Is there anyone else in my predicament? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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Dads > Is there anyone else in my predicament?
shannon0218's Avatar shannon0218 04:38 PM 06-15-2005
I agree, sex makes babies. I was on the pill and had been told I couldn't get pregnant (but was still on the pill-just in case) and I got pregnant. Unfortunately that pregnancy occured at a time when our relationship was horribly broken down (in retrospect, hormones may have played a role) We lost that baby, but the day I found out I was pregnant (assumed the constant puking was stress from all the fighting) I told dh and he hugged me and said "Well then, I guess that changes things doesn't it"

We went on to survive 3 miscarriages, get married and finally have our little angel Molly. Time to be a man and support your child and his/her mother.

Destinye's Avatar Destinye 04:49 PM 06-15-2005
Just wanted to say the same thing happened to DH with childsupport when he was paying his ex directly, (and buying his kids a lot of things they needed too) and he had check proof and everything and never got the money back (though when she tried to get more money the judge lets us claim one of DSS every other year so we get it back indirectly). The sad thing is we dont mind paying child support but she uses it for cigarettes, beer and prescription meds and not for the one kid that lives with her.
thismama's Avatar thismama 04:50 PM 06-15-2005
How do you know what your partner's ex uses child support for?
Destinye's Avatar Destinye 04:56 PM 06-15-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama
How do you know what your partner's ex uses child support for?
Well its a long story (she was declared an unfit mother and is not supposed to have the children there) but luckily he is back with his grandparents right now.
Storm Bride's Avatar Storm Bride 06:38 PM 06-15-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by shannon0218
We went on to survive 3 miscarriages, get married and finally have our little angel Molly. Time to be a man and support your child and his/her mother.
If this woman did get pregnant by quitting birth control without telling him, then it's not quite that simple. You and your husband went through something very different.

I didn't get the feeling the OP is trying to wiggle out of paying child support. I think he wants to know what the facts are.

If he's right, she created a baby to hold onto someone she thought she was losing...without his consent or agreement. She may turn out to be a good mom, or to at least care abou her baby to some degree, but so far the evidence suggests otherwise. How is she showing any signs of putting her baby first?
papapoochie's Avatar papapoochie 06:42 PM 06-15-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride
Why does everybody think he's being paranoid? Do you all think this is something made up by deadbeat dads?
Your point is valid Storm Bride. I have made assumptions about lando2000 and the girlfriend. Who really knows what is going on?

I just think this is a very tough position to be in, but this is the new reality for all parties involved. But, regardless of what happended, it is important to take the higher ground. A baby will be born and it has a mother and father. They need to come to terms w/it.

My paranoid comment really was a way of saying, "cut the c--p and move forward." I suppose I am painting this girlfriend in a brighter light than she may deserve. Again I don't know these people. But if this girlfriend is really no good and conniving, why was he having a relationship with her? Ah, the difficult lessons....

This is a great post as it is generating a lot of responses.
the_lissa's Avatar the_lissa 06:58 PM 06-15-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride
but so far the evidence suggests otherwise. How is she showing any signs of putting her baby first?

What evidence? The rant of a really offensive person? I know two people in a similar situation, and the guy keeps saying stuff like OP, and he is so off. I tend not to trust someone who posts a first post like that, never comes back, and is disgustingly rude to the mother of his child.
Thursday Girl's Avatar Thursday Girl 07:02 PM 06-15-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama
Is the welfare of the baby at the top of his priority list? He's not providing a roof for the pregnant mama of his baby. Maybe there's a good reason why not. He's upset that she didn't have an abortion, coz this is what they "agreed." He isn't offering to provide childcare or even cash to support the baby when it's born, he is in fact trying to get *out* of paying cash by buying diapers.
Really there are woman out there who take the child support and spend it on themselves. I have a friend who's ex-wife spends all the money on pot and such and the electric and water gets shut off and his kids don't have this stuff. In some situations (depending on the custodial Parent) it is really better to have tangible things as opposed to cash. or maybe he could get the payment worked out where HER pays the rent directly. I think maybe that was what he was getting at. although his post did piss me off. wrong side of the tracks.

I also always try to see the positive side and think of people having the best intentions. also i didn't see where he said they didn't use a condom. it COULd have broke. I mean we just don't know


but BAD Lando for basiclly calling her trash just b/c she doesn't have money or whatever.
Storm Bride's Avatar Storm Bride 07:10 PM 06-15-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by jewelysmommy
but BAD Lando for basiclly calling her trash just b/c she doesn't have money or whatever.
:
magemom's Avatar magemom 07:31 PM 06-15-2005
heh. have sex, get baby. b/c or not. dh and have had to swear off sex. should have called this last one 'Patch'

What about adoption?


Can't answer anything else, I was born on the wrong side of the tracks. :LOL
Storm Bride's Avatar Storm Bride 09:20 PM 06-15-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa
What evidence? The rant of a really offensive person? I know two people in a similar situation, and the guy keeps saying stuff like OP, and he is so off.
You're right..."evidence" was too strong a word for it. All I meant is that people are dismissing the possibility that he may have been tricked and/or lied to, just because he's being offensive. If that is the case, it may be part of why he's being so obnoxious about it. It is interesting that he hasn't come back, though.

Also...with respect to the "if you have sex, you take a chance on babies": This is true, but many people don't know it. I've known many men, and quite a few women, who honestly believe that the pill is 100% effective, and that there is no possibility of pregnancy.

Anyway, I obviously see this differently than most of you - probably because of a couple of particular cases I've seen, which almost totally destroyed the father's life, while the mom sat around complaining like he'd taken away her pills and raped her then abandoned her. It's made me more than a little sour on this topic.
Kavita's Avatar Kavita 11:30 PM 06-15-2005
I'd just like to point out here that the interval between "gettin' it on" and "I'm pregnant" is generally about two weeks. I'm assuming that the OP's realization that his GF is "from the wrong side of the tracks" (UGH!) and that he doesn't want to pursue the relationship is not something that came about within those two weeks . . . .

I agree that it's good that he's interested in remaining involved with the child and providing support. So I hear an intention to take some responsibility when the child is born, but I don't hear in the original post any notion of being responsible for the pregnancy occurring, and that sort of ticked me off. If this young lady is so reprehensible in so many ways, and the relationship is "dead', why have sex at all???? It seems that there is a level of hostility, arrogance, and disrespect that is likely to affect the child's life if the OP doesn't work out his responsibility for the pregnancy--even if there was some deception involved. No woman can "dupe" a man into getting her pregnant if he isn't having sex with her, right? Whether the pregnancy was intentional or unintentional is a moot point now, because the fact is that either way, she's pregnant and having his baby. As far as ignorance that birth control is not 100%, well, to me that is not an excuse. Information on the efficacy of different contraceptive methods is widely available, and part of being sexually responsible is to consider the possible consequences of sexual activity. One of which, for a man, is the possibility of being "trapped" by and unwanted pregnancy.
Tata's Avatar Tata 01:35 AM 06-16-2005
So, I've been kinda' readin', hangin' back, and wunderin' where's the OP? There's been a lot of good things pointed out and a lot of things that he could address. Just wunderin'.
tug's Avatar tug 02:05 AM 06-16-2005
my troll meter is ringing...
cynthia mosher's Avatar cynthia mosher 07:43 AM 06-20-2005
And my namecalling meter is ringing. :

I've removed posts that are inappropriate.

Since the OP is obviously, and understandably, not responding - thread closed.
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