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#1 of 10 Old 03-28-2005, 11:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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my dh just got fired. i want to help him understand that he is NOT A LOSER. NOT AT ALL. How?
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#2 of 10 Old 03-30-2005, 01:34 PM
 
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Hmmm, this is a tough one. As I don't know what the circumstances were, I'm not clear on how to approach this. Was he laid off?
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#3 of 10 Old 03-30-2005, 01:51 PM
 
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First, GoodWill, I'm really sorry to hear that.
Second, I agree with Poochie that we need more information.
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#4 of 10 Old 03-30-2005, 02:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He was fired due to "poor job performance". I just don't think he was cut out to be a "travelling technician." He'd do better in a set office environment...
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#5 of 10 Old 03-30-2005, 03:14 PM
 
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It sounds like you are a very supportive spouse, which is great for your husband. He is very fortunate in this way. I know this is hard for you and your husband.

I work at a job that is just about impossible to do as an old timer and I see them bring in these new people who are more than qualified but without spending the time to train them and they leave thinking they failed in some way, when in reality it was the company not training people. I received great training but the new people aren't receiving any today!

Maybe this could end up being a blessing in disquise if he gravitates to a job that is more suitable to him, like the office setting you mentioned.

But in the meantime he may become a bit agitated or depressed (normal responses to being let go). Does he or you have medical insurance coverage (outpatient mental health benefit)? He may want to talk to a professional counselor/therapist about his experience and to help him regroup for the next step. This may lend some insight into what direction he may want to go, in terms of employment and help to process any anger, frustration, sadness, etc.

Hope this helps.
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#6 of 10 Old 04-18-2005, 03:05 AM
 
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Trust me. He's not a loser. I'm not cut out for a number of things. And there have been times that managers have "let me go" in the first 2 weeks telling me that I'm not "good material" for that industry, only to find myself as "acting" general manager in the same industry a year later. My advice is simply this:

1) just because you performed poorly (if you even did) at a job, doesn't mean you will do poorly under different circumstances, management, or job area in same industry.

2) sometimes, a bad boot to the butt out of a job allows for opportunities to open to you. Or you may rethink your position or where (or what) you want to do for a living.

3) everything defines us. Maybe this is a defining moment (not the actual firing). You should look at yourself and determine why it didn't work. What would you rather be doing. Nothing? Me too. Though we both know that doesn't really work.

4) Like your wife has already said, you do better in an office environment and not a travelling rogue. That's what I mean by defining. When others see something like that, you should definately look at that.

5) Your work doesn't define you (that's not what I meant as a "defining moment"). Though I fully understand your desire to enjoy the work that you do. Something fullfilling that pays well, right? One step at a time, sometimes. Maybe looking for something you're interested in, but in an office environment.

6) It sucks. Recognize and embrace that, then move towards less sucky situation. Goal in life..."something that sucks less than where I'm currently at."

7) You have a fantastic wife. Relish that. My wife is equally fantastic and sometimes confused as to how to advise me in situations like this.

Positive thoughts your direction.

-Zach
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#7 of 10 Old 04-20-2005, 12:17 AM
 
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We all can have a job at one point in our professional life that just s*cks and where we are not happy. If you are not happy in your job you cannot perform 100%. Not performing 100% can lead to being laid off.

I'd suggest to start here and build a case around it. He might feel guilt but sometimes it is better to start again somewhere else - even if it hurts. I am kinda stuck in a job I do not like but I am building my own business at the same time and therefore have something to look forward to.

I'd stay away from always going back talking about the job he got fired from. Look forward, point out the good things that can happen with the new job.

Christoph
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#8 of 10 Old 04-28-2005, 03:43 PM
 
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I went through a tough job run where I held six or seven jobs. I got fired from a few and quit a few. In the end I found my niche and am doing really well at it. I was a traveling salesman selling diabetic shoes. (I am not kidding either) I got a car that cost too much in anticipation of my checks, only to get fired two months later. I had created lots of sales materials and was forced to hand them over to get my check. It's a shame they were missing a lot of info. I was fired and told I just wasn't cutting it. It all works in the end.
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#9 of 10 Old 04-29-2005, 12:25 AM
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ZachZ! Yeah, I agree with everything ZachZ said and the way he said it.

I've worked more than twenty or so different kinds of jobs in different industries and only once was I fired (I "moved on" usually once I either had enough of something or realized I wasn't cut out for it). The time I was fired I was actually told to "Choose. The firm or your wife." Duh, I chose my wife. All the bad-mouthing I received subsequent to my choice was obviously meaningless. If the firing is substantively the result of poor fit, see it as a company issue not a personal one, the company line claiming poor job performance is not credible anyway.

I think ZachZ's advice about letting the suckiness of the situation sit for a moment is good. There's nothing worse than minimizing one's legitimate pain and grief for the purpose of moving on. Moving on comes separate or subsequent to grief. Sometimes we guys just have to feel and feel it deep first.

Good things sent your way. Look for those golden opportunities that come outside the box. Check out the book called Do What You Are I found it priceless. Understanding what I was really built for has helped me spend my time pressing for the jobs I am suited for and not all those other "traditional" ones.
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#10 of 10 Old 05-07-2005, 08:12 PM
 
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Im sorry for his job loss but tell him to keep his head up and he will help the family it doesn't sound like a fun job anyway. Good Luck...
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