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#1 of 113 Old 06-14-2007, 10:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hey all,
im sure this is going to stir things up from the women, but this IS the dads section and im curious about something.
does your wife mind you viewing porn? ive been talking to some married friends and their wives seriously DO mind. most of which say " its demeaning towards women". jessica hahn did pretty well didnt she? sure she wasnt doing porn as in intercourse, but she did bare plenty in playboy. anna nicole smith (r.i.p.) did pretty well for herself. i think for some women it can be a power trip. sure, there might be some of those unfortunate younger women who get trapped in such a thing, but im sure its very minimal number.
women typically use their imaginations to "get off". a lot of men need visual.
so..... your wife isnt in the mood, and went to bed.. what do you do? your libido levels are skyrocketiing, and not a soul in sight. i find its better than cheating on your wife right?
here's another one... "someone's" wife was pregnant for teh first time, and NOBODY told you that some women go into "mom mode" where theyre touched all day by the baby and are not looking forward to MORE touching. man did "that person" feel unwanted. well "that person" was going on the internet to get release. now when he was intimate with his wife, it was love, not the release he gets from internet.. just to set things straight.
his wife knows he goes on the 'net, and is understanding of his dilemma. this is what's so amazing to his friends. as long as he does this struff when everyones asleep, or out of the house, whats the harm? how can women expect men to think or act like them? sure we have similarities, but does that mean that we have to be henpecked?
anyway.... i got off course
simple question is.. does your wife mind you watching porn?
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#2 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 12:56 AM
 
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Hi dad's,

I'm going to go ahead and approve this because I think it's a valid topic. However, i want to caution everyone about discussing specific sex acts and such.

I would also like to ask our women posters to be respectful of the dad's as they work through this topic.

Gently,

Jacque
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#3 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 12:59 AM
 
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Truly, I have no comment and no opinion and am just plain 'ole bored. Chat away in peace, gents!

Oh and just FTR as one female voice, to the OP: nope as long as I'm included.
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#4 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 01:40 AM
 
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um, woman's view here....I do not mind, but I would be mad to pay for it and I would be creeped out by anything illegal, such as anything involving underaged people. I would also be mad if it were to become a habit. A once in a while thing would be fine. It's important for women, especially new mothers, to feel attractive, so no comparisons and the interest in actual physical touch/sexual relations must remain intact.

anyway, that's my take on it.
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#5 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 01:42 AM
 
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I don't mind at all. I have no idea why, it just doesn't bother me in the least. And we have a great relationship. Maybe that's why: I know that it doesn't have a bad effect on dp.
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#6 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 01:43 AM
 
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Lady here. I don't care, as long as I'm not being compared against it, as long as there's nothing illegal, and as long as it's free.

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#7 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 01:43 AM
 
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I really don't care. But I would like to be included, since I enjoy it. :
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#8 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 01:50 AM
 
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I don't care if my hubby watches porn. I'm not a big fan of it tho...
He and my dad go to a strip club once in a blue moon as well... doesn't bother me a bit.
I love my husband, and I know he loves me. And we trust each other.
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#9 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 01:59 AM
 
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Another woman here. I don't mind of my husband looks at porn and sometimes I join him. He's even taken me to strip clubs a couple of times. As long as he's still interested in me for the most part, it doesn't bother me if he wants to look at (but not touch) other girls sometimes. Lately we've been having an issue with interest, but I know deep down that it's more about tiredness and my own insecurities than anything, so it's ok (and because the tiredness is his, he hasn't been looking at porn much either).

I think that, barring something like a porn addiction, most women object out of feelings of insecurity and/or low self esteem. They think that their hudband/SO is making comparisons or wishing that they looked more like the girls in the porn movies. I know from experience that this is not the case (again, for most men)! I don't see it as being an different than me thinking about Sean Bean (mmm...Sean Bean ) during..uh..special moments. I don't love or want my husband any less because of it.
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#10 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 08:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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WOW am i surprised! not only did no men reply, but all women and they dont mind their husbands watching that stuff! i thought i was the only lucky one
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#11 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 08:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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oh.. and sorry to automatically have thought most women on here would be pissy
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#12 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 08:55 AM
 
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The other prudes just don't want to answer so I will, I mind. It kinda makes me jealous and I'm not really into watching porn with my DH. I don't like him looking at other women naked etc. just as he would totally hate if I was doing the same without him. We did come to a compromise though because I am totally not in the mood anywhere near as often as he is. He reads racy stories on the internet instead of watching it. It makes me feel a little better about it and he gets what he needs.
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#13 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 08:56 AM
 
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I don't mind it at all, but I have a family member who does mind when her partner does look at it, and their relationship doesn't include children. She claims a lot of the arguments mentioned in the OP. The partner may have an addiction, so my question is what constitutes an unhealthy habit?
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#14 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 09:06 AM
 
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I don't mind either. But I sort of pretend I do when my friends IRL ask.

Jessie. Mama to bikenew.gif(7) : broc1.gif(4) and : toddler.gif22 mo 

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#15 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 09:49 AM
 
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Another mama here. I don't mind a bit for my husband to look at porn. It is fine with me.
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#16 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 11:26 AM
 
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Thankfully I have a dh that thinks porn is gross lol

We both do not look at porn.

And I find the whole "I'm only a man, and men have these needs" argument kinda boring and so not true. Not all men have the impulse to get release when they want it. Or when dw is in a unloving mood.


I think people that like porn should have there fill don't get me wrong. Im not anti porn. I just don't see the attraction, neither does dh.

He caught my brother watching porn on his computer (dh's) once and freaked out that it was on his computer. my brother learned that its fine.. but keep it on your computer.. not dh's lol

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#17 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 11:30 AM
 
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Nonjudgemental voice of dissent here! I don't expect my husband to think and act like me. I do expect him to abide by his vow to "keep thyself only to her, as long as you both shall live" which in my view means no porn, no strip clubs, no other women on the side, etc. But, we accomodate each other- dh has figured out that being a mama is taxing, and that good things happen to men who hold babies so mamas can shower alone without crying children trying to climb in the tub. I don't think "giving a little to get a little" makes a man henpecked.

I don't come here anymore. MDC has become overgrown with ads & useless extra forums.
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#18 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 12:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hibana View Post
But, we accomodate each other- dh has figured out that being a mama is taxing, and that good things happen to men who hold babies so mamas can shower alone without crying children trying to climb in the tub. I don't think "giving a little to get a little" makes a man henpecked.
That's a great point! Sometimes there's nothing that you can do about a mom being "touched out" but sometimes you can. You can run a bath and take the baby for awhile....and no knocking at the door when you think her time is up! You can send her to the store alone or send her out for a dinner with one her friends. Paint her toenails for her while she feeds the baby. Straighten the living room, don't complain about what doesn't get done...etc

So, if you're trying to get her some time to actually feel like a woman again, that's different than....well, honey, you're all touched out again, I'll be on the computer tonight...have fun with that crying baby.

Lisa

Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

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#19 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 12:13 PM
 
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Hmm. I've been on both sides of this. Early in my marriage I didnt mind at all. Then again I was in the midst of my own erotica addiction so it was pretty much tit for tat. Having conquered that vice (thank God) and into a very peaceful time as a christian I no longer look at any kind of porn/erotica.

My DH does and for the most part it still doesnt bother me. I do hope and pray that he will come to a point in his christian walk where he will want to do what is pleasing to God (based on traditional christian values) but it's not for me to impose my morals on his very private choices. I do draw the line at the super kinky where there is obvious, not implied, degredation, violence, illegality, etc. If our personal sex life were suffering i might think again or if it was an addiction.
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#20 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 12:22 PM
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subbing so I can come back and add my thoughts when I'm (ssshhh....) not at work. Heh.
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#21 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 01:48 PM
 
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yet another wife and mother here...i definitely have mixed feelings about porn. i think it's great as a "marital aid" and it's good when i have a "headache" but there is definitely a line that DH has crossed, such as when DS was a newborn and obviously there was no action going on...DH would get home from work around midnight and instead of taking the crying baby so i could sleep for the couple hours before he came to bed, he would go right for the porn...not cool.

anyway, my point is that men are definitely entitled to their jollies but it's important to be sensitive about it. everyone in the marriage needs to feel ok about things or at least compromise.

i als don't buy that there's no harm as long as the DH meets all his other responsibilities. i think that too much or too graphic material is desensitizing and that's not fair to old wifey. it can lead to the hubby's needs changing separately from the wife's and i think it's important for the couple to grow together in that regard, iykwim...i would be horrified if suddenly DH wanted to try something really far out from our norm (don't get me wrong, a little adventure is great). i'd be much more likely to try something new if we had both come to that point together either from a natural evolution of our own activity or from watching porn together.

oh, and i'll admit i watch porn on my own ~ everyone needs "alone time"
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#22 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 01:59 PM
 
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Man here.

I am upfront with whoever I date about not only internet porn but the porn collection I bought between 18-21. On top of that when my dad passed away I 'inheritted' his old play boy collection instead of tossing it away I put it in a box in the closet.


If they had an issue with it then we know from the get go that we probably aren't compatible because I have tried 'not' using porn for multiple reasons and it always winds up coming back. So I gave up trying to 'get rid' of it.



My DP has no problems with it in any way shape or form but for the most part anything I bought has stayed in boxes for years and haven't been pulled out except on rare occasions.



If my DP isn't in the mood and I feel the need for a release then I see porn as an easy way to get the release. If my DP is in the mood it rarely happens that I am not so she wouldn't 'need' to go somewhere else. I agree that it is better than cheating because no one gets hurt. And even though they say the industry is demeaning to women I don't know of an industry that doesn't exploit something in some way. The people in the industry I have met personally or friends I've had in the past definately did not feel exploited but that is just personal experience and can't be seen as the truth for everyone in the industry.




Short answer.

No she doesn't have any issues.

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#23 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 02:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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im glad to have gotten at least ONE male to respond as far as one person has mentioned about giving wifey time alone... i do what i can and she knows it. im sorry if some husbands come home and run right for the 'net, but sometimes the primal caveman in us takes over now and then. like when i got sick of the free sites that dont have much and my levels are over the top, id go right for the credit card, and sign up for a month... after the release, i'd be like " ohhhh daaaammmmn not again" and i'd go cancel. for some guys its overbearing and some not so much.
i can agree to yoshua, in that there are LOTS Of unfortunate things that happen to people that we partake everyday of! im sure the clothing that wal-mart sells on ly comes from factories in the usa, where everyone is paid 10 bucks an hour!! and im sure th elist goes on and on...

anyway, sorry if this stirred up the women, but i was really looking for responses from the guys. i AM surprised at the responses from most of the women though sorry to those who have no self esteem, but im sure you can get over it. guess i shouldve named myself bluntman... but oh well
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#24 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 02:42 PM
 
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To me, porn is a fantasy... I don't mind when dh looks at it... it's along the same lines, imo, to lusting after actresses. I get much more distressed (although, still not real upset) when he tells me a coworker or one of my friends is hot.

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#25 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 02:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sithlord_kev View Post
anyway, sorry if this stirred up the women, but i was really looking for responses from the guys. i AM surprised at the responses from most of the women though sorry to those who have no self esteem, but im sure you can get over it. guess i shouldve named myself bluntman... but oh well
You think the women have been stirred up? This must be your first experience on a mostly women's board Stick around...this conversation is really, really tame.:

Lisa

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#26 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 02:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lisa49 View Post
You think the women have been stirred up? This must be your first experience on a mostly women's board Stick around...this conversation is really, really tame.:

Lisa
ageed, this is the FIRST time i've seen this conversation going as smoothly as it is..... But I think the original mod post has put people on alert to be tame.

Partner to :Jessica(??) papa to Jake(7) and : Kaiya (2)
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#27 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 03:01 PM
 
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I think having a man start the conversation puts a much different spin on it too.
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#28 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 03:07 PM
 
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dh likes porn sometimes, i watch it if it's on and i'm bored on occasion... porn doesn't bother me if it's *tasteful* and i'm sure i'll get banned off of here but *gasp* me and DH have went to a strip joint together TWICE and *super gasp* i had fun!
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#29 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 03:13 PM
 
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Luckily, for my dh, I am always in the "mood" and porn is not even a part of our marriage. My grandmother told me, before I got married, "Honey, always have sex with your husband, even if you are tired, every single day or night. Your marriage will always last."

I go by this motto. Always.

Me and my wonderful husband serve God. Blessed with twin girls 2/11/11. <3

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#30 of 113 Old 06-15-2007, 03:54 PM
 
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The short answer is, yes, she would mind. But for me it's never held much interest. There's an essay by David Foster Wallace called the The Big Red One (I think) in Consider the Lobster that talks about the Adult Film industries awards that take place in Vegas (which interestingly enough coinside with the CES, I believe. FTR a hilarious essay as well). DFW notes a description of porn (or pron or pr0n, etc...) that I think fits well. It was that it's very mechanical and devoid of real emotion which made a lot sense to me and I think explains why I find it uninteresting. Of course when I was a younger, completely hormone driven teenager, I likely would have answered differently. I guess I'm getting old.
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