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Old 10-12-2004, 01:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey guys. My husband and I are having to use condoms for a while, and it's no fun. He has a difficult time "keeping it going" with them because he says he can't feel anything after a few minutes. We've tried Lifestyles Extra-Senstive and Durex's thin ones, but they especially feel so rubbery.

Any advice on good condoms? Any advice on psyching him out of thinking, "I'm wearing a condom, I'm wearing a condom"?

Thanks
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Old 10-12-2004, 02:19 PM
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We used to use the sheep skin ones. Ok, they aren't made out of sheep skin, but it's something gross like the intestines, anyway, they're all natural and don't feel rubbery.

I psyched my dh out, it was easy. Just say "Wanna get the big snip?" After a while, he did!
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Old 10-12-2004, 02:58 PM
 
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From what I can remember, we used Lifestyle thin and we used astroglide as well. I hated them, they were a bit too tight.

Are the condoms he uses too tight? They have larger sizes to buy.

I phyched myself up by telling myself, having sex with a condom is better than no sex at all!
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Old 10-12-2004, 03:05 PM
 
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i'm not posting a link b/c i don't know if that would violate a "no nasties" MDC rule, but go to babeland.com and search for "condoms." they have many different kinds - i have heard good things about "pleasure plus" and "crown" in particular. (have not tried either myself - or should i say, have not had a partner who tried either w/ me... )

maybe it would help the transition into condom-land to spice things up in other ways? while you're on the site you might want to browse around and see if anything sparks your imagination. i swear i don't own stock w/ them, i just toys in babeland!
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Old 10-12-2004, 06:32 PM
 
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Someone out there is reading my mind. Scary.
We, too, are using condoms for a little while. Although I am pretty talented as a lovemaker, the instant the rubber goes on he loses the stiffness. I am at my wit's end. I love that part of my hubby and men in general. This is so frustrating. Other ways of loving are nice, but not the same. I will welcome any suggestions we get here.
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Old 10-12-2004, 08:38 PM
 
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Have you tried using some lube inside the condom? My dh says that helps. Trying different brands for size, texture, etc. is good.

It also helps my dh if he knows that he'll get lots of pre-condom foreplay, or sometimes the "main event" won't require a condom.

Also, if you are TTA (trying to avoid pregnancy), you can chart your fertility to determine non-fertile times when it's safe to go without. Toni Weschler's book Taking Charge of Your Fertility is the bible of the fertility awareness method.

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Old 10-14-2004, 08:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Have you tried using some lube inside the condom?
A very good point, my dh has never had a problem with condoms, but he likes it alot more if there is lube inside and he is slipping all over...lol sorry if that's TMI!!

Good Luck
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Old 10-14-2004, 09:09 PM
 
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We tried a few brands as well, we found kimono brand, they sell it at wholefoods. Also online I think there might be a condoms.com.
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Old 10-14-2004, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the advice... keep it coming!

For those of you who gave me birth-control advice (i.e. FAM method), we are having to use condoms because he cheated on me and didn't use condoms with her... I've been tested, but he hasn't yet, and anyway--HIV can be dormant for 6 months, so we have to use condoms for 6 months.

Grrrrrrrrr.....

The Fertility Awareness Method is the bomb, by the way... we used it for a year before deciding to get pregnant with kid #2, and then we got pregnant with only 2 tries when we wanted to get pregnant.

But that won't do for us now. And even if he hadn't cheated, it's not that reliable during breastfeeding anyway.

I just bought Kimono Super Thin, so we'll see...

And of course, the not-staying-hard thing is kinda killing me right now, because all of this has been a huge blow to my heart and soul, as well as to my self-confidence. I know it doesn't happen because of me, because the reason he didn't use a condom with her is because it didn't "work" when he started off with a condom with her and that's why he took it off.
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Old 10-14-2004, 09:58 PM
 
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Have you tried the female condom?
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Old 10-14-2004, 10:03 PM
 
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to the sheep skin ones. They were the only ones dh and I both liked.
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Old 10-14-2004, 10:03 PM
 
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So sorry to hear the reason behind the inquiry. Also bless you for being able to see past this and continue in your relationship.
As for the condoms, I hope you find something that works. I second the poster who mentioned lots of fore play, that usually is the holder for my dh. So exited that their just is no stopping the inevitible (sp).
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Old 10-14-2004, 10:13 PM
 
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I just read the reason why you have to use them. So sorry. Sheep skin condoms should not be used to prevent anything other than pregnancy. They are more porous than latex.
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Old 10-14-2004, 10:15 PM
 
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just a warning on the sheepskin ones- they aren't as protective against HIV and other stuff, just pregnancy, so you might want to avoid those as well given the reason for you needing to use condoms.

R~mama to 3

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Old 10-14-2004, 10:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Parthenia, no I haven't tried the female condom... have you? Has anyone? Is it good?

And Electra, thanks for the blessings... I'm TRYING to see past this, but he just confessed everything not even a month ago, and it went on for 2 1/2 months... and what's worse is that I caught him when he was a month into it, the day before our 2nd daughter was born, and he swore it was over, but he started all over again when he went back to work. He finally stopped seeing her when our daughter turned 6 weeks... how to kill the soul of a pregnant and postpartum woman, eh?

We're in therapy, and probably will be for a long time...

As for the lambskin condoms, they don't protect against STDs/HIV.. only pregnancy.

Thanks everyone
Siobhan
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Old 10-14-2004, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We all posted the "no lambskin" info at the same time!
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Old 10-14-2004, 10:24 PM
 
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I haven't used one in many years. I think NatureMamaOR suggested it.
Before you spend the money you can probably pick one or a few up free at a health clinic, health services place at a college, etc. They're usually in a basket at the desk or in the lobby, and anyone can take one.
A friend of mine who owns a tattoo shop also stocks them, along with condoms, lube, and needle cleaning kits. I think someone from health services at the local comm. college brings them.
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Old 10-14-2004, 10:35 PM
 
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ugh, that is terrible. i'm so sorry that's the reason

well anyway, i just wanted to throw out a cautious warning about the lube-inside-the-condom idea... i have never actually tried that, but i'm thinking wouldn't that make it more likely that the condom might slip off? and i'm saying this as someone who got pregnant b/c a condom actually slipped off. it's a rare occurrence, but i'm here to tell you it does happen.

kimonos are nice, i used to like those.

haven't tried the female condom... i have my free sample but who knows if i will ever get the chance to use it ... but i have heard that it works pretty well, altho it does take some getting used to. (as you might imagine.)
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Old 10-14-2004, 10:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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By the way, babeland.com rocks! I just ordered a sample-pack of condoms and one of lubes, and also a "Get Nasty" card game! 57 ideas on getting Nasty!
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Old 10-14-2004, 10:50 PM
 
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Maybe it is just me...but due to the reason for this post...........I wouldn't care if he could feel it or not. He is lucky to be in the same bed with you yet alone making love to you.

That said, I find it very honoralbe that you are still working on your relationship as long as it fulfills your needs and wants. Good luck on your journey.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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Old 10-14-2004, 10:51 PM
 
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:LOL
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Old 10-14-2004, 11:02 PM
 
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I have to say, your dh is lucky he's getting anything at all! I hope things work out for you and that he tests negative.

Here's some info on the female condom.

I personally would avoid condoms with nonoxynol-9 as it is an irritant and has not been found effective outside the lab against HIV (probably because it can cause irritated, broken skin).

Water-based (not oil-based) lubricant is a must. As long as you don't use too much (just a few drops) a little inside the condom shouldn't make it slip off. Astroglide is a great lubricant and has been found to stop the replication of HIV, so that's a bonus! http://condomania.net/?safersex

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Old 10-15-2004, 04:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the recent posts... yes, he is VERY lucky that he's getting to be anywhere near me. He is, in fact, the luckiest man alive right now. And my need for lots of sex right now (on the days when I don't despise him) is quite intense--it's helping me in some way. Believe me, I'm not having sex with him to make HIM feel good.

Angelbee wrote:
Maybe it is just me...but due to the reason for this post...........I wouldn't care if he could feel it or not. He is lucky to be in the same bed with you yet alone making love to you.

--

Yeah--sometimes I want the sex to connect with him, and sometimes I want it because I simply WANT IT. But of course, if he "can't feel it", it means he peters out and pleasure occurs in other ways. Which is fine, sometimes, but sometimes I just want it, ya know? So, I"m really wanting the condoms to not get in the way. When he peters out, it kills me, because it just reminds me --once again-- that she got to feel him, and now I can't.

I think it's funny that I'm getting mostly mama responses in the Dads' forum, by the way... where are the guys? What do you dads have to say about this? Anything?

And I hope y'all don't think I'm being a pushover. It's a pretty hard decision right now. This is the worse thing he could ever do, and some days I want to tell him to F off. Some days, the only reason I don't is because even if I did, I still have to deal with him for the rest of my life because we have kids, so I might as well try and make it work. I do love him. And not to be depressing, but none of the divorced mothers I know have new partners (including my mother), but all of the divorced dads I know do have partners. So, I'd probably see him with other women if we broke up, so I might as well work with him to figure this crap out before giving up. I'm hoping that this is his one-and-only big mistake (we've been together 5 years and it's never happened before). He's got issues, that's for sure--and we're already tackling them in therapy. All in all, he is a good, kind-hearted person and he does love me. He f-ed up in a big way, so I'm going to try and work with him. He's got to bust his butt, though. I'm a pretty damned good catch.

Thanks everyone.

So, dads, how 'bout them condom opinions!?!?!
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Old 10-15-2004, 01:27 PM
 
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I feel like I'm intruding on this thread, but was your DH tested for other STDs? I only ask because some can be transmitted by mouth contact as well...

I'm so sorry.

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Old 10-15-2004, 02:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He hasn't been tested for anything yet. I've been tested for all the STDs vaginally and with blood work, but nothing oral.
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Old 10-15-2004, 02:14 PM
 
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haven't tried it, but ky makes a new "warming" lube. u can put a couple dabs inside.

men are more likely to cheat on their wives while she's pg than at any other time. i'm sorry u have to deal w/that.
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Old 10-15-2004, 03:18 PM
 
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Well Mama, you're a bigger woman than I to be working it out. Good luck to ya.

Not a dad but we use Lifestyles Ultra Sensitive, might be different than extra? See if you can find a company that offers a sample pack; I think Adam and Eve used to.

This may fall into the TMI realm, but what we do (condoms are our form of BC) is to have one by the bed before we start fooling around, then when we need it, I open it and put it on him w/out stopping what's going on, and it helps make the transition seamless. Sometimes he does it but again, it's w/out slowing too much; you can even use your hands to feel which direction it rolls in rather than your eyes.

I'm so sorry you''re going through this and at such a vulnerable time.
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Old 10-15-2004, 04:39 PM
 
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the sheep skin ones (NatraLamb available at Eckerd, CVS, etc) are the BEST! A bit pricey but worth it! I have never ever had them break either! And we both love Ky UltraGel (in the white and blue bottle) inside and outside of the condom. Just keep in mind that anything but latex or polyurethane won't prevent diseases. But we used the NatraLamb for a year and a half (only during my fertile times) and never got pregnant.

Also the NatraLamb are good for guys who are larger like my boyfriend- they stretch very well unlike latex

hope that helps!
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Old 10-15-2004, 04:45 PM
 
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and I am so sorry you are having to deal with a cheating spouse at this vulnerable time as well- you are a much much bigger person than I am- I know that if my boyfriend cheated on me while I was pregnant or just had his baby I would put the .38 revolver I have to use- no kidding- and I would have no remorse- call me a sociopath or whatever but after seeing my dad cheat on my mom while she was pregnant- I promised myself I would kill anyone who would do that to me even if I had to spend the rest of my life on the run or in jail. God bless you for having the grace to try to work it out. I hope thing go better- if it helps- I know for a fact that my dad never cheated on my mom after that one time while she was pregnant- and it still haunts him to this day.

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Old 10-16-2004, 03:16 PM
 
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My wife and I have used condoms for almost our entire relationship, except for that one year she tried the pill and routinely woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to beat me with baseball bat (The rule w/ my wife is don't mess with her hormones).

We have always used trojans, which seem to work just fine, since I've have very rarely had sex without a condom, I've found that i have much better control with one on which helps the prolong the experiance.

Now for my opinion for the reason for this post. It never CEASES to amaze me on the double standard we have in the area if cheating. If a woman is found cheating, the man is out the door almost everytime. But if the man does, oh the stories, the reasoning, the justifications.... BLAH BLAH it just makes me want to and

I have a four year old and a 10 month old, We have NO time for sex, we probably won't for several more months. We haven't had time for sex for several months. Does this make me miss sex? You bet!! Do you think this makes me want to look somewhere else for it? Hell No!

To all the men out there, KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS! If a woman comes on to you, be flattered (And yes in your mind, jump up and down that she wants you).

To all the women out there, EXPECT YOUR MEN TO KEEP IT IN THEIR PANTS. Men CAN control their urges.

Sorry for the brief rant, I just HATE THIS!
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