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#1 of 14 Old 08-07-2006, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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my 12 mo-old is in a very clingy stage with me (her mommy), but it breaks my heart when she cries when daddy comes to pick her up. Her daddy loves her so much and I hate to see that she so blatantly wants me, not him.

I know that she loves him, but I wish the day would come when she prefers him over me! Does that day ever come? When do kids get over this clingy-with-mommy stage?

Mama to dd born 7/2005, dd born 12/2007 and dd born 11/2009.
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#2 of 14 Old 08-20-2006, 06:37 PM
 
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I'd love to hear some dad responses to this one. My 2yo was like this. It's better now.. But she's naughtier when daddy's around and while she's less clingy with me in general, she does get clingier to me when dad's around. And it gives him the impression that she's always like this.

She does now cry for daddy on occasion and will go anywhere with just dad (and apparently is quite well behaved then), so these things do get better. Especially if you can bring yourself to leave them alone together regularly.

Julie
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#3 of 14 Old 08-20-2006, 08:15 PM
 
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My greatest fear during pregnancy was that Jet wouldn't like me. Every kid I have ever met has loved DW and some like me and some don't.

I found silly things that he laughed at. I found fun things that he liked to do, I really worked hard to build a relationship of trust and love with DS (14 months)

between maybe 9-12months he would get really upset/annoyed/whiney if I was trying to "distract" him while mama tried to get something done. "Tiding him over" till mama was available was just about the worst thing we could do for our relationships (all 3 of us). we finally realized that "Mama Leaving" was waaaaaaay different from "Daddy and Jet going off to do something fun"

For several months we had to time it so that mama never left the room (Jet and I would do the leaving), and daddy never tried to be primary care giver with mama in eyesight. We had lots of fun in the play room and lots of fun in the garage talking about cars and playing with (safe) tools. We had our "guy time" and we had our fun and mama had her breaks. It worked out good and really gave us a time to solidify our friendship and our father son relationship.

Today I am happy to say I can even comfort him sometimes when he gets hurt and cries even if mama is in eyesight. I can hold him and play with him without him rushing to mama. It's great and a very rewarding payoff for the extra effort that we all had to put in.
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#4 of 14 Old 08-21-2006, 01:48 AM
 
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Our first daughter went through a Mama only phase. Now she is very bonded with me. Our second is now showing distress when I leave for work. She's just over a year old. When I get my work things together and head for the door she cries or gets upset. She knows I'll be gone for a good while.
But, there are times when only Mama will do. Then, one day it will be Tata Tata Tata all day. I actually can't wait.

"To lose the sense of sacredness of the world is a mortal loss. To injure our world by excesses of greed and ingenuity is to endanger our own sacredness."    Ursula K. Le Guin
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#5 of 14 Old 08-22-2006, 01:58 PM
 
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My DS definately prefers his SAHM to me, the dad. It used to cause me distress but I understand it. I preferred my ma to pa when I was a kid. I don't know that he'll 'outgrow it' but at age 4 he can tolerate his old man. He went through a phase at age 2-3 in which it was ma only, for the most part. That was a tough period!
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#6 of 14 Old 08-22-2006, 04:05 PM
 
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My husband is a SAHD. DS very much prefers his Papa to me. I think that's normal for the child to prefer the primary caregiver.

It's one of the difficult parts of being the father, and why it takes a 'real man' to be a good father: working all day to support your family whom you love, and coming home to a child who won't have anything to do with you or maybe just isn't as comfortable with you as with mama. That's tough, to feel like you're not wanted by your own child whom you work so hard to support. But you can't blame the child, you can't feel resentful or hurt. You have to suck it up and look for other ways to bond with the child and teach him to love and trust you in your own special relationship.
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#7 of 14 Old 08-22-2006, 04:16 PM
 
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This might make you feel better. We were jsut talking the other day about E.'s new found love for daddy! He can't get enough of daddy right now, and my dad too. It started at about 15 monthes or so. It will happen, jsut when he is ready. Don't force it, they always seem to resist what is forced! I still BF ALOT and he still comes to me for comfort when his world is really not right but daddy is his BUDDY! When he misses him he will bring something of his, a hat, his extra work boots ( we are military). When he sees the planes flying over he runs to the window pointing doing his happy spinning dance going da da da da da!
Don't worry, he loves DH and pretty soon he will REALLY start to show it in his own little ways!
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#8 of 14 Old 08-22-2006, 04:36 PM
 
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ah, the mommy stage! It happens to the best of fathers It is normal- sometimes I wish my DD would have a "Daddy" stage- lol Now that my oldest is 3 1/2 she can do all the fun stuff with her dad- so she is always outside working on things with him- it will not last long- it is just a phase :P

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

RAINBOW BABY DUE MAY 4th!!!
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#9 of 14 Old 11-20-2006, 02:23 PM
 
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I can't really relate. All my kids went through a stage where they wanted me instead of my wife. It was so profound with each of them that my wife still comments about which child is "hers" and "mine".

"Oh, Benjer's hurt. He's yours. Better go check on him."

"Jimmers is crying. He's still mine. I'll go get him."

By the time they're a year old, they're mine. She "gets" them back about the time they're four. My oldest son (Benjer: 3) still can't nap with her, but when I lay down with him he's out within 2 minutes.
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#10 of 14 Old 12-05-2006, 02:55 PM
 
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My almost-3yo DD went through a very long Mommy Only stage. It broke my poor husband's heart...after a long day at work, all he wanted was to spend some time with his children, but she would have nothing to do with him. It was clearly very painful for him.

After some time, though, she warmed up to him...a lot. She now asks to sit with him at the dinner table every night, wants to hold his hand or be carried by him when we go out in public, and every single day she says at some point, "I miss my Daddy, and I love my Daddy too."

DH & Me + DS(7)  DD(6)  DD(4)  DS(3)  DD(1)  
 
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#11 of 14 Old 12-05-2006, 08:47 PM
 
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All my kids went through that. Then all of a sudden..they hit this age where its ALL about Dad! Now Im left in dust.
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#12 of 14 Old 12-05-2006, 11:26 PM
 
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I am sure this will pass...my oldest daughter was so in love with her daddy for the first 2 yrs. of her life...it was all daddy/only daddy! I sometimes felt hurt...
But NOW, at almost 5, she is 110% mama's girl...go figure!

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#13 of 14 Old 12-05-2006, 11:37 PM
 
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Actually, we were just reflecting on this sort of thing today.

When I'm home, DS only wants to be with me except to nurse.
He'll cry and resist if Mama tries to take him for any other reason.
Then he is horribly upset when I leave to go to work or elsewhere.
But apparently when I'm gone, he is nothing but total love and affection towards Mama.

I came to the conclusion that right now, he just does one of us at a time
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#14 of 14 Old 12-08-2006, 01:35 AM
 
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We had a problem with this at about 8 months I think, my son wasn't interested in anyone but mama. At 11 months, ds is fairly flexible, except when he's hungry. I can't feed him (we're bottle-free) so that's awkward, but otherwise he's gotten much more receptive to being with me.
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