Condom advice please! - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 43 Old 10-16-2004, 05:47 PM
 
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Just want to give you your props, mamasiobhan, I have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. I found out when I was 6 months pregnant with my fifth baby that my Insignificant Other of 11 years not only cheated on me, but had an entire FAMILY on the side, with a six month old baby. The baby was born the day after his birthday, while we were at a hotel sleeping off our little celebratory tete a tete (and making that 5th baby). And the woman he was with was not quite the "settling down" sort, if you know what I mean. Turned out that 1 of those kids wasn't even his, and she doesn't know who out of 3 other men is the father. Nice, huh?
I been through the whole wait and see with regards to testing, it stinks.
I tried to work it out for a couple more years, and we even had another baby together, but it didn't work. I know where you're at, though.
I had an insatiable need for sex with him after I found out, too. I don't know if I was trying to prove I was "better" than her, or if I wanted to make her jealous because I still had him, or if I was trying to wear him out so he didn;t have energy for anyone else, or if I wanted to feel the same way I used to feel before I found out about it.
Even though I am now married to a really great guy, I still love the S.O.B. :
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#32 of 43 Old 10-17-2004, 12:38 AM
 
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DH used to be a condom whiner too. "Like taking a shower in a raincoat." When he did use them, he insisted on lambskin. Well, after DS surprised us (fertility awareness) and DD surprised us (lambskins are subject to natural variations... so they are not always the same size... which can cause them to behave unpredictably... like, oh, say, fall right off) he was a lot more cooperative.

We've used "Beyond 7" for over six years now. They are very cheap and very thin and work quite well for us. If they work for dh they ought to work for anyone.
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#33 of 43 Old 10-18-2004, 02:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sevenkids, my sister, I'm so sorry to hear what you went through. It's amazing how strong we are, eh? Amazing. But it's insane how much we continue to love the people who hurt us so. I guess that's the unconditional mother-love we all feel.

And Alaskadad... YEAH!!! That's what I'm talking about! Your wife is a lucky woman, that's all I can say. I understand that temptations arise when we spend our lives with someone, and I understand that it is unrealistic to expect that one will not be attracted to someone in the many years of being together... but ACTING ON IT is completely f-ed up and inexcusable. I don't care what the therapist says, what you were looking for, what you needed that you weren't getting from your marriage, blah, blah, blah... the basic thing is that it is f-ed up and selfish. Only time and therapy will tell if I can forgive my husband for this. I hope I can, because I do love him and I know that humans are weak sometimes, and because I want my daughters to have their father around, unlike I did. That's not to say I'll put up with a continuing crappy father/husband, but I'm giving him a chance to prove this was a big f-up. We'll see. But thank you for being a man of integrity. I hope you show your wife this thread so she can revel in the wonderfulness of her husband, and maybe you'll get some sugar tonight!

Thanks everyone.
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#34 of 43 Old 10-18-2004, 01:06 PM
 
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WARNING TMI follows:

GET A VIBRBATOR!

And he can use it on you, or YOU can use it on you.

To some extent, the condom thing is his problem. You have other options. Let him figure out how to psych himself up, or not.

No, we don't think you are a weenie for staying with him. We think you are a very dedicated woman. None of us can judge from a single forum what's going on in a complex relationship. Go with your heart and do what you need to do.

But really, in terms of sex - well, please consider the other options - think outside the box. Even things around your house like the shower head or the vibrating washing machine can work. I have a book about that, but I bet you can google some things. Have FUN while you're at it. You deserve it.

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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#35 of 43 Old 10-18-2004, 01:55 PM
 
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I posted about the kimonos before, I just went and checked the box. It's MicroThin, supposed to be 20% thinner than other ultrathin brands, in a grey box. Don't know if that is the one you bought.

I don't know if you are aware of the book, After the Affair. It gives some supportive information for trying to make it work. Good luck to you and your family.
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#36 of 43 Old 10-18-2004, 02:42 PM
 
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Most hte Japanese brand just type "japanese condom sampler" into yahoo or google to see.

crown, kimono, maxx, beyond seven are a few of the names i remember. DH's favorite is the crown or kimono microthin but really any of them he liked.

And I have to say the one time we went on vacation and forgot ours, and bought American brand condoms it broke and now I'm pregnant LOL
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#37 of 43 Old 10-18-2004, 02:50 PM
 
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Mama, I am sorry you're working through this- but I might to in a similar position and I don't consider myself weak at all. It is all about doing what is best for your family, and therapy will help you heal. I support a woman's right to choose if she wants to work on it or not. It doesn't make you weak.

I would want to buy a vibrator and forget him, but I know it might not be the healthiest option I hope you two are able to work through this.
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#38 of 43 Old 10-18-2004, 06:29 PM
 
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It is great that you both are trying to work through this, but something to keep in mind, since the condoms are for std protection, is that you may not want to go with the thinnest ones you can find, the micro thin types & such that folks are suggesting may be more likely to allow things through them than the thicker ones.

Good luck with all of it, it's difficult no matter how you deal with it.
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#39 of 43 Old 10-19-2004, 01:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamasiobhan
I think it's funny that I'm getting mostly mama responses in the Dads' forum, by the way... where are the guys? What do you dads have to say about this? Anything?

So, dads, how 'bout them condom opinions!?!?!
Well................ hehehe.

As a man,father,husband I can "see" why he would take a dive off the deep end like that. That's 100% NO GOOD. But this topic is about condoms. I'm in the same boat "I hate the things" and try to avoid them at all possible.

Yes the feeling totally goes away but ya know what? It's all up here :: taps temple :: *ANY* REAL MAN will tell you this. It's 90% mental or more. So if he can keep it up it's because his mind is on HER or *something/someone else*

THAT'S A FACT. Anyway... the thin condoms are about the best you can hope for I would think. For me??? I tell my wife "baby... ya know I have trouble hanging on with this jimmy hat on so help me out by making a lot more noise"

You know ... yelling out and hollaring. I'm all about audible stuff. My curse too. If my wife were to scream out like it's the best ever I think I would lose it under 2 minutes. Now I don't know about the other fellas but EVERY MAN UNDER GOD'S GREEN EARTH have an EGO the size of Texas and for a purdy little Philly to be shoutin' out on OUR BEHALF???? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT. That's all she wrote folks.

Now don't be tellin' me you're a shouter? I think I'll just about shoot myself if your husband is STILL not moved by that.

So? Are ya a screamer/shouter? If not give it a shot. I think they call it "words of encourgement" ??
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#40 of 43 Old 10-28-2004, 02:31 AM
 
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Wow mama, what a situation to be in. Big hugs s:

I used a female condem once. And I never plan to use one again. It was just weird. And it was loud LOL. It made a noise, a crinkly plastic type noise, even with the lube. I just remember thinking that it was dumb and didn't stay in place very well.

Congrats on your new baby!!
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#41 of 43 Old 10-30-2004, 05:36 AM
 
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well seeing that yet once again there are not allot of dads in here. I do not dislike or like condoms. I have been in alot of situations where condoms had to be used. iwill never say I won't wear one. Sorry but if no protection is being used u better take care of the possible outcomes. I had to find ways to make them work. I do agree with astroglide. I belive its the best stuff ever made. I have used it wityh a condom. A couple of drops on the inside as well as on the outside. It makes a huge difference in the sensation. Yes having the mindset works too but to fully enjoy the sensation, little buddy needs to feel a little more. Condoms for the most part will kill, what I experienced, half the sensation. I have tried alot of brands and actually sides with ramseys untra thin and beyond seven.
The ultra this is wickedly thin which allows more ensation than the goodyear model. The beyond seven worked out the best overall. Strong, lubed nicely, and fit a little better.
Adding to the other part of the main post, if it happened to me, i would rather get myself off repeatly, take up residense in the bathroom than dip my wick in my cheating partner. I have never cheated and could never be with anyone who did it to me. I admire your dedication, although he really does ot deserve you
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#42 of 43 Old 11-02-2004, 12:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, Ucdaddytomany... Sometimes I think I'm crazy for trying to work it out, and sometimes I think I'm crazy not to. I tell ya--I never thought I'd put up with as much as I'm putting up with.

Thanks everyone.
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#43 of 43 Old 11-02-2004, 03:00 AM
 
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I have had ne of my x girlfrind sort of cheat on me. We were just taking a breather. I was comtemplating asking her to marry me. She was upset at my decision at the break but went along with it. Things went from bad to worse. We ended up just breaking up totally. Later i found out that in her distrought stae, she went to a buddy of mine and cried hima sad river and ended up sleeping with him. I found out and confronted both of them. I should have let things be but decided to get her back just for the sake of doing it. I stole her back and things were actually better than they were before but alas it was comlpletely ended when I found my one true love now. It is a very difficult thing you are doing. I am giving you *snaps* u deserve them.
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