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#31 of 53 Old 09-26-2006, 11:33 AM
 
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My hubby is 23, so am I, and we are pregnant with our second child. We had our first child when we were 21. Planned. We got married at 20 and started our family right away. We love kids and hope to have a big family and we are excited to have our kids while we are still "young" and "fun" ourselves. (When our first son is graduating highschool, we will only be 40!! Hee hee!)

It was worse with our first child, a lot of the medical practitioners were condescending/patronizing ("Do you have insurance?" No one asks us that anymore!! GRrr!!!) But this time it is much better. People think we are older than we are. This is partially because dh works in an investments company and wears business clothes all the time (and looks very cute in them if I do say so myself ), also we are very stable and mature in our lifestyle (but still fun!) We don't "party" or stay up late, and we largely choose activities and hobbies which we can include our child in, unlike some young parents I know who are constantly trying to ditch the kids/get a sitter. So people are always surprised when they learn how young we are.

There seems to be this huge trend now of a sort of second adolescence that lasts for much of the 20s, well out of the college years, and personally I don't approve of it. Many of our peers are still in that stage where they aren't really "doing" anything with their lives. (And I don't mean at all to imply that raising a family is the only thing worth doing. But all they ever "do" is "hang out" or "party" . . .) I think when one is done being a child, one ought to start being an adult. So I say, kudos to you! I think you will get more out of life in the long run. Our children have made our lives SO much richer, we feel so blessed and happy! I hope you do too!

♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

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#32 of 53 Old 09-26-2006, 12:24 PM
 
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I am not a dad (i am of course a mother) but have experienced the glares and the comments for the last 7 years or so!! I was 19 (DP was 18) when I had my DD, and 22 with DS and now I am 26 (not too young now) and we are expecting our third. I look very young for my age and so does DP. I have had so many rude comments said to me....for example when DP and I were with our DD (she was maybe 1 at the time) we were in line at a store and there was a couple ahead of us in line and the lady looked back at us and her jaw literally hit the floor ....she looked us up and down a couple times turned back and whispered in her partner's ear and he then turned around and had the same stupid look on his face.....I asked DP to take DD to the car...he was confused but did it anyway...as soon as they were out of the building I screamed at the couple that was ahead of us....I was not so nice but I had had it by then....the whole time I was pregnant I got jaw dropping looks and glares so I had had it that day!!! Just because we are young doesn't mean we are stupid and aren't great parents!!!! DP also gets harrassed at work for being 25 with 3 kids!?!?!?! that blows my mind because they always want him to go out and get drunk with them and every single time he says no....he has meaning to his life....i feel bad for all of them wasting their lifes away!!!
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#33 of 53 Old 10-01-2006, 06:41 PM
 
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Hopefully my story will give you some encouragement.

I was the firstborn in my family. When I was born, my mother had just turned 16 (exactly 3 months prior). My bio-father decided not to be part of my life; but another man (my father), at the tender age of 19 took us on as a family. When I was three years old, my sister was born..then another one...then another one.....then a boy. My brother was born in 1988; and he was the last of the five kids in our family. My mother was 24 years old when he was born.

Let me say it again: my mother was 24 and had 5 kids under the age of seven.

People are shocked over this, but my parents did a better job raising us than alot of "adults" I see now in their 30's and 40's are doing with their 2.5 kids. We were happy, they played with us and we were well fed and clothed.

I had mine at 22 years old. Whenever times were tough, or I felt judged; I just thought "if my mother can do what she did, this should be a walk in the park for me!!" So, feel free to remember "Vanessa's Mommy" whenever you feel that way too.

I also want to share a bit about my current situation. I am 25 now, and my boy is 3. My S/O is 23 years old, and he's taken on the role of parenting my boy happily. It's not his natural child, but we're a family and couldn't be happier. I've said this in other threads, but it's also very fitting here:

Families are not born, they're made.

It was a choice you made to be a family at the age you are. It was a noble, selfless choice that you made in a world full of greed. I commend you and especially so as a father who's putting his all into a young life instead of "wasting his away" like many of his peers.


WARNING: The comments and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the community in which I reside; or those of the internet parenting network.
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#34 of 53 Old 10-01-2006, 06:59 PM
 
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MuckeDAD here... I was able to tear my darling wife away from the computer so that I could post here...

We had our son, Connor, when I was 21 and my wife was 20... our families thought that it was great, they both had us when they were in their early 20's and they knew that we were stable...

but STRANGERS were flat out rude... when I told a client that my wife was expecting he said, "what are you going to do about it" in a tone that meant, "when is her appointment at Planned Parenthood" its sad, but thats the way it is...

To be honest there are times when I am jealous that my friends get to go out and party, but then I walk upstairs and its my night to give the little one a bath and I realize that THEY should be JEALOUS of me...
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#35 of 53 Old 10-06-2006, 06:04 PM
 
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My boyfriend is 26 now and his oldest is turning 6 this month. I am pregnant now with my first (I'm 29) it will be his third. We actually get the reverse, here on the islands I think the majority have their kids starting at 16, so before I got pregnant I got the *looks* when people found out my age and I had no kids.
They look at my boyfriend and actually say he's so good for having waited, (even though he had his first at 20) but they ask me why I waited so long! :

It's funny how things are sooo different in different places.


I think because he was the youngest and his brothers and sisters all had kids, he was more prepared for kids and not as freaked out as some young fathers out there. I knew him since he was 14 and he was always mature even then. The erson you are and the environment you are in sure make a difference!
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#36 of 53 Old 10-06-2006, 07:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ninelives View Post
That's NORTHERN California. Down south (where there are so many Mexicans that you have to learn Spanish to get by), the "babies having babies" thing is so common that nobody even bats an eyelash or thinks about it.
What does ethnicity have to do with this?
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#37 of 53 Old 10-06-2006, 08:35 PM
 
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What does ethnicity have to do with this?
Yeah, curious to hear too....

Mel ("getting by" in So Cal without speaking a lick of Spanish )
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#38 of 53 Old 10-07-2006, 02:58 AM
 
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Cultures are just different. I am from hispanic ansestry, Panamanian from my mom's side, not mexican, and in Panama people have kids at an older age.
I am from Hawaii though, and here like I mentioned it's normal for15 -18 yr olds to be having kids.
My boyfriend does get comments about having waited to have kids, and he had his first at 20!

Culture does make a difference, but I don't know anything about mexicans in the mainland.
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#39 of 53 Old 10-10-2006, 11:20 AM
 
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The reason I said that about Mexicans is simply that in Latin America, very young parents are much more common and accepted than here in the U.S. of A.
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#40 of 53 Old 10-10-2006, 12:37 PM
 
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The reason I said that about Mexicans is simply that in Latin America, very young parents are much more common and accepted than here in the U.S. of A.
Certainly true of some of the more traditional....but not true of all. Being a resident of California (and of Mexican descent), I can tell you that there are many different norms for families of Latin American descent.
Broad generalizations like these can be made about lots of different groups of people....and the problem is that they tend to propogate stereotype rather than reflect the reality which may be very diverse.
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#41 of 53 Old 10-10-2006, 12:43 PM
 
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Tell them that when your child leaves for college, you will ONLY be early 40s -- lots of time to party, better budget for the good booze.

My DH and I are the same age, and we were 23 when we had our first DS. Sorry, that people are casting that judgement at you, that sucks man. I think that if someone is under 18(but I don't)then maybe some people might thing they are too young, but 23? Seriously, is there a certain age we have to be before we are not considered "to young"?
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#42 of 53 Old 10-10-2006, 11:34 PM
 
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im a mom too, i had my first dd when i was 20 and and my second dd at 21 and dp was 23, I am constantly getting comments like " your a young parent aren't you" at play centres, that really makes my blood boil! i dont like the way some of my family treats me either, like it was a huge mistake and a bad accident...i dont consider myself young to have babies, my mom and mil were that age... what is it with this generation, why is it considered "young" to have babies before 24??
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#43 of 53 Old 10-11-2006, 05:20 AM
 
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i was 24 when i got pregnant and 25 when he came along and people STILL said i was too young for a baby. Mom was 28, DH's mom was 17 when she had her first, and 19 when he came along.
DH was only 22 years old when DS was born and of course he got flack from his buddies about not going out to pary and drink and act like an idiot. We were married when he was 20, so he had to hear the 'ole ball and chain' and 'you can't run wild with women' junk too.
DH isn't into that anyway, not even when we were in college. Of course he had his moments, but he was never a 'party animal'. He'll be 25 in February and still has no regrets. He's the proudest father I've seen and that's the best thing for me since I have no clue who my own father is and 90% of my family was raised by single mothers. No matter his age, he's a good man (and that's his last name!), a great father, and a great husband. Shouldn't matter what his age is.
We still get stared at sometimes, and told we were too young to have kids, but geez, we weren't THAT young. Still amazes me how people love to get in your business.
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#44 of 53 Old 10-21-2006, 12:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ninelives View Post
The expression is "the proof is in the putting" (i.e., application), not the "pudding".

Sorry to split hairs...

OT, but I respectfully disagree. It's pudding - the final result.

Interesting misconception, though!
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#45 of 53 Old 10-21-2006, 12:58 PM
 
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my daughters father is 22 but he looks about 16...i swear, im not a creepy perv! i never really noticed it but everyone else says that and i guess he does to some extent-he can not shave for 4 months and get all of about 3 facial hairs...its mildly entertaining. anywho, around christmas last year we were at the mall looking for an opal ring for me and the lady in this one store said "your not the parents are you?!" and we said "yeah, we are" and she said "but your SO YOUNG" and we were like "yeah...anyway, opal rings?" and she just kept saying
"YOUR SO YOUNG!" so we left....ooooo she mad me mad, but he gets it more than i do...or maybe i just dont notice it anymore
Looking over all the posts here, the thing in common is that it seems that it's when you LOOK like you're really young that the comments happen. It's probably those who don't know your actual age.
Appearing to be younger than you actually are is called "neotenous" or "paedomorphic" appearance (in technical language, like the official police description of a suspect). "Why, you neotenous, paedomorphic son of a gun"...sounds like a Captain Haddock cuss line, doesn't it?
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#46 of 53 Old 10-21-2006, 02:16 PM
 
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I am 22 and my boyfriend is 24. Our boys are 4 and 1.

We struggled a lot at first, didn't have much money. We got a lot of "I told you so"s, "wait and see"s, etc. I graduated high school while pregnant and he dropped out to work.

At this time we are doing fairly well, I am in university studying journalism and he just opened his own business. We still get a lot of looks out in public with the kids, like we should be babysitting or something. We don't go out often but when we do, someone will inevitably say, "You should be home with the kids instead." It's like we have to put forth 10 times the effort to be respected as parents than an older couple would.

But really, we're happy we had them young. We'll be 39 and 41 when the youngest turns 18. We'll still have years and years of time together and be able to play with our grandchildren. I don't want to be 60 when they finally leave the house.
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#47 of 53 Old 10-21-2006, 07:08 PM
 
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alot of guys seem to think of themselves as "young" dads even when they will be 27 when the baby is born.. like my bf for example lol
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#48 of 53 Old 10-22-2006, 01:49 PM
 
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We live in an area where anyone under 30 with kids is given "those looks". Dh is 23 and I am 24, almost 25, but we both are regularly mistaken for teens. In fact, the other day, I was in the Sprint store, trying to see what we could do about ending our contract. My mom suggested putting my phone in my name, and the salesperson looked at my all funny and asked if I was over eighteen. The funny thing is, I had my kids with me! :

Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)

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#49 of 53 Old 10-22-2006, 10:13 PM
 
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i should get DH over here! i'm 21 he'll be 21 in December and we're expecting our third.

Maggie, blissfully married mama of 5 little ladies on my own little path. homeschool.gif gd.gifRainbow.gif
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#50 of 53 Old 10-23-2006, 10:53 AM
 
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M'gosh! How old were you two when the first one arrived?
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#51 of 53 Old 10-23-2006, 07:42 PM
 
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M'gosh! How old were you two when the first one arrived?
i'm assuming you're talking to me....
i had turned 18 by the time she was born and DH was still 17. our second and third will be only 14 months apart which is why 3 a 21.

Maggie, blissfully married mama of 5 little ladies on my own little path. homeschool.gif gd.gifRainbow.gif
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#52 of 53 Old 11-04-2006, 03:15 PM
 
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Oh this is so true! I just turned 20 and have a 6 mo old. My dp is 25. He has also has a 7 y/o with his ex and had another baby child who died at the age of 2.
He looks younger than I do! When interviewing for a new contract(computer jobs), he really tries not only to dress well but to LOOK OLDER!! He looks about 17.
I work at the courthouse in my city and also work on "dressing older". No, not granny panties, but not wearing anything to trendy either.
I live in CO and don't really get many comments. I am usually running around town in a hurry and I don't think anyone has time to comment!
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#53 of 53 Old 11-04-2006, 07:40 PM
 
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I'm not a Dad but I had my first baby at 16, my second at 17, my third at 20, and my fourth at 21.. I think in my case people are real cruel when you're young and have had more than one baby, it's like they automatically assume that number 1 is an accident and if you have more than that at a young age then you're just careless.. Well I've been with my dh (who's 13 years older than I am) for almost 7 years this month and while our first was a surprise, the following three were all planned..
Some People, Grrrrrr.
Ticks me off..
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