Paternity Leave - How Much Time Did You Get Off, If Any? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 63 Old 09-10-2006, 07:05 PM
 
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I'm just posting to brag:
When I got pg, DH went back to Israel (his home) and worked like a madman, to save enough money that neither of us would have to work till the baby was 12 months old! (of course, we had to be in Latin America to afford it, so dd was born in Brazil)
So DD had 2 full-time SAH parents till she was 1 year old :
the only catch was that since DH had quit his job, he had to find a new one when our money ran out, but luckily, it was no problem at all, and he got a position that earns enough for me to be a SAHM and study midwifery!

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#32 of 63 Old 09-11-2006, 11:48 AM
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When I had DS1, DH took off about 10 days, and had to use vacation time on order to get paid. With DS2, he had just sot a new job and when Julian was born 4 weeks early, he took only 1 day off and then had to start his new job. If Julian had been born closer to his due date, he would have already started his new job and although he wouldn't have got paid time fof, they would've probably let him have a few days. We were broke and needed the money though. I was surpirsed that I was fine with it.
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#33 of 63 Old 09-11-2006, 11:51 AM
 
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My husband got two or three days (can't remember if he stayed home on the monday) paid, but that was enough for us both. I had plenty of help at home and my husband needed the break after the short period of being home with a baby all day.
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#34 of 63 Old 09-11-2006, 12:50 PM
 
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heh I have been away from home for the adoption of our daughter for a month and a half now (we get to leave any day now).

I used the 2 weeks of vacation days I had been saving and the rest of the time I have worked from my laptop on motel WiFi. It has worked out o.k. I talked to my manager about it beforehand.
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#35 of 63 Old 09-11-2006, 05:02 PM
 
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You can pick out the Canadian's replies on this thread

My dh was in school when our first two were born, so he couldn't take time off (though dk#2 was conveniently born just before winter break). When our third was born, he had been working full time long enough to qualify for EI payments (employment insurance) while he took his leave (I am a sahm). I believe it is 37 weeks for leave, max. He went back after six months; even with the EI payments, we were starting to feel it financially. Well, we were going into debt anyway to renovate our townhouse so we could sell it later, but we were going into debt faster than we liked.

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#36 of 63 Old 09-18-2006, 10:15 PM
 
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** Handing the computer over to DB again.

I got two weeks of paternity leave from my employer. I took vacation after that.

It's in stark contrast to what I would get in my native country. I would get 45 weeks, and I would have to take four weeks of this. Alot nicer than begging your boss for two weeks.
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#37 of 63 Old 09-21-2006, 01:41 PM
 
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My company doesn't have any paid paternity leave, so I used a little over two weeks of my vacation time after our baby was born. I could have taken the maximum allowed under the United States' FMLA, but of course, that would only have been paid up until my vacation ran out, and since my wife doesn't have an income, that wouldn't have worked out very well.

My boss at the time discouraged me from taking two weeks off (instead of just one), but really it was my decision and I stood up for what I wanted. What ended up happening was I took four days off of work after our baby was born, but when we realized she would be in the NICU for a while, we decided that I should go back to work because a) my wife was in excellent shape, b) I didn't want to use up all of my vacation time with no baby at home. She came home two weeks after her birth date, and I took two full weeks off after that. So in total I used 14 days of vacation time.

I do wish that I could have taken off more!
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#38 of 63 Old 09-22-2006, 04:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by shanagirl View Post
Ben - you should have been upfront about your needs when you interviewed because they were real and they were imminent and now you see that having a baby means a certain loss of control over your schedule.

You will get through this but it's grating to see your language toward your employer, who did not have the benefit of understanding or planning for your needs when you interviewed.

I completely disagree. With Industrial Relations the way they are today, if he had told his potential employer about the baby, he probably wouldn't have gotten the job. It's a tough world out there.

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#39 of 63 Old 09-22-2006, 06:58 AM
 
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My husband was in tech school for the USAF so he got 3 days which is really really lucky. Usually guys get washed back for that but I just happened to have her while he was between classes and his sergeant gave him the time instead of making him do guard duty like he was suppossed too. Well actually it wasn't really off because he still had to go to formation at 5 am and 5 pm but it was better than nothing. This time he has leave and will probably take 2 weeks, but I am due during a big inspection so who knows
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#40 of 63 Old 09-22-2006, 11:27 AM
 
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For our first my husband worked for an awesome company (Fortunately because our daughter had aweful GERD and was very sick for awhile) and he got a month of leave and then he more or less worked only part time for about three months.
With the second he worked (and still does) for a very unfriendly toward family company and he saved up ten days of vacation time and that was it. They kept pressuring him to go out of town on business while I was still in the hospital recovering from an emergency c-section (speaking of emergency hospital transfers) and they were noy accomodating at all.
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#41 of 63 Old 09-27-2006, 09:52 AM
 
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With the twins, my DH had 2 weeks paid and then took 2 week vacation. With my youngest, he had a week paid and then took a week vacation.
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#42 of 63 Old 09-28-2006, 10:18 AM
 
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My husband works for a company small enough to fall outside the requirements of the federal Family and Medical Leave law. So, he was not able to take even the unpaid 12 weeks.

He took 5 days of paid vacation following the birth.

He also believes that men do not take paternity leave and that even in companies that offer paternity leave, it is frowned upon for a man to take more than a week or two off. He think it would stunt his career.

I disagree with him because where I work, men take paternity leave up to 3 months off and it is viewed the same as if a mother took maternity leave.

I'm curious if others have noticed or felt a double standard for women and maternity leave versus men and paternity leave? Are they treated equally?

Thanks!
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#43 of 63 Old 09-28-2006, 04:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jennifersueack View Post
My husband works for a company small enough to fall outside the requirements of the federal Family and Medical Leave law. So, he was not able to take even the unpaid 12 weeks.

He took 5 days of paid vacation following the birth.

He also believes that men do not take paternity leave and that even in companies that offer paternity leave, it is frowned upon for a man to take more than a week or two off. He think it would stunt his career.

I disagree with him because where I work, men take paternity leave up to 3 months off and it is viewed the same as if a mother took maternity leave.

I'm curious if others have noticed or felt a double standard for women and maternity leave versus men and paternity leave? Are they treated equally?

Thanks!
I definitely think there is a double standard - but you have to start somewhere. Someone has to be the pioneer. Someone has to take the leave, stand-up to the snickers and the criticism and PROVE that it doesn't have to ruin your career.

My DH - lowly legal assistant did it. The women were supportive and I think more than a few high-powered (male) lawyers thought twice about how nice it would be to put family first for once. Someone has got to be the first one to take it. No it's not easy, but neither have any of the rights we've fought for. It's never easy to be the first person to do something but stand up and be brave. Have courage! Fight the system.

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#44 of 63 Old 09-28-2006, 04:35 PM
 
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Since we get paid parental leave, it is not looked down upon at all. But I think it was when it was first implemented. Everyone I know has taken at least a bit of parental leave, and all of my partner's coworkers have as well.

My DP was only at his new job for 15 weeks before he started his 17 week leave, and it's not a problem at all.

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#45 of 63 Old 09-28-2006, 04:59 PM
 
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Like I mentioned in a previous post my DH is taking 7 paid months off and there wasn't a problem at all... people at his work just think that it is great...

Maybe because it is availible to everyone and more and more dads are taking advantage of it that it so widely acceptable now...

 
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#46 of 63 Old 09-28-2006, 05:51 PM
 
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I definitely think there is a double standard - but you have to start somewhere. Someone has to be the pioneer. Someone has to take the leave, stand-up to the snickers and the criticism and PROVE that it doesn't have to ruin your career.

My DH - lowly legal assistant did it. The women were supportive and I think more than a few high-powered (male) lawyers thought twice about how nice it would be to put family first for once. Someone has got to be the first one to take it. No it's not easy, but neither have any of the rights we've fought for. It's never easy to be the first person to do something but stand up and be brave. Have courage! Fight the system.
You are so right! I'm always proud of people when I hear they put their family first. I really think employees everywhere - men and women - benefit when just one employee puts family first and takes the leave they need! Good for you guys!
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#47 of 63 Old 09-28-2006, 11:58 PM
 
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DH just found out that in his current job there is no paternity leave. He may use his sick days, I think he will have 8 days by the time of the birth. He was told he could qualify for FMLA unpaid. I really wanted to lay in with the baby this time, but we definately can't afford any time off unpaid. What's funny is that here in Japan women typically stay in bed with their babes for a month and dads here get 2 months off work--paid.

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#48 of 63 Old 09-29-2006, 09:55 AM
 
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My DH can choose to take the FMLA leave, unpaid, but gets no paid paternity leave at all. He is saving comp time and vacation time to take two weeks off w/pay but that's it! Well, he does get sick time for any time that I (or our baby) is in the hospital. At his last position, he had been approved for a weeks paid leave, but they forced him to come in two days after I had the baby. He did for that day, but then took the remaining time off the following week. At my company, all employees are eligible for 6 weeks paid parental leave and then women get the additional 6 to 8 weeks paid short term disability. BUT, the guy I work with whose wife just had twins did not take the 6 weeks. I don't think it would have been frowned upon, our direct supervisor is very family friendly. Who knows though...

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#49 of 63 Old 09-29-2006, 01:44 PM
 
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You are so right! I'm always proud of people when I hear they put their family first. I really think employees everywhere - men and women - benefit when just one employee puts family first and takes the leave they need! Good for you guys!
Yeah - As I wrote it, I was really proud of him. For the record, he took 8 weeks FMLA - unpaid. He had saved up about 2 weeks vacation, so some of it was paid. He took his leave AFTER I went back to work so it was nice for baby to get time with Daddy early in her life.

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#50 of 63 Old 09-29-2006, 03:16 PM
 
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My husband took one week off unpaid when my son was born.
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#51 of 63 Old 09-30-2006, 02:34 AM
 
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Yeah - As I wrote it, I was really proud of him. For the record, he took 8 weeks FMLA - unpaid. He had saved up about 2 weeks vacation, so some of it was paid. He took his leave AFTER I went back to work so it was nice for baby to get time with Daddy early in her life.
You brought up another good point. It's nice when the dad can be home in the early days so he can share in the experience.
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#52 of 63 Old 09-30-2006, 02:37 AM
 
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Since we get paid parental leave, it is not looked down upon at all. But I think it was when it was first implemented. Everyone I know has taken at least a bit of parental leave, and all of my partner's coworkers have as well.

My DP was only at his new job for 15 weeks before he started his 17 week leave, and it's not a problem at all.
That's great! I love to hear stories like this!
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#53 of 63 Old 09-30-2006, 11:17 AM
 
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Ok pay close attention this is complicated In canada you get 12 months leave at 55% of your salary, 3months is obligated to the mother, the rest you can split either way.You can do it back to back, all one parent or concurrently. With Ds 1 dh was working full time and i was working pt (he made way more than me) so he took the full leave, but i was th eone who stayed hom, he went to school full time, technically aggainst the rules but they don't check up on parental leave. His work was fine with it, he was basically quitting. With ds 2, dh was still a student so had no income, i had a crappy income (part time min wage, 55% of that is not much) but we were getting student loans. DS was born in January, dh took a week off of school but thats it, all his teachers were very supportive though. Then he took the summer off to be with the kids. He is now working full time as a teacher and we are planning on ttc again this winter. The plan is that he will take the leave this time and I will go to school part time. I am excited about him beinmg the one responsible for the household for awhile..............

Anyway pepole have always been very good about it. Although he is on a 1 year contract now and hoping to get a permanent contract next year so we wont tell his work about our plan untill after that.
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#54 of 63 Old 09-30-2006, 10:55 PM
 
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My dh doesn't get paternity leave, but took 2 weeks vacation time when ds was born. I suppose he could have taken the 12 weeks FMLA but it would have been unpaid...we never considered that.

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#55 of 63 Old 10-01-2006, 07:07 AM
 
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DH just found out that in his current job there is no paternity leave. He may use his sick days, I think he will have 8 days by the time of the birth. He was told he could qualify for FMLA unpaid. I really wanted to lay in with the baby this time, but we definately can't afford any time off unpaid. What's funny is that here in Japan women typically stay in bed with their babes for a month and dads here get 2 months off work--paid.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! That is nice that your dh will get a little sick leave. Although it's not much, the 8 days will be nice while they last. I hope you'll have help in the evenings and on weekends in the months following the birth. My husband also did not take much time off and looking back, I wish I would have hired a post-partum doula to help since I was alone those first months. Maybe you could hire a doula if they don't cost too much in your area? Good luck!
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#56 of 63 Old 10-01-2006, 07:10 AM
 
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My dh doesn't get paternity leave, but took 2 weeks vacation time when ds was born. I suppose he could have taken the 12 weeks FMLA but it would have been unpaid...we never considered that.
Yeah I think you're similar to lots of other couples. It's difficult for both parents to take 12 weeks of unpaid FMLA. Unfortunately. Hope the policy will someday be different in the U.S.
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#57 of 63 Old 10-24-2006, 10:34 PM
 
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This thread made me so sad! SO Nick was laid off 3 weeks before DS was born, immediately started a $hitjob without telling his new employers about the imminent birth for fear of not being hired, had to work while I labored at home, and had to scramble to get 3 unpaid days off after the birth... It was terrible.

I'm so jealous of so many of you... Wow... I hope to be better prepared next time...

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#58 of 63 Old 10-24-2006, 10:49 PM
 
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I've always felt lucky - my husband got 4 weeks paid leave (he worked as a QA Lead at a mobile software company at the time).
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#59 of 63 Old 10-24-2006, 11:47 PM
 
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Basically, whatever they give you isn't enough. Parents need to be home with their kids. That's what the kids need and want. It's our society that says otherwise. With my first I got two months. With my second I got six weeks. Way not enough.

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#60 of 63 Old 10-25-2006, 11:15 PM
 
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Canadian mama chiming in.

Maternity and Parental leave here (Ontario) are handled through the Employment Insurance department of the gov't, with some companies offering extra bonuses or time.

http://www.hrsdc.gc.ca/asp/gateway.a...tml#Maternity3

Quote:
Maternity benefits

Maternity benefits are payable to the birth mother or surrogate mother for a maximum of 15 weeks. To receive maternity benefits you are required to have worked for 600 hours in the last 52 weeks or since your last claim. You need to prove your pregnancy by signing a statement declaring the expected due or actual date of birth.

The mother can start collecting maternity benefits either up to 8 weeks before she is expected to give birth or at the week she gives birth. Maternity benefits can be collected within 17 weeks of the actual or expected week of birth, whichever is later. Please note that the date you file your claim is very important in order for you to receive the maximum maternity benefits you are entitled to. If you are unsure about your most advantageous maternity period to receive maximum benefits, please contact us. If the actual date of birth is different from the expected date of birth, it is very important that you provide this date as soon as possible after the birth of your child. Please contact us at 1 800 206-7218 from 8:30 am to 4:30 pm and press "0" to speak to a representative. You can also write us or go in person to your Service Canada Centre. This way we will be able to determine the most advantageous maternity period, in order to receive the maximum maternity benefits you are entitled to.

If your baby is hospitalized, then the 17 week limit can be extended for every week your child is in the hospital up to 52 weeks — following the week of the child's birth. You will still receive benefits for a maximum of 15 weeks, but payments can be delayed until your child comes home. However, if you received maternity benefits prior to the birth and wanted to receive the remaining benefits when your child comes home, call our telephone information service at 1 800 206-7218 from 8:30 am to 4:30 pm and press "0" to speak to a representative. You can also write us or go in person to your Service Canada Centre to have the necessary adjustment done to your claim.

The weekly EI payment and the number of weeks to be paid remain the same even if you give birth to more than one child at the same time.

At the same time you present a claim for maternity benefits, yourself or/and partner can ask for parental benefits.
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Parental benefits

Parental benefits are payable either to the biological or adoptive parents while they are caring for a new-born or an adopted child, up to a maximum of 35 weeks. To receive parental benefits you are required to have worked for 600 hours in the last 52 weeks or since your last claim. You must sign a statement declaring the newborn's date of birth, or, when there is an adoption, the child's date of placement for the purpose of the adoption, and the name and address of the adoption authority.

Parental benefits can be claimed by one parent or shared between the two partners but will not exceed a combined maximum of 35 weeks. Claimants making application for parental benefits must provide the name and Social Insurance Number (SIN) of the other parent for cross-reference purposes.

Parental benefits for biological parents and their partners are payable from the child's birth date, and for adoptive parents and their partners from the date the child is placed with you. Parental benefits are only available within the 52 weeks following the child's birth, or for adoptive parents, within the 52 weeks from the date the child is placed with you, unless your child is hospitalized.

The weekly EI payment and the number of weeks to be paid remain the same even if you give birth to more than one child or if you adopt at the same time.

When determining how you and your partner want to take advantage of your parental leave several choices can be made, here are some examples:

Example 1
You and your partner are sharing parental benefits, you can take the time together, the 35 weeks would be shared between the two of you.

Example 2
You may want to go back to work after your maternity leave is finished and let your partner take the full 35 weeks.

Example 3
You may only want to take a few weeks of parental benefits and then return to work, while your partner takes the remaining time choice.

Example 4
You may decide to go back to work after you have taken a couple of weeks of parental leave. Then, a few weeks later you realize you would like to be home with your child. You can still use the weeks of parental benefits you have left as long as the weeks you take do not exceed the 52 weeks since your child's birth or placement with you for adoption.
With our first child, I had worked full-time and took the two-week UNPAID waiting period before maternity or parental benefits kick in. I "gave" DH 2 weeks of the parental benefits (he got 2 weeks, I got 33 weeks).

With our second child, and this one, I have not worked, so only DH is eligible for parental benefits - BUT - we cannot afford either the 2 week unpaid waiting period, or the reduction to 55% of his wage.

Thankfully, his employer offers 3 paid days leave for the birth of a child.


So - in a nutshell :

Baby #1 : mama took 15 weeks maternity leave, 33 weeks parental leave, and left the workforce. Daddy took his 3 paid days, and 2 weeks parental leave, and returned to work. Within a week of his return to work, there was a death in the family, resulting in 3 paid days of berevement leave as well.

Baby #2 : Mama is a SAHM, Daddy took his 3 paid days and returned to work.

Baby #3 : Mama is a SAHM, Daddy will take his 3 paid days and return to work.

Canadian mom to Boo (Aug '02), Bug (Aug '04) and Bear (Dec '06).
Jesse (July '09)
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