vasectomy - what age?? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-28-2004, 02:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My dh an dI are contemplating a vasectomy - but I'm worried that because of our age we might be too "young" to make that kind of decsion...

We are both 29 and have 3 kiddos (11 yrs, 3yrs and 2mos)...

How old were you when you had the "snip"?? What age do you think is an ok age??
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Old 07-28-2004, 05:15 PM
 
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My dh is 32 and I'm 30, and he's scheduled to have it done in September. We are absolutely sure we don't want any more kiddos after my last high risk pg and our special needs baby. If in 5 years we suddenly have the urge for another (which probably won't happen unless we win the lottery or something! lol!) we are very much open to adoption.

I don't think there's a right or wrong age to have it done, when you feel it's the right time, then go for it.

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7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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Old 07-28-2004, 11:16 PM
 
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I don't think it's so much an age as a place in life, dh is 33 and we are not ready for it yet because we don't know if we are done yet. I think as long as you know you are done then it's the right age.

Mom to ds 9 dd 7 : and dd 3/08 : if I can I go to
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Old 07-29-2004, 12:04 AM
 
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We have two children (5.5 and almost 3) and DH got the big snip snip in March. No regrets so far! I didn't want to go through another pg (though I would love to give birth again) and we are completely happy to adopt if we feel our family needs expanded.

I have a couple brothers who got snipped after they had their kids, both late 20s/early 30s and a SIL who got her tubes tied at 28.

Sorry to interupt on the men's board, it was showing on the main page.

Kay

 

 

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Old 07-29-2004, 04:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Any of you have any regrets??
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Old 07-29-2004, 08:20 PM
 
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my dh got his a few months ago (we are both 33). we KNOW our family is complete with 2 children, and don't want to risk getting pg again when we are clear about not wanting another child. it was not at all a hard choice for us, not at all one dh or i regret, and now we can have sex on the spur of the moment and not have to worry about pg or birth control (which was a serious buzz-kill for me, as i have a cerv. cap and won't go back to any of the hormonal "easy" forms of BC).

also, this sounds really bitchy to say, and i know my dh would never leave me, but i like knowing that the kids we have together will be his only ones. i only thought of this when a friend's hubby recently left her and is off making babies with another (younger) woman, insult to injury, i guess.
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Old 07-29-2004, 10:35 PM
 
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No regrets thus far. I have thought about "what if" (as in, what if our children died) but I decided I was willing to face that uncertainy I'm sure that would be devistating enough that "replacing" them would be the last thing on my mind.

I really do not want to be pg again. I don't fell like I could do that to my children, my husband, myself and so I like feeling "safe" knowing we can't have any more.

 

 

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Old 08-02-2004, 09:00 PM
 
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i agree... i don't think it matters how old so much as it matters your place in life and your situation, etc. my husband is scheduled for the "snip-snip" in two months. we're both really looking forward to it. we have two boys and that's perfect for us, we feel our family is complete and we are both terrified of getting preggers again. it's to the point i don't even want to have sex because i'm afraid of getting pregnant. (which i think is what started my husband thinking about getting the vasectomy to begin with, it was his idea...) my mom got pregnant twice while she was on birth control, and our first son is a perfect example of how condoms don't exactly work 100% of the time.

anyway... before your doctor schedules you for the actual procedure, they usually have you attend a class where they discuss all the in's and out's (sorry! lol) and answer any questions you might have, etc... there's also sometimes a waiting list once you decide to have it done. we've been waiting about 4 months so far.

as far as "replacing" the kids... i know it's a horrible thought... but i think if something were to happen to our own two kids... if we were to want to have children again we would probably adopt. lots of kids needing good parents out there...
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Old 08-02-2004, 09:16 PM
 
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The right age is when you are ready. We are not ready, so our age (DH 34, me 31) is not right for us, but perfect for others. DH is getting closer than I am. I feel we both have another 10 years of fertility each. Not sure we want any more children together, but I don't know what the future holds.
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Old 08-02-2004, 09:24 PM
 
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Sorry to barge in on the Dad's board -

Ok here is another perspective. My dh had a vasectomy at around 31 after our second child was about 9 months old. We absolutely were sure we were *done*...went through the class and all that. 9 years later we felt very differently and he ended up having a reversal. While people are able to have reversals....it very often will not result in a pregnancy (unless IVF or some other invasive procedure) And it certainly is not very fun to go through the reversal and all that goes with it. There are some interesting things that he also realized about the vasectomy in the whole process and that some things do change.

While one can really know how they feel right now...it's hard to know exactly how one will feel in the future. Life can look VERY differently years down the road. And while we may feel very clear that we are in a certain stage of life... one's perspective shifts quite a bit in a decade.

I very much think it's a very good idea for people to wait until their youngest child is older.

Honestly, I think if you have concerns about it at this point - it would be much better to wait. It's always something he can have done later.
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Old 08-03-2004, 02:55 AM
 
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My pregnancies are awful. During my second pregnancy, my husband got a vasectomy- dumb timing, I know, but it made sense for insurance/ work reasons. My son was born still at 32 weeks a week later. We're not complete idiots- we'd even talked about what would happen if one of our kids died, if I lost the baby, etc. and my pregnancies are so awful that I said I couldn't do it again anyway, no matter what. Well, unless you've lost a child, you have no idea what you'll go through afterwards. We eventually determined that there was no way I could get through this without having another. We tried insemination with donor sperm twice, but it totally stressed me out and didn't take those two times so we moved on to a vasectomy reversal. The surgery is very expensive, difficult, time-consuming, and uncomfortable. (It takes hours.) And it doesn't always work. We lucked out in our case and it did work; I'm 25 weeks pregnant now and hoping not to lose this baby.

My point is not to scare you off from a vasectomy- I still think it's the best form of permanent birth control out there. But I'd think hard about doing it while your kids are so young. If your baby died while still nursing, you might go through just what I did- I said I couldn't do it again, but I just had to. There is no way to guess how your feelings will change if you lose a child. I feel like if I lost an older child, having another would not have been such a big part of my healing process because all the baby stuff would have been over with already (though I really can't guess.) The chances seem minute, I know- but please consider waiting until your youngest is at least a year old.
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Old 09-19-2004, 07:17 PM
 
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I am getting snipped after our 2nd child arrives in October. I am 33 in November and wanted to wait until I was older to get snipped. But considering dw and I both hate pills and condoms, I am getting it done early. We are confident 2 kids is all we want.
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Old 09-20-2004, 12:30 PM
 
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I had that done about 6 months ago. I was 28 at the time. No regrets at all--we were and are confident that we don't want more kids.
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Old 09-20-2004, 12:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clothcrazymom
Sorry to barge in on the Dad's board -

While one can really know how they feel right now...it's hard to know exactly how one will feel in the future. Life can look VERY differently years down the road. And while we may feel very clear that we are in a certain stage of life... one's perspective shifts quite a bit in a decade.

I very much think it's a very good idea for people to wait until their youngest child is older.

Honestly, I think if you have concerns about it at this point - it would be much better to wait. It's always something he can have done later.

I completely agree! When our son was 1 1/2 we figured the time was right. We were convinced at that time that we only wanted one child, so dh had the surgery. Recovery was lenghty and difficult.


We had no idea the influence our son would have on our lives and the more we thought about it, the more we thought our family would be even more complete with another child.

We thought about adoption, but have ruled that out after looking into it for the last year. We aren't going for a reversal, but we are hoping to utilize a harvesting technique.

Even if you are sure that having the vasectomy is the way to go. Have your dh store a few samples in the sperm bank. If we had done that, then I would most likely be pg with #2 at this point.

Things change. Just be sure that this is the right decision.
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Old 09-20-2004, 12:50 PM
 
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As for the age question, dh and I are on the back end of our 30's.
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Old 09-20-2004, 08:03 PM
 
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Dh was 27(I was 25) when he got had his V. There was no class or anything for us to take. When I was pg and in labour with my last dd I had 2 dr's suggesting permanent BC. We had the appt with the surgeon booked and he had his surgery 6weeks after he saw the surgeon. He was out quadding the day after his surgery.

We knew we were done when my pg problems started at 12weeks with #3(2 weeks earlier than with #2). I am a Doula and my siblings are starting to have kids, I can get my baby fixes in and hand them off to someone else when they get fussing. My youngest child has been our hardest, she is very high needs.

Some dr's will not do the procedures(on either sex) if they feel you are too young.
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Old 09-20-2004, 09:12 PM
 
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Make sure it is something you both want.

My husband got one at 42. He felt he didn't want to become a dad again at 44. Well 44/45 came and we both wanted more.

Unless there is a miricle another child won't happen. We are both sadden by this.

I never wanted him to get a vas. He was convinced but he would be to old.
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Old 09-21-2004, 11:16 PM
 
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Now for me to throw a monkey wrench into things....

My husband had his vasectomy when our kids were 6 and 2.5. I was 26 and dh was 23. And the oldest child isn't his, biologically. So we really have only had one child together.

No regrets. There are oodles of kids out there who need good homes. If we feel like we want another child later on, adoption is always an option.
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Old 09-22-2004, 01:40 AM
 
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My dh would like to get a V. We have 2 boys, 6 yrs and 2.5 yrs old; only the second is his biologically, but he really believes in population control and would like to adopt if we want more kids. Though I know it's ultimately his decision, I'm feeling ambivalent. It would be convenient yes, and right now 2 is all the kids I can handle emotionally and financially. Yet I loved being pregnant and nursing and as my youngest gets older, somedays I think about having another. My rationale mind takes over quickly and I get over it, but some days I wonder will I really want another. I'd be open to adopting but adoption is usually quite expensive if you want a baby and making them is free. (I don't mean that to sound crass, but even $10-$15K would be too much for us to come up with to adopt a baby.) I think I'd like dh to wait until I feel sure or I become too old to want to be pregnant.
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Old 09-22-2004, 11:34 PM
 
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My husband had a vacsectomy last year and has had a great deal of pain, swelling of his testicles and frustration goingl back to the doc and having him shrug his shoulders - ERG!! He got a great book after the fact called If It Works Don't Fix It by Kevin Huber (dontfixit.org) Please read this book b/f you do it so that you both can be fully informed. It isn't always such a simple procedure and some men do suffer long term consequences with little recourse for reversal - the doc's don't want to say it didn't go well and should be reversed b/c they look like they are at "fault" - so, without a doc's acknowledgement that it was not a good choice for a man, your in surane won't cover the very expensive procedure of reversal. Make sure you know all the facts. My dh has been helped somewhat by an Osteopath, but it has really been hard on us. Good luck with your choice.
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Old 10-07-2004, 04:24 AM
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I was in my middle thirties when I decided to "interrupt my potent-ial."

No regrets... If your dh decides to go for it, make sure he gets on some Saw Palmetto after he's healed up. Prostate health is important, intact or interrupted. Nothing in life is perfect, and I do have some plumbing irregularities as a result of my snippage. But I am soooo content with how much more relaxed my dw is about intimate moments not having to worry about getting pregnant. I feel sooo much better knowing I'm not a loaded gun anymore. Good grief, that was too much damned stress for me... finally some control over that. whew!

Good vibes on your decision-making. It's tough to steer through the hype on both sides of the issue, but there are facts out there to be had. Make the choice that's right for the both of you, and in the timing that sits well in your souls... you'll both know when that is.
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Old 11-01-2004, 10:19 PM
 
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Well I have read the replie to this forum. My DW and I have talked over the issues with or without having it done. All I really have to say is that if the whole V thing was supposed to take place, as in the same as circ. and tl. it would happen naturally. We did not circ any of oour boys because of the whole mutilation thing. Cannot justify it so I will not be getting snipped. For that reason, we track cycles very closely. If we deide to get intimate on the spur, and its the wrong time, then I leasuer her orally and she pleasures me handly. lol. We do not need to have intercourse to be able to pleasure.
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