Their REAL Feelings About Circumcision - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 02:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Mom and Dad must be really biting their tongues about my not circ'ing Lachlan. Yesterday it became clear how they feel, but in a round about way.

Over lunch somehow my grandfather's circumcision at age 50+ came into conversation (innocently) and I could see my mom's eyes flicker as she realized she might be able to work something into the convo.

But I asked WHY he had the circumcision -- and she answered she didn't know but that he was having "problems" -- so I ended the conversation with the thought that perhaps he didn't need a circ after all but that his doc was pro-circ and couldn't see past that enough to treat the other issues. But who knows, because I am not gonna ask!!

I must say, I was proud of them for not getting into it. It's not their place. But it's too bad they will worry about him forever. And they're just going to have to worry as they will never read the info or believe anything.

It's pretty controversial for us to choose not to circ Lach when his three brothers and father are circumcised. I am just glad we got it right for the last child and he isn't going to go through that pain and trauma for nothing but cosmetic reasons.

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
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#2 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 02:16 AM
 
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people amaze me w/ their blissful state of ignorance... i have been w/ men who have been uncx'd and they were so beautiful. one of them definitely didn't shower/wash himself enough and he would get mighty stinky... (no, we didn't even have sex often at all...so it wasn't cuz of that... but you could smell it on him just being around him...ick. but the other major boyf i had kept himself real clean, he was from spain...and i must say uncx'd penises are so friggin' handsome to me. i just love sheamas'...he's so beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't imagine cxing him. i can't even fathom that. no good reason.

i thank god i'm living in an area where there are probably more uncx'd baby boys as well as bfing women and babywearers, co-sleeping families, etc. than most places. it is so cool not to be stared at like i'm some freak. i had to defend myself left and right in MN when i'd talk about my ways w/ people there...anyway...good for you gina. sounds like you handled it very well and glad they didn't argue w/ you about it or press it more.

joy.gifproud solo vegan mama to fambedsingle2.gif dd, 9 spitdrink.gif & ds,4  moon.gif. "it is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness" -chinese proverb  candle.gif

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#3 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 02:31 AM
 
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My MIL was aghast at our not circing Dylan. I think that in her generation it was just something that you did without thinking about it... and in the last 35 years she has not had any reason to consider it again, so it seems foreign to her.

I remember, at age 16, innocently asking my first boyfriend if he was circumcised. He was horrified that I would even ASK, because OF COURSE he was.
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#4 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 02:41 AM
 
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My parents and IL have never asked, and likely never will, but would not likely be surprised to find out that Silas is not circ'd.

Really, after choosing midwives, then a home birth, then cosleeping, then delaying solids, then extended breastfeeding, then tandem nursing, nothing we do shocks them any more. And I think they are afraid that if they start asking questions, things might become even stranger. Although I have noticed we are already getting subtle pressure vis-a-vis school choices (or lack thereof since I'm seriously considering home schooling).
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#5 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 03:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh! I forgot to add, I believe this is why mom wouldn't change his diaper! I think it really freaked her out. She says it was the cloth diapers, and I believe that was part of it, but the circ issues was also.

The only grandchild she won't change. But you know, I could care less, it saved me from having to teach her about the penis and diapers and that saved me a lot of stress (she's as air-headed as I am -- worse even.)

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
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#6 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 12:25 PM
 
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It freaked my dad out too when he found out we didn't circ our first DS. He is a doctor so of course he knows everything. "Better little than big" was his comment, as if it was inevitable DS would have problems and have to be circ'ed eventually so we might as well do it now. Umm, I think every male in my DH's side of the family would disagree as none of them have ever been circ'ed (they're British) and none have ever had a problem.

After a futile attempt at giving him real stats and info, I shut him up by saying that sex was better for uncirc'ed men and was better for the women they were with too...
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#7 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 12:40 PM
 
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This was a surprisingly contentious issue with my ILs also. I never even thought to tell them we weren't going to circ and apparently they were talking to my mom before we brought James home and she mentioned something. (the only reason she knew was that she asked if we were - as she said, we do all the other "weird" stuff so we probably wouldn't circ too )

MIL was aghast - "But I've never seen a non-circ'ed penis!" Like it was Bigfoot or a UFO or something.

They tried all the standard arguments for circ (cleanliness, won't look like dad, problems later in life, etc.) and we had answers for them all, so they eventually said, "well, I guess it is your decision after all". At that point I kinda exploded and said "But that's just it - it's NOT our decision to make. It's his! If he wants it done later in life, we'll gladly support him in that decision, but it's not for us to choose."

Their reaction? "Yuck! What man would agree to do that to himself?"

So why then is it ok for me to do it to a defenseless baby?? :

DS (2) and someone new in March 2011
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#8 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 12:52 PM
 
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I dont think my parents have even noticed yet - and both have changed dipes!

Guess that's a good thing - my IL's still havent met him (and they can come here...but that's a whole other story!)
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#9 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 12:57 PM
 
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Not in your DDC, but I wanted to give you a big thumbs up for choosing not to circ him!

One of my boys is, the rest aren't, and it took some time for my family to understand. Now, though, they are intactivist too!

Anyway, good for you!
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#10 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 01:00 PM
 
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Both my older boys are circed (not really happy about that but oh well) but my youngest one isn't. My mom was in town when I had ds#3 and almost threw a fit at the hospital because they don't circ until the week after at the ped clinic. I didn't tell her then that we decided not to do it. Now he's a month old and we are going to go visit her next week. She doesn't know that he isn't circed and I'm prepared for the discussion that's going to happen when she finds out. I'm not expecting anything from my ILs though, they are great with "you are the parent, you decide what is best."
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#11 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 03:55 PM
 
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Ah, this was a HUGELY contentious issue for us with Isaac. DH's family is Jewish so they assumed that any boys we had would be circ'ed. We were hoping for a girl so we could avoid the issue altogether. Then everything was complicated because I converted to Judaism when I was pg with Isaac (and everyone knows it's the converts of any stripe who are most zealous! lol). So...of course now we'll circ, *right*? No. I was willing to do it for religious reasons (another story altogether and not really up for discussion on MDC so I won't go there...), but dh stood his ground. He makes me *SO* proud : We have two beautiful intact boys and at this point I'm feeling like we're destined to only have boys! Maybe it's for a reason
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#12 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 04:31 PM
 
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I was amazed when I was at the hospital that every single member of the staff had to ask, "And you did NOT want a circumcision, right?" as though what they were really saying was, "And so you're going to KEEP that cancerous tumor, correct?" Finally I said, "Isn't it written in his chart that we don't want him circ'd?" They told me everyone has a different chart on him. :

We got out of there with foreskin intact and no Hep B shot, miraculously. But I had to convince EVERYBODY.
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#13 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 04:31 PM
 
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I posted the text of this blog entry once before, but thought I'd post the link again... a lot of the comments on this thread remind me of this conversation with my MIL.

http://curlystuff.blogspot.com/2004/...n-with-my.html
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#14 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 04:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'd read that before -- both it (and your blog photo) are friggin hilarious!!! Glad you re-posted that.. *giggle*giggle*snort*

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
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#15 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 04:55 PM
 
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This reminds me, after I had DS I got a bill from the ped (for the times they saw him in the hospital) and they billed me for a circ! I called them up to say, umm, we didn't have this done and I can prove it to you if you want... But it made me sad it was so routine that they just charged me for it without even checking his records.
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#16 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 05:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curlita View Post
I posted the text of this blog entry once before, but thought I'd post the link again... a lot of the comments on this thread remind me of this conversation with my MIL.

http://curlystuff.blogspot.com/2004/...n-with-my.html
That is priceless! What I would have given to be a fly on the porch for that one! I can almost imagine the look of shock on MIL's face when you told her about your Dad being intact!
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#17 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 05:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Undercover Hippie View Post
This reminds me, after I had DS I got a bill from the ped (for the times they saw him in the hospital) and they billed me for a circ! I called them up to say, umm, we didn't have this done and I can prove it to you if you want... But it made me sad it was so routine that they just charged me for it without even checking his records.
:::

On the funny side, I didn't have insurance 12 years ago when my oldest was born and the bills for the c-section and circumcision went to collections. I paid them off when he was 6 years old. I used to joke that it was a good thing they couldn't repossess him or his penis

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
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#18 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 06:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curlita View Post
I posted the text of this blog entry once before, but thought I'd post the link again... a lot of the comments on this thread remind me of this conversation with my MIL.

http://curlystuff.blogspot.com/2004/...n-with-my.html
When I had the talk with my dad, one of my points was that DH wasn't... then later when my sister was PG, Dad brought it up with her and she was like, no we're not going to do that, Randy isn't so why would we... and I guess my Dad responded that he knew way too much about his SIL's penises now...

Quote:
Originally Posted by GinaRae
On the funny side, I didn't have insurance 12 years ago when my oldest was born and the bills for the c-section and circumcision went to collections. I paid them off when he was 6 years old. I used to joke that it was a good thing they couldn't repossess him or his penis
That cracks me up too! Though there are days I wouldn't mind if my kids were repossessed... wait, did I say that out loud?
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#19 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 06:59 PM
 
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My mother started to say something about it, but bit her tongue. Somehow the subject came up, and she asked what we were going to do about it (probably the context was my sister's boys, who have a Jewish father and are circ'ed). I said we were going to leave him as god made him (a funny comment from me, since she knows I'm an atheist). She said, "Well, that's not so great..." and trailed off. I sat looking at her, waiting for her to make an argument for routine genital mutilation, but she didn't go on, so I figured she didn't have one. I'm dying for her to say something. She's argued against every single choice we're making with this baby - co-sleeping, not using a bottle for feeding (so DP can be more "involved"), me not going back to work, etc. This is the one where I feel like I can just shut her down, and I wish she'd really given me the opportunity!!
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#20 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 07:22 PM
 
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I really think that the only reason so many people of our parents' generation are pro-circ is because they have been led to believe that it is "normal" and therefore that there must be very good, medical reasons to have it done... without stopping to ask what those reasons are. I think my MIL's horrified reaction had more to do with our choice being "weird" and foreign to her than any first hand knowledge of foreskins... obviously, since she claims not to know anyone who isn't circed.

What is a shame is that many folks of that generation are not open to being educated. I'm really lucky -- my mom is very open to learning more about our parenting choices, even if they were not her own and would not instinctively be her choices now, either.
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#21 of 21 Old 12-05-2007, 07:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My mom professes to be open.. But I've learned the hard way that what mom SAYS she is and what she REALLY is are usually completely different :::

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
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