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Old 06-18-2007, 11:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have noticed that for alot of men they come to rely on it to get the m-word done. This to me points to a problem and then they have to do this more and more frequently (watch porn to get it done). I have also experienced and heard about men being more disrespectful and affectionate in the bedroom when they frequently watch porn. I really think that a strong psychological association is established between this kind of emotionless, insensitive and sometimes perverted sex when men m-word to porn, can you say "Pavlov's dog"? To me, if there is no dependence on porn, as many porn watchers will say, and it bothers your partner... then stop. If this does not happen and you become sneaky you have a problem and should think more deeply about this. May I ask if any readers here have been deceitful or sneaky (or have caught your partner being so) about watching porn?
well, say it bothers your partner that your looking at porn, but theyre rarely in the mood, or the kids are getting up at all hours of the night that could interrupt you and your partners lovelife. now, if you NEED porn to help you pleasure yourself since your partner isnt there for you, what do you do? read about some city of sin from the bible? oooo imagination.. doesnt work sometimes for people
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Old 06-18-2007, 11:50 PM
 
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How about you think about your partner and some of the best experiences the two of you have shared?

Why does it take a celluloid, fake image to get you satisfied? Why does it take something not even remotely connected to the love and intimacy you share as a couple to accomplish the goal?

I know my H and I have shared some times that nearly scorched the sheets, so why not use those as a visual rather than some busty bimbo he's never been with or even has a chance with?

It's insulting and hurtful to be replaced by something so fake and meaningless.

My H had back surgery. It put him out of commission for almost 4 months. So yeah, I took care of things myself. Guess who I thought of? Him. Us. Not some unknown male. I thought of him.

Too bad that can't be returned. Then again, I don't look all firm, perky and hot. I look like the woman who bore his eight children and fed them from my breasts. I look like a "real" woman. I suppose "real" women aren't that much fun to think about while one pleasures himself....

:
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Old 06-18-2007, 11:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I take issue with the bolded statement. No way is allowing your partner to view what they choose in anyway asking them to go out and pork someone else. It's not asking for a cheater.

i agree pynki. i actually feel sorta bad sometimes having to coax my wife into the mood. its not like the old days when we could enjoy the randomness of lovemaking. i love our kids, but the planning sometimes of lovemaking makes it awkward. so porn helps me out alot.
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Old 06-18-2007, 11:55 PM
 
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How about you think about your partner and some of the best experiences the two of you have shared?

Why does it take a celluloid, fake image to get you satisfied? Why does it take something not even remotely connected to the love and intimacy you share as a couple to accomplish the goal?

I know my H and I have shared some times that nearly scorched the sheets, so why not use those as a visual rather than some busty bimbo he's never been with or even has a chance with?

It's insulting and hurtful to be replaced by something so fake and meaningless.

My H had back surgery. It put him out of commission for almost 4 months. So yeah, I took care of things myself. Guess who I thought of? Him. Us. Not some unknown male. I thought of him.

Too bad that can't be returned. Then again, I don't look all firm, perky and hot. I look like the woman who bore his eight children and fed them from my breasts. I look like a "real" woman. I suppose "real" women aren't that much fun to think about while one pleasures himself....
:

You don't have to think about something from the Bible, you should think about your spouse. Once you get into that habit you won't be able to think about anything else.

Kim, Wife to Michael, Homeschooling Mom to Hannah (13), Aidan (12), Brighton (8), and Oliver (5) and Ephraim (2) goorganic.jpgsaynovax.giffly-by-nursing1.giffemalesling.GIF 
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Old 06-18-2007, 11:56 PM
 
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Sithlord_kev- Why not think about your wife instead?

Kim, Wife to Michael, Homeschooling Mom to Hannah (13), Aidan (12), Brighton (8), and Oliver (5) and Ephraim (2) goorganic.jpgsaynovax.giffly-by-nursing1.giffemalesling.GIF 
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Old 06-19-2007, 12:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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How about you think about your partner and some of the best experiences the two of you have shared?

Why does it take a celluloid, fake image to get you satisfied? Why does it take something not even remotely connected to the love and intimacy you share as a couple to accomplish the goal?

I know my H and I have shared some times that nearly scorched the sheets, so why not use those as a visual rather than some busty bimbo he's never been with or even has a chance with?

It's insulting and hurtful to be replaced by something so fake and meaningless.

My H had back surgery. It put him out of commission for almost 4 months. So yeah, I took care of things myself. Guess who I thought of? Him. Us. Not some unknown male. I thought of him.

Too bad that can't be returned. Then again, I don't look all firm, perky and hot. I look like the woman who bore his eight children and fed them from my breasts. I look like a "real" woman. I suppose "real" women aren't that much fun to think about while one pleasures himself....
im glad you can use your imagination for yourself, thats great so does my wife, and thats great i dont view porn because im in love with these women i dont even know about. i view it to aid in releasing the sexual energy, and i make sure its fast. why dont you pleasure yourself while looking at pics of your husband? why do you have to look at the past experiences to help you? quite a circle there huh? doe sthat make you better than someone else who doesnt use their imagination for the act? oo im sorry.. i didnt know you knew how all men felt. maybe you should tell all men to do it your way since its the best way.

imagination takes time. i HAVE tried that a couple of times.. very hard to do. phone ringing... a kid wakes up in the other room. i cant even try it in the friggin shower! kids come in, or knock.
ive done crazy things in the past by not releasing this energy.
and as far as "real" women, i usually look at videos or pics of women that are in the same "real" woman catagory as my wife. so shes not really being replaced by someone that is of different style. i guess i could always stand by the bed while shes sleeping;/ but thats weird... .1 she cosleeps, 2. just kinda weirds
sorry about your husband, thigns happen.
as far as hurtful and insulting, i wouldnt mind her looking at pics of guys that look like fabio, or whatever, im no bodybuilder but i know she loves me for who i am, and i know they're there for one thing.
i even asked her a little while ago if she went out with me because of my looks, and she told me the truth. i know im no (whatever hot famous guy here) , but it doesnt bother me. maybe you grew up with barbies like most girls and that started this whole bad self image that alot of women have. well thats industry/marketing for ya. i dont know, but women need to stop whining about what their guys are looking at. its human nature, get over it.
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Old 06-19-2007, 12:33 AM
 
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See that's the thing.

This whole "it's human nature" thing is such a load of crap. You have to learn to control your thoughts just like everything else. There is a way to get off without porn and to learn to use your imagination but you really have to want to. And I suppose with the porn being so readily available it's not worth it to try. It becomes a way of life. Cheating with mind, eyes, or body...still cheating.

Kim, Wife to Michael, Homeschooling Mom to Hannah (13), Aidan (12), Brighton (8), and Oliver (5) and Ephraim (2) goorganic.jpgsaynovax.giffly-by-nursing1.giffemalesling.GIF 
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Old 06-19-2007, 12:34 AM
 
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i dont know, but women need to stop whining about what their guys are looking at. its human nature, get over it.
And that attitude is one of the reasons my H and I are separated and most likey divorcing.

I didn't say I knew all men or how they think. Please don't presume to put words in my mouth.

I do know what many women think and feel. I know what I feel. Many of us are hurt by our pratners desire to look at porn. Many of us feel devalued by it. Many of us feel as if we cannot compare. Many of us feel that those fake celluloid images devoid of any real human intimacy are degrading to what we place a high value on in our relationships. We feel that it cheapens what should be something wonderful and special.

It's rather disconcerting to know that the intimacy we share with our partners is so easily replaced by a quick thrill with porn and some hand action.

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Old 06-19-2007, 12:49 AM
 
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I completely agree with you Dragonflyblue.

I think the problem can go either way. Women need to feel loved, attractive, sexual and needed. And it is totally the man's job to do that. That's what I was saying before about men becoming "used to" the types of girls they see in porn and can't love and appreciate their wives like they should. There is not one guy who looks at porn who can say that he completely respects his wife and her body.

I can imagine that you felt dirty because I have been there, and it sucks. I'm sorry that this has happened to you.
I disagree. Do I not completely love and respect my husband and his body because I like a bit of porn at times? Cause I do. I never want to sleep with/have sex with any other man. EVAH!

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How about you think about your partner and some of the best experiences the two of you have shared?

Why does it take a celluloid, fake image to get you satisfied? Why does it take something not even remotely connected to the love and intimacy you share as a couple to accomplish the goal?

I know my H and I have shared some times that nearly scorched the sheets, so why not use those as a visual rather than some busty bimbo he's never been with or even has a chance with?

It's insulting and hurtful to be replaced by something so fake and meaningless.

My H had back surgery. It put him out of commission for almost 4 months. So yeah, I took care of things myself. Guess who I thought of? Him. Us. Not some unknown male. I thought of him.

Too bad that can't be returned. Then again, I don't look all firm, perky and hot. I look like the woman who bore his eight children and fed them from my breasts. I look like a "real" woman. I suppose "real" women aren't that much fun to think about while one pleasures himself....
When the shoe has been on the other foot and I've been randy and the man hasn't been available sometimes I use my imagination. Sometimes I use porn.

Perhaps the difference is I'm not thinking of some unknown man. I'm thinking of some unknown fantasy lady. Like I said. I have all the man I'll ever want or need.

A friend and I were talking once about a similar issue, and we think that perhaps some of my lack of issue with porn is that I am bisexual, and have a more male like thought pattern.

In my porn it isn't who's getting -ed and who's doing the -ing. They all look real similar to what I've looked like in the past and to what I look like now. Perhaps I missed my calling.

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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Old 06-19-2007, 01:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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See that's the thing.

This whole "it's human nature" thing is such a load of crap. You have to learn to control your thoughts just like everything else. There is a way to get off without porn and to learn to use your imagination but you really have to want to. And I suppose with the porn being so readily available it's not worth it to try. It becomes a way of life. Cheating with mind, eyes, or body...still cheating.
haha guess my wife likes me cheating on her then. especially since she knows about it and it helps me.
why do i have to control my thoughts? just wondering. are you the porn-nazi? no porn for you! no porn for you!
im sorry youre so closeminded, and you have your viewpoints which is fine and dandy. but you cant expect everyone to think like you. i accept your viewpoint, but im also not saying you need to change your ways.
next you're going to say what the one true religion is?
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Old 06-19-2007, 01:11 AM
 
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i'll answer for dh since he's at work. naw, s'cool. we have different tastes in porn anyway (neither of them exploitation). it's an occasional brain reset, neither of us neglecting the other in favor of it. grownups get to do this stuff if they choose- whether looking or performing.

how your partner feels is vastly important (i sh!t bricks when dh gets back on WarCrack etc- that'll make me popular here!- because unlike porn, he gets addicted & weird, so i understand why some porn for some partners is objectionable), but i personally believe (and have enough convincing anecdotal evidence) there'd be a lot more happier, longer relationships if most women would lighten up about it with most men.

there's enough stress in life without trying to orchestrate how and when someone else masturbates.
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Old 06-19-2007, 01:15 AM
 
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While strongly dissociating myself form the tone of some posts, I'd like to comment on the concept that porn is adultery. I do believe that porn contains an element of less than complete faithfulness. But I also think that God has pretty impressive powers of logic, disticntion, discrimination and that He knows that NOTHING is "just like" anything else. Porn is porn. Adultery is adultery. They have some features in common, which is one of the reasons I'm not a fan of porn. But it is not the same thing, and although for teaching/rhetorical purposes thinking of porn as an adulterous act may be useful, in reality porn is not adultery.
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Old 06-19-2007, 01:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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While strongly dissociating myself form the tone of some posts, I'd like to comment on the concept that porn is adultery. I do believe that porn contains an element of less than complete faithfulness. But I also think that God has pretty impressive powers of logic, disticntion, discrimination and that He knows that NOTHING is "just like" anything else. Porn is porn. Adultery is adultery. They have some features in common, which is one of the reasons I'm not a fan of porn. But it is not the same thing, and although for teaching/rhetorical purposes thinking of porn as an adulterous act may be useful, in reality porn is not adultery.
oh well this didnt go as i had planned now religion is being brought in .. oh well.. have fun everyone
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Old 06-19-2007, 02:07 AM
 
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there's been a bit of talk here about wives who don't want to have sex and driving their husbands to look at porn and cheat and of entitlement. why does this problem get blamed on the wife? if i'm not in the mood, am i just supposed to give it up for the sake of my marriage? i think that's totally unfair. too much "blame" in the porn game is being put on women, IMHO. most of the time, we don't work the same as men ~ i find it really hard to have sex if everything else in our marriage isn't ok. why are women expected to just turn off everything else they're feeling and do it, but men aren't expected to put their sex drives on hold when the wife's not up to it?

i'm not saying i care about DH using porn ~ what bugs me is the implication that he NEEDS it because of my (in)action. maybe i'm just being overly sensitive because i'm pregnant, and i know this is the dads forum, so technically i'm trespassing, but i just had to put my 2c in
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Old 06-19-2007, 02:14 AM
 
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Can we not throw the term "nazi" around so casually? Thanks heaps.
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Old 06-19-2007, 02:16 AM
 
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Sometimes, i 'give it up' when I'm not in the mood. Sometimes, dh has to pass b/c I'm not in the mood. It varies. Sometimes it's the other way around.

I think most of the varying opinions on porn here from the women (and men) - based on my opinions from reading this thread (or some variation of it) every time it comes around - is that if a man (or women) is using it INSTEAD of connecting with their spouse, it's very dividing and the spouse doesn't like it and it ends up being the downfall of their marriage b/c it's a power struggle over lying, opinions on what's right, etc. If porn is viewed (used) and it's in addition to a healthy sex life, those are the people who don't have a problem with it.

I've seen the porn that dh looks at. Those women are relatively similar in build to me. As a matter of fact, as I've lost weight, the type of women dh likes to view has changed to match what I currently look like. I might be more bothered if he were looking at images of the barbie dolls, but I'm not sure even then. He still wants ME. He loves ME. He's not going elsewhere out of the marriage. He looks at the computer images - what he does with them in his head later is up to him, just as what's in my head is up to me.

If you and your partner agree porn is ok, or not, that's great for you. The problem comes up when there is a differing opinion between the partners.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 06-19-2007, 02:51 AM
 
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No, I am not the porn police, nor am I a prude believe it or not. It's just having been in two marriages, one with porn and one without I can tell you there is a huge difference in the level of intimacy that I feel with my husband and he with me. Sex is not sex, sex is for US. IMO, that's the way it should be. I guess we will just have to disagree that porn is not cheating. The way I see it is that if my husband is actually having sex with another woman or thinking about having sex with her it's all the same.

Pynki- You and I seem very different. For me I see things in a religious way- ie God made sex for marriage and using it the way God meant it to be used brings a different and profound amount of respect to the relationship. However, you may not be religious and don't understand that aspect of it. However, regardless of religion *I* still feel that it depletes the marriage relationship.


stacey, you are absolutely right. It's like my dh said tonight "Why don't they just wait until the wife is ready?"

Kim, Wife to Michael, Homeschooling Mom to Hannah (13), Aidan (12), Brighton (8), and Oliver (5) and Ephraim (2) goorganic.jpgsaynovax.giffly-by-nursing1.giffemalesling.GIF 
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Old 06-19-2007, 08:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Can we not throw the term "nazi" around so casually? Thanks heaps.
sorry, i figured some people must know of the soup nazi from seinfeld. just making a reference to that.
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Old 06-19-2007, 10:06 AM
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there's enough stress in life without trying to orchestrate how and when someone else masturbates.
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Old 06-19-2007, 11:38 AM
 
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sorry, i figured some people must know of the soup nazi from seinfeld. just making a reference to that.
Aware of the Seinfeld construct. Find that usage offensive as well.
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Old 06-19-2007, 11:58 AM
 
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Pynki- You and I seem very different. For me I see things in a religious way- ie God made sex for marriage and using it the way God meant it to be used brings a different and profound amount of respect to the relationship. However, you may not be religious and don't understand that aspect of it. However, regardless of religion *I* still feel that it depletes the marriage relationship.
I imagine we are. I'm generally fairly differnt from most women. It's ok though. I don't need everyone to agree with me. It would be nice however if phrases such as:
Quote:
There is not one guy who looks at porn who can say that he completely respects his wife and her body.
weren't thrown around about marraiges other people aren't inside of.

I would never say: Any woman who has a problem with their spouses porn use is a control freak who is damaging their marraige.

Why? Because while it may be true SOME of the time, it definately isn't true about every single marraige.

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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Old 06-19-2007, 12:45 PM
 
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i dont view porn because im in love with these women i dont even know about. i view it to aid in releasing the sexual energy, and i make sure its fast. why dont you pleasure yourself while looking at pics of your husband? why do you have to look at the past experiences to help you? quite a circle there huh? doe sthat make you better than someone else who doesnt use their imagination for the act? oo im sorry.. i didnt know you knew how all men felt. maybe you should tell all men to do it your way since its the best way.

imagination takes time. i HAVE tried that a couple of times.. very hard to do. phone ringing... a kid wakes up in the other room. i cant even try it in the friggin shower! kids come in, or knock.
ive done crazy things in the past by not releasing this energy.

i dont know, but women need to stop whining about what their guys are looking at. its human nature, get over it.
Why are you talking to her in this way? She has been explaining how she feels, and the tone of this response is not only completely defensive but downright nasty.

I find there to be a HUGE difference between masurbating while looking at pictures of your spouse or fantasizing about your spouse vs. looking at some unknown woman with god knows what abuse in her past playing sexy for men to get off to. So I don't see the point you were trying to make. There is no comparison to using the imagination and involving REAL LIVING human beings with lives and feelings as objects on the screen to "release" your sexual energy to. Since you say you do crazy things in the past if you don't release it. That's a whole nother discussion I'm sure.

You have eluded in a couple of posts that porn is the only way you can find release since imagination is too difficult. I'd like to know what males did for millions of years before porn was so readily available.

This last sentence "women need to stop whining about what their guys are looking at. its human nature, get over it." Wow

I'm so sick of people using this "human nature" excuse to justify behavior that could be controlled. Controlled out of respect for one's spouse, respect for the women in the porn industry who, as a whole, are extremely damaged, and respect for one's self. I find porn to cheapen sexuality and the soul in general. What about the ethics of porn and that industry? What about the real pain women feel from their husbands using porn? Oh right. STOP WHINING AND GET OVER IT. What helpful, insightful advice.
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Old 06-19-2007, 01:25 PM
 
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Howdy folks,

As moderator of the Dads section here at MDC, I have to make judgment calls where threads or replies dance across the top of the fence dividing the acceptable from the not.

In this thread's case, I hoped it would remain civil, informative, and showcase the diversity among MDC users. And it has.

However, as many thoughts and viewpoints are recycled, the usefulness of additional comments begins to wane, and the tendency to push the limits waxes.

Therefore, I have decided to pull the plug on new comments to this thread.

Thanks for your understanding.
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