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#1 of 33 Old 08-18-2005, 12:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've seen a couple of posts about the after-effects of getting your tubes tied, seems as if it can really mess with a woman's body. And I'm wondering if there are similar after-effects of a vasectomy, if it has physical ramifications other than on fertility.

(As a side note, dh and I are trying for our 3rd and last child, haven't even talked about what we'll do afterwards. I'm not keen on getting my tubes tied because that's serious surgery (and don't want the after-effects), and doubt he'll want to get his tube tied either. But in case he actually suggests it (ha!) or thinks it's a good idea, I'd like to know ahead of time why he might not want to do it, if there are any reasons (other than recovery). I won't do bcp anymore (for numerous reasons) and am less than fond of condoms, so we'd have to follow FAM . . . though I don't know how much faith he'll have in it. He's more likely to trust barrier methods.)


Anybody have any info or experience in this?

Thanks,
jen

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#2 of 33 Old 08-18-2005, 01:08 PM
 
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Just as the wife :LOL My DH had his vasectomy last December after the birth of our last baby. He had it done in office and it took about 20 min. They made on incision on the right testicle that was about 1/2 inch long. They pulled the tube out, cut a section out and clipped both ends with titanium clips and placed them away from each other. They went thru the same opening to do the tube on the right. He had a wonderful first day home but he over did because he felt so good and the next day was in pain. He used a bag of frozen peas and tylenol to manage pain and he had to wear a jockstrap for a few days. It really took about a week for him to feel back to normal. For a month or so afterword he complained that if we didn't have sex enough that he would get a pain in his side that was only releived by ejaculating. I think is was hooey and he never says that anymore. Things we didn't expect-he had to have 20 orgasms before we could take the sample in! Swelling-O MY! Keep the jock strap on!The boys got to be about the size of an orange.(each) Bruising-he got a small hematoma but it resolved within a few days. The ejaculate was a bit more watery but I don't know if that was a coincidence or not because it doesn't seem any different now. We are both very happy with it. I refuse to do BC and he refuses condoms so it seemed the best choice for us.
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#3 of 33 Old 08-18-2005, 02:12 PM
 
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I will be watching this one! My DH and I want to do this, as we're done having kids and it seems the best solution. I use a diaphragm, BTW, and it has been very reliable, but we're ready to do something permanent.
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#4 of 33 Old 08-18-2005, 02:18 PM
 
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My dh is very enthusastic about getting this procedure after we finish having kids. He thinks it is his ticket to unlimited barrier free sex. We used the pill for a few years and I decided to stop because I was worried about the side effects. We used a combo of NFP, condoms and diaphram until we decided to conceive. My only concern about the procedure is that I have heard that prostate cancer is more than three times as likely. That worries me, but dh is not concerned. I'll have to do more research, but it seems like most birth control methods, other than NFP, have side effects.

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#5 of 33 Old 08-18-2005, 02:41 PM
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My dh had the no scalpel technique - the recovery was no problem only 2 days lying down.

The Dr's website was so informative I thought I'd share it.

http://www.pollockclinics.com/questions.html

Yes there can be complications - after all it is surgery. But they are much more rare, and some are even temporary (like numbness or tingles).

We have found that not having stress of pg has helped us tremendously.

Make sure to have many discussions before hand as reversals or sperm banking can both be very expensive. Your dh may not want to admit it, but he may think of the possibility of you and the kids no longer being around (through accident of course) and that he would then wish to start a new family. It can be such a strong need that he will refuse the V altogether. (remember men do not have a physiology which dictates fertility's end).

Good luck with this big decision.
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#6 of 33 Old 08-18-2005, 05:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by m&m
Make sure to have many discussions before hand as reversals or sperm banking can both be very expensive. Your dh may not want to admit it, but he may think of the possibility of you and the kids no longer being around (through accident of course) and that he would then wish to start a new family. It can be such a strong need that he will refuse the V altogether. (remember men do not have a physiology which dictates fertility's end).
Good advice about something that's hard (but necessary) to think about. My DH had a vasectomy years before we met (long story), and he had a reversal so we could build our family. It was very taxing in many ways. I guess the point I'm making is that it's hard to see the future, so it's a good idea to be very sure of your wants/needs before making this decision.

Christine , wife of Ron , mama to Tony (4-25-03) and Maria (3-19-06) :
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#7 of 33 Old 08-18-2005, 07:37 PM
 
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I think the person choosing to be permanently sterlized has to be very sure that under NO circumstances would they want more children. My exh wanted me to get my tubes tied when I was 26 (after my third child in 3 years) but I knew that wasn't what I wanted. He went ahead and got a vascectomy. No one ever plans to get divorced, but divorce we did about 7 years ago, and boy was I glad I still had my fertility. My 2nd husband is a bit younger, never married, no kids. I'm pregnant with our second (and my 5th) right now.

I am, however, DONE now . I'm getting my tubes tied during my c-section with this one.

So whoever does it, has to be REALLY sure, imo. My ex has never expressed regrets and seems quite content with our three children.
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#8 of 33 Old 08-18-2005, 10:04 PM
 
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I would wait a few years to have it done. My dh was so sure but 2-3 years down the road he has regretted it.

Yes there is potential risk but there is risk for any decission you make.
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#9 of 33 Old 08-19-2005, 01:03 AM
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Had it done a few years back. Yes, with any surgery there are complications. Some things do change afterwards. I took a little more than 10 days to recover, but I've always had long recovery times from anything be it an injury or procedures. Painful? Absolutely... more than 5 hits of the local on each side and I felt every last thing down there... dental work has never been pleasant either... I learned to breathe to control the pain and got through just fine. Giving the two samples after the procedure was moritifying... lived too far from the county facility and had to produce the sample there... of course, there are no facilities but the disgusting public restroom... ugh! Had minor plumbing complications afterwards but all were resolved with a regular 2X daily dose of Saw Palmetto (seed oil extract). That may be genetic and age related as my unsnipped bro has the same problem when he hit the age I had the procedure. "performance" wise, it was bizarre to discover multiple orgasms (not the same as ejaculations) but that's probably waaaaaay too much info....

So to mock the Mastercrap commercial: procedure? county health plan so it was $10 and a bit o' pain (Bless the cosmos for frozen peas!). Post-procedure complications? minor and fixed with Saw Palmetto, @$20/month. Having your dw relax in bed and let it all go for the first time since meeting her 18 years ago? Absolutely Priceless.
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#10 of 33 Old 08-19-2005, 01:51 AM
 
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My dh was in some pain for about 10 days because he didn't take it easy enough. However once he recovered and we got the all clear I have to say it's really nice to not be worried about getting pg. We are both more relaxed. Gone are the TTC days with all the pressure. I would say that that factor has been the biggest change.

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#11 of 33 Old 08-19-2005, 03:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much for all the feedback! I really appreciate it.

Interesting and good to know.

jen

Jen, mom of R (9), T (7), C (5), and E (2) ... my stillheart.gifs

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#12 of 33 Old 08-19-2005, 04:01 PM
 
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My dh had the no-scalpel too and just took about a week to fully recover. The first 2 days he just hung around on the couch - even though he said he felt fine, just slightly sore - and the follow 5 he stayed away from heavy lifting. And no sex for 2 weeks.
It took 20 min in dr office. He has had no side effects. Its been over 3 years now. We're still very happy with it.

If the two of decide to go ahead, take a look into the no scalpel tech, from what I understand, its quicker healing time and possible less painful. But since I'm not under the laser, I cant tell you either way.

Good luck!

laura
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#13 of 33 Old 08-19-2005, 06:29 PM
 
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just a quick post as babe is unhappy...

dh had the big v 6 weeks after we had our second baby. he took into his own hands because he knows i'd have dozen kids if left to my own devices. so he also had the no scalpel technique (check it out on vasecetomy.com, I think. you can even watch one being performed, though that doesn't seem like a good sales technique if you ask me). my dh said it took about 15 min. during which he and the doc talked football. he sat on the couch for 2 days and was fine after that. he said the worst part was the first numbing shot. after that, nothing. so far so good. it sure is nice not to worry with bcps or stress over getting pregnant when you don't want to be.

as for more kids...we see ourselves adopting in the future as i see myself mothering more children.
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#14 of 33 Old 08-19-2005, 09:16 PM
 
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dh's vas was relativly easy on him he had only very slight bruising and no swelling at all. Took about 30 min in the dr office on a friday he went back to work on tuesday. He had 2 very tiny insisions on either side less than half inch long and a stitch in each side that fell out about a week later. TMI here but : he actually had his first ejaculation on monday night. and he had absolutly no pain(he said) We were able to resume sex by friday as long as he was carefull not to get to ummmm ruff :LOL He is very pleased that he no longer has the problem of one of his testicles rising up on him when he gets to cold. And the pain he sometimes had after ejaculation in that one side is gone. He says it does feel a bit different when he ejaculates but not in a bad way just different.

 
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#15 of 33 Old 08-20-2005, 09:37 AM
 
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http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/269/7/878

worth considering and researching to your satisfaction.
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#16 of 33 Old 08-20-2005, 02:19 PM
 
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we have lots of reasons for not doing any kind of sterilization but just personally i would never want to put my husband at risk by having the proceeder done. the surgury itself is not bad but there is a lot of data about cancer ect......its just not worth it!

Angela: Catholic Homeschooling Mom to Sierra(11/00), twins Addison & Kendall(3/03), Jack(4/06), Brielle (7/08), Levi (2/2011); due with#7 (9/13). Birthed every witch way.....hospital. C section. VbAC. Unassisted water birth (hypno/painless). Assisted waterbirth to an almost 10lber! (Not painless!)
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#17 of 33 Old 08-20-2005, 02:39 PM
 
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There are so many risks to so many things. We went by the risk vs. benefit model and decided that the benefit far outweighed the risk *for us*. I have some health issues that would become more serious if I were to be pg again, plus my age...plus I think I would go bonkers if I had another child needing my attention because I know I would not be able to mother them the way I want to. I'm stressed as it is. Soooo...DH took the , um, bull by the horns and just did it recently. We are REALLY looking forward to being able to relax and not always wonder if this time will make a baby since we are as fertile as rabbits and last time was a pg despite contraception. I know nothing is 100% but the v. is as close as we can get so that if I conceived again it was definitely meant to be, as in miracle that I would accept with the special grace needed to deal with it. All that to say that the risks of being pregnant again far outweighed the risk of DH getting cancer. We would much rather be proactive to do things to strengthen the prostate (e.b. saw palmetto, cabbage and other natural approaches) than to not do something that *for us* definitely enhances our relationship and peace of mind for fear of those particular risks.
Above all, I think it is a very very personal decision both for the couple and for the man especially. It's his body and he wanted to do it. Since we were agreed on not having more children it wasn't hard for me to accept either way. My love and respect for him grew also because he was willing to do this and wouldn't hear of me getting my tubes tied for risk to me having major surgery, and he was concerned about me should I get pregnant again. So...for us it has been a win-win.
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#18 of 33 Old 08-24-2005, 08:50 PM
 
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These are interestnig stories to read. DH and I have been discussing this, because he doesn't want anymore kids. However, I've had my heart set on four for 20 years, and it's hard to give up. So...this is going to sound really backwards...if it does all settle down that we're not having anymore, I'm going to get my tubes tied. I'm seven years older than dh, and if something ever did happen to me, I think he'd regret a vasectomy (his reasons for not wanting more children are complicated, and directly related to me). Whereas, if I can't get pregnant with the fourth in the next 12-18 months, I think I'm done, anyway. I'm 37, and my babies seem to be getting bigger and bigger and harder to carry. I don't think I want to try another pregnancy at 40.

And...odd as it might sound...I'm really concerned about the psychological impact it would have on our sex life it he got a vasectomy. I think I'd see that as him deliberately taking away something I want desperately, and I really think it would mess me up that way.

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#19 of 33 Old 08-29-2005, 07:38 AM
 
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This is an interesting thread...my dh seems to really squirm if I ever mention the big "V" but it seems to be much less invasive than a tubal (which makes me squirm in the same way, to be fair!).

Anyone use FAM as a long term form of BC?
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#20 of 33 Old 08-29-2005, 11:45 AM
 
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My dh had a vasectomy a few years ago. He actually went in for a consultation when dd was 2 and then thought about it for a year. We were in agreement on the number of children we wanted btw- this was just choosing a more permanent birth control. We ultimately felt vasectomy to be safer, faster & cheaper than tubal ligation. It has been about 3 years and dh is very happy about the vasectomy.

We found http://www.myvasectomy.com/ to be helpful to know what the procedure would entail.

Dh went to the urologist's office. It didn't take very long. There was a tiny hole and that is all. He drove home & sat with a sack of frozen peas. There was some bruising. He was on light duty at work for a week. He healed pretty fast. He took his sample in as soon as he could, got the okay for unprotected sex and that was that.

Sex for us is better because no worries about pregnancy. That was a big relief for me because dd was conceived while we were using contraceptives so I had less confidence in them and was always worried. It hasn't affected performance in any way. Ummm, there are more orgasms for me though with less effort to get them. It is also nice to not mess around with condoms or whatever- more spontaneous. Dh figures that the vasectomy was paid for by the money we have saved on contraceptives and lubricants now.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#21 of 33 Old 09-06-2005, 01:07 AM
 
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conversation on MSN with my DH:

Lucid*Dream says:
I was on the mothering.com forum in the fathers section and they were all talking about vasectomies...just as a tip, I will never do that...yikes!
Heather says:
yuck!
Heather says:
awe you go onto mothering--- how cool
Lucid*Dream says:
indeed....the woman was saying her husbands swelled up the size of ORANGES!!!!!!!!!
Heather says:
oh my god
Heather says:
never ever would i make any member on my family have surgery on their penis
Heather says:
ok?
Lucid*Dream says:
and that he got a hematoma...and they just put titanium clips inside the sack! owwie!
Heather says:
unless it was actually nessasary
Lucid*Dream says:
why would it be?
Heather says:
like if you had testicular cancer- I think we would opt for the surgery
Lucid*Dream says:
yeah, probably...or if someone kicked me and knocked a nut inside, and they had to dig around to get it out?
Heather says:
exactly!
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#22 of 33 Old 09-06-2005, 12:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gethane
I think the person choosing to be permanently sterlized has to be very sure that under NO circumstances would they want more children.
So whoever does it, has to be REALLY sure, imo. My ex has never expressed regrets and seems quite content with our three children.

I totally agree with this. I hear too many times of wives pressuring thier dh into a vas because, "I gave birth and breastfed three kids, you can do this" and I don't think that's right. Dh never forced me to have kids or breastfeed, so I'd never try to force him into surgery that is going to permanently sterilize him. According to him, even if I died he'd not want more children, three is all he wants no matter what. He is the one who came up with the idea to have the vas, made the appointment, etc. and that is saying a lot because I have to make Dr. and dental appts. for him. I wasn't touching this one with a ten foot pole:LOL He told me when the appt. was (I did not even go to the consultation) and I drove him there and waited in the waiting room. It took only 20 min. and he didn't require any pain meds the whole time (they prescribed Vicodin). There was a bit of swelling and a little bruising, but he was back at work 2 days later and back to normal after a week. It has been about 5 months now and he's very happy with it and has had no ill side effects. Everything in the sex dept. is just as before, only better because we don't have to worry about pregnancy, so we tend to have sex more.
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#23 of 33 Old 09-06-2005, 03:43 PM
 
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:LOL I guess I shouldn't laugh! Really, it wasn't bad. He swelled up so much because he didn't follow the Dr's instructions. He thinks it is kinda cool that he has "nuts of titanium" <----- his words not mine.
Quote:
never ever would i make any member on my family have surgery on their penis
Neither would I! I donn't even know how someone could! (excluding circ)!
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#24 of 33 Old 09-06-2005, 05:54 PM
 
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My dh has his vas when I was about 4 months pregnant with dd. I prepped him well as I used to assist with vasectomies when I worked at at a women's health clinic where we did vas one Fri each month.

It was over with in about 15m, virtually painless. He followed the after-care instructions to a t - I'd scared him with stories of fella's coming in to my old office who hadn't follwed the instructions. He hung out on the couch, icing with a bag of peas and keeping his scrotum well supported for three days....felt fine after.

I LOVE it!! He LOVES it!!! It's so wonderful not to have to worry about birth control and to know that I never have to go through another pregnancy again! I do mourn the fact that I'll never give birth again - I simply LOVE giving birth - but the pregnancy thing is so hard on me that its worth it. Also, we feel strongly that 2 is enough for us. If we decide we want more, we'll adopt.
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#25 of 33 Old 09-21-2005, 10:28 AM
 
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DH got one done last week (His idea). He said that it hurt a little during. He was kind of dopey when he got home. He took the rest of the week off for vacation. He work the jock strap thingy for 2 days, and by the 3rd day he said that it was only tender if touching. I offered him some ice but he refused. He said all in all it wasn't as bad as he'd heard it would be.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#26 of 33 Old 10-25-2005, 09:34 PM
 
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#27 of 33 Old 10-26-2005, 12:50 AM
 
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I'm interested in hearing from some more dads that have had this done. [We use condoms EVERY TIME,and before I was preg with #1,I had been on BCP for over 3 yrs.,we had 2 kids this way.] So neither of us really trusts birth control anymore. He says he doesn't want anymore [neither do I],but we're pretty young for something this permanent [he's 25,I'm 21]. He actually asked the doc during my C-sec with #2 if he'd tie my tubes while he was in there! [Very thoughtful,huh.] Whenever we discuss future children [if any],he asks when I'm getting "fixed". I've tried repeatedly explaining to him that a vas. is not only cheaper and quicker,but safer. [I'm aneimic,and bled like crazy during my C.] He just doesn't understand that what would be a half hour office visit with a week's recovery for HIM would be a few hours long surgery,with days long hospital stay and WEEKS recovery for ME.
I'm not trying to convince him to do anything permanent to his body that he doesn't want. All I'm saying is that if he really doesn't want anymore kids,he can fix HIS half of it,with much less harm to himself that it would be if I had it done to me. He's the one that complains about using condoms,he's the one that complains about my sexual side effects on BCP,and he's the one that doesn't want more kids [I'm not dead set against more kids,like he is]. So wouldn't it be in our family's best interests if he had the V instead of me having the TL? I appreciate any and all thoughts,but really looking for a man's point of view on this one. [Women are welcome to answer aswell,ofcourse!]
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#28 of 33 Old 10-26-2005, 11:46 AM
 
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I/we agree with you. If he is the one that doesn't want more it is his responciblity.

Don't cave or you will regret it.
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#29 of 33 Old 10-26-2005, 11:52 AM
 
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Sorry, just another woman here but my situation was close enough to yours I wanted to comment.

My (now) exh didn't want anymore, period, after my 3rd baby in three years. I did not feel comfortable getting my tubes tied at 25, so he had a vascectomy.

Now, this isn't to say I think you are getting a divorce, but, let's face it, about 50% of new marriages DO divorce, and if you are young, like I was (married at 20) and you are, the statistics are even worse. I know I sure didn't expect to get divorced, but then at 29, I did. And remarried a younger man, no previous marriages or children, and am now pregnant with our second!

So, don't choose getting your tubes tied for anyone but YOU. If YOU are sure YOU don't ever want anymore children, regardless of the circumstances, go for it. If you are NOT that sure, but he is, then he's the one who should do it. Your fertility belongs to YOU, not him.
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#30 of 33 Old 10-26-2005, 12:11 PM
 
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My partner had his vasectomy a couple of years ago. He also had the scalpeless technique. The frrezing part seemed terrible because the skin moves around an awful lot down there and he kept missing the proper spot. He had one complication of bleeding alot down there for the first day. It was really a bizzare intense experience. He took homeopathic arnica religiously for the first couple of days, as well as extra vitamin C for a week prior to and a week after the procedure.... No swelling or significant bruising. Pain for a day, discomfort for three and literally couldnt tell where the insision was by the end of a week. We are thrilled that he had it done. I still have about 20 childbearing years left, and we seem to get pregnant very easily... nice not to have to worry.

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