place about this. Right now the baby's moving like crazy and I hope he keeps it up until after the monitors are off. The heart rate has been super responsive through all of the last 28 hours, so things look good for us. We're going to do whatever we need to do, obviously.
Rebecca and Megan went home to shower and change, since they're both still in the clothes they were in yesterday. Alec just got out of the shower himself, and we're going to meet at the hospital around 7pm to do the test and discuss options with the backup. If we are going to do pitocin, I kind of want to sleep first anyways, because I'm tired. It's been a long couple of days. The baby is moving like a little monkey now, I hope he keeps it up until after this test is over. I really think he's fine, and I want the test to reflect that.
Needless to say, we are NOT going to Rhode Island tomorrow. Mom took my car when she went home, and it has the carseat in it. I think my stepdad and the kids were definitely interfering with my labor. I hadn't really wanted them to come as early on as they did, and once they were here, i couldn't really ask them to leave, but if they're called back, it will be when I'm in transition, not when I'm in early labor.
So I walked out of the house with nothing but my water bottle tonight, to head to the hospital. I was that determined that I would be coming home. We went in and walked up to childbirth. It was only 7pm but it was dark and foggy out, and it felt like midnight. I'd been having some contractions in the car, but nothing I was really paying attention to. We got hooked up to the monitors, and everything was looking great, despite the fact that the nurse was acting like I was going to get admitted. I knew that the NST was going to be fine, because the baby was partying in there like it was 1999. Then she took my blood pressure, and it was through the roof.
We continued with the NST, and the baby continued to cooperate, and I even had some contractions, and when we took my pressure again, it was even higher. The nurse had me lie on my left side to try and bring it down while she fetched Liza, the CNM.
Liza came in and we took my pressure, and it was 124/82 or something like that. Much lower than before. Liza said that the blood pressure was worrisome, but not terrible, and the NST looked good, so that wasn't an issue. She wasn't sure about my cervix, and I told her she could go ahead and do an exam if she wanted to know for herself. So she did.
And my bag broke.
The fluid was clear, which is good, and it was a good amount but not a ridiculous amount, and Liza felt my cervix and said it was totally effaced and 5-6cm dilated. So, not much progress, if any, and now I'm on the fucking clock.
The final verdict was that the baby is not in distress right now, and I really didn't want to be there, plus I was tired. Alec stated For The Record that I wouldn't be able to get any kind of decent rest at the hospital, so we decided to go home, get some rest, and if nothing terribly exciting happened, to go back to the hospital in the morning for some pitocin.
I don't know why my body is being this way. I don't know why my baby is being so stubborn. I don't know why it's Thansgiving and I'm still not holding my baby in my arms. I don't know why any of it is happening.
I have so much more I could process, but I need to get some sleep and Alec's gone to bed already. This is so frustrating.
My waters were broken for almost 48h before my baby was born -- I'm not telling you that to scare you or annoy you, just to remind you to TRUST IN YOUR BODY. I was doing all kinds of crazy crap: cohoshes, enemas, castor oil (twice!), breast pump. I wish I'd just sat and rested and waited for my body to kick in. I finally went into labor after telling my mw that I was done taking all that crap and I wanted to rest and let my body get to work. The labor was 90 min from start to finish, including 10 min of pushing.
mom of (8) (5) (3) and born at home on Christmas day!
And holy cow- 6cms dilated AND broken water AND lots of prodromal stuff going on??!? I bet, when your labor picks up, it's going to FLY! Your body is so ready! You're going to be holding that wee baby in no time.
I had a baby the day after Thanksgiving 2 years ago. This is a good time of year to have a baby.
I can't wait to read your birth announcement!
A few more "c'mon stubborn baby!" vibes :
North Idaho rural living mama to: 23 yo DD, 16 yo DS, 8 yo DS, 6 yo DS, 4 yr old DS, 2 yo DD, and 1 yo DS. And someone new coming this Christmas!
I'm so depressed, I feel like such a failure. This is NOT how I wanted my child to come into the world. I don't know what I could have done differently to make this happen differently, and I think that's even more depressing. At least, if something huge had gone wrong, I would *know* what it was, kwim?
My laptop doesn't have a power cable (I run it off of a docking station) so I won't be able to update until I get home. Pray for me. This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I think you're an incredibly strong mama for facing your fears like this and for being able to be so emotionally honest. I know it isn't the birth you dreamed of, but I think that your self-awareness is going to help you on your journey through motherhood.
And, as Zjande says, this is a fantastic time of year to have a baby. My oldest is 9 on Saturday (born on Thanksgiving, but he's a Brit so it doesn't count) and my youngest was born over the Thanksgiving holiday as well. It's good Happy birthing, mama.
(and, if you read this before you go in, consider asking them to turn down the pitocin once your labour is actually moving. Sometimes, especially after a lot of prodromal labour, you just need a short sharp dose to kick-start everything along.)
Everything will be ok! Good luck to you!
-zak- Mama to three fantastic sons - 2005, 2007 & 2010 and expecting a daughter February 2012!
thinking good thoughts for you and your family, mama....
HeatherB ~ mama to 3 wonderful boys: 03/02; 09/04; 09/07 - and Eliana, 11/13/10!
Founder of Houston Birth Alternatives: Be Informed, Encouraged, Supported birth support group and aspiring midwife.
Lots of prayers comin' at ya!