All dads - please input - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: We would like to change the name of the from from "Dads" to "Fathering." How do
I like it! 51 62.96%
I don't like it! 5 6.17%
Doesn't matter. 25 30.86%
Voters: 81. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 24 Old 08-22-2008, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
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With the launch of Jeremy Adam Smith's new blog here at Mothering and a planned feature in Mothering magazine about "Fathering" we are thinking to change the name of this forum from "Dads" to "Fathering."

Please vote in the poll I've placed above. Do you like that idea? If you don't like it please share your thoughts with us. Thanks!

~Cynthia

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#2 of 24 Old 08-22-2008, 01:13 PM
 
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Since the forum is open to both genders and not restricted to dads, it makes sense to change the name. The Fathering title more accurately describes the current setup. It will allow and encourage both genders to provide input on topics regarding fatherhood, male parenting, etc.
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#3 of 24 Old 08-22-2008, 05:16 PM
 
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My wife is due Sep 1, but I still replied even though I'm not technically a Dad. Been reading this website for a couple weeks now.

In any case, I feel that naming this Fathering is needlessly exclusionary. With the way the forum is named currently, the "Dads" area is not necessarily oppositional to the rest of the forum. Fathering makes it much more a direct split between this and "Mothering" being the other couple dozen forums.

Dad to DD 9/2008
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#4 of 24 Old 08-24-2008, 12:12 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plunky View Post
My wife is due Sep 1, but I still replied even though I'm not technically a Dad. Been reading this website for a couple weeks now.

In any case, I feel that naming this Fathering is needlessly exclusionary. With the way the forum is named currently, the "Dads" area is not necessarily oppositional to the rest of the forum. Fathering makes it much more a direct split between this and "Mothering" being the other couple dozen forums.
Hm, that's an interesting perspective. That was certainly not its intent.

Our thinking was that "Dads" implied that this was the (only) forum for dads to post in, whereas "Fathering" was a place for dads to come to talk about fathering, just as they'd go to Parenting to talk about parenting, or Diapering to talk about diapering.

Whatever the name, our intent is both to create a place supportive of male parents (and parents to be) to gather and talk, AND to welcome you into the rest of the boards.
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#5 of 24 Old 08-24-2008, 12:52 AM
 
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Gotta admit, it doesn't matter to me. The traffic in here is pretty low, and I don't feel like it's the only place on Mothering that I can post or get good advice. I lurked around these boards for a long time because my DW started so many conversations with "This thread on Mothering.....", and finally signed up to start trading recipes. As long as there's a dad-specific place, call it what you like.
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#6 of 24 Old 09-28-2008, 10:19 PM
 
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I, for one, would like to see a dad-specific place, where the gender of your sign-in (log-in) allows your posting rights to the forum. If your gender, as recorded in your log-in (user CP) is female, you can read the dad's forum, but not post in it.

There are a dozen other forums to post about and reply to specific issues, but the ONE place that dads have to for-sure (try to) get another dad's input is this forum. And 9.9 times out of 10, that topic gets trampled by mums. In fairness, they sometimes try and impart what their husband does/says/feels about the issue. But that's not the point.

If you want to increase the profile of the site, foster more active participation from men and let us have a dad's/fathering zone where men can stop in and discuss with other men, then you have to figure out how to keep the threads from being trampled by non-men.

As for the name? It doesn't matter. A name is a name and it's what's inside that counts.
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#7 of 24 Old 09-30-2008, 12:29 AM
 
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Shows how often I poke my head in. The poll is closed and I didn't even know it was here. I'd say Fathering is a fine choice for reasons already stated.

"To lose the sense of sacredness of the world is a mortal loss. To injure our world by excesses of greed and ingenuity is to endanger our own sacredness."    Ursula K. Le Guin
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#8 of 24 Old 09-30-2008, 08:08 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for all the comments and ideas. I've reopened the poll.

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#9 of 24 Old 10-02-2008, 11:00 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dadinblue View Post
I, for one, would like to see a dad-specific place, where the gender of your sign-in (log-in) allows your posting rights to the forum. If your gender, as recorded in your log-in (user CP) is female, you can read the dad's forum, but not post in it.

There are a dozen other forums to post about and reply to specific issues, but the ONE place that dads have to for-sure (try to) get another dad's input is this forum. And 9.9 times out of 10, that topic gets trampled by mums. In fairness, they sometimes try and impart what their husband does/says/feels about the issue. But that's not the point.

If you want to increase the profile of the site, foster more active participation from men and let us have a dad's/fathering zone where men can stop in and discuss with other men, then you have to figure out how to keep the threads from being trampled by non-men.

As for the name? It doesn't matter. A name is a name and it's what's inside that counts.
I agree with the sentiment of this post, but not the mechanism suggested. I feel that the scope of this forum (the dads one) is needlessly limited and it is not a coincidence that there is very little activity here. And then when there is activity, there's a dogpile from mothers when dads speak up. mothering.com is the best place by far on the web for discussing parenting issues that I've found, and it would be great if we could get some more male voices heard.

It's amusing to me that the only place that talks specifically about Dads is a subforum. Gifted Kids is a top level forum, but Dads are all the way down here... The Working "Parents" forum has a description that says it is explicitly for Mamas. Etc etc.

OTOH, I haven't had any problem posting in threads and being called out for being male. It would just be nice if the site was a little more inclusive towards Dads.

Regarding the name: fathering is not a synonym for mothering, at least in its most common use. It means that your DNA helped make the baby, not that you have anything to do with parenting. I just find the proposed name change very problematic.

Edit-Also, I wish it was a public poll so we could verify that it was Dads answering the poll. I'm frankly amazed that there are 13 dudes that responded.

Dad to DD 9/2008
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#10 of 24 Old 10-18-2008, 12:22 AM
 
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My concern is that putting Dads or Fathering as a sub forum will ultimately lead to a slow death for this forum. It makes it not so obvious and that much more difficult to find for new dads / fathers. It's never been the most active forum, and I fear it will become even less active because of the move.

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#11 of 24 Old 10-20-2008, 12:12 PM
 
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I'd like to reiterate that I find the results of this poll very suspect. Are there actually 18 men that voted?

Dad to DD 9/2008
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#12 of 24 Old 10-26-2008, 11:51 AM
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I find it interesting that there is even a forum for this and that now all the forums have been changed to accommodate dads to begin with.
I am sure that a fathering magazine would not have women deciding their forums.
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#13 of 24 Old 10-27-2008, 11:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by PJJ View Post
I find it interesting that there is even a forum for this and that now all the forums have been changed to accommodate dads to begin with.
I am sure that a fathering magazine would not have women deciding their forums.
Yes, we're taking over mothering.com by way of this forum that sees 1-2 posts per day on average. Watch out.

Dad to DD 9/2008
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#14 of 24 Old 11-02-2008, 07:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tata View Post
My concern is that putting Dads or Fathering as a sub forum will ultimately lead to a slow death for this forum. It makes it not so obvious and that much more difficult to find for new dads / fathers. It's never been the most active forum, and I fear it will become even less active because of the move.
Yep, and it happened to me just now.

I scanned down the list, looking for the big blue DADS banner and DIDN'T SEE IT!

I scanned again, thinking I had missed it, and didn't see it again.

Then I read all the forums. Line. By. Line. and found it... buried in "life as a parent"

Hark... what's that sound?

Ah... the death knell of a forum -- sounds a lot like 'Taps'.
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#15 of 24 Old 01-31-2009, 09:49 PM
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So the OP starts with changing a forum from Dads to Fathering?
Well, this has already happened in Mothering and things have been added to include parents.

So, I am asking why is it even mothering anymore? Why is it not parenting?

As for the fathering/dads, I am certain that men would not even remotely care if women were included in their forums, as they already understand that mothering and fathering are different.

Quote:
Originally Posted by plunky View Post
Yes, we're taking over mothering.com by way of this forum that sees 1-2 posts per day on average. Watch out.
And yes, things start out slowly with change and then one can not recognize what happened.
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#16 of 24 Old 03-15-2009, 12:02 AM
 
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My husband lurks on Mothering under my name and when I asked him which he would prefer he said it didn't matter to him He is also a lurker around other threads/sections of the boards around. One thing he did mention is to perhaps have the 'Dads/Fathering' thread a bit more prominent so that its easier to find and more welcoming to men that are checking out the site

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#17 of 24 Old 03-15-2009, 09:06 AM
 
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I don't think the name matters as much as making "Dads/Fathering" its own headline forum. I think it should *not* be a subforum.

Trying to turn hearts and minds toward universal healthcare, one post at a time.
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#18 of 24 Old 07-25-2009, 08:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by PJJ View Post

So, I am asking why is it even mothering anymore? Why is it not parenting?





And yes, things start out slowly with change and then one can not recognize what happened.
I completely agree.....and I didn't vote in the poll....

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#19 of 24 Old 10-05-2009, 01:36 AM
 
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I'd say "Fathering" is barely attractive over "Dads" only because of the logic of its parallel construction to the board that spawned it. (Mothered it?)

lolar2DH: DH to lolar2; Dad to Sam, born March, 2007.
Please don't hold anything I say against lolar2!
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#20 of 24 Old 10-05-2009, 09:37 PM
 
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okay sorry to dogpile this thread, but i have to agree that dads should have their own forum not a subforum, or a completely different category just for dads, listing multiple forums for dads, not just 1 section. little traffic ever flows through here but maybe if it were more predominant/noticeable more dads would post. i look here sometimes because i like reading about other perspectives, especially from men, because a good majority of the time their perspective is not that of a woman's. sorry, but sometimes men do have clearer views on things than other women. i'm not very interested in the title, but i am interested in expanding their space.

he's here; kaine (11/9/09)
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#21 of 24 Old 11-13-2009, 03:31 PM
 
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sorry, but sometimes men do have clearer views on things than other women.
No need to apologize. It's the truth! I think a lot of times males are not given enough credit for their clearer and more logical viewpoints. Just because some males out there act immature or incompetent does not mean that all males should be assumed as such. Lots of females act the same way, but I notice there is no stereotype of stupidity placed on women. Why is it acceptable for men to be labeled as such?

I guess that is a little off-topic.

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#22 of 24 Old 11-15-2009, 03:05 PM
 
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Oops, I'm a mom. I don't generally like to intrude on Dads forums, but I admit I do stray occasionally.

I think here should be a top-level forum for Dads' issues that everyone could post/read. Moms who wanted a dad's perspective could post here and also if any dads wanted both dad and mom viewpoints on a dad-topic could post there. But then think there also should be a subforum, something like Dad-to-dad, where it would be only accessible to dads. A place where someone could be reasonably sure the responses were from dads only. It would be nice to make it non-readable by moms too, but I realize that is hard since anyone could just make a second account, mark it "male" and call use it to access the forum. So perhaps it would be better to make it readable by everyone so there is no false sense of security.
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#23 of 24 Old 11-15-2009, 03:34 PM
 
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I had lurked on this board for quite a while before I realized that there even was a 'Dads' section. The way its hidden in a sub-forum gives the impression that the participation of fathers on this board is of fairly low importance, which is unfortunate. As a soon-to-be father I am having difficultly finding an online community where dads can discuss issues pertaining to fatherhood. I don't particularly care what the forum is called, but I think the forum would receive more traffic if it was easier to find from the index page.
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#24 of 24 Old 01-28-2010, 01:06 PM
 
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Hmmm,

Let me throw in a different perspective here. We need to clarify the purpose and scope of this subforum.

If it is supposed to be a male ghetto where moms are unwelcome and dads can post about any topic, then it should be completely separate forum with separate membership and login.

If it is supposed to be about dad-specific issues, then IMO it is set up appropriately, and the name doesn't matter too much.

You could look at the low priority and activity of this subforum a few different ways. Maybe it's simply because of the small number of males using the forum, and maybe it's a testament to the extent to which males are welcome throughout the forum. In other words, parenting is parenting, and the few times "dad-specific" issues come up, there is an appropriate place to discuss them.

Just my $0.02..

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