I Can't Be The First Guy With This Problem... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 34 Old 09-29-2008, 11:31 AM
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ok, i'm sorry that post was a little harsh, i have some sore spots i am still working through.

i hope you figure out a parenting style that works for all of you.
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#32 of 34 Old 10-19-2008, 07:45 AM
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first of all OP I am really impressed that you are trying to figure out the best way of doing things! Good for you, and your future family I just got some parenting book advice from a counselor that I really respect: http://mysite.verizon.net/turtlecounseling/Essays.htm

You might find his stuff on personal boundaries VERY interesting, it's totally applicable to your relationship with this boy.

here are the books:

".....Now, books. Lots is being written in this country about raising boys. These are good about raising children and are listed on my website.

* Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear by Pam Leo
* Love & Logic by Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay
* Giving The Love That Heals By Harville Hendrix & Helen Hunt

Also you might want to look up Michael Gurian. (http://www.michaelgurian.com/ ) I met him about 15 years ago and he was working on raising boys healthily...."
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#33 of 34 Old 11-12-2008, 03:41 PM
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Just want to say that regardless of the nature of your relationship, you have a right to speak up if anyone is speaking to you in a way that you find offense or disrespectful.
You can do it with love...like, "Hey, I want to be spoken to in a kind way. Your words feel unkind." or even "This doesn't feel okay. I do not like being spoken to that way. You can speak to me this way...."
Or something along those lines.
It doesn't need to be made into a discipline issue so much as a boundary issue...and that goes for anyone, including a 6 yr old. I have a 7 yr old boy who does this to my partner and we've encountered these issues. I think he feels threatened by our relationship...like, hey why is this guy getting my mom's attention too? Call it basic Oedipus complex or what you will..but that's what I think our issue is.
You do have a right to speak up in your own defense about the way you like to be treated and talked to. I would not let it slide.
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#34 of 34 Old 01-29-2009, 12:44 AM
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I agree with the posters who say that obedience is important. I am a mom, a single mom, and up until pretty recently, was always a single mom. If you don't give your kid boundaries and stick with them, your kid is going to rebel. Period. Kids are more comfortable knowing their limits anyway; it gives them a sense of safety.

That being said, allowing kids to make choices about small things (edging towards larger as they get older) is a necessity as well. The 'handful of chips' line bothered me - is this what he usually has for a snack? Does he insist on this? Why isn't he having veggies or fruit?

Parenting is a WHOLE philosophy - not just gentle discipline or strict. Many, many different aspects apply, and setting rules and sticking to them is a great start, OP

Thanks for reading my rant

Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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