Dads 50 ish and up? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-01-2008, 01:20 AM
 
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I'm 27, and my husband is 57. We share so many of the same interests and activities, that the age difference has never been much of an issue between us, and he is in such good shape--climbs, ski races, etc, that half of the time, I have trouble keeping up with him. Our first child, Miriam, was born last March, and it has been wonderful watching him turn into a Dad, and seeing how much he enjoys getting to know this new little person. She is the first child for each of us, so we are learning this parenting thing together.
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Old 03-01-2008, 11:58 AM
 
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My DH is 54 and I'm 37. We were both married before and have kids. He has 3 adult children and my dd is 18. We have a 9yr old together.

One thing I'm noticing is that he is slowing down and I'm speeding up. In all ways. It worries me that it might become a problem as the years pass.

Also, his oldest dd has issues with him being a "better" parent with our 9yr old than with her. There are a lot of things going on but this is one that pops up now and then.
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Old 03-01-2008, 12:17 PM
 
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I'm curious if others have a difficult time making friends as a couple? Dh and I have our own friends, but we have a really hard time making friends as a couple with other couples. There seems to be a lack of similar minded people where we live - we live in a small town in rural Kentucky - and it's very difficult to meet people for potential friendships. To give you an idea of the mindset in this town, I was fired from the YMCA because my employer felt my marriage was "wrong" and went against the "Christian" image they had. (insert eye roll here)

I would love to meet other couples like dh and myself, but as it sits right now, dh has his friends, and I have mine, and while we all get along, we're not "couple friends."
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Old 03-01-2008, 12:35 PM
 
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We sometimes have that but not that often. Dh is a brilliant poker player so he hangs with college kids and 20-somethings twice a week at games.
He's quite good at crossing generation gaps. For him, it's more about intellectual connection than age.
I sometimes feel out of place around couples that are his age. They just seem so old.
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Old 03-01-2008, 04:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ElliesMomma View Post

one last thing i will say though is that maybe because i'm home, and maybe because he's older, i've found the expectations for me to be the "june cleaver" wife are sorta there... it's been an adjustment for me. he doesn't ask a lot but he does ask for certain things. dinner ready when he gets home. certain chores done around the house. it took me a while to accept, but now i just work it in my routine. figure it is a cost of "doing business" so to speak, the business being my being home with the baby. in fairness, he does a heavy share of deep cleaning (bathrooms, carpets, etc.) on weekends, and is great, great with outdoor man stuff like snow shoveling, grass cutting, rototilling the garden, heavy weeding, etc.

great thread! would love to hear more! thanks
This is interesting because we have the opposite dynamic (though we don't have kids yet).

His mom was a SAHM and she didn't like it at all. She wanted to hang with her friends, go drinking, and so on. She constantly left him and his older sister at home alone during the day (dad was at work). His view of a SAHM/SAHW has been tainted for sure and he's bitter and resentful for having a mother who didn't want to be home. A job would have been much better for her - but this was the 1950s-60s. Right now since we both work (he works from home) the chores are split almost 50/50, but I do most of the cooking (because he cant)

Many of his friends are younger too, but they are pretty diverse in ages (20s-50s)
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Old 03-02-2008, 10:09 PM
 
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My DH and I were just laughing last night about signing him up for AARP!!!
He's turning 55 next month. (I'm 38) We're going to be doing alot of traveling the rest of this year. We both agree that we may as well take advantage of the perks!!!
He was also saying that he can't believe he's gonna be 55! He sure doesn't feel or look like it. He's been getting reconnected with alot of his old friends through the internet. They send us pix of themselves with their families and he's shocked at how old some of them look
There's alot to be said for good genes


Oh yeah, I posted before, but as kellyh. This is my new user name. Just so theres no confusion.:

Kelly : mama to Austin and Isabella Wife to Rockin'Rollin'Rick :
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Old 03-02-2008, 11:36 PM
 
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Day 2 of DH being gone. Man, we sure miss him.

Glad to have you ladies to chat with!

Karaboo, your post touched me as you mentioned fears of your husband "slowing down". I don't worry about my DH slowing down as much as I fear his passing when our child is still quite young. My husband is nearing 70 and yes, he looks 55, works full time, skis, plays tennis, runs, etc but I still am frightened of how hard it will be for my DD with him gone. I don't mean to be morbid as I know anyone of us could go tomorrow but I just see how attached she is to him with him gone this week. I think that's why I really try to for us to seize every moment & cherish our family time. Of course my DH is much older than you ladies & I never really had these thoughts until he turned 70 & I was like "wow, honey you are really 70?"

Aidansmommy, we also have "my friends" & "his friends". I would love for us to be around a couple in a similar situation. I find that in our town most of the families are in their twenties & thirties.

The only other issue I can think of is when DH retires, he really wants to travel & our DD will be in school. I mentioned homeschooling & he is opposed to it for our daughter. I am wondering if private schools are more flexible with vacations?

Maybe we could all live on the same street kind our own version of Wisteria Lane (the street in Desperate Housewives for any non tv folks)... LOL...

Nice chatting ladies!
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Old 03-03-2008, 01:13 AM
 
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I am 31 and DH is 53 (22 year age difference). We have a 3.5 yo DS and an 18 mo DD. Neither of us have been married before, and he had no plans to marry before I came along.

I fit into many of the other patterns... DH is financially ahead in his career so it is easy for me to be a SAHM. I am not sure what my next career will be (I have no interest in returning to the career I had before staying home) but I want it to produce enough income so that DH can cut back his work hours as the kids get older and involved in sports, etc. We both have a good amount saved for retirement, but neither of us have a desire for the retiree lifestyle.

Discipline/Parenting: I am the Enforcer in our house (as in, you can't eat cereal for every meal, you will need to go to bed before midnight, etc. we try to do Gentle Discipline) , DH is the ol' softy. This seems to be personality based. I am also the long-term planner and critical thinker when it comes to parenting--I research the options and read the books. DH seems to agree with what I explain to him; he is more on board with some things than others (He washes the cloth diapers and likes that we don't punish or control the kids, but doesn't care so much about nutrition or how much TV they watch...)

Socializing: We haven't had a problem here. I have always had older friends (one of my closest girlfriends is 12 years older) and we just treat everyone like they are the same age. We do volunteer work together and meet nice people of all ages. We also do quite a bit of socializing separately as I tend to need to get out with my friends more than he does, he is more introverted than I am. I will add that young adults sometimes act strange around us... I have a sis who was in her early 20's when she met my DH and it was a loooong time before she would really talk to him. Of course, part of that is due to her um... personality

Family: DH is one of 7 kids who all had children at different times, so I have a niece who is a couple years younger than me AND a nephew who is 1 year older than my DS. On my side, my mother and stepfather have a 'second family'... my half-brother and I are 21 years apart, so he became an uncle when he was 7. The generations are so spread out, there weren't clear lines between each one before, so I think it is less disruptive that DH and I are together (although there were some concerns raised when we got together, mostly by my mother who is 2 years older than DH :.)

Mortality: I thought much more about him being older when we were dating and realized that we wanted to marry and have a family, it was a big anxious issue, but actually it was much more stressful for him than for me. I don't think about it anymore, except occasionally when cultural references come up, nor am I anxious at all about it anymore. I am very happy with our decision to have a family together. He likes to talk about himself as being 'old and tired', but like other PPs, he has a high energy level and likes to be very active. He rides his bike 8 miles to work almost every day and runs on the weekend. He also needs less sleep that I do to function. I often end up feeling like the non-productive partner because he can do so much (I need sleep and down time.) He does have some aches and pains; I worry about him developing arthritis, which runs in his family, and I wish he would get more sleep.

Thanks for starting this thread; I don't know any other couples with such a large age difference who have young families, so it is nice to know we are not the only ones!

-dflanag2
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Old 03-03-2008, 08:26 AM
 
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Oh, I'm sorry for upsetting you! (())

I didn't mean slowing down health-wise really. (The man has the heart of a bull!)Just working less, socializing less, sort of retreating from the business of living. In contrast, I'm awake and wanting more interacting with the world and more sex from him

He's getting grumpier and less tolerant and I'm getting more compassionate. His concerns are less and less shared by me.

I worry very much about us growing apart.
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Old 03-03-2008, 09:14 AM
 
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My dh is 51 and I am 38. We have two children together (5.5 and 2). He does not have any children from previous relationships.

He is also very young looking and young at heart. He loves being a daddy (actually a SAHD part time). He has more energy than me sometimes!

We have many friends and my family adores him (as his adores me). We fit together nicely in so many ways. He is more playful and easy going, while I am intense, driven and sometimes too serious. We make a pretty good team as parents and lovely partners. I was always attracted to older men, so this did not surprise anyone when we married. And, no, I don't have dad issues. My dad and I were very close and he and my dh were fast friends.

I do worry about how long he will live. That is just one of my specialties, to worry. But he is so healthy. The doctors are amazed at the condition of his heart (never smoked, not a heavy drinker, great blood pressure). All his tests come back positive and he has an aunt how just died and she was 102! His male family history is not so good (grand father and father both died in their late 50's early 60's, but they both smoked, ate a lot of meat-they were butchers and drank a fair amount of heavy liquor.) So fingers crossed, his healthy life style will cancel out some of those genetic issues.
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Old 03-03-2008, 09:32 PM
 
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Thank you all for your thoughtful posts. I am really enjoying our conversations!

Karaboo, you didn't upset me. My husband is away this week so I am a little more sensitive to this "being alone" stuff, that's all. Plus as I said my husband is much older- yes, he is really healthy ( did I mention he is away skiing black diamonds the Alps? ) but its just a fear that seems to arise more when he is away and allowing me to "talk" about with you nice ladies actually makes me feel better, KWIM?
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Old 03-04-2008, 02:13 AM
 
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Ditto on the thoughts of mortality here. Dh here isn't a great one for taking care of himself - spent several years as a young man in a motorcycle gang, and all the drugs and etc. that went with THAT little world! And a lot of years just generally eating/drinking/smoking whatever it was that came his way, pleased his palette (sp?). Anyway, he's someone who has never slowed down for life, and still doesn't, but I do see him slowing down compared to 10 yrs ago. It's much more obvious than, say, seeing friends my own age and their power today vs. 10 yrs ago. I am not sad, I know he has loads of years left, but I feel for him, for my 3yo, and for me (who has to pick up the slack lol!). He's a wonderful daddy, a great coach, and more of a husband than I could ever have expected. My wishes have come true, and it doesn't make a bit of difference that he's born when he was born etc. We are happy, and for us, that is all that matters.

Mama to B and O , wife to J and me to me! :
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Old 03-05-2008, 12:39 PM
 
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I dunno if this counts, but my boyfriend is 48 and I'm 36. His youngest is graduating from high school in June and my youngest is in first grade. So we are in different stages as far as that is concerned. The kids ask how old C is... In fact, last night I was talking with him on the phone when I heard him arguing (sort of) with his daughter ... something about "Just because I'm 48 doesn't mean I can't remember your rehearsal time. I keep a good job.... " and various other things. He does seem concerned about retirement and money and such, even though that is years away. And yet... by the time I'm his age, he will be getting ready to retire!
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Old 03-05-2008, 07:12 PM
 
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Wow! All the age-gappers! Who knew?

I'm 29 and DH is 48. We have a 2 yo and one on the way. Here in Hollywood, CA, it seems the norm for people HIS age to be having their firsts. Almost all the parents I know through DD's preschool are mid-30's through mid 40's.

NO ONE my age is having kids here--and it's not like I'm young! I had DD when I was 26, which, in my neighborhood is practically unheard of. Isn't that funny?
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Old 03-05-2008, 07:17 PM
 
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NO ONE my age is having kids here--and it's not like I'm young! I had DD when I was 26, which, in my neighborhood is practically unheard of. Isn't that funny?

Its like that where I live too. It seems like women are not having their first until they are 35+. That wouldnt work for me given my fertility issues.
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Old 03-05-2008, 08:30 PM
 
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I'm 29 and DH is 48. We have a 2 yo and one on the way. Here in Hollywood, CA, it seems the norm for people HIS age to be having their firsts. Almost all the parents I know through DD's preschool are mid-30's through mid 40's.
this brings up a couple of conversations i had with my the wife of my husband's son (who's 30). she's a nice girl, but made a couple of comments to me that:

1) "you're not old, but you are older to be having a child". (nobody wants to hear somebody younger telling them they're old!)

and

2) "all the women in my neighborhood are in their 30's, there's no one my age who lives around us." (they rent in an expensive community.) she also said she tries to get along with them, but it never seems to "catch". (well maybe because you point out to people that you think they're "old".)

i try to give her the benefit of the doubt because she is my step-daughter-in-law, but i have to admit it was a little off-putting. DH's son has never said anything of the sort to me, i like him a lot.

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Old 03-05-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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I'm 29 and DH is 48. We have a 2 yo and one on the way. Here in Hollywood, CA, it seems the norm for people HIS age to be having their firsts. Almost all the parents I know through DD's preschool are mid-30's through mid 40's.
It seems that way where I live too! I have always been one of the youngest in playgroups with my kids and 37 is not young. Dads seems to be late 30's early 40's having kids here, so my DH was a little on the older side, (our oldest is 7 and DH is almost 56). It's cool because we don't feel like freaks, (not that that would matter so much), and it is nice to have similarities with friends.

:SaHM to 3 *DD* DD2 * DS
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Old 03-06-2008, 10:03 AM
 
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California sounds good to me!
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Old 03-06-2008, 02:22 PM
 
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In our play group, I am the youngest mama, and DH is the oldest dad...

-dflanag2
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Old 03-06-2008, 06:34 PM
 
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I like this thread, too! I'm 23 and DP is 37, so 14 years difference. We don't have kids yet but we're both chomping at the bit to have them! (We're waiting a couple more years for career/financial reasons). I think our reasons for being anxious to have kids might a little different though...I'm just ready to be a mama, and while he's ready to be a papa, I think he's worried about being "too old" when the time comes (!). A lot of his friends are younger and have already had their kids. For example, the other day I was talking about how I'd be done with grad school in two years, and he said "you have to get pregnant by then, because I'll be almost 40."

I can't wait to tell him about this thread and what great company we're in, maybe that will ease his mind a bit =)
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Old 03-06-2008, 07:29 PM
 
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California sounds good to me!

I don’t think the same way. Living here is isolating and expensive. I cant wait until we move out of state (which wont be for another year or so).
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Old 03-07-2008, 01:11 AM
 
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Mr. Amazing Man will be 48 soon and I am 35. I have one son from a previous marriage (to a guy my age - blech!) and we have one 3-year old son together. We are hoping to add to the family soon. He is like many of the other dads described here - young at heart and young looking. His job requires that he be intensely physically active, which helps with keeping him young. Most of the guys he works with are about his same age and most of them have young kids like he does too.

It's kind of weird though - his little brother just became a grandpa last year and here we are, planning on having a couple more.

Dissertating wife of Mr. Amazing Man, mother to Boo Bear ( ) Captain Knuckle (13), and The Professor (5). Expecting Penelope Rose 5/10/2010 via planned c/s.
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Old 03-10-2008, 10:46 AM
 
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Hi!
Just giving a chime in from a child's perspective
My mother was 30 and my father was 60 when I was born:

My mother and her 2 children had just come out of a very abusive relationship with her first husband (alcoholic and a mean one at that) and my father who had always wanted kids finally left a marriage from a woman who was able but not willing to give him that...

They somehow found each other, fell in love and I came along followed by my brother 2 1/2 yrs later

It was wonderful how much time our father could spend with us being that he was older and the only annoying part (at least to him) was that whenever we went out everyone assumed that my mother must be his daughter and us his grandkids

The only thing I would ever want to change was that I wish I had more time with him: He died of cancer when I was 8yrs old (but really that had nothing to do with his age, he could have been 40 and had the same thing happen...
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Old 03-11-2008, 09:15 AM
 
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NicoleB- thanks for sharing your perspective. Yes, illness & death during my DD's childhood are my biggest fears. I am happy you have so many nice memories of your Dad. My husband, thank Goodness, is in amazing shape & has great genes so I am praying for as much time as we can have.

Congrats on your baby on the way


Waving hello to everyone else!

Barose, I actually like living in New England... it's just right now I could go for some springtime weather, we've had quite a winter here-:
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Old 03-11-2008, 02:36 PM
 
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My dad was 50 when I was born. He died 2 years ago. He lived to see me graduate from high school and college and get married, and would have lived to see his granddaughter if we'd been able to time our visits better.

Plus, I had fun growing up with my niece and nephew, and my daughter is having fun growing up with my nephew's daughter.

Mommy to eyesroll.gif (age 7) and mischievous.gif (age 3)

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Old 03-12-2008, 03:45 PM
 
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My DH is 52, but he is a year younger than me! His last wife was 10 yrs younger than him and they didn't make it but have a 13 yr old together. Even though I am a year older, he calls me his trophy wife because I am the most wonderful wife ever. He also calls me his wife for life. I have grandchildren and grown children so it seems strange to be helping to raise DSS. Also child rearing thinking has changed a lot since my kids were young. So even though we are basically the same age, it seems sometimes he is from a different generation.
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Old 03-13-2008, 07:40 PM
 
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My DH is 49, he's turning 50 in April. We're not having any trouble here really, DH will surely be the oldest dad when the twins get in school, and we're TTC here.
He does look his age, but he's so sexy He's in excelent shape as he practices martial arts(free style nunchaku) and capoeira and taekwondo, he runs everyday(we actually run together so i'm also fit). He's very healthy.
In the friends issue, his friends are all my friends, and i have other friends of my own to, i'm usually the "baby" of the group.

My dad was 42 when i was born, i was his third child of his third and last marriage, then my sister came along in '86, then my twins siblings in '88, he was 50, he's 70 now and healthy as he can be, sometimes i feel heh as more envery than i do. My mum is 47. I have two older brothers one is 47(ha my mum's age) and my other brother 36.
So my mum was the "trophy wife" and i guess i'm the same lol, my younger sister had a baby in 2005, her DH is 10 year older, and my brother(my youngest) says that he plans to marry when he's 40 just like dad lol. my older brother has two kids, DD1 is the oldest grandchild. So i can say age gaps are in my family.
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Old 03-13-2008, 08:53 PM
 
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Hi NicoleB - thanks for sharing your experience.

If we dont have children by the time DP is 55, it wont happen. He's 50 1/2 now so we dont have much time (considering how long it takes for rme to get pregnant. I always wanted two kids, but will be lucky if we will have one.
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Old 03-13-2008, 09:18 PM
 
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Hope I can join this thread, it's a good one!

IRL, I haven't met anyone quite like us. We've been married nearly three years, together for nearly six. I'm 31, DH is 56. From a previous marriage, he has three adult children, ages 36, 26, and 25, and now an 11 month old daughter. His 36-year-old son has two daughters, aged 7 & 5. I became a stepgrandmother before I became a mama

The one comment I am so tired of hearing is, "aren't you afraid he'll die & leave you all alone with young children to raise?" Honestly, I am not any more afraid of that than anyone else. Do they know something I don't?

The comment I enjoy hearing the most is: "He's old enough to be your father." Indeed. My mom is a year younger than him. I think the important thing to remember here is that he's NOT my father.

DH does have a rare, chronic illness, and high blood pressure sometimes (it's not constant, and it's been improving lately). And he works in social services, so he doesn't have any money, either.

We have such a good relationship (ok, most of the time), and he's a good father to our little. He says that this time, he's enjoyed it more, because he thinks he missed out with his older children, being worried about providing for them, getting an education himself, etc.

I do wish we knew others in our situation, so I'm just loving this thread!!!

Mama to a DD, born 03/30/07, and DS, born 2/3/10, and someone new, due 10/2/121sttri.gif

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Old 03-13-2008, 09:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
I always was attracted to older men so I think I always knew I would marry one. It's not a "father thing"- its that I've always been sort of an "old soul". My mother used to call me a "little old lady" even when I was little.
I get this comment alot, too.

For me, I always knew too. It wasn't a father thing for me, either. I was raised by my mom & my grandparents, and we spent a lot of time with my grandfather's brother & five sisters, so growing up, I spent the most time with people in their 50s and 60s, so it just seemed natural to me. DH's grandparents had the same age difference that we do (25), so he never thought much about it, either.

Mama to a DD, born 03/30/07, and DS, born 2/3/10, and someone new, due 10/2/121sttri.gif

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