If a wife is stay at home does she do ALL THE WORK?
So my couisn is in a marriage with a guy who does not feel responsible for any work around the house inside or out.
They have one son 9 years old. She is stay at home, he works full time in the office on entry level position that he never got promoted from for the last 12 years.
His take on life is that wife is a slave and a cheap labor and he is a braed winner and and his responsibilities end there.
For the last two years the wife managed to "make him" yes, that is the word as he is fighting it ever since - so she made him to drop of a child on the way to school which added 15 minutes to his regular commute that he still had to do anyway but was extremely unhappy aobout it for the last 2 years. This is the only time the child truly has him as one on one and even that is divided attention but otherwise he does not feel like giving her any companionship or attention unless nagged or otherwise "made".
He spends all day long in front of TV on the sofa while life goes around him without him.
His occassional and limited on "when I feel like it" contributions are:
once a week taking trash out of the garage
that is the only regular thing that he does because trash is on scheadule.
Taking trash from the house is another story as it is heavy and it should be his job but instead he does it twice or three times a week and not always.
Other hten that he occassionally - once a week or sometimes twice will take dishes out of the dishwasher or God forbid load the dishwasher leaving behind filthy dirty countertops dripping with
dirty water, and filthy sink that is clearly NOT part of loading dishwasher.
Other then that he will bring the shopping upstairs only because he is forced to but he does it wiih very sour face and angry attitude.
Whenever any discussion is started about hosuehold duty and child care division his statement is as follows:
I am a bread winner, you should do everything else.
He does not do anything around the home as a structure, everything is dirty, has holes and falls apart. If anythng breaks it takes years, months at best to get fix if ever. Clarly it is not his responsibility eather.
I am wondering if this is t ypical attitude of a husband that is in a marriage with a stay at home mom when he is working.
Is it a common belief that wife has to do everything in and out including landscaping? and raising a kid and taking care of shcool business and shopping and cleaning and organizing events, playdates and taking kids to them and shopping for kid and planning meals and everything inbetween?
It is very frustrating to witness this kind of treatement but I don't have enough information to advis or help her and I decided to ask dads what is going on in your homes?
How do you see a stay at home mom and how much do you expect her to do and how much do you contribute as a hsuband?
Is it a typical for a husband not to love his child and not to want to do anything around but have a strong claim abut the child in terms of trying it to distance and turn the kid against hte mother?
He was not any kind of suport during pregnancy, or over two years of breast feeding, he never woke up a night and helped to bring a baby or take away from nursing mom. He never read one book or one page on baby development, pregnancy and he is not interested in any chid development issues at all. Totally disintersted.
He has a day off every two weeks that was supposed to be his help around the house, he spends this day sleeping for most of the time and the rest of it is watching TV. if he does anything for one hour he feel eXHOSTED and he needs to rest.
Please let me know what other dads expect from their wifes when they are stayed at home moms.
This husband claims that if he is away for 9 hours out of which he has one hour of lunch, that makes his wife due to put the same amount of hard physical labor and she is not entitled to anything else in the given time. And then, when he comes back from work he is allowed to rest because he is tired, while his wife should continue with the scheadule for the reminder of the day.
His current duties also encompensate nowdays for hte last year or so prepareing a child simple lunch that consist of no cooking but just throwing few things together in the box and fixing simple bedtime food as his wife again "make him" to do something that he would otherwise do nothing all day long for hte family and a child and home.
Please do tell me this is a standard behavior of husband w ho.. btw..NEVER cares about his wifes birthdays, nor about their annviersaries, valentines and it is all accoridng to him "not important" and not worthy to bother. No heart given out of love flowers, no gifts ever during their two decades of marriage.
Are all working husbands of stay at home moms like that?
What is that they do and what is that they consider fair?
Are your wifes perfect? are homes spotles, and three course dinner served every night and a wife welcomes you with sleepers newspaper and a drink at the door? Do you do nothing all day and are you being worshiped for that?
Why and how can anyone who works in the office, does all day long what they love and what is relatively easy job and especially for them it is easy and does not require much interaction with people other hten work division meeting but no sales, no customers interaction, no real stress per se..
is it really that difficult for a men?
Also how else it is fair for a wife to spend all her health and strenght on all the housework when this husband clearly is not a keeper and he will leave her sooner or later and she will be on her own in the old age and who will then take care of her and be with her w hen seh will loose last of her health.
She has many health conditions and he does not have any nor the understanding and suport.
Please share your thougts. I will be happy to share with her your wisdom as I have no idea how else to help her.