Is porn okay? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Is it okay to look at porn?
Absolutely 16 21.62%
Sure, if it's only occasional 14 18.92%
Sure, if I include my significant other 11 14.86%
Absolutely not 33 44.59%
Voters: 74. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 08-01-2003, 03:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks!
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Old 08-03-2003, 03:19 AM
 
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This is actually G-dawg's DH (I should get my own account)

I was interested in the responses of the poll in the non-Dad's side and have been troubled by the responses. I agree, in part to some who said it is better if they are open than in secret. But that is really the lesser of two evils IMO.
I waited to have sex until I was married. (in all of it's forms) I married someone who did the same. I thought the commitment of marraige was "for better or worse". We have since gone through a few sexual droughts with pregnancy and nursing as others have mentioned. I feel that we are conditioned in our society to believe that any urge we have must be gratified. "If my wife can't have sex with me, then I need to find someone who will." Porn seems, to some, to be the only alternative. I disagree. I waited for 24 years for my wife the first time, and I can't see using her selfless act of bringing a baby into the world as an excuse for me to look elsewhere.
There are some things that I choose to refrain from because the risk is too great. I have seen families torn apart by porn, drug, alcohol addictions. I have seen my own father forsake his parental responsibility because he was addicted to T. V.

I will never know if I am addicted to any of these things, because I won't allow them in my life. I would hate to do anything that would dull my senses to the point that I make a huge mistake and loose my family. That is something I couldn't live without.

Months without sex. . .painful



Seeing my infant children getting more action than me. . .very painful

Knowing that my wife knows that she is the woman of my thoughts and dreams. . . PRICELESS

I know everyone negotiates their own relationship, but I will not use my unconditional faithfulness as a bargaining tool.
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Old 08-03-2003, 03:29 AM
 
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P.S. Just another item of interest. I still vividly remember the first time I stumbled into my father's porn collection. I was never more ashamed of him. I knew the promises he had made to my mother when they were married, and wondered if he could break those, why should I believe anything he promised me.

**They were divorced a few years ago when my Dad left my Mom for another woman. After 30+ years of marraige and 6 kids, I guess it became harder and harder for my mother to compete with the girls in the magazines.
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Old 08-03-2003, 03:47 AM
 
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Sorry I also wanted to answer your question about what men get out of porn.

Hmmm...
How about sex without commitment.
No need to be emotionally responsible for a piece of paper. Women in porn have no feelings, don't require foreplay.
Never climax so it is pointless to wait for them.
They don't need to snuggle afterwards.
They always stay young and perky.
You have never seen them give birth, or nurse.
They are frisky and available 24/7.
No stretch marks.
Any non goddess-like blemish can be airbrushed out.
They are never seen in the wrong light, or without make-up.
Women in porn have no bodily functions.
They never make you do chores around the house.
Their only "time of the month" is when they hit the news stand.
No need for protection.
Don't get headaches.
Their mother's won't call in the middle.
Can't comment on your technique or other shortcomings.


paraphrased to the best of my recollection "Men only want two things out of life. . . to drink beer, and see something nekked."
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Old 08-03-2003, 12:17 PM
 
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I am a mom posting on the Dads board
I have a completely different take on this. I enjoy porn. When my DH and I married we knew we each enjoyed porn and enjoy it together. DH does not view it on the computer, doesn't enjoy strip clubs and he doesn't have magazines (I do ) but we do have movies that we watch together. When we married neither of us promised not to look at other people, not to fantasize, visualize or roll play.
Sharing in porn is something we do occasionally together and it gets both of us aroused.
On the other board I saw much about how porn degrades women. What about the men? They fall into the same trappings as women - Move to Hollywood, become a star - End up broke and working in the porn industry first to feed yourself, then to feed your lifestyle. I see men as much the victim (if there is a victim) as women. Many complain about the way women are protrayed and I have seen videos where the same could be said of men.
My husband and I enjoy a very active sex life, through pregnancy (gotta love that second trimester) breatfeeding (presently pregnant and nursing) and co-sleeping (sometimes we're in a different room of the house (makes it even more fun )
If these people weren't in porn they would be prostituting. It's not like if they hadn't chosen a life of porn they would be teaching Sunday school.
I have no complaints. I am a very visual woman - I know that's rare and have been told I think like a guy when it comes to sex but I don't like being lumped into a group where women don't enjoy porn, find it degrading and repulsive and won't "allow" their husbands to partake.
Everyone has their own comfort level. I can understand why some don't enjoy porn but I don't think one person in the relationship should make that decision for the other.

Keri

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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Old 08-06-2003, 08:33 PM
 
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I apparently am not well liked on the other forum. Usually when I make a post AGAINST the use of porn, I get baraged with how "right" everyone thinks it is. I bring up moral issues and I am baraged with basically not being more open minded to the possibilities.

My dh and I have been thru his porn addiction and the lying he has done because of it. I in fact do feel degraded by these images he has taken in with his eyes on a regular basis. He finally openly admitted he has a problem and we are working on this issue. He is reading a book I purchased. Actually, I purchased quite a few books for my own understanding of this whole issue.
He is now reading one of them. He is working hard on his issue and is not lying to me anymore. We did split up for almost a year. He is doing a lot better now. We communicate more than we ever did.

I thankyou so much from the bottom of my heart for posting on here your thoughts about the use of porn. You are actually what every man should be.... A TRUE MAN. You represent manhood with dignity and respect. You also honor and cherish your wife, and she apparently has no doubts about whether she is good enough in your eyes. I am so proud that you stand tall and say it like it is. You admit going without for a time is hard for you, but you do it for all the right reasons. You admit that you feel your children get more attention at times than you do.....and that it also hurts. No one can fault you for your honesty. No one can fault you for standing up and being a TRUE MAN !!! You have the right perspective.

I could almost cry !!! There really is an honorable male out there after all. Matter of fact, I am crying a bit....I just want to say : Thankyou, Thankyou, Thankyou....
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Old 08-08-2003, 03:09 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by G-Dawg
Knowing that my wife knows that she is the woman of my thoughts and dreams. . . PRICELESS

All of what you said really touched me. My DH feels the same way you do, but he is not nearly as eloquent! (sp?)

I do not understand women who say they don't care if their DHs look at other naked women for pleasure. To me, that is cheating pure and simple.

My DH was never into porn, but we did watch some 'raunchy' movies before we became Xains. I cannot tell you how much my self-confidence and our relationship has improved since we started only watching family movies with no naked girls, etc.

Knowing that I am the only naked girl we see, and neither one of us is comparing me to a bouncy naked 19-year-old is so important to me. (Expessially since I used to look like that girl until I birthed and nursed his two children!)

I would lose all respect for my DH if he liked to oogle other naked women after he was married to me. I am glad I am enough for him, and honestly I feel bad for people who feel differently because I don't think they know what they are missing.
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Old 08-12-2003, 11:02 PM
 
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Wow! I am more disturbed by the absolute judgment than porn.

Porn is what you make it and read into it.

Frankly, I think women's romance novels do a much worse disservice to society than porn does. Women come to believe in the romantic ideal promoted by these books, but we all know and understand that porn is unrealistic.

I may go get my husband to give you a reply so you can hear what men get out of it. I really don't know the answer to that one. I've read that medical research shows that men's pleasure centers are close to the visual part of their brain, and that women's pleasure centers are close to the verbal part of their brain. Romance novels vs. Pictures...
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Old 08-13-2003, 03:47 AM
 
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I am much in favor of porn. I am a WAHD. I am currently programming an application that I intend to use for many types of businesses including porn. Also I am collecting Playboy.

I also have a 4 month old daughter. This is not at all a concern for me. As a WAHD I can devote the time I need to be a good parent. I intent to tell her that my business is just internet applications. I plan to teach her about the ART of the human body and also the nature of birth and breastfeeding.

When I look at naked people, I see art, nature, entertainment. Only when I look at my DW do I really even thing about sex. That is how I want my daughter to think.
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Old 08-13-2003, 11:08 PM
 
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Sort this is off topic but. . .

WOAH! TOTAL NERVE!

My husband is an artist and is alot like G-Dawg. (Waited for me till marriage, never looks at porn----how did we girls get so lucky?)

Anyway there is a TOTAL DIFFRENCE between artistically apprieciating the human body and porn. I too want to teach my children the beauty of the naked body through art that makes them MORE pure, i.e. the David or the Sistine chapel.

But the diffrence between porn and the artistic portrayl of the nude is that the porn breaks down people into parts and makes the viewer less pure. But the skillful and correct portrayal of the naked body in art should make the viewer more pure.

There is a diffrence between appreciating nature and abusing it.

Porn is NOT art.

Sorry if I have offended anyone but this is a very important issue to me.
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Old 08-14-2003, 04:09 AM
 
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I dont see anything wrong with porn at all. It is for adults not children. It is adults that take part in the act and give concent. I think the body is beatutiful and a wonderful art form. My DD will understand the value of healthy relationships- becasue her father and I give her the foundation for that. I in no way worry about her respect for her body or her mind and trust my job as a parent to guide her in self love. I think porn is a huge part of our lives in american- come on it is a multi-billion dollar industry. I will never get around my daughter knowing about pron- sometime in her life- but I can teach her values. Pron is not ment to harm children it is for pure entertainment value for adults.

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

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Old 08-14-2003, 04:15 AM
 
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Another thing- just so I dont get bashed on for saying pron and art in the same post!

I have been a photographer (before my DD was born) and I see everything as art. Take Playboy for exsample- Have you really looked at the photographs? They are very beautiful- sure some would say sexy- and perhaps they are- but the core to porn (at least most of it) is the human body- and that is beautiful. It is the porn stars art piece. And ther are companies like "VIVID' and others that make women and men get tested for STD's. They try to make it as safe as they can- to ensure health for their employees.

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

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Old 08-14-2003, 02:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by crayon
I think porn is a huge part of our lives in american- come on it is a multi-billion dollar industry. .

hence it is okay!!? How does this follow.. . ?

There are a lot of multi-million dollar industries out there that quite frankly the world would be alot better without, the illegal drug market for starters. That does not somehow magically make it okay. Lets be careful with our logic here.

Porn is not a huge part of my life though it is part of mainstream american culture. Just because something is mainstream doens't make it okay.
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Old 08-14-2003, 03:17 PM
 
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the logic is that it is part of our culture (part of american life- and outher countires lives)- it will alway be just as it always has. If one is part of that or not that is a choice. I am very concervative but when it comes to concenting adults I believe that they can choose what they want to do and what they want to watch. Porn has been going on for hundreds if not thousands of years. Even when porn was not legal- it was still part of a culture. And just becase drugs are illegal does that mean that people dont have the right to choose what they do with their body- just like alachol- it was band and then it was not- and it is a drug that hurts people- There are no right answers for every family but every person must do what they fell is right for their family and them as people. If it is enjoying legal porn then fine with me. Who am I to say what someone should enjoy. I put cloth on my babies bum and BM in her tummy- and we live in a cuture that says for the most part- feed formula it is as good as BM and use disposalbes dont worry about our landfills or your wallet. It makes me sick to think about it- but it is part of our culture, there is nothing I can do about it but make sure I educate my baby on the healthy things in life and hope that she takes that to her children.

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Old 08-15-2003, 12:12 PM
 
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ooookaaaaaayyy. What if formula feeding is "just right for MY family." It is legal. It is part of mainstream culture. Does that mean that objectivley speaking this magically makes formula "better nutrition" than breastmilk??
NO!
This logic is similar to the logic you are making about why porn is morally right.


We can sit here and say "its right for me but not for you" but objectivley speaking one has to be right and one has to be wrong. (I'm talking about porn vs no porn here.)

I tire of the incessent moral relativism .

Everyone is a moral relativist until someone breaks into their car.

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Old 08-19-2003, 04:35 AM
 
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Originally posted by Paxetbonum

We can sit here and say "its right for me but not for you" but objectivley speaking one has to be right and one has to be wrong. (I'm talking about porn vs no porn here.)
Where do I get a copy of the moral book. I do not think most porn is immoral - that is my opinion.

Someone referanced things like the statue of David or the Sistine chapel. When was the last playboy you looked at? the poses are very simular in style - maybe david was porn??? maybe playboy is art?

And even if you do not agree with porn, it is a huge part of your life as a parent. It is everywhere and you have to deal with the issue and your children rather then just hide it. Hiding it only makes them more curious later. You have to take the couriousity away by talking about it, but teach them how very special it is so they learn to wait.
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Old 08-19-2003, 02:34 PM
 
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Porn is NOT going to be part of my life as a parent, thank you very much. Please don't tell me it is.

Neither my husband nor I look at the stuff and we will raise our sons and daughters to repect and love the human body in its true nuptial meaning, not degraded to an object merely for pleasure.

If you would like a copy of the moral book I will send it your way.
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Old 08-19-2003, 10:56 PM
 
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My guess is that anyone who finds porn "okay" shouldn't be using it. Isn't porn supposed to be "exciting" or at least a dull "stimulating" at the best? Sexuality varies so much from one person to another, and attitudes to porn are part of that. To each their own.
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Old 08-20-2003, 03:12 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Paxetbonum

If you would like a copy of the moral book I will send it your way.
:LOL :LOL :LOL
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Old 09-04-2003, 08:29 PM
 
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I think that porn gives people (men and women) unreasonable expectations for female perfection and what sex :"should" be like.

The only reason those beautiful women are having sex with average to ugly men is because they are being paid to do so. Men then get an unrealiatic idea of what a woman should look like, act and be in bed.

Women begin to think that they have to have huge plastic pimples under their chins, I mean boobs. I am 31 and I breast are big, but U shaped, as breasts should be for a woman who has birthed and breastfed a child. I discouraces women from breastfeeding because they think it makes your boobs sagg (NOT true, it's the hormones of pregnancy, the damage is done my the time the kid's out, so let the ladies earn their keep).

Porn also leads to hang ups in real people's sex lives. After watching porn, many people (men and women) feel inadequate in their performance, quality, quantity or type of sex. Porn does not show the intimate relationship between two people, the slow seduction, those stolen glances across the dinner table when the kids are flinging mashed potatoes at each other (of course I believe children should be exposed to their parents being flirtatious with each other - helps them think that sex is not a horribly evil, dirty act).
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Old 09-22-2003, 02:29 AM
 
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Porn works for our marriage. Porn is a fantasy. Porn,just as life can be viewed anyway you choose to look at it but we choose to view porn as a tool in a large box of arousal techniques.

I am saddened to see self-righteousness weave its way into this discussion where all people should feel safe to speak their minds. We all need to take a deep look at our own values and also be a but more culturally aware of others moral code is not fit into one book for everyone.

Can't we all just get a long?
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Old 09-22-2003, 03:31 PM
 
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Look at it from the other end, not the viewing part of it.

Who makes porn? Why do they do it? Who profits from porn?

I believe that everyone who makes porn is hurt by it in some fashion, and particularly the women. Some women (and all children involved) are forced into it, a huge percentage of women who perform in it come from a history of abuse, which leads them to believe their only worth is in what they can do with their naked bodies. There is a sex trade, for maude's sake, do you think women willingly go along with being kidnapped and set up in brothels and porn shows?

Watching porn is watching the utter degradation of the human spirit, if you ask me.

Have you ever done even a casual search on the internet and seen what awful things there are out there? Bestiality, women having sex with as many different objects as you can imagine, "barely legal", `gang bangs...do you truly believe it is all consensual?

So that is why I choose to not partake of porn. It's not a bible-based belief, or a moral stance based on religion, it's a respect for another human being thing.
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Old 09-24-2003, 12:10 PM
 
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This is Karalina's DH. I voted absolutely not but had a different view a few years ago. Back then I viewed porn as a way to escape, explore and recieve instant gratification when I finally found something tasteful (believe me it was hard to find!). I felt the need to keep it a secret (big mistake) because I knew that my wife did not approve of porn. When she found out, she was devestated by the breech of trust, and felt like I had been cheating on her. I believed it was o.k. and healthy and certainly much better than actually cheating on her (man not listening, being defensive to a losing case!)
If anything harms a relationship I believe it is not O.K. In my case porn harmed our relationship (but working through it, has actually helped our relationship) and I can live without it.

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Old 09-26-2003, 11:17 AM
 
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There are definately valid points on all sides of this arguement. The only time porn has bothered me is when it would pop up all over the screen when I would used the computer after dh. Very annoying when you're trying to look for a recipe and some naked "college co-ed" pops up. I got on to him about that.

The one thing I don't get is Karalina's dh said "I believed it was o.k. and healthy and certainly much better than actually cheating on her."
DO men really need porn so they don't cheat? I'm not sure if that's really what he meant. But I get that impression elsewhere and that is just weird. I like porn but it has nothing to do with wanting to really go outside my realationship...not in a million years, in fact...gross! I really don't thing porn is a substitute for other women for dh either. Men are different though-so I hear :

Can anyone explain?

Mama to DS1 (4/04) DS2 (HBAC 11/06) DS3 (HBAC 12/08) DS4 (HBAC 1/11). Wife to one handsome hard working DH.
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Old 10-31-2003, 02:35 AM
 
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I am not a dad, but I had to pipe up. I am firmly against porn because I think that I as a human being should never see another human being reduced to nothing but sex and sex appeal. When one sees porn, one does not see a woman (or a man), but one sees genitals and bodies and sex. These parts (one's sexuality) are definitely important and integral parts of a person- but not the whole. I think it is inherently sexist to watch porn, since MOST porn is geared towards men.
So when I see a woman having sex in a porn movie, all I see is one facet of her, and it is a lie. I am not seeing reality, I am seeing a woman who is basically a prostitute. I see no difference between a prostitute and and a porn actress- they are both being paid to have sex. I don't see why this is legal, but pros. is not.
Eh, I am all over the place in my thoughts. BBL or tommorow to clarify. -Sarah

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Old 10-31-2003, 03:56 AM
 
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Speaking out from Nevada here, were in many counties Prostitution is legal.....

Sex sells. Porn exploits sex so porn sells. That doesn't make it ok to sell sex. Porn is demeaning to the loving relationship between individuals in a committed relationship. Sex is more than just intercourse, sex culminates in childbirth. Intercourse=conception=childbirth. Humans are one of only 2 mamalian species who use sex for recreation other than procreation. While this can increase and deepend feelings for your sexual partner, at the same time it creates in some people the feeling that if they aren't "recreating" all the time something is wrong and that it puts them in an unhealthy state if they aren't.

However, illicit sex with people or objects (like magazines, videos, internet, etc) demeans the natural expression of love between men and women. Any type of addiction or even repetitive activity that harms your relationship with those you are close to is questionable. Unfortunately some people, men and women included do not even realize that in participating in these activities they are selling not only themselves for physical pleasure, but also the love and trust of their spouse and children. As a parent, it's my job to care for and protect my children and be emotionally available and safe for them. Succombing to the weakness of visual temptation for pleasure doesn't exactly pain a picture of strength and safety to those children' who put their complete trust in you as a parent.

"Sweetie--this is something daddy does when mommy has a headache and he needs it anyway"

"This is what mommy does when daddy's back is sore and she can't wait"

These kinds of excuses are ridiculed by our culture as a lack of willpower when it comes to issues of food, cigarettes, alcohol...but when it comes to sex instant gratification is a healthy expression? The freudian implications would be that your mom failed feed you on demand as a child and now you are trying to make up for it. That is even before potty training when we learn about delaying gratification for increased gratification later. But its common in our culture to reinforce that ideal UNLESS it comes to sex, in which case do what you want, when you want and you are healthy. If you don't you are repressed and "self-righteous".

Porn is not about love, porn is about using visual or auditory stimuli to reach a climax. In essence, the very act of climax is demeaned from something you alone share with your soul mate to something you can do anytime, anywhere. It becomes commonplace and degraded.

As someone mentioned, when you really love your spouse, that 6 weeks postpartum isn't what really matters. Furthermore, couples who practice FAM as birth control actually rate their sex lives as more fulfilling than couples who use other methods, even though they are ABSTAINING during the time when the woman is most orgasmic. Why? because of the complete committment to each other and their goals. The man is involved in the birth control/ or efforts toward conception WITH the woman, rather than the woman taking complete responsibility for pregnancy achievance or avoidance as well as the mans sexual fulfillment or else he might stray to other women because "boys will be boys."

The acceptance of porn in our culture is one of the major structural influences keeping women and men on different planes, simply because it allows men to escape their responsibility to their wives and families.

People say its an "adult" issue. Its not. In Las Vegas you can't walk down the street without seeing cards of nude women laying all over the street, free "newspaper" advertisements of prositutes, etc. In this case, they are using the porn to sell the prositutes.....but you can't take your kids to see the Lions at the MGM without them also seeing women (and men's) bodies being degraded. You can't flip through a phonebook in most of nevada without seeing explicit pictures. How many of you have a phone book in your kitchen or home office? How many of your kids frequent those rooms?

Someone mentioned Romance Novels--I rank these on about the same level as Porn both visual and written. They both degrade sex and human relationships. They both set unrealistic standards for relationships.

One final point I want to make. The other day I was doing an internet search regarding ovulatory bleeding and ovulatory pain. Well guess what? There's a whole world of Ovulation Porn out there. Its a branch of BDSM apparently that centers on exploiting and increasing a womans pain during ovulation and using that as a sexual fetish. You can find similar things with nearly any type of a search regarding the human body. People have taken things with beautiful, divine potential and degraded them to mere ideas of arousal. Rather than seeing ovulation as a moment to become a co-creator with God in making a human being, ovulation becomes a way to cause another being physical pain for one's own sexual pleasure.
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Old 10-31-2003, 04:27 AM
 
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Great post normajean. I agree with you, you can find all kinds of disturbing associations in order to achieve arousal. The CSI episode from tonight was a good example, all this people wearing animal customs as their only way to get aroused. Why do we need all of that?? what about sharing honest feelings and true love, that's way more exciting, I think.
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Old 10-31-2003, 01:27 PM
 
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I saw CSI lastnight as well. I had no idea people were into the whole animal costume deal to "get off". Just furthered my strong opinion of how sick humans can be in the realm of "sexual gratification".

There is a song that is played on the radio and I can't remember who sings it, but the chorus is sung over and over and over again. It says " You and me ain't nothing but mamals, so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel." Maybe this animal costume orgy thing came out of that chorus...LOLOL. Who knows!!!

Porn is sick and degrading. That is my .02
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Old 11-04-2003, 02:23 AM
 
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I guess this won't be popular, but I, like someone on the previous page, also enjoy porn. I am an adult that enjoys the female and the male bodies. I enjoy seeing them nude, so does my husband. He knows I like it, I know he likes it. I also know that fantasizing is NORMAL for all human beings. People can be totally in love and still have fantansies, its ok. I also believe masturbation is normal and acceptable in the privacy of your own (room, bathroom, etc. Somehow it seems that religion is starting to sneak into the undercurrent of this thread. Personally, I do not believe that bodies are taboo, nor is sex. The surest way to make people crazy to get something is to make a big deal about how off-limits it is. Look at teens and sex in the US...compare that with Europe. Here, girls have sex at (average) 13, there it is still 18. We have to lighten up people, we are perpetuating the myth that there is something wrong with sex and our sexual selves. Anne
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Old 11-04-2003, 11:05 AM
 
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[i] We have to lighten up people, we are perpetuating the myth that there is something wrong with sex and our sexual selves. Anne [/B]
I tend to disagree with that statement. We have lightened up so much so to the point that we can't turn regular television on without being bombarded with sexual ads. Not to mention the shows that are out now perpetuating sexuality all over the place like "OC" and "Skin". Advertisers now use and have been for a long time, sex to sell their product. For example: Herbal Essence shampoo. Why do we need to hear a woman sounding like she is having an orgasm while washing her hair??? We can't stand in a simple grocery store line with our young children without seeing sexuality splattered all over the front pages of magazines with captions of "How to better please your man in bed", "How to be multi-orgasmic", etc.

I believe we have lightened up to the point where sexuality is smeared all over the place, anywhere you go, that it is no longer something revered in a good and loving relationship. It has become perverted to the point of "anything goes". It is no longer something sacred.
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