Why do women come to this forum???? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 44 Old 11-04-2003, 07:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm perplexed. Every few months I'll wander over here to find out what the guys are talking about. Funny thing is there never seems to be a Dad talking about Dads, just women. Like the porn thread.... the OP specifically asked for male viewpoints and I specifically see a bunch of women posting. Hasn't that dead horse been beaten already over in PAP?

That is just an example, but I seriously don't blame the men for never posting over here. They can't get a word in...
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#2 of 44 Old 11-04-2003, 08:38 PM
 
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They can't get a word in? that's pretty rude. I don't see a mass of men who seem to want to post here, that's why you don't see many men posting here.

If the guys want a guy-only thread, they can certainly say so in the title or first post and I'm sure it will be respected, but from what I've seen, if the women ask if it's ok to post here, the men say sure.

The men are free to post everywhere else, I don't see the problem.
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#3 of 44 Old 11-05-2003, 08:54 AM
 
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Because on the odd occasion that there's men posting in here or there's a thread happening I find reading their viewpoint interesting.
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#4 of 44 Old 11-07-2003, 04:55 PM
 
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Speaking only for myself, there aren't enough hours in the day to read everything here I'd like to read let alone post anything. Maybe if we got a second computer my wife and I could both use the internet during the hour or so we have free after the little one has gone to bed. That's not really an option financially right now, though.
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#5 of 44 Old 11-25-2003, 12:20 PM
 
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I am mostly a lurker. I come here to see a man's view point on hw they are caring for their kids or how they resolve problems re: their kids, wives, etc. Lets just say I become more open minded and sensitive to my DH's needs everytime I lurk on this board. I work full-time and am the bread winner in our family. DH stays home w./ our dd and works part-time when he can get work that allows him to watch dd simultaneously (this has become increasingly difficult since dd is a running tantrum throwing toddler).
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#6 of 44 Old 11-25-2003, 12:45 PM
 
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i had hoped that this forum was a place to discuss fatherhood, and (maybe) encourage dads to post and discuss on a "mothering-centric" site. sheesh, i can't imagine anyone wanting to put up "the yellow tape," or God forbid a Little Rascals "No Grrls Allowed" sign. just because the site is called "Mothering" doesn't mean a "Dads" forum should be sanctum sanctorum ... sheesh.

alas, some of the prejudicial and hostile rebuttals i've seen in some recent threads i waded into prompt me to feel that there's insufficient respect for the "guy's" perspective, let alone anyone's alternative point of view (POV). i'm not fingering everyone, mind you, just some vocal posters who obviously DON"T want to open up their brains and consider a new perspective. i wanted to spend more time here to complement my wife's interest, so we could explore parenting choices together, but if i have to lurk here ... forget it. i'm not a lurker! i enjoy mutually respectful conversation, and sometimes i'm blunt and candid, so sue me.

there, i've had my little party. i feel better already....
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#7 of 44 Old 11-25-2003, 01:33 PM
 
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I came over here and posted a question that I specifically wanted a man's (or several men's) perspective on. I'm having a difficult time in my marriage right now, and I came to the Dads to see if they might be able to help me understand where my husband is coming from.

(aside: unfortunately what I came to find out was that the Dads on this board are a different breed indeed from my husband -- in a very complimentary way to the Dads here and no so much to my husband)

As a mom I'm grateful that there are some Dads out there that will take a little time and post here. It helps me immensely to be able to come over and try to grasp a little of the Dad-perspective.

Thanks Dads

Judi
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#8 of 44 Old 11-29-2003, 01:05 AM
 
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so by a woman posting here a man cant also post and "get a word in?" seems to me there is alot of space to post, and my post doesnt excludeothers when i post it....---cant anyone post even if the opposite gender made the post above them???

men can post on any board they wish . yes this is a board for fathers. like there is a board for parenting, bfing, personal growth etc. but why *couldnt* women post over here???? men can and have posted on the breastfeeding boards, etc.

women posters should be allowed to be "candid" and "blunt" also, and they should be alowed to do it on all the same boards the men can be on , which means the entire MDC. i just think people shouldnt attack each other personally, and i beleive thats one of the "rules" here at MDC anyway.

when women who are blunt are called "hostile", i think that is a really unfair assertion and only generates more hostility amd blame.
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#9 of 44 Old 11-29-2003, 01:21 AM
 
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I've never been in this forum...not even lurked but I found the thread on the "view new posts" button.

I just wanted to say that this statement right here is BEAUTIFUL!!

I don't think us women stop always and think about how our husbands handle parenthood (at least I don't).

Quote:
Originally posted by davidspalding
i wanted to spend more time here to complement my wife's interest, so we could explore parenting choices together,

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#10 of 44 Old 11-30-2003, 12:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by stirringleaf
when women who are blunt are called "hostile", i think that is a really unfair assertion and only generates more hostility amd blame.
well, of course there's room for men and women to post here, and have a dialog about "fathering."

but.

i think there's a clear difference between being candid and "blunt" (i'm usually very blunt), and statements like "i have no experience in this, but i think you're wrong." ... your perspective is negative.... so i stand by my statement that i'd read "hostile rebuttals." still doubt me? look in another thread for my suggestion that the military experience teaches some valuable lessons for parenting ... then see the reply. :
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#11 of 44 Old 11-30-2003, 01:28 PM
 
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Ive been on 3 threads in different forums in the past 2 weeks that have been closed by moderators, all with just women posting. So it goes both ways on that too. Ignorance (and hostility) knows no boundaries.
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#12 of 44 Old 11-30-2003, 11:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I do believe that any gender has a right to post any where on this forum. I didn't mean anything other than that in my OP. But I also feel like certain forums have certain uses, and too many people come here seeking the advice of DADS and getting the advice of MOMS. I thought "Parents as Partners" was more in line with that kind of thing. Like when I come here and see someone ask for a Dad opinion and 15 women post theirs, I think it is besides the point. But when a few men reply or women who ask their SO, that is more in line for the purpose of this forum.

Is that understandable?

It's not that I find this to be a "Men Only" forum, where women shall not come, but rather I think it is rude that so many women answer questions intended for men when there is already a forum for relationships in the first place. IYKWIM. I just think it's rude. I know that everyone is entitled to their opinion and has the right to express it, but in the appropriate place.
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#13 of 44 Old 12-01-2003, 10:39 PM
 
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i'm with you, CeraMae. thanks.
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#14 of 44 Old 12-02-2003, 12:13 AM
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(another woman posting here : )

my husband would like to post here. he sees how much i like it for one and how i have found support for doing things the way i do. he says there isn't much out there for fathering and what there is has to do with 'how to get custody of the kids' and 'my wife should take care of the kids better.'

so he has come here. but when he has come to this board, it is mostly women posting. while he respects what women have to say, what he wants is to be able to talk to other dads who have chosen to parent the way he has.

(and he's sitting by me right now; he says he'll register eventually)
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#15 of 44 Old 12-02-2003, 12:28 AM
 
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#16 of 44 Old 12-02-2003, 12:09 PM
 
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Well, it seems to me that most of the threads I've read in here start off with a question to men, and end up getting answered by women. I came to this forum because my wife pointed me this way. Our son has 3 terminal diseases, and I've gone from working 60 hours a week in a good paying job to being a stay at home dad. I wanted to be able to talk about it with other guys.

However, I'm really reticent to post anything about it on this set of forums. I'll lurk, but when a guy posts a message that expresses a "Man's" point of view, he gets attacked. Usually by a bunch of women. Why can't WE have a place to complain that our wives won't shut up for Monday Night Football? That our wives don't understand the difference between commercials that they can ask questions during, and those they can't? (Anything with the Twins, and talking is strictly taboo).

I'm sorry. I'm an american man. Grew up on a farm. I like beer, not wine. I believe the Designated Hitter rule is more worth discussing than the quality of life in third world countries. I like my women like I like my coffee, hot, rich and full bodied. I play minature wargames, and spend 10 hours a week or more painting them only to spend 2-3 days on weekends away from the house playing in tournaments (Compare it to video games, but without the complete absorbtion necessary). I also spend 12+ hours a day with my son. I've done tons of research on physical, speech, and occupational therapy. I challenge our doctors, and our child's therapists with different views that I have researched(often with my wife's help). I remember our anniversary and my wife's birthday. I send flowers when she's feeling bad, and write her love notes that I include in her lunch. I also get upset when she talks over Madden during Monday Night Football.

But, half of what I said in the above paragraph would (will?) get me lambasted on this board. So why would I try and discuss the things that I see as problems with my marriage with other men, when other men aren't the ones responding?

Someone above said it best. It's hard for the men to feel that they can get a word in edgewise. (at least me).

Hope this answers your original question...

Best Regards
Mick
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#17 of 44 Old 12-02-2003, 12:10 PM
 
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Well, it seems to me that most of the threads I've read in here start off with a question to men, and end up getting answered by women. I came to this forum because my wife pointed me this way. Our son has 3 terminal diseases, and I've gone from working 60 hours a week in a good paying job to being a stay at home dad. I wanted to be able to talk about it with other guys.

However, I'm really reticent to post anything about it on this set of forums. I'll lurk, but when a guy posts a message that expresses a "Man's" point of view, he gets attacked. Usually by a bunch of women. Why can't WE have a place to complain that our wives won't shut up for Monday Night Football? That our wives don't understand the difference between commercials that they can ask questions during, and those they can't? (Anything with the Twins, and talking is strictly taboo).

I'm sorry. I'm an american man. Grew up on a farm. I like beer, not wine. I believe the Designated Hitter rule is more worth discussing than the quality of life in third world countries. I like my women like I like my coffee, hot, rich and full bodied. When driving, I look, instead of glance, at a 21 year old in a tube top. I play minature wargames, and spend 10 hours a week or more painting them only to spend 2-3 days on weekends away from the house playing in tournaments (Compare it to video games, but without the complete absorbtion necessary). I also spend 12+ hours a day with my son. I've done tons of research on physical, speech, and occupational therapy. I challenge our doctors, and our child's therapists with different views that I have researched(often with my wife's help). I remember our anniversary and my wife's birthday. I send flowers when she's feeling bad, and write her love notes that I include in her lunch. I also get upset when she talks over Madden during Monday Night Football.

But, half of what I said in the above paragraph would (will?) get me lambasted on this board. I don't have a reason for it, it's just the way I'm wired. So why would I try and discuss the things that I see as problems with my marriage with other men, when other men aren't the ones responding?

Someone above said it best. It's hard for the men to feel that they can get a word in edgewise. (at least me).

Hope this answers your original question...

Best Regards
Mick
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#18 of 44 Old 12-03-2003, 12:40 PM
 
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Mick
You are a great Dad. You should have your Monday night football. If you were my DH we would have 2 tv's, because I'm not giving up Raymond.
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#19 of 44 Old 12-04-2003, 09:47 AM
 
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mickj53....



That was great. Just so you know, all is quiet on the homefront here when the Yankees are on. I just wish he'd stop giving me crap about my team when the COWBOYS are playing.

I come every now and then just to see what is up. I didn't know there were many men on mothering. how many are around?
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#20 of 44 Old 12-04-2003, 10:48 AM
 
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I feel all now for coming onto the Dad's section here to comment on one of those "Hey Dad's can I ask a question?" posts previously... but I just wanted to say I wasn't commenting on any threads in this area to be rude, I swear I wasn't. I just felt for the mama and wanted to let her know she wasn't alone... Perhaps I should have stayed away, but I didn't post to be malicious at all.

And I really get what your saying Mick. It would be very nice for you to have a place to hang out with other Dads and talk about things without the Moms butting in. Oh yeah and I think its very cool you play wargames I've helped Dh paint minatures before, but he's never gotten around to playing...

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
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#21 of 44 Old 12-04-2003, 02:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lisa_Lynn
I feel all now for coming onto the Dad's section here to comment on one of those "Hey Dad's can I ask a question?" posts previously... but I just wanted to say I wasn't commenting on any threads in this area to be rude, I swear I wasn't. I just felt for the mama and wanted to let her know she wasn't alone... Perhaps I should have stayed away, but I didn't post to be malicious at all.
Don't feel bad! I think it's one thing to give a sister support and another to speak for a man. I'd rather see a thread where a few women are asking a question than spouting a bunch of conjecture. This is, afterall, a community and it's sometimes better to know that you are not alone than to get answers, IYKWIM.

And Mickj53~hats off to you. Too many people gat caught up in personal differences and forget that we all come here for the same reasons. People with different POV's keep it objective.
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#22 of 44 Old 12-04-2003, 10:27 PM
 
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Ok I won't feel bad then I would have asked my Dh's opinion on the matter, but well it would have only reminded him of the lack of... well... you know. :LOL

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
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#23 of 44 Old 11-02-2004, 04:44 PM
 
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I think the whole point is that if a dads posts a question to other dads, why could it not be the dads only answering? I have read posts that a father has asked specifically a dads point of view. It took me the entire reading of the thread to find one that was posted bt a dad. Maybe its just me but i guess if its a dads forum maybe dads should be posting it more than the mamas? I do not mean to be sexist although I know it sounds like it but being a dads, I cam ehere looking for a dads point of view also. I have read about 85% mamas posts instead of dads. There are not allot of dads who would post their own opinions cause they might be different then their mamas. Lets be honest here, at times this is grounds for a battle of sorts... lol
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#24 of 44 Old 11-02-2004, 04:55 PM
 
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I'm confused. Are people on this thread saying that the women posting here are preventing the men from posting? Are the men afraid to post their responses because of all the women? That strikes me as a bit odd.

I have a feeling that if the women stopped posting here, this would be a mighty quiet forum indeed. I just don't think there are that many men who are members here at MDC. Not to say "get out of the Dads forum" to the Dads (that would be pretty ironic) BUT, where is the Dads thread in Finding Your Tribe, if there is such a burning desire among the men to talk amongst themselves?
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#25 of 44 Old 11-02-2004, 06:42 PM
 
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Noone is saying to tell dads to get out nor stop posting. It comes down to having both mommy and daddy posting on the same subject. Sometimes having a "male perspective" is ridiculed, or may not be exactly the same as their DW opinion. In some couples this is grounds for a potential "heated conversation" I can see some dads being totally on a seperate page on things and for that reason having a whole lot of woman commenting and judging a mans point of view is very discouraging. I would not want to have an argument with DW over my opinion over hers.
Guys talk easier with other guys... call it the testosterone zone if u wish.
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#26 of 44 Old 11-02-2004, 07:01 PM
 
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i have no idea how i got subscribed to this thread as i have never read it before i dont think, unless its really old...but i just got some posts in my e-mail box and thus was sucked in to respond!

the mothering boards are not "mothers only" and i would not be offended if a man posted on any of the threads

i think "cant get a word in" is a totally absurd statement, as these conversations dont happen in real time, there is basically unlimited space for anyone to join any conversation. even if i write a really long winded post, anyone can simply post after me.

i would think the dads board was for dads to have a place to find each other and seek dad-specific conversation but it blows my mind that anyone would think women cant post or lurk here, or even start topics to try to get opiions on dad issues from ANYONE, both genders.

next are we going to have a "mom of little boys only " board and "moms of little girls only" board?

catagories of talk are ok but total segregation seems really weird to me.
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#27 of 44 Old 11-03-2004, 12:39 AM
 
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Hi-ho. An actual dad here. Well, this is an interesting discussion. For me, I don't mind the women posting here and don't see why they shouldn't. If men wanted their own private space then they can say so on the title (ie - please, only male responses) or (no girls alowed). They could also set up their own tribe and no one but the invited would post there, if they are respectfull that is. I am allowed to post anywhere on Mothering and I do not believe that there should be restrictions here.

But, why do women post here has been answered by other posters. I do believe, and have said so in another thread, that it gets lonely here. I know that for me it is hard to sit down with my one or two hours of free time and wrestle the computer from my partner who also posts on Mothering, and write posts everywhere I want to. I have yet to share my birth story. Something that I have been wanting to do ever since I saw the thread here in Dads. I would guess it is the same for other dads. But, I also think that a lot of dads don't post because it is not their thing. By reading a lot of moms talk about their DHs or DPs I get the sense that it isn't a guy thing to do. I don't get into the guy thing / not a guy thing, myself. But, it does seem to be important to many men.

The comment made by the OP about not getting a word in edgewise is obviously a steriotypical male response and quite sexist. The fact that posting has nothing to do with anyone 'letting' you get a post in edgewise says it all. Please. Show the sisters some respect.

I do think more men should post. It would lead to more discussions about issues that effect men and allow them to share POV with each other. So, single dads come on up. Mamas, get you DHs and DPs to post a hello and introduce themselves. Tell them Tata says so, (Tata is Polish for daddy).

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#28 of 44 Old 11-03-2004, 12:45 AM
 
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I don't "come to this forum."
I click on new posts.. and respond to whatever interests me.

And until and unless the Mods say that some forums are protected.. and that I can't post there.. I will continue to do so.

This is MOTHERING.com.
I do not buy into all this segregation.

I know some people only want to talk to those who are exactly like them.. but then I suggest they find a website for left-handed, purple-haired democrats.. or whatever sub group they are interested in.

And the comment that men can't get a word in edgewise strikes me as completely sexist.
Go to a men's only site then.

I think some of this is sour grapes because overall this is a woman-oriented site.
Must men be privileged here, too?
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#29 of 44 Old 11-03-2004, 01:10 AM
 
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Tata, ITA with everything you said. Thanks for posting!
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#30 of 44 Old 11-03-2004, 10:43 AM
 
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There's another reason I come here as a woman (not that I post that much). I am the breadwinner and my DH is a SAHD. Sometimes that aligns me with the dads more than the moms, because as alternative as this site is otherwise, our family arrangement is still in the vast minority here, as well as IRL.

Mom "D" to DD1 "Z" (15) and DD2 "I" (11) DH "M"

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