Is it too much of a liability for a dad to have other kids over? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 06-11-2010, 02:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
K-Mom3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 453
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
My dh is a sahd this summer while I work a temporary job. He has said that the kids aren't allowed to have friends over when I'm not home. He's basically afraid of getting falsely accused of some inappropriate behavior. Getting sued, maybe. Just because he's a man.

I'd like to get some perspective on this.....what do you think?

BTW, our kids are 6 yo ds, 3 yo dd, 1 yr old dd.
K-Mom3 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 06-11-2010, 03:18 AM
 
Tigerchild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Seattle Eastside
Posts: 4,737
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How common is it for other dad's to SAH?

My DH watches the kids when they have playdates quite often. Of course, we know quite a few people who have WAH dads like my DH. So really, those families never even batted an eye. My DD's BFF's dad is often the one home when they have a playdate because he WAH more often than BFF's mom. There are a lot of telecommuters here, so men working at home and hanging out with their kids is not seen as weird or girlieman.

If it's not as common in your area, I can understand your DH's discomfort. Though are you really sure that it's because he's afraid of false accusations or because he's freaked out at the thought of supervising even MORE kids or he's worried about rejection from the other kid's parents? Or that he might feel weird entertaining another woman without you there, if the other parent requests (reasonably, IMO) to get to know him better? I do think that in order to protect your DH from nasty rejections, you do need to disclose that your DC have a SAHD.

So it's not a silly fear that he has. If SAH/WAHDs are uncommon in the area, he may very well get some hurtful reactions. I might ask him if he would mind giving it a try once, with someone you know who won't freak out. Or you could encourage him to set up park playdates or something. Once he gets his toe dipped in and people aren't freaking out at him and eyeing him like a potential predator he might be more willing to try a home playdate. But discrimination and prejudice against SAHD is very real in some areas. I think that is slowly starting to change though.
Tigerchild is offline  
Old 06-11-2010, 04:10 PM
 
Jaesun's Dad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Oakland, CA
Posts: 221
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When people see a woman sitting by herself at a playground they assume her child is off playing.

When people see a man sitting by himself at a playground they go on alert mode and wonder if he's a predator.

It's a reality that society still doesn't trust men as responsible parents, and the media and a few bad apples that constantly make the headlines only further skew perception of dangerous men (despite the fact that many of the most horrific incidents turn out not to be perpetrated by men).

I think it's how well you know the other parents. For the first few visits if it is possible could perhaps a double play date be arranged where not only the kids get to hang out but another parent also visits and the adults can chat and have tea and play cards or something as well?

I don't think it's specific to his stay at home dad status, it's just establishing trust with people that they are more hesitant to extend to men than they are to women.

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!" - Dr. Seuss
Jaesun's Dad is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off