My 3 yo DS won't stop hurting me after my c-section ( x-posted in TCY) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 9 Old 12-06-2007, 04:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My son is 3 and a half and we just had our second child 2 weeks ago. We had planned an HBAC but ended up with an emergency c-section, which was a huge disappointment and has meant that I have a large painful incision that needs to heal. Since we've been home my son seems to be having a really hard time adjusting to the changes in the house, mostly in regards to the changes in me. My son is having a very tough time respecting my body with regards to being gentle with me after the surgery. Every morning he climbs into bed with us for a snuggle, and I make sure the baby is in the cosleeper so he can have private snuggle time. But in the bed he rolls around, kicks out his legs, wiggles, and tries to climb me, sit on me, and grab parts of my body that really hurt, such as my breasts and belly. I ask him not to and he will stop for a minute or 2 but starts right up again. Dh tells him to come over to his side and snuggle but DS refuses. Its bad enough that Dh and I are ready to ban him from morning snuggle time if he doesnt stop hurting me. I'm miserable that I can't have hardly any physical contact with my son without him hurting me somehow. Even hugging him, he pulls up his knees and tries to hang on me or climb me, which is very uncomfortable for my incision and my sore belly muscles.

I am still in a lot of pain 2 weeks later and very exhausted, and he refuses to leave me alone long enough for me to rest. I still have trouble bending over to pick things up, and have asked him not to throw things on the floor (playing 'mommy fetch' ), but he won't stop. He's not mean or malicious, he just doesn't listen or respect me when I ask him not to hurt me.

I dont know how to handle this, I feel like I am yelling at him constantly now that we are home. I feel useless as a parent to him because all my energy is directed on the new baby and on healing. My DH goes back to work in 2 days and I am so worried that I wont be able to handle both of them, or worse that DS will accidently hurt the baby.
Help!

Lisa
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#2 of 9 Old 12-06-2007, 05:31 PM
 
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Not sure what to say, but wanted to offer support. I did not have c/s, so can only imagine your pain level, but I am experiencing some of the same problems with my 3 yo ds. He's not climbing on me, but doesn't quite get that I can't bend down and get things for him, etc. My dh stayed home with me and I was supposed to have my usual babysitter today but she cancelled on me. Of course, ds is refusing to take his nap right now. He's driving me batty.

Hang in there, you can do it.

caffix.gif  Mom to DS (8/31/04) and DD (11/30/07), EDD 12/15/11!!!
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#3 of 9 Old 12-06-2007, 06:03 PM
 
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Sounds like he just doesn't have the concept or empathy to understand why or what that kind of pain is. Ouch! And not masny 3 yr old boys respect their parents enough not to push it. Gosh, what a tough situation! I guess you can try to make your expectations clear and then set him down off the bed when he's too rough.

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#4 of 9 Old 12-06-2007, 06:10 PM
 
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nak



sorry you're having such a hard time, mama.

imo, 2 weeks is much too soon for you to be by yourself with both kids after having major surgery. can someone come and stay with you for another 2 weeks? can you hire a postpartum doula?
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#5 of 9 Old 12-07-2007, 02:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wwisdomskr View Post
nak



sorry you're having such a hard time, mama.

imo, 2 weeks is much too soon for you to be by yourself with both kids after having major surgery. can someone come and stay with you for another 2 weeks? can you hire a postpartum doula?
I wish - We could never afford it. My mom wants to help as much as possible but she's very seriously ill, and I don't want her to get overtired or overworked. She keeps offering but I keep telling her I'm doing fine because I dont want her to make herself more ill.
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#6 of 9 Old 12-07-2007, 02:31 AM
 
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oh gosh, mama, i'm so sorry you are going through this. as you know, i ended up with an emergency section after a failed vbac too, so i completely understand how much pain you are in--i know for me that recovering from the section after more than 24 hours of back labor with major complications has been really tough. coupling that with a preschooler who is hurting you--i just can't imagine.

if i were you i would start setting consequences for this behavior--make sure you warn him ahead of time: "if you hurt mommy while we are having our morning snuggle you will have to get out of bed and go play by yourself." and make sure you follow through with the warning. if he values his snuggle time enough, the behavior should end pretty quickly.
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#7 of 9 Old 12-07-2007, 11:51 AM
 
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Catholic Homeschooling mama to DS (6), DD (4), twin DDs (2), DD (7 months), and someone new 7/31/10!
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#8 of 9 Old 12-07-2007, 01:07 PM
 
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i have no advice just hugs and support...
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#9 of 9 Old 12-07-2007, 10:28 PM
 
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nak

so many hugs! I had a c/s with my first and i can't imagine how hard it must be for you.
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