Looking for dads who were skeptical of HB and after learning about it had a change of heart. PLEASE can you share your fears, skpetic thoughts, and happy endings THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
Like many issues, my lack of education on the subject made me closed off to the idea of a home birth. When I was little my mom's friend had 6 home births and I thought it was weird. My mom really wated to have home births but my dad used his "veto"
Fast forward 20 or so years and my wife was talking about how she would rather not have a baby in the hospital. I was scared about the *risks* of a home birth (even tried to push for using the birthing center as a compromise). My wife does not do research half way and she was happy to overwhelm me with statistics, education, and personal opinion.
We have had bad non-birth experiences in hospitals before so that helped convince me. Basically it all boiled down to the fact that she was going to be doing something harder than everything either of us had ever done, so I was keen on letting her make the decision. And because I am her husband I choose to swallow my fear and support her.
The more I learned from the midwife, snipits of articles (emailed to me by DW), birth classes, Midwife birth videos, etc the more comfortable I felt with it.
When it came down to B-day I was still very nervous and I just couldn't shake it. I know now that I would have been more nervious if it had been in a hospital (our second was in a hospital as have been nephews), I just thought all my nervousness at the time was due to home birth and it just wasn't.
A few things really helped re-enforce the decision and really validated my wife's superior knowledge and instinct.
My Mentor at work (ultra successful Executive for a fortune 100 business tycoon type) who I respect a great deal is very mainstream, but very open to research, statistics, and logic - especially when fact overcomes emotion. I mentioned home birth in a pre-meeting chit chat and everyone in the room except him was shocked and trying to talk me out of it. He said "statistically you are better off doing that than going to even the best hospital in the country - I have looked it up and tried to convince my wife, but unfortunatly she was not interested. Your wife deserves a lot of respect for making the hard but safer decision." Of course I already knew he was right, but sometimes it takes an outsider to validate and solidify your resolve. Everyone else in the room (all his subordinates) had to pick their jaws up off the floor.
Interesting post script... Him and I converted a lot of people over to homeopathic remedies with a very similar conversation
My DH and I went thru the same discussions(me: I would like to have a homebirth with this one.... Him: Are you NUTS!) but I educated him with the help of our friends and MW. Rainalyn was born 3/3/06 happy, healthy and at home.
We had 1 in a hospital and that was a mess and 1 at home and it was great all around. We are about to have another at home. I pray that I will be able to deliver this one as well. The MW and her asssistants will be there but I want to deliver the baby myself. My daughter was touched by my hands first. Not even her mothers hands touched her before mine. It will be something I will build a bond with her on from now on. I was thrilled to do it. If I were healthier I would become a mid wife I love it. there are medical reasons to have hospital births but that should not be the "Norm". Home Births are so natural and inexpensive I just can't understand why so many people have hospital births anymore. But That is me I guess...
my first was born in a hospital 12-oct-2000. i hated every minute of the whole process. i felt helpless, out of control, spare wheel, useless, painfully inadequate. however, the result was my first son who was amazing and changed my world forever.
our next child was oscar. due feb-2003. dw was dead keen on having a homebirth, my first reaction was that there was no way we were having our baby at home. i listened and studied, i learned, i slowly became convinced that having a homebirth was not the death sentence i initially thought it was.
oscar was born 26-feb-2003 at home in a pool in our living room, with me, dw and the midwife and our good friend doula, and it was the most amazing night of my life.
there was no stress, no medication, no complications, no hassle, no grief, no intervention, no expectation, nature was left to its own devices.
and nature, left to its own devices works remarkably well...
sophie was due december 2005. having a homebirh was decided before she was even conceived.
nov-21-2005, dw went into labour while we were out shopping that day. we went out for lunch with ds 2, labour continued, we walked home, encouraging labour, which started actively from when we arrived home. dw got in the pool, and sophie was born less than 3 hours later.
the point is, having done it both ways, there is no doubt whatsoever that home births are infinitely preferrable than hospital births for a variety of reasons too numerable to mention right now.
if your dh wants to talk about it with someone who understands how he feels, tell him to get in touch with me, send me a pm and i will be happy to talk about it. i was extremely anti-home birhs initially and now cannot advocate it enough.
dh to my dw!!!
My wife browbeat me into it. It worked well. Honey, don't hurt me!
Man he's a PITA!
He went from hospital only, to it must be a widewife attended homebirth, to a unassisted was ok. He was still worried, but trusted me and knew that it was my body so it was my choice. I "fed" him as much info as he could take, about what would be acceptable for a transfer, how to cut the cord, how to clean up, etc etc, and it really did go well. He's proud of me, and proud of himself. That was one of the big turned points that helped him understand that doctor's really are not god and we humans are capable of great things if let do so.
I insisted that our first-born would be at a hospital. This adamance even with being raised in a family that was strongly pro-home-birth.
It was a nightmare. Even today, you can see a marked difference in personality between our firstborn and our other children.
The remainder of our 5 children (for those keeping count, that'd be 4 ) were born at home.
I cannot stress how much different and better it is to have a home-birth. (This presumes, of course, that there are no biological issues that would make home-birth a dangerous proposition.)
I can elaborate, if you wish, just let me know if you want more information.
I admit it... This is my first child, and when GF suggested that we visit a midwife I agreed to take a look. Afterwords, I was completely against it. There was no way I was going to have my first child born at home. It was strictly too risky. After all, things can go wrong and I didn't want to take any chances.
This naturally didn't go over too well and we had a few heated discussions over it. I agreed to a compromise. I would consent to a birth center right across the street from the hospital. We both felt comfortable with the nurses and midwives and the setting was perfect. It felt just like a bedroom, yet I was comfortable with the hospital right across the street.
Unfortunately, that option fell through when the center announced they were only attending hospital births. Back to square one!!!
After becoming more educated, mainly through books and articles taken from her, I found that having my child at home just might be safer than in a hospital. I also saw how much it meant to her to be able to have the delivery in our own house the way she wants it. I accept the risks that might be present, but also realize that her comfort is one of the most important factors in a lot of those. I now look forward to having my child born here at home without a bunch of pimple-faced med students staring and not having some stranger take away my child for the first minutes of his/her life.
I don't feel like our experiences are anything special, but I just HAD to share them.
When my wife was delivering our first baby, we chose a hospital. She wanted a home-birth, but I gave her no support. Her mom was apalled by the very concept. Our experience was marred by quite a few elements, not the least of which included:
The Wrong Hospital
We were at the wrong hospital. We called our primary choice to tell them we were coming and they said they were "full", so we went to another. We found out later that they consider "full" when they have all but two rooms filled with birthing mothers, saving those for ER birth admissions. If we'd gone to the ER, we would have had a room there. We also found out that those rooms were empty the whole time we would have been there.
The Wrong Doctor
The doctor was someone she'd never met before. (He was one of the three doctors in the practice, she'd met the other two. Hers was on vacation and her backup had his own patient in-house delivering, so we got the other guy.)
Patient Abuse by Doctor
The doctor fisting my wife and ripping the placenta out. She had just delivered, I was watching in a mirror because I was busy comforting her through it, I looked down and watched him push his fist into her and pull out the placenta. I looked down because she had gasped with agony. I didn't know enough at the time to know that wasn't the right thing to do and for that I feel ashamed.
My wife (we discovered through successive deliveries) has a tendency to hit a plateau for a few hours and then come back with intense contractions that make up for the "lost time." During her plateau, the doctor prescribed pitocin. She ended up having not only her intense contractions, but magnified intensity due to the unnecessary pitocin prescription. Because the pitocin was giving her such intense contractions, she wasn't able to handle them, so they gave her an epidural. Because she couldn't feel anything, she pushed too hard and created an anal fissure.
Every ten minutes, all night long, constant annoyance, constant pestering, constant "evaluation". At one point, I got so crabby with them that they tried to have me ejected from the floor. "Look, I'm just trying to tell you to lay off my wife and let her get some much needed rest!" "Sir, if you don't let us do our job, we'll have to remove you from the delivery room."
...and the personal issues between my wife and I which had been the discussions during the previous two weeks about getting a divorce. (Hey! I grew up! We didn't get a divorce and I learned, matured and developed into a pretty decent guy who realized his mistakes! )
Our home-births were soooooooo much better! So gentle! So peaceful! So resting! My wife has commented at every birth, lying in our bed, cradling the newest member of the family ("Fresh out! Brand new! Gotta love me!") that she really likes the trip from the delivery room to her bedroom--as she rolls over and snuggles into her pillow on the bed where she delivered.
I've created a monster! My DH is homebirth crazy now - he really looked into it & is 200% in favor of it!
Though he has also made it clear he will support whatever I choose.
He's perfect in every way...
Anyway, my mother who has birthed 4 children and is a nurse, and myself who has studied birth from a midwifery perspective were both caught completely unaware by this abusive procedure, so you have no reason to feel ashamed for not stopping it when you couldn't have predicted that this would happen (though a midwife friend of mine told me that manual removal of placenta is becoming standard in hospitals today).
Awesome thread. I had my first child at home as a single mother, so I didn't have to convince a partner/husband. Now that my husband and I are talking about having a child, I have found that the concept of homebirth makes him a bit uneasy. I'll have him read this over. Very good to read a male perspective. Thanks for this!
Did you cross-post in the Homebirth forum? I know there have been discussions about this before, so you'd probably come up with some info if you just did a thread search over there.
BTW, my dh was opposed to homebirth initially, but he came around after our birth class (instructor had all natural births and a few homebirths and talked about it all quite a bit), a lot of reading (materials I supplied), and meeting our midwife.
I gave him Henci Goer's The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. He's all about statistics and research, so that go him started. I also created a monster, because now he tries to convince everyon he talks to that homebirth is better. I don't get a chance anymore!
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