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Old 10-06-2004, 12:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Bueno
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Old 10-06-2004, 05:18 PM
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Try to remember that intimacy does not have to mean sex. We have a 5 wk old DD who keeps us up to about 2-3am on a regular basis plus a 2yr old. My DL often complains about being 'touched out' and she still has a bit of lochia.

We cuddle, we try to touch each other romantically at least once a day. I have told DL if she wears a certain item that I happen to love seeing her in, she is "off duty" for the evening. She loves being able to put her feet up and I enjoy seeing her in the item all evening. I give her back massages often in the late evening when both children are asleep and before DD fires up with her 2am colic. For us this seems to cover the adult level body contact.

Now this doesn't completely deal with sexual need I have for my DL. To me she is the most lovely and beautiful woman on the planet and I want to pounce her on a daily, hell hourly basis. So sometimes I do have resort to the hand method to relieve the, um, pressure. But these times are relatively rare because we have kept our relationship intimate. Its just not all that sexual right now.

It kind of amazing for me that I am as happy as I am right now. You see, I am 38. I was a 32 yr old virgin. In 6 years I have gone from lonely single guy to family guy. I've been making up for lost time.
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Old 10-06-2004, 06:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hahah I like that smiley face! haha
So basically you're doing well and everything is cool.

Me, well... :
That about sums it up.
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Old 10-06-2004, 11:19 PM
 
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The situation can be reversed. What is happening to you can happen to women, too. There's a thread about it on the parents as partners board.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=195574


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Originally Posted by Mr. Pillsbury
Get heavy into woodshop?
Build out a 1966 Shelby GT350?
Paint something?
Waste time in front of the TV or Computer?
Use the hand method?
Alternative forms of physical therapy?
You might have to do all these things and more. You could also try turning into a religious fanatic. I'm only half-kidding. The emphasis on self-deprivation that runs through most major religions might help you get through this.

What you're going through is termed involuntary celibacy.
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Old 10-06-2004, 11:27 PM
 
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I'll second what Penalt said. Intimacy doesn't always have to be sex. Having a toddler and parenting in a child first, child focussed way can be quite draining and tireing. Not a whole lot of energy left for much else. But, there have been times for naked time. Definately not as much as pre-baby.
How do I cope? I write. I read. I eat Ben & Jerry's. I plot global domination.

Full Spectrum Dominance all the way!

"To lose the sense of sacredness of the world is a mortal loss. To injure our world by excesses of greed and ingenuity is to endanger our own sacredness."    Ursula K. Le Guin
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Old 10-06-2004, 11:31 PM
 
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Self-flagellation?

"To lose the sense of sacredness of the world is a mortal loss. To injure our world by excesses of greed and ingenuity is to endanger our own sacredness."    Ursula K. Le Guin
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Old 10-11-2004, 10:47 PM
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As a wife i want to vigorously applaud everything that Penalt has said. I promise promise promise that things will get better sexually for you guys. If you keep up INTIMACY and affection and tenderness now, your love and desire for each other will not diminish, and she will be that much more interested in you and passionate when her body kicks back into gear. If you let that slip, ignore the little things, stop caressing her (as much as you can tolerate ), etc. it will not get good again nearly as fast as it could.

Also, not to be too indelicate: is there a reason why she cannot once or twice a week at least relieve you in, um, other ways besides full on intercourse. Personally doing that for my man tends to get me VERY interested, and no KY is necessary . Then, you could do similar for her. That way, everyone is satisfied.
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Old 10-12-2004, 04:04 AM
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Penalt's had a "heart attack."

I know ob terminology. Cardiac problems I have no clue. I can't even spell phonetically what they said he had. Something about how the upper two parts of his heart and the lower two parts weren't just out of synch, but racing. And his bp was at least 150/90. They gave him two shots to slow his heart down but they can't shock him because he's been out of synch for so long that if they do, he could toss a clot and have a stroke.

He's going to be there at least overnight if not longer. He's going to be on blood thinners for the next few weeks at the minimum until they can shock his heart. Both his father and eldest brother have heart problems....

Please.. prayers. Not for me for him. I don't want to be a widow before I'm a wife.
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Old 10-12-2004, 04:07 AM
 
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Chemigogo "Also, not to be too indelicate: is there a reason why she cannot once or twice a week at least relieve you in, um, other ways besides full on intercourse. Personally doing that for my man tends to get me VERY interested, and no KY is necessary . Then, you could do similar for her. That way, everyone is satisfied."

I wish my wife thought like this. She tells me to take care of it myself even though I tell her her it is better when she takes care of it. I would settle for a "helping hand" knowing that she does not want full intercourse. I try to be respectful towards her and to get a response like that ..... : TMI? Sorry if I was to honest.
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Old 10-12-2004, 08:59 AM
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Aww, bill, that is just sad. Sometimes i don't get women, and i am one . Both parties must make an effort, even the one who is 'not interested'. Honest to goodness there are WAYS to get yourself interested. If she wants to pm me i'll tell them to her . Have you guys talked about htis and how much it bothers you?
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Old 10-12-2004, 01:51 PM
 
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We have a 4-year old and a 2-month old. We either stick on a movie for the 4-year old or we attempt it when she's at school (dh works nights, so he's home for a few hours in the mornings). We're having to use condoms because my husband was cheating on me for the past 3 months (that's a whole other topic), and he hates condoms (which is why he didn't use them with his girlfriend). So, he has a difficult time keeping it going with them. So, we've ended up pleasuring each other with hands or orally, and there have been a few times when the baby wakes up and we can't continue. So, while I'm sitting there naked and breastfeeding, he'll pleasure himself while I'm caressing his chest or legs or whatever. He seems to love it, and he said it also gives him something to fantacize about when he's pleasuring himself when I'm NOT there!

By the way, do any of you dads have problems with condoms? Keeping it going, I mean? He says he can't feel anything, can't feel me. We bought Lifestyles Extra-Sensitive, and Durex Extra-Thin, but he still has the same problem. And believe me, it's not making me happy because I"m already crushed that he cheated on me. Basically, SHE got to feel him, but I can't. Aaarrrrgggghhhhh.

Thanks guys.
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Old 10-13-2004, 01:20 AM
 
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Mamid, my sympathies.

I pass on good energy Penalt's way. Let us know how he is doing. Take care! Be strong!

Tata

"To lose the sense of sacredness of the world is a mortal loss. To injure our world by excesses of greed and ingenuity is to endanger our own sacredness."    Ursula K. Le Guin
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Old 10-27-2004, 02:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamasiobhan
problems with condoms? Keeping it going, I mean? He says he can't feel anything, can't feel me.
I'm a high-libido person, but I would rather skip intercourse than use a condom, unless I'm very, very in need, and even then I may not be able to with one. I have heard the same from some of my male friends, too.

I think it's partially generational; when I was a teenager/young adult, AIDS wasn't considered a threat to straight suburbanites so I was having sex for years before anyone got me to put one on. Guys a decade younger than me seem to take it more for granted.
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Old 10-30-2004, 06:14 AM
 
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Well here goes. How do I cope? Well it is hard...ahem sort of speak. I do know onw thing, forcing the issue doesn't work. Never attempt it. In the most part, my wife and I have been pretty lucky. We both LOVE sex. There has been times where either myself or her just was not in the mood for all out sex. Yes I did say me, a guy, not wanting sex. But when it comes to not wanting all out sex, definately play. U sually start with a massage then work my way down. No deep probing needed. I have found that just playing on the outside, in the furry forrest works quite well. I have been more than satisfied by just doing this. And yes if it happens that my little friend explodes well its all good. I think its good. It shows ur lover that the mear touching of her body can get yopu off. The same with her. There are alot of other things that one could do to get around sex. After my wife had our last, it was not a good idea to have sex cause of the new baby. I did not wish to potentially harm her so orally it was. Toys, fingers, mouths and tongues are all good ideas. All you can do is experiment.
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